Ryan Downing
9/19/08

Sometimes when I think of the things I have done in my past, I shudder. I do not have to think very hard to come up with a lengthy list of things I am not proud of. There have been times when I wish I could build a time machine to go back and undo my actions. But life is not Back to the Future. There is no do over for the past. What happened is already done. And the fallout can sometimes be devastating.

One of the worst aspects of failure is knowing that God was watching every word and every act and that I have grieved him. God is aware of everything. And in Psalms 139, we see how the psalmist acknowledges that even when he looks behind him, God is still there. God was there for every moment in our past and knows the full depth of what we have done.

For many years, I always thought this was a terrible thing. How could a holy God still choose to love me after knowing everything I have done? I really did not see any positives in God being present in my past.

However, recently, I have had to go through the biggest failure in my life and now I am so grateful for God being there in my past. For as he brings me out of it, when I look back to the times that were worst for me, I see that he was there all along. Even when I ignored his voice and shut him out, he was still there offering his help. And I see now that without his ongoing presence in my past that I never would have come out of it.

Regardless of whether you are ashamed of your past, know that God was there when you were at your worst and he protected you through that time because he knew you could be restored. So be like Paul and rejoice in the times of your suffering, for one day, you will realize that it was then that God’s presence was greatest in your life.