The Road Not Chosen

I woke up this morning (waaay too early!) thinking about worship. Maybe it was on my mind because Harold & I are getting ready to host a worship leaders retreat this week. But really the heart of what I was thinking about was all the times worship has gotten me through hard times. Here are a couple of those instances.

I thought about the first night after Evan was born. We had found out that day that he had Down Syndrome. We had no clue what that meant except that our perfect little baby that we had dreamed of wasn’t who we thought he was going to be. I was in a room on the maternity floor by myself. Harold had gone home for the night, exhausted. As I lay in that bed, I didn’t know what to pray or think or feel. Almost reflexively I started to sing worship songs to God. It seemed as though there was nothing else I could do. As I poured my emotions out in worship, God was faithful to comfort me and give me peace. Over the next difficult months I would remember that night and return to that place of worship to make it through the hard times.

I also thought about when I had heard that my favorite uncle had killed himself. My mom called early in the morning (never a good sign) to tell me the news. I was stunned, sure she had the wrong uncle. He was the last person you would think would do that, as is often sadly the case. He was the one who had always been there for me, the one who had welcomed Evan’s birth with open arms and became one of Evan’s best buddies. At his funeral I met a friend of his who was a retired special ed. teacher. She told me how my uncle would call her to find out info on therapies and other things related to Down Syndrome. How could he be dead? How could we have not known? For weeks, I was a wreak and again turned to worship. God again was faithful to come to me and help me process the heartache.

In the middle of the hard times, when we don’t understand what is going on in our lives, there comes a time when we just need to acknowledge that we are not in control of life. The Creator of the Universe is in control and He loves us more than we can ever imagine. Below are some verses I have found particularly comforting in my difficult times.

Psalm 42

Lamentations 3:17-26

I'm an alcoholic. Is that shocking? It shouldn't be. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism states that "nearly 20 percent of alcoholics are highly functional and well-educated with good incomes." Researchers at the NIAAA also say that "thirty percent of U.S. adults have experienced alcohol abuse or alcoholism." They also sadly observe that fewer alcoholics are entering into treatment these days.

This isn't really intended to be a post about alcohol abuse but rather about choice. My story is simple really. I come by my alcoholism genetically. I started seriously drinking when I was 12 and didn't stop until I became a Christian at the age of 22, nearly killing myself in the process. I'd like to say I've been consistently sober since that time but I haven't. I have fallen off the wagon a time or two. I have been sober for nearly 18 years now. That is not to say I haven't wanted to drink. Boy, howdy, have I wanted to drink at times! When the urge comes, often at the most unlikely times, I do what anyone has to do when they are tempted, I make a choice and that choice is to not drink, even when I'm traveling alone and no one I know will see, except me and God.

Why do I make the choice to abstain? Is it because alcohol is bad for me? Is it because I know I can't "just have one"? Is it even that I am genetically programmed to crave it so I stay away? Yes, but those aren't the main reasons. The primary reason I don't take a drink is because the Bible says to be drunk is sin. Ephesians 5:17-18 says "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." Romans 13:11-14 says also "...The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ... So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." And as I have stated before, I cannot have just one drink of alcohol. I've tried, believe me.

So now let me tie this into another desire and topic: homosexuality. There is all sorts of talk, books, research, etc. saying things like people are born homosexuals, they don't choose to be. Other sources say it's a choice but it's o.k. to choose that lifestyle. You're not hurting anyone. Be with whoever you feel like being with. Be free to be yourself.

Well, can I be free to be my genetic self which is an alcoholic? I mean, I was born that way, it's how my brain is wired. I feel like drinking so why shouldn't I? I promise not to drive or abuse my family, and still show up on time for work. Where's the harm in that?

Let's just trash all the rationalizations for homosexuality and face the fact that the Bible says it's sin. Really, it does. Old and New Testament. If you really believe you are born that way, then do what we addicts have to do: choose not to. Choose what God says over what the desires of your flesh are. Trust him for the grace to make it through and that your desires will be conformed to His. It won't be easy, but God promises to help us if we call on him.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death...

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." (Romans 8)

We are to examine everything we think and everything we do in the light of Scripture, because that is not only the guidebook, but the magnifying glass that God saw fit to give us so that we can live lives that please him. I know that you may not be dealing with the "big issues" but we all deal with something in our lives that isn't the way God wants it to be. So get that light out this week and examine yourself and ask God what he would like you to deal with or change. And let's be glad that we have a God who loves us and is merciful to help us in our struggles!

My lovely new laptop arrive Friday morning at 9am. It is a wonderful as I had hoped. Harold was away on a 5 day trip to Wyoming to work with a worship team there so I was able to spend lots of time loading software, tweaking my new machine and learning my way around Vista. I find Vista to be not nearly as complicated as I had heard. I had read a lot of tips and tricks beforehand so that probably helped ease my transition. Now the only hard thing is going between Vista on my personal laptop and XP at work.

This picture  is of our church van, which Harold took on his trip. On the way home from the airport last night, he was viciously attacked by a large deer. Needless to say the deer lost but did its best to cream the van. Harold was 2 1/2 hrs. away from home when it happened. He was able to limp home by driving 50 mph. Not fun! This poor van was also attacked by a deer a couple of years ago when our pastor was driving it. Maybe we need to get a brighter color van?? (Or smarter deer.)

The rain has been endless in our next of the woods. I had been so proud of myself for actually planting flowers on time this year and not waiting until July like I usually do. My reward has been mixed. Some of my flowers look great, as these examples show. The orange flowers (no idea what they are, some kind of lilly I think) started as one flower 4 years ago that I randomly stuck in the pot. I didn't know that it was a perennial. So each year it drops seeds, giving me an abundance on my investment. I'll have to give some away next year!  

Others have not faired as well, succumbing to rot from the constant deluge:

Even the animals around here are growing weary of the rain. A couple of days ago I watched with great concern as a blackbird sat on my deck for over an hour. I though he was dying & knew if he did I'd have to dispose of him since Harold was gone. The bird revived and flew away. When we got home this afternoon Harold thought we had a dead rabbit lying next to the deck. (A family of them live under the deck.) It was all flat and not moving. We banged on the window and it raised its ears. A while later it hopped away. I think it was trying to dry out, as I'm sure living under our deck is like living in a muddy pond right now.

One of elders, Tony, spoke on Sunday about the role of the local church in society. It was awesome and very motivating. He talked quite a bit about the arts in the local church. We are very blessed with an abundance of musicians, artists, dancers & writers so all of us were really worked up! I had talked to my friend Michelle a couple of weeks ago about us starting a writers group. After church Ginger, who is currently shopping a novel around, mentioned she thought we should start a writer's group. Well, out of the mouth of 2 or 3, right? So that's what we're going to do, which will be very exciting and fun.

Hope you all are having a good summer. Enjoy your 4th of July next week!

I am taking a moment today to whine publicly. My wonderful hubby surprised me by letting me order a new laptop. I am beyond excited because I’ve so been wanting one and I’ve never had one. We got a great deal on it and it even has a built in webcam so I am going to work on putting up an occasional video post.

Now I have to do the thing I hate and am not at all good at…wait. Sigh. I almost wish I didn’t know it was coming. I check the Dell site every day to see if it has shipped yet. I don’t think I’ve eagerly anticipated any present this much since I was convinced my dad was going to get me a car for my 17th birthday.

Evan is getting my desktop computer so he is also eagerly awaiting my laptop. Neither of us is very patient. Poor Harold. Poor, poor Harold! Fortunately he is patient and can put up with us.

Here is a picture of what my laptop will look like just in case you are curious. It’s my favorite color.

I think I’ll go check the Dell site again…

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20:7

and

"Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel, or seek help from the Lord." Is. 30:1

I spoke on this subject a week or so ago, but I feel compelled to come back to it briefly. Our responsibility as Christians who live in America is to use the tools God has given us: prayer, the Bible, wisdom, to help know whom He wants us to vote for as President or for any other elected office.

A good way to help discern which candidate to vote for is to perform a simple litmus test doing two things. First, find out what the candidates have voted for if they have held office previously. Not what they have said in a flowery speech or promised in an interview, but what they really have supported through their actions. Second, compare that to the values given us in the Bible. How does it stack up? Which candidate more closely follows what God says?

I will point out here that a candidate who is not a Christian may more closely follow biblical principles in their politics than one who says they are Christian. Many people will automatically vote for someone who proclaims their Christianity without examining that person's political actions. Would you buy a house based solely on what the outside looked like or would you make sure to examine the interior and check the foundation? To go strictly by appearances is foolish.

I first voted when I was 18 years old and the Vietnam war was still going. Now I am 50 and have lived through a lot of elections, people! I've seen 'em come & go, promises made & broken, promised made & kept, wars ended and wars begun.

Through all this I have come to believe that God will hold us responsible for who we back as our country's "king". Because of this, I do my best to not vote lightly, not vote my emotions or vote my party. I do my best to try to hear from God on what to do and sometimes He has surprised me! 

So this political season, do the hard thing. Dig deeper. Do your research. Don't be moved by speeches or promises from either side. Refuse to be impressed by what appears to be a show of strength. Examine the candidates. Pray and ask God for wisdom. Most of all, be open to what God may say to you, even if it goes against your party leanings. And finally,

Check the foundation!