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Fri October 10, 2008

We don't need to tell you that the next president of the United States is going to have a lot to do. He has to fix the economy, the environment, and Wall Street as well as reveal the truth about UFOs. Wait, what? (32)

Heavy Metal-eating "Superworms" unearthed in U.K.. So that's what happened to Judas Priest (16)

Elephant toothpaste is the name given to the catalyzed decomposition reaction of 30% hydrogen peroxide that uses soap to collect the oxgen gas that is produced. It is a favorite of most students at chemistry shows. Watch the video and see why (39)

Gecko-like glue sticks to damn near anything, will save you boatloads on auto insurance (8)

'SenCity' nightclub for the deaf pumps various scents on the dance floor to reflect the mood of what is being played. Jagermeister vomit fragrance synthesized just in time for Madonna night (8)

Local telecom monopoly: Public broadband is illegal. Stop them Judge: How about "no"? (42)

(Some Guy) Obvious

AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder (98)

Making math "uncool" is hurting American competitiveness researchers say. Unlike before, when being able to quote binomial theorems from memory was guaranteed to get you laid (261)

Mathematicians prove that QUE implies that the zeros of the associated cusp forms also are equidistributed in the (hyperbolic) upper half-plane (43)

Scientists using DNA testing confirm "virgin birth" of shark in Virginia aqarium. Jesus too busy fitting laser beam to head to comment (25)

Indian catfish develops taste for human flesh. Living human flesh. Tarzan never had to deal with this in the movies (22)

(1UP)

Lucasarts and Bioware to release joint effort MMO, begin counting money by weight, report plans to buy the Heavens and the Earth "straight cash" (86)

Ensuring pr0n will be available in a post apocalyptic world: New materials will shield critical network nodes from EMP. So we have that going for us (12)

A team of scientists plan to build an unbelievably large telescope on the moon, shortly before the Vogons build a hyperspace bypass (24)

New website offers guide to canine medical conditions. Now you can annoy your vet with asinine Internet self diagnoses, just like you do your own doctor (83)

(Some Researcher) Cool

New research will make finding pornographic pictures a whole lot easier. It may have other less important uses, too (16)

(Space X)

Coolest video set to music from a webcam attached to the very first privately owned company rocket that made it into orbit that you'll see... well, ever (29)

Model demonstrates brainwave-reading video game controller. That's strange, it was working just a few minutes ago (19)

Face-analyzing computer program says that James Franco's face is sooooooooo good (20)

Juno spacecraft plans to make sarcastic remarks about Jupiter (17)

Thu October 09, 2008

Scientists decry what they call 'politicization of science', an issue that doesn't seem to concern them so much when they're the ones issuing dire global warming predictions and urging governments to act (68)

Corpse-eating mutant goonch fish caught (w/pic). Arnold and Willis unavailable for comment (34)

Having constructed the largest supercollider in the world, Europe now invents unbreakable quantum cryptography. Remind me what we're doing with our money again? (122)

One more reason to hate MySpace: It makes your kid a gang banger (33)

Google-sponsored satellite sends first image, which is quickly obscured by pop-up ad (19)

Scientists conclude that brachiosaurs got big because they didn't chew their food. Study sheds light on the reason for large people at buffets (27)

Digg Founder says that in order to survive "We have to move past providing a service solely for tech geeks who wouldn't know a vagina even if one had a starring role in the next Halo" (70)

(Bungie.net) Cool

Halo 3 campaign expansion announced. Looks like Nintendo isn't the only one with a license to print money (72)

(Topless Robot) Cool

The ten greatest evil robot doppelgangers. Sure, that's confusing, but Mecha Hulk will smash if you don't click the link (54)

Dear Mr./Mrs. insert name, we are writing in regretful notification that your Fark user ID has been compromised. PLEase enter it in the following thread for recertifiction. Yours truely, Drue (103)

Farkworthy double-entendre headline directly from the Register: "Oracle shareholders choke on Larry Ellison's package" (19)

Verizon plays fast and loose with the wrong 1,200 e-mail addresses. Oops (4)

If Jack Bauer was asked to design a Swiss Army Knife, he'd probably come up with this (54)

Thousands of Australian sheep to be fitted with masks, and not just because it's in the dress code for the outback ball (12)

Scientists discover that stem cells taken from testicles have potential to treat a wide range of diseases. Men ask scientists to keep looking (34)

Wed October 08, 2008

Judge Dredd smartshell shotguns target '09 Iraq deployment (67)

Another example of life imitating xkcd (86)

Sackboy awaits your personal touch as Sony tries to salvage the PS3 by tapping the underserved pedogamer market (73)

Japanese robot suit allows disabled people to walk, begin arbitrary quest for Sarah Connor (43)

There will a shortage of Wii and DS video game consoles this Christmas. This is not a repeat (76)

New pictures of Mercury from the Messenger spacecraft (34)

The most incredible personal library evar. Behold internet start-up CEO Jay Walker's paradise, including an actual Sputnik satellite, and a napkin on which FDR planned to win WWII (199)

DNA could reveal your surname, especially if you're Mr./Mrs. CGTATAAAGC (40)

Double arm transplant a success (with Robocop photo goodness) (59)

Scientists meet for alien summit, plan for next week's predator summit (22)

Developers create system that transforms landscape outside car windows into video game. Soon, when you see that little brat in the minivan making faces at you, he may also be carving your ears off with a laser (19)

BlackBerry's "iPhone Killer" storms into the market (105)

Buick bucks blue-hairs, reveals a new car that actually looks good (62)

MySQL founder quits his job at Sun because they won't let anyone color outside the lines (42)

Brain scans show that that coma patients react to pain as much as healthy people, which is great news for sadistic nurses (9)

(Some Guy) Silly

Ever wonder where your cat goes all day? Wonder no more (46)

Woman's voices found to get screechier the more fertile they are in rare example of evolutionary counterselection (43)

Science proves that your boss is a dick (33)

Tue October 07, 2008

"I'll create a GUI interface in Visual Basic, see if I can track an IP address" (229)

St. John's Wort plant is just as effective in treating depression as Prozac. But since it's a natural herb, instead of being embraced, the treatment will probably be made illegal (259)

Science discovers there are really ten types of plants that can be used to make chocolate, not just three. Still no cure for cancer, but at least they have their priorities straight (13)

(PennLive) Stupid

Comcast announces 4.5% rate hikes due to ... *shakes magic 8 ball* ... gas prices (61)

Five years after Congress passed the CAN-SPAM Act, spam has been virtually eliminated. Just kidding - it has actually increased tenfold and costs businesses $42 billion a year (28)

Joss Whedon's mansion could be yours for only $3.7 million. It comes with four bedrooms, five baths, and quirky sense of snark (30)

"Heroes" dying an humiliating death. Show falling dramatically in the ratings every week. If only there was a way to go back in time and make it not suck (254)

If you've been waiting for a chair made from recycled plastic bags that resembles part of your digestive tract, your wait is over (14)

Satellites study Greenland shrinkage. Greenland's defensively says that any findings scientists may obtain are inaccurate, because "The water was cold" (28)

The co-founder of a major computer company on Apple's iPhone SDK: "Consumers aren't getting all they want when companies are very proprietary and lock their products down." By the way, it's Steve Wozniak (28)

The Obama campaign's Search Engine to Nowhere (44)

While Americans eschew engineering for MBAs and American Idol, Japanese Boffin Squad releases robotic legs to assist mobility-impaired get around, find Sarah Connor. Bonus: Company Name is Cyberdyne (33)

(Some Crafty Guy) Cool

At last, an arts & crafts project suitable for your budding little biologist. Or serial killer (11)

Just when you thought you had a handle on basic arithmetic, along come a group of physicists to tell you that zero plus zero doesn't actually equal zero. Thanks a lot, physicists (50)

Oh RoHS. Large Hadron Collider break down due to bad solder joint somewhere amongst the 10,000 solder connections in the system (41)

Scientists discover genetic link to premature ejacul--DAMMIT (130)

Blackfooted ferret returns to prairie after near-extinction in 1980s. Suck it, California (15)

That's no planet, that's a watermelon (31)

The first person to reach 1,000 years of age has probably already been born (149)

Evolution is SO over, girlfriend (172)

(Sony Insider) Cool

Holographic television to be reality, just as soon as we can get this restraining bolt off (29)

Gun shows do not increase homicides or suicides. USA USA USA (143)

Microwaves can extract water from Moon, Mars, Hot Pockets (26)

The Goggles: they might do something (26)

Mon October 06, 2008

(Some Gal) Unlikely

Bedroom fan cuts SIDS risk by 72% (73)

Scientists discover planet denser than lead, Palin (66)

(Some Chicken Little) Scary

Asteroid to impact Earth tonight over Northern Sudan. Well, that ought to solve that whole Darfur problem (187)

"Singing To Females Makes Male Birds' Brains Happy" report scientists. Next up: combing hair into little spikes, wearing expensive sunglasses and pursing their lips like fish make male guidos happy whether females are around or not (59)

Judge rules in favor of Perez Hilton, Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend to pay him $87,000 so he can keep bad-mouthing her on his blog (46)

(IT World) Interesting

Ford to sell car that can't go faster than 80 miles per hour until your teen figures out how to override the parental lockout feature (103)

Three people you've never heard of win a Nobel you didn't know existed (75)

Scientists prep for the harshness of Antarctica by training in... Derbyshire, England? (9)

If you purchase an iPod at Wal-Mart, you can return a cheap knock-off for a full refund (45)

Study suggests air pollution may increase the risk of appendicitis. That's silly, I live and work in China and AAAAGHHHHHHHHHH (42)

The secret to a happy marriage is four hugs a day, one romantic dinner a month, one night alone per month, all of which conveniently leaves no time for sex (28)

Nerds more likely to get laid than jocks. Ogre inconsolable (61)

UK may run out of electricity this winter, forcing millions to drink their beer warm (38)

Scientists discover huge, ancient pyramid in Peru buried under tons of earth. Let's just let them dig it up and go rushing in there. Not our fault they haven't seen the movie (141)

Oldest known footprints accidentally discovered. Yes, only one set (59)

Starbucks wastes 23 million litres of water each day, due to staff leaving taps running. It also burns four tonnes of paper every day, due to hate mail (44)

Doctors: Hamsters and gerbils are not appropriate pets for young children, Richard Gere (56)

Data show that the venus flytrap is nearly endangered. As a preventative measure, scientists recommend updating wardrobe, losing the afro and switching to hip-hop (18)

(Some Guy) Interesting

New solar cell as easy and cheap to make as a pizza. Oil companies to buy up the patent and bury the whole idea to protect their profits in 3... 2... 1 (75)

Sun October 05, 2008

(Some Guy) Cool

Nintendo announces return of Glass Joe, King Hippo, and Bald Bull (w/ video). Secret code for Mike Tyson ear-biting mode not yet available (130)

China unveils new "superfood." We'd tell you what it is, but you'd yak (46)

Because there just aren't enough USB drives soaked in alcohol, here's a beer-filled USB drive. This can only end badly (43)

Sat October 04, 2008

The secrets of remembering almost ... ummm ... what's that word that's like, a lot of stuff? (18)

MIT honors Oliver Smoot, the human unit of measurement. Neeerrrrrrds (25)

(Some Farker) Spiffy

Study shows women turn slutty for brains as well as brawn; no evidence it takes anything to turn men slutty (45)

Asteroid impact may have exterminated life on Mars the same way blast from Uranus made your surroundings unlivable (38)

"People often see patterns where none exist in an attempt to give structure and security to unpredictable situations," claims study that explains all you need to know about gambling, religion, and government economics (95)