I was having breakfast with a bunch of colleagues, and one of them asked me this :

Colleague : “Michael, let me ask you something. If there were to be a hot looking naked chick streaking past in front of you, how would you react to the situation?”

It didn’t take me more than a second to answer him,

Me : “Besides having a major hard on and slobbering all over? I’d probably go grab her her tits and ass…”

I was exaggerating about the second part but, you get the idea…

Colleague : “Well, that’s what I’d do too. But not for Abe, apparently…”

Abe is another colleague of ours who is known to be an extreme idealist with a bloated sense of righteousness. That guy doesn’t drink (alcohol), meditates a gazillion times a week, reads religious texts and is a devout Buddhist - so it was said.

Colleague : “Do you know what was Abe’s response? He said he’d bury his face in his hands because he believes it is morally wrong to gaze at a woman’s naked body.”

I didn’t expect him to be this ‘lost’…

Me : “Morally wrong? What the fuck. If a girl doesn’t want you to see her naked, she’d be having some clothes on, right? Maybe he’s gotten too used to fapping in front of his monitor screen in private… or he’s just fucking with you…”

Guys (straight guys, that is…), as we have all known, are born to be pervs. Like, if we see a well endowed attractive girl bending down, we would hope to see a downblouse. And when we get to see down the girl’s blouse, we would in turn, hope to see her nipples pop out or something like that. It is pretty much like how the girls would go crazy with shoes and handbags. We’ve been like this since we humans got out of the caves.

Colleague : “No dude, I know Abe very well. He doesn’t fuck around with stuff like this. He was drop dead serious when he said that…”

Me : “Then that has got to be the most disturbing shit I’ve heard all year. Are you sure he’s not gay or something?”

Sorry, I can offer no logical explanation on why would any guy bury his face knowing that there is a hot naked chick right in front of him - probably with an intention of offering a head - other than being gay. That or, he’s just being eccentric for some reasons known only to himself - like maybe he had hurt himself pretty bad when he was a kid… or he’s into deeper kinky stuff that involves whips and colored candles…

Colleague : “I have a friend who is allergic to prawns, but not allergic to its soup”

Me : “No way, are you serious?”

Colleague : “Yeah. He won’t eat the prawns, but he’d be happy to hoover a bowl of Hokkien Mee anytime…” [Hokkien Mee is a noodle delicacy made of prawn soup]

Me : “I seriously doubt that. I think that’s not an allergy. I think it is more like a psychological aversion. So, what happens if he eats a prawn?”

Colleague : “He would puke violently.”

Me : “Nope. That’s not allergy in my dictionary.”

Colleague : “Well then, there has to be something that causes the puking…”

Me : “Psychological aversion dude. It’s the same feeling that I get when I see a fat housewife wearing tight fitting garments, exposing her massive love handles, and bits of dimpled fats oozing here and there. I’d feel like puking if I see that, but that doesn’t mean I’m having an allergy. I’m just having a psychological aversion.”

Colleague : “…”

My colleague’s stunned silence was a reassuring acknowledgment of that fact - that a human brain is indeed a very powerful thing. It could make everything unbelievable, believable.

So, to you ladies out there, if you think that by slapping on some tighter and sluttier clothes are going to enhance your look by multiple folds, it’s probably your brain that is fucking with you. If you’re fugly, you’d still be fugly no matter what you wear. Age gracefully, not disgracefully.

These bunch of degenerates never fail to both amuse and disgust me every time they make headlines…

[source]

A true Malay warrior of Bukit Bendera… pfffft. They didn’t know that guy is a mamak meh? Ahaks.

I wonder what would have happened if any of us Chinese were to organize a gathering like this and did something like kissing our guandao (a medieval Chinese pole blade - very badass weapon, and very much bigger than a keris) and wave it in the air like we’re trying to swat some crooked flies or something… (precisely, how many days in Kamunting?)

WTF!!????!?!?? Our government paid 10.5 millions for the ex-gratia?!? That was like, striking Big Sweep!
I’d rather use the money to build a bigger sanctuary for the orang utans in Sepilok… it would have been a better spend.

[source]

I can’t help but notice that 2008 has been an auspicious year for the black people.

Lewis Hamilton winning the F1 world champion, Williams sisters dominating major tennis events, Tiger Woods making more headlines, and recently, Barack Obama becoming the US President (woohoo!).

They’re like, dominating charts everywhere! Well, except for Kimbo Slice (if you know who he is), who made a shocking exit from his stardom when he got his ass whooped by a pink haired hobo lookalike underdog in a fight.

A colleague and I were talking about this black people power thing, you know, Obama is going to set a precedent in things to come - that nothing is impossible. As long as you have a dream and work hard on it, you’d achieve it some day. Kind of elevated our spirits a bit amidst this uncertain time. I can only imagine how this is going to affect the black people everywhere… I bet they’re all getting psyched up and excited already!

So what next? I told my colleague, there will be many ‘firsts’ to come… among those that I can think of that is left to be achieved, are:

The first black James Bond. - Why has there been no black James Bond aa? Black boh sui meh? Maa kanineh. We should have a black James Bond. If that’s going to happen, I’d nominate Denzel Washington as candidate.

A black Rocky. - My friend suggested this, which I find pretty amusing. I mean, if those Americans can make crazy ass flicks like Kung Pow or Reno 911, why not a black Rocky? We’d get Will Smith to replace the aging Sly and let him continue the legacy…

A black Dalai Lama - no offense but, if those guys think our bodies are just vessels of our spirit, I don’t see the reason why the holy reincarnation won’t go to a black guy…

Barney the black dinosaur - bad idea but, it’s still better than purple, right? It’ll accentuate the set of bleached white teeth better, and less heinous. We can also slap on a braided spaghetti mop wig like Bob Marley’s hair on it… and make it sing some souls…

et al…

So, if you’ve been having a streak of bad luck recently, check your skin color. Get more tan, or tattoo to cover your skin. It might do you some good.