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Bar Signs

  Let us drink off the same tab like   brothers.
  Because I think I can drink more than   you.

  Insert a drink here.
  And I’ll stop staring at you.

   
  Shut your lip and order us a nip.
  You’re much prettier when I have a   drink in my hand.   I’m going to scam drinks like a   bandito.
  Tab? I don’t need no stinkin’ tab.
   

  Step up to bat.
  It’s your round.

  I’m marking your round score.
  You’re getting shut out, tightwad.
   
  Too much talk, not enough   drinking.
  Dude, you’re bringing down the whole   party.   One on the cuff, old chum?
  Just one. Promise.
   
  I’m nursing a hangover.
  If you talk too loud it will bite me.   Take the shot, champ!
  Order me one too.
   
  I think you owe me a drink.
  You remember, couple weeks ago   when you were blacked out.   Let’s get this guy to buy us a   drink.
  Do you remember his name?
   
  Thanks for buying me a drink.
  I will now retract my claws of death.   I’ve been waiting for a drink so   long I’m growing a beard.
  I will use it to strangle the bartender.
   
  You call the shot.
  I will follow you to tequila hell, my   captain.   Let’s do a round.
  What name is your tab under?
   
  You will look more attractive if you   buy us shots.
  It’s like instant plastic surgery.   I will buy the next round.
  After you buy this one. Beer Scouts’   honor.
   
  We’ve got a wide open drink tab.
  So long as you agree to sleep with the   barmaid.   Let us spring up out of our sober   shells.
  We will soar like drunken eagles.
   
  I’m putting on the beer goggles   and going in.
  For God’s sake, stop me.   I need some personal space.
  You stay here, I’m going to a different   bar.
   
  Alcohol has twisted my tongue.
  Nothing I say is true. But I really like   you.   I may get arrested tonight.
  Would you like to be an accomplice or   a victim?
   
  No drinkie for you.
  Your fun meter has run out.   I would like to take that last shot   out of my stomach.
  And I might.
   
If I do one more shot I will vomit.
So make it a good one.   I’m going to make room for   another round.
  Bring me a bucket.
   
  I have erased my brain.
  I am no longer responsible. For   anything.   If I walk now, I’ll fall down.
  So I’m going to sit here and drink.
   
  I intend to get four sheets to the   wind.
  And I need your help.   I am four sheets to the wind.
  I will now sail away to Blackout Island.
   
  The USS Drunkard is sinking and   I’m going down with the ship.
  Please don’t step on me.   I need parental guidance.
  Will you be my mommie?
   
  I’m collecting for the tab.
  Never mind how much, just give me   your wallet.   Time to make like Bugs Bunny.
  Let’s go bar hopping.

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