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Sat September 06, 2008

Article points out teams with weak non-conference schedules over the last ten years. SEC featured prominently. This should go over well (28)

Lingerie Football League (LFL) will launch in 2009 with 10 franchise teams featuring women players wearing underwear uniforms, pads and helmets. John Madden requests private motion capture sessions for 'Madden 2010' game (30)

Week 2 of the College season offers no top 25 vs top 25 match ups and only has 7 games with spreads of less than a touchdown. It's your week 2 College Football Discussion Thread (839)

Dont look know, but maybe that Manny trade to LA wasn't such a crazy deal after all... at least for the Dodgers (37)

Yankees get one hit against pitcher making first career start (43)

Official 2010 World Cup qualifiers thread for today's games. Which country do you support? (68)

The Colts' new $717 million dollar stadium that will be used roughly 10 times in a year is "the biggest taxpayer ripoff in NFL history" (49)

English national soccer team captain admits side is "gripped by fear of failure" and hates to hear fans booing them for 90 minutes every match, but they suck and probably always will, so what are you going to do? (14)

A's score 8 runs in an inning. On only one hit (12)

(Idaho Statesman) Amusing

Idaho football team asks university for new pant design, preferably without large "I" printed in middle of players' asses. Took a while, butt university finally cracks (8)

1958 US Open champ Tommy Bolt dead at 92; provided angry golfers everywhere with great advice: "Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way, you won't waste energy going back to pick them up." (6)

Patriots could become first NFL team to win 20 consecutive non-playoff games. Their last game, the Superbowl, which they lost, doesn't count against the streak (95)

(Orange County Register) Amusing

Sporting good retailer replacing Chick's with Dick's (76)

Fri September 05, 2008

Michael Phelps showing off his breaststroke - at the Playboy Club in Vegas (28)

After a brief skid, the Cubs right the ship and continue their historic journey to immortalit-- no, wait, now it's the Reds (of all teams) beating the snot of them (18)

(Some SEC Guy) Spiffy

"When ranking the toughest football leagues in the land, the NFL would be No. 1, and the Southeastern Conference would be No. 2." I couldn't have said it better myself (46)

On the day he was inducted to the basketball hall of fame, here's The Dream showing why he is the greastest center of our lifetime. Bonus: David Robinson was his biatch. Over and over (37)

News: Playoff-contending Chicago team loses key player to injury in final month of regular season. Fark: It's the White Sox's Carlos Quentin (38)

At this rate, Philadelphia Eagles QB Donovan McNabb will have nobody left to throw to by week 3 (37)

John Carney, at age 44, leads the National Football League in points scored, kids chased off of lawn (36)

Vandy coach talks a litte smack after smacking the 'Cocks: "We beat them last year and I don't know why everybody thought they got so much better than what we were getting" (46)

This year, A-Rod's putting up about the same numbers as Lou Gehrig did in his last full season with the Yanks...playing 162 games with ALS (73)

Andy Roddick jokes about unranked opponent's physical ailments. Unranked opponent promptly beats Roddick (47)

Seven great sports moments (that might have been fixed) (235)

Just days from season opener, Buffalo Bills LB Angelo Crowell decides to undergo knee surgery that will put him out one to four weeks. Bills reward this decision by putting him on season-ending IR list. Dumbass tags for everybody (27)

In top-speed motorcycle racing, there are two categories of competitors: Grand Master Champion, and Stuff On The Pavement (20)

British businessman gets 10,000-1 odds that Obama will lose the presidential race and then move to England to manage a football club (10)

Lance Armstrong says he never gets complaints from women. That's almost too nuts to believe (27)

It's safe to say that Joe Paterno is not in favor of legalizing marijuana (18)

Brewers about to say "Fark it. Start C.C. every game." (32)

Steve Spurrier tries to outdo Nick Saban as most underperforming coach in the SEC by choking to Vanderbilt (51)

Mets fans demonstrate that there is a sucker born every 869 seconds, and not just because they are excited about being 3 up with 22 to play (9)

Jason Giambi cuts his eye after hitting his head on a bathroom door. Mustache reportedly ok (16)

Thu September 04, 2008

Man impersonates Joba Chamberlain to try to get free food and booze, blows out shoulder (8)

Vancouver Canucks to raise Trevor Linden's number 16 to the rafters (18)

(Some Guy) Cool

"This must be Thursday," said Eli to himself, sinking low over his center, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays." This. Is. Your Thursday night NFL season opener thread. Waaaay late (242)

The third sign of the sports apocalypse: Bill Simmons picks the Jets as one of this year's best NFL teams (32)

How good are the Angels? They don't even care if their hitters strike out on 4-2 counts (10)

Lions have one the greatest passing QB they've had in decades, so they commit to running more passing plays (160)

Montreal Canadians have announced an outdoor game in Olympic stadium in 2009. Meanwhile, the Maple Leafs have announced open public tryouts (31)

Red Sox to set record with 456th straight sellout. Man, it is wicked crawded (49)

Cochran Motor Speedway closes indefinitely after the "fans can keep any debris that lands in the stands" promotion goes awry (6)

Minor leaguer waits 19 years in the minors before hitting his first home run. Disney movie contract being send Fed Ex right now (30)

Jered Weaver injured by freak staples accident. If only that damn easy button actually worked (7)

(NFL.com)

Tom Brady practices in full pads today, and says he could've played in all 4 preseason games. Riiight (77)

On the verge of becoming one of the top 20 passers in NFL history: Jon Kitna? (50)

In space football, no one can hear you scream at the ref, or Rex Grossman for that matter (11)

(Pro Football Talk) Fail

Daunte Culpepper has retired. Good night, choke man (66)

No, CC Sabathia, you can't have a no-hitter. Not yours (26)

Cubs lose fifth in a row... yep, still September (82)

In today's NBA news, LeBron James loses a game of H-O-R-S-E to a warehouse worker. No, really (26)

Kansas native and Dallas Cowboy, Terence Newman, goes on first rollercoaster ever, hilarity ensues (66)

Middle of the road college football team changes starting QB. Why is this news? The new guy is the son of the drummer from RATT (92)

Brett Favre "honored" to be named as one of the captains for the Titanic (25)

Instant replay used for first time in history of the MLB. Umps view definitive proof that ARod did in fact hit another meaningless 9th inning homerun when the game was not on the line (54)

Wed September 03, 2008

Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers kicked out of the NBA's rookie transition program after being caught with marijuana in their hotel room (26)

(Nashville Scene) Obvious

Local reporter shocked, SHOCKED to discover that Vanderbilt's higher academic standards for athletes might make the school less competetive than other SEC teams. Duke sucks (32)

Suspended Michigan RB will play Saturday. False indignation from Buckeyes to ensue (49)

The Marlins fight for their playoff life in a crucial game against the Braves in front of a home crowd of...600 (51)

Chicago will host the 2016 Olympics - Oprah commands it (36)

Oklahoma City's NBA team will be known as the Thunder. Da duh duh duh duh da duh (74)

(Oxford Press) Amusing

Rich Rodriguez is already making excuses for when Michigan -- the winningest program in college football history based on lots wins over club teams back in the 1800s -- start another season at 0-2 (42)

It's that time again. Here's week No. 1's NFL power rankings (109)

LSU vs Troy game postponed until November due to Hurricane Gustav. Damage to Tiger Stadium includes torn awnings over club seats, litter in the stands and a damaged fence. Cue the tipped plastic deck chair pic (22)

People are lining up for a chance to swing a wrecking ball into Yankee Stadium (18)

Brewers take advantage of recent Cubs mini-slump. Just kidding, they got swept at home by the Mets (45)

Meanwhile, in Australian Rules Football news: "One female patron, who did not wish to be named, said Fevola's costume -- a pink nightie with a matching pink hat and a sex toy penis -- was in bad taste" (8)

Tarvaris Jackson will be back on the field in time to show just how easily an awful QB can turn a potential conference champ into a 7-9 team in a bad division (33)

Mike Gartner will be the fourth Washington Capital to have his sweater retired, joining Labre's red, Hunter's white and Lewinsky's blue dress (24)

Kansas City Royals DH Billy Butler drives in four runs in one game, doubling team's season total (15)

CFL receiver attempts to catch the attention of NFL scouts by putting on a Spider-Man mask and prancing around the end zone after scoring a touchdown (42)

Reporters calling in for teleconference with Central Florida coach George O'Leary get better quotes than they could ever hope for (10)

Dear Yankees: Have we told you how much we love and respect you guys lately? Good luck tonight. We're all rooting for you. Love always, Red Sox Nation (103)

Cubs lose Zambrano in the fifth, then the game in extra innings, their fourth straight game. Subby checks calendar... yep, it's September alright (55)

Chicago Bears CB Devin Hester hopes to christen new Indianapolis stadium by returning the opening kickoff for a touchdown (63)

Last night at the Cubs and Astros game, Jim Edmonds showed us his version of the hidden ball trick. With video goodness (25)

Ocho Cinco to world: "I have a lot of making up to do." World to Ocho Cinco: "You have a lot of shutting up to do" (30)

Will some guy named Favre overshadow a guy who just won the Super Bowl? (106)

Old and busted: 2008 Chicago Cubs playing like 1908 Chicago Cubs. New hotness: 2008 Chicago Cubs playing like 2007 New York Mets (60)

The day when Jay Cutler stops sucking and might actually be good is coming sooner than later (30)

Coming in '09: Joba Chamberlain to be a reliever, then be a starter, then get hurt and finally be a reliever again (26)

(ksdk.com) Stupid

Various athletes attempt to drive a golf ball across the Mississippi River from platform below St. Louis' Arch. Seeing as that would require a 560-yard drive, you can pretty much guess the results (24)

(Some Football Guy) Fail

Outgoing RB Tatum Bell exacts revenge on incoming RB Rudi Johnson by stealing his bags, making him play for Detroit (17)

Just days after Carlos Zambrano was scratched due to a "tired arm," Rich Harden to skip scheduled start "as a precaution." Cubs front office clearly asking Mark Prior and Kerry Wood for other vague names for arm injuries (37)

Tue September 02, 2008

Mr. Ashley Judd is headed back to the IRL in '09 (33)

Ohio State and Georgia are yesterday's news. Guess who's #1 now... that is, until they choke on themselves again (80)

Reason it sucks to be a soccer fan #27: it's illegal to drink a beer and watch the game at the same time (26)

Two members of the Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments of HGH. Followup tag would've been used, but slowed down over the final stretch to not look so suspicious (21)

Canadian college football team snaps 49-game losing streak. That's about 36 games American (23)

(MMA Frenzy) Spiffy

Grumpy old man vs. Penis-tattoo monster. Brock Lesnar to face Randy Couture for the UFC Heavyweight Championship on November 15 (69)

If you bet that the first Premiership manager of the season to leave his post would be Kevin Keegan, you may collect your winnings at the turnstile (31)

Tiger Woods expecting another one-in-hole (34)

Steve Spurrier likes his 'cocks Smelley (23)

(Some Guy) Obvious

Toronto Maple Leafs to trade defenceman Bryan McCabe to Florida, plans to replace him by tossing a pylon on the ice every few shifts, figuring no one will notice the difference (69)

ESPN found the real scapegoat for Michigan's loss to Utah: The ACC (85)

Congratulations SEC. You're 3-0 vs 1-AA... and 0-1 vs the Pac-10 (171)

Cliff Lee becomes MLB's first 20-game winner and improves to 20-2 for the season by pitching a complete game shutout on Monday. And yet, you drafted Fausto Carmona in your fantasy league (37)

$200 million payroll + $141 million in lost tax revenues for missing the post-season + brand new stadium = NY Yankees (82)

Chicago Cubs reliever Carlos Marmol on pace to set record for fewest hits allowed per nine innings, will work toward other obscure records in 2009 (37)

Jaguars OT Richard Collier is fighting for his life after early morning shooting (36)

Drew hits for the cycle. Is there anything beer can't do? (7)

The final day of the English Premier League's transfer window sees Berbatov move to Man Utd, Saha shift to Everton, Robinho spurn Chelsea for Man City(?) and Spurs add both Pavlyuchenko and Corluka. Sorry, Rafa, no Gareth Barry for you (113)

Greg Maddux ties Roger Clemens for eighth all time for wins. Except Maddux did it without steroids and 14-year-olds (42)

Tennessee intercepts UCLA's quarterback four times in the first half and still manages to choke the game away (65)

Roger Clemens' asshat son Coby, who plays for the Houston Astros Single A club, gets arrested for disorderly conduct (19)

Mon September 01, 2008

(Some Guy) Dumbass

Matt Millen, genius GM, had this to say about a player he just traded away: "he'll be the NFL defensive player of the year." Obvious tag would also like a mention (55)

The last three years, the team leading the A.L. on 9/1 has gone on to appear in the World Series whereas the team leading the N.L on 9/1 those three years has failed to get to the World Series. That means no title for you, Cubs. Book it. Done (59)

Meanwhile, back in Morgantown ... The Rodriguez-less Mountaineers rolled past Villanova, 48-21, as Pat White threw five touchdown passes (71)

Like Boy George hitting rock bottom, Yankees seek solace in Coke and a guy named Chad (11)

Jeff Gordon needs you to know that his second wife is hot (31)

"Carl Pavano is more popular right now than A-Rod. Think about that" (44)

Kentucky defense (14 points) outscores Kentucky offense (13 points), Louisville offense (0 points), Louisville defense (2 points) (97)

Sun August 31, 2008

Shoring up for their playoff run, the Arizona Diamondbacks trade for the shortest, scrappiest former World Series MVP ever made (61)

Michigan offensive coordinator Calvin Magee: "What did I see? Nothing. A lot of not executing. A lot of things we expected and hoped didn't happen but was worried might happen." (97)

The reason UFC champ Quinton Jackson went on 3-day "delirious" rampage that resulted in multiple felony charges? Energy drinks (26)

CC Sabathia no-hit bid broken by....the Pittsburgh Pirates' scorekeeper (67)

Aussie hottie athletes still haven't figured out Facebook, and we're all the better for it (15)

Carlos Zambrano's arm completely useless by September (25)

Why British sportswriting is better than American sportswriting: They're not afraid to call their misbehaving primadonnas "toerags" and suggest they need to be slapped around a bit (12)

After proving that he is now only running on the grass instead of smoking it, the Dolphins have given Ricky Williams a contract extention and pay raise (31)