Mr. Donohue:

The Catholic League’s request to Leah Daughtry to ban the blogs BitchPhD and Towleroad from the Democratic National Convention came as something of a shock to those of us here at Scholars and Rogues. Frankly, Mr. Donohue, we are hurt. Our offices contain no balloon figures of Jesus, with or without genitalia (you say “apparently albino penis,” I say “loincloth” – oh wait! There’s the penis! Or should it be Penis?). Our site features no links to intensely homoerotic coverage of the hottest Olympic athletes, despite insistent lobbying from at least two of our staff members. Our humble blog, unlike Daily Kos, may never become the Internet apotheosis of evil radicalism. We know our place. We are what we are.

What we are, Mr. Donohue, is a blog at least ten times as offensive to the Catholic League as the so-called “patently obscene” publications to which you so vehemently object.

Full Story »

Jesus’ General is rolling this morning.

His shot at David Vitter is pretty funny, too. Full Story »

From: a recent IM exchange

Her: Why do even the nicest straight guys get weird when you talk about gay sex? Are men just naturally more homophobic than women?
Me: We’re talking gay male sex , right?
Her: Yeah, of course. Straight chicks don’t act like that when you talk about lesbians.
Me: Uncontaminated ones don’t.
Her: Uncontaminated?
Me: By patriarchal fundamentalist religions… but that’s a whole different can of writhing phallic worms.
Her: Oh, right. But what’s the deal with uncontaminated guys?
Me: You mean, why do their anal sphincters snap shut with a faintly audible *pop* right before they remember to mention all their gay friends?
Her: Yeah, the sphincter snap.
Me: Let me think about it…
Her: You’re going to use this for that Guide thing, aren’t you? It’s about men, not women.
Her: E? E? E?????
Her: Goddamnit. Don’t use my name, for Christ’s sake.

Full Story »

If you’re following America’s electoral theater at all, you know that we have a candidate with a preacher problem. And that the candidate in question has been put in the uncomfortable position of having to repudiate some of said preacher’s remarks (while not alienating those voters in the flock who actually, you know, agree with what the Reverend was saying). In case you haven’t been paying attention, the controversial cleric has pronounced God’s doom upon certain of the nation’s citizens, and the backlash against him and his favorite for the White House has significantly damaged the candidate’s chances.

Of course, I’m talking about the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama. Errr, wait … that’s not right. That’s not who I’m talking about at all. Full Story »

Colorado’s most infamous asspipe, Douglas Bruce, is at it again.

Bruce booted after “illiterate” remark
By Jessica Fender
The Denver Post

Disparaging remarks aimed at migrant workers got resident rabble-rouser Rep. Douglas Bruce banned from speaking on an alien worker bill today.

“We don’t need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in the state of Colorado,” Bruce, R-Colorado Springs, told the chamber to an audible gasp.

Rep. Kathleen Curry, leading the House at the time, immediately barred Bruce from speaking at the podium, an uncommon maneuver. Full Story »

It occurred to me just how often I draw food. With arms and legs. And personal biases.
Maybe it just makes it all easier to stomach.

Click on thumbnail to enlarge…

NOTE: I reference a rather vulgar article from a recent edition of a publication whose name I have omitted, along with the author and the original name of the piece. I can’t for the life of me shut up completely about it, but at the same time I don’t intend this to be a hit piece, especially with the amazing way in which the issue was handled by the publication after the community gave its input. So, yeah, I’m using my First Amendment right, and being consarned opinionated about it, but with no malicious intent — this ark of snark may well hit an iceberg, but I won’t take anyone else down with me.

Chalk another one up to the gaytriarchy.

Once upon a time, a column in a Denver-area LGBT magazine was met with a brief but pointed shitstorm, prompting a retraction and official apology.

In case you don’t keep up with LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender — just think “gender outlaw” or “it’s those damn queers again”) media, a second-grade Douglas County boy is returning to school presenting as a girl, with the support of her parents and the school, which is going through the trouble to accommodate this change with pamphlets for interested parents and building gender-neutral restrooms…wait for it…
Full Story »

The results of the latest S&R poll are in.

What issue will be foremost in your thoughts when you vote for a president in 2008?

1. Civil Liberties (28)
2. Economy and Class (26)
3. Iraq and Military Issues (20) Full Story »

Something big happened a few nights ago in Iowa. Barack Obama began the evening as one of the top two contenders for the Democratic nomination and by the time people went to bed he was John F. Kennedy.

This might sound like hyperbole - and to be sure, the race is far from won - but if the results we saw in the Hawkeye State last Thursday are replicated in New Hampshire and beyond, then what we are seeing may be a defining shift in American politics and culture. The key factor is the emergence of the 75-100 million strong Millennial Generation as a political force. Let’s look at some of the evidence.

The Young Voter PAC’s roundup provides ample data for consideration. Full Story »

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of the Scholars & Rogues year-end wrap-up. Today we tackle the dirty, but oddly riveting world of politics. We’ll take a couple shots at the even dirtier world of media that makes it all possible. Let’s start at the top, shall we?

George Walker Bush: I’ve been telling my Republican friends for five years now that Dubya was going to do more damage to their party than an army of Hillarys could dream of doing. And 2007 was the year where I think the truth of this proposition finally started becoming evident. Scandals at the Justice Department and World Bank did him no favors, nor did the conviction of Scooter Libby (which necessitated the most politically debilitating pardon/commutation sequence since Ford saved Nixon). Iraq got worse by the day and we’re not seeing a lot of GOP presidential hopefuls looking to surf that Bush legacy. Full Story »

Welcome back to day 2 of the S&R Year in Review. Today we tackle some of 2007’s big moments in news and current events.

The Invasion and Occupation of Iraq Surpasses the American Civil War in Duration: The United States’ involvement in World War I lasted only 19 months and World War II lasted 44 months for the United States, even though the war itself was nearly six years long. The occupation of Iraq (aka the Iraq War) outlasted World War II in November of 2006, making the duration of U.S. involvement in Iraq the third longest foreign occupation in U.S. history. The American Civil War lasted 48 months, and the Iraq occupation surpassed that duration on March 20, 2007. This makes the Iraq occupation the third longest running period of continuous conflict in U.S. history, behind only the Vietnam War and its sister conflict in post-Taliban Afghanistan. Full Story »

In the middle of a post ruminating on the looming flameout of Barack Obama’s campaign, Kos makes a point I’ve been dying to hear from one of the bigwigs of Blogistan:

Obama isn’t the be-all savior for what ails our country. No one is. If there’s a message I thought we were successfully delivering in the netroots is that it was up to US to move this country in the right direction since we couldn’t depend on our so-called “leaders”. This sort of hero worship of several of our candidates (Edwards, Obama, and even Hillary) is somewhat creepy to begin with, but serves little more than to set up the inevitable disappointment. And when your hero turns out to be not so perfect after all, clinging to that fiction can’t possibly reflect well on you. Understand that these candidates are all human, thus imperfect. Understand that they have free will, thus will do things you will disagree with. And that’s okay. Politics is about weighing the good and the bad and going with the best we have. There is no such thing as “perfect” in this biz. Feel free to rationalize every stupid thing your candidate does, but don’t expect the rest of us to go along with it. All of the Democrats have done stupid things and smart things. I mean, Chris Dodd announced his candidacy on Don Imus, for chrissakes. And yes, when they do those stupid things, some of us will be right there talking about how stupid those things are. Full Story »

Imagine for a moment that you are born into a perfectly healthy body. You are a perfectly good person. For some odd reason, though, you are somehow “different.”

Imagine that, for whatever reason, your body functions more or less like it ought to according to your biology textbook. Something, though, is “off” from the texts. Where, in the majority of cases, opposites attract physically and/or emotionally; you find yourself attracted physically and/or emotionally to people that the textbooks tell you that you aren’t.

This is wrong, you’re told, even though it seems “right” enough from your own perspective, in your own skin and your own mind. You’re told, however, that it’s wrong to the point where you are not only a freak of nature, but you don’t deserve to be a contributing member of society. You’re going to Hell. You don’t deserve to hold a job. You don’t deserve a decent life. You don’t deserve a place to live. You don’t deserve respect from your family or your peers. You’re doomed to die penniless and alone, which is not only one of the warnings you’re given to change your evil ways, but also the guarantee of your fate as a wholly owned slave to a particular set of ideals passed down through your self-appointed superiors. Full Story »

It’s about 22:00. The parking garage at DIA is cold and dark. I stand against a concrete pillar wearing a sensible cap and a beige trenchcoat. My beard is dyed orange to help with my disguise. I could just as easily have taken the Bermuda shorts off and worn slacks and a polo shirt instead, perhaps even donned a pair of Aviators to mask a good deal of my face; but why sacrifice one’s allegiance to floral print and turn down the opportunity to dye something, if even just for the sake of a meeting with some anonymous, jittery stranger?

Speaking of some anonymous, jittery stranger, my subject approaches in the shadows and leans against the other side of the pillar. We exchange the secret word, “sopaipilla,” and I take a seat next to him, cross-legged, on the hood of a Ford F-150 with a Wyoming plate. (Entirely inconsequential, but if you’re the owner of a pickup from county #2 with a large, ass-shaped indentation on the front end… consider the mystery solved.)

His handshake is firm and sincere, but reserved. The voice of this gentleman is a hint chesty and ever so slightly slurred, like a triple-lunged Gerald Ford, but nervous and high strung just the same, giving hints of Don Knotts as Mr. Furley in Three’s Company. It’s like the two of them grew a heavily caffeinated hybrid in a test tube from Heaven and sent it to defend anonymous suck-offs in the airport bog. Full Story »

Le Sigh. ‘Nother one for you, Naugle.

Let me make it short and sweet: Full Story »

I certainly hope the atrocious handwriting doesn’t hinder the message behind this piece, which I can best put this way: Sanctimony and internalized homophobia are two great tastes that taste great together. They’re like S’mores, only with hypocrisy instead of graham crackers, profound human suffering instead of chocolate, and… well, we won’t worry about what replaces the marshmallow.

One can simultaneously have and take Carte Blanche, after all, when one has the Almighty on one’s side.

Click to enlarge….

I’d love to be a fly on the wall in Anita Bryant’s rumpus room right about now. There’s been a lot of talk about Floridians, um, juicing each other’s oranges lately. From Foleygate, especially, we’ve gotten to marvel in how pro-gay the anti-gay Republicans can be, how pro-adultery the “pro-family” Republicans can be, how pro-exploitation-of-children-and-actually-gay one particular anti-exploitation-of-children-and-anti-gay Republican definitely proved himself to be; and how, all of a sudden, Fort Lauderdale’s mayor has come in on the ground floor!

Jim Naugle, my friends, has been vindicated. Full Story »

Brace yourself: Robo-doption is coming! Click to enlarge…

Until then,Time puts Denver moms Hollie Seeley and Christy Allen on the map. San Leandro’s Lavender Seniors attract the attention of journo Amy Sylvestri, once antagonized on a regular basis by yours truly in her Kindergarten class. I plan a themed bear run in Fort Lauderdale, Florida: 5,000 big, hairy George Michaels and one seriously messed-with head attached to the body of the mayor. Last, but not least, and for no apparent reason: Full Story »

Hey, you know what? The United States appears to me to be a third world country with better plumbing. Don’t get me wrong, there are some very nifty things about America, but let’s face it: There are a lot of pretty, pretty people out there that are damaged and hurting on the inside; Lady Liberty, in my opinion, is no exception.

I’ll try to make this less depressing than it has to be, what with Dear Leader (as Pam Spaulding likes to call him) cutting Libby loose and all… Levity, anybody? Keep on reading. I promise it’s coming. Full Story »

We have eliminated the danger of sectarian war.

— Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki this week to visiting Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte.

I do think that it would not be a wise course to try to divine a pattern based on these decisions that came at the end of the session.

— White House spokeswoman Dana Perino, replying to a reporter who asked whether a series of 5-4 decisions handed down this week by the Supreme Court was “the kind of pattern that the White House had in mind when the President nominated [Chief Justice John] Roberts and [Associate Justice Samuel] Alito.”
Full Story »

From the New York Times by way of Towleroad comes to me a particularly ire-inspiring courtroom exchange, which made a slight bit of steam (derived from 0.05mL of my remaining faith in humanity) come out of my ears after a semi-”indoor voice” bout of verbal snark, aimed directly towards my monitor in the middle of a crowded coffee shop.

Michael Sandy, for those of you new to Michael Sandy-related matters, was a 29-year-old man who went into a coma after being hit by a car during his escape from three young men and one teenage boy who sought to rob him.

He was also gay; his assailants cruised him on the Internet, specifically targeting a gay man. They picked a location, proceeded to rough him up, and he ran. Full Story »

A kinder, gentler approach to the merciless beating of one’s red-headed stepchild of a non-straight sexual predisposition is the emotional and intellectual self-abuse of the future, according to Alan Chambers of Exodus International.

‘Replace That Buttplug With An Exhaust Pipe And Park In The Garage Where The Good Lord Intended Therapy’ ‘Ex-Gay Therapy’, for those of you not keenly aware, Full Story »

Staff Cartoonist to Coffee Shop Napkin:

Full Story »

It’s come to me over a three-decade period. I’ve been a child of divorce, an employee, a taxpayer, a voter, a student, a homeowner, a boyfriend, a customer, a punching bag, and somewhere in between, a human being; but I’ve found that, ultimately, the one label I can truly attach to myself is this:

I am a peanut.

One way or another, by whatever means necessary, I am little more than a nut to be cracked and ground into a sticky paste that will be combined with jelly, and only jelly, between two slices of bread, to fulfill my so-called biological purpose.

Say the voices in the paper, on the Internet and the public address system Non-Plasma CRT Happy-Box: Full Story »

President Bush nominated Kentucky cardiologist Dr. James Holsinger to be the Surgeon General of the United States, but gay rights groups are unhappy with his nomination. Apparently Dr. Holsinger voted to expel a lesbian pastor from the United Methodist Church, has said that gay sex is unnatural and unhealthy, and helped found a congregation that believes being gay or lesbian is a choice and can be cured. Full Story »