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Currently: preparing for the holidays

Maybe I am starting to pull myself out of my funk/laziness/hole/slump.

I’m working my butt off trying to get the house ready to be decorated for the holidays. Most people probably don’t have to do this, but I’ve let mine go. AND due to having more furniture this year, I will have to rearrange the living room furniture in order to accommodate our tree and gifts. I already discussed when we’ll be decorating and what we’ll be doing, so I guess there is no point in going back over that. I also posted a sticky post about holiday cards; be sure to go read it if you’d like a holiday card from me this year

I do need to dig out the gift bin and see what is in there - I tend to buy stuff throughout the year that I think might make good holiday gifts, but I never, EVER have quite enough accumulated by this time of year - and see who gets what. Then make our gift list from there. It’s a bit intimidating, but it’s got to be done. It’ll be okay.

Even though I’m more excited than usual about the holidays this year, I have a feeling I’m going to be quite ready for a vacation by the time it’s all over. Is there going to be another Blogasm this year? Is it going to be in las vegas nv again? I just may be able to plan for it this year. I wanted to go last year, but couldn’t go on the date it was planned. Bummer.

It’s thundering, lightning, and raining tonight. Not too cold, either. Perfect for me to snuggle in bed and read…..AFTER I do some writing and catch up on all my favorite blogs!

Currently: frustrated

Ideas for stories, blog posts, site graphics…just about anything, really…buzz around in my head constantly. Only problem is, I’m never near my computer when inspiration strikes. Site graphics? I pretty much start on and get wrapped up in a timely manner, ONCE I get started. Blog posts? Sure, I’d like to be more witty and engaging with my blog posts. But those wonderful ideas I had for posts simply vanish into thin air by the time I can sit down to type an entry. Where did they go? It’s quite irritating to sit down, ready to let my thoughts come tumbling forth and my fingertips fly, only to draw a big, fat blank. Repeatedly.

But I digress. I think what probably bothers me the most is that I daydream so much, not to mention all the actual dreaming I do when I’m asleep, that I come up with story/plot ideas that would be PERFECT to get the creative writing juices flowing once more, yet I NEVER follow through. I guess this is due in some way to my own laziness and lack of discipline (and this wouldn’t be the only area of my life that affects, either), but probably can be attributed in larger part to time.

I used to get so excited about my ideas that I couldn’t wait to get home/inside/a few moments of my own to just let go. And I did that. Even while parenting, working, going to school…I just somehow made it a priority. These days, I no longer let inspiration and fancy take me where they will. I want to, but I don’t. I care, but I don’t. I have equal parts desire and disinterest, and disinterest seems to always win out because I don’t make time for achieving my goals or dreams a priority.

By the time my favorite part of the evening rolls around (the earliest hours of morning, actually), I am mentally tapped out. Instead of fostering my own interests, I’ve spent my days working, which there is no way around, or indulging in a movies. It’s hard not to when the house is quiet and there isn’t anyone requiring anything of me! But the time I could be using to research, write, work out, keep my house a bit better - any number of productive things - I spend just zoning out.

I know we all need to do that to recharge our batteries and keep our sanity, but with me it has gotten to the point where I could fall asleep, and stay asleep at the drop of a hat. I don’t want to be awake. I don’t want to do the things that are required of me around here. When I am awake, I want to spend what time I don’t spend with my kids reading, watching tv, or catching up with all my favorite stuff on the internet. Yes, I am frequently overwhelmed, but it really would do wonders for my mindset just to take care of what I can. To push myself to do even more. But I am to the point now where accountability is nothing to me. I hardly even feel much of a sense of shame anymore when I fail to meet goals, and for not doing all I can.

I don’t know what happened to me. I’ve lost my creativity, my ambition, and probably my mind.

Tonight was no different. The kids came home sick today, so I called out of work to make sure they didn’t suddenly ‘get better’ and jump on their video games or computer. I went to work this evening to make up my missed shift. I came home this evening, looking forward and expecting to actually make some leeway on my writing. Instead I jumped into my email, read a bunch of blogs, thought about still trying to accomplish a small bit of writing, and? I’m tired. Mentally drained. Like I said before, simply tapped out.

So…what is your motivator? What makes you do the things you want to do, but have a hard time making yourself start? And making yourself keep at it? Getting started is at least half the battle for me. Once I make something a habit, I usually continue until circumstances force me to stop. But instead of making it a temporary stop, I just end up right back where I started: warring with myself. Knowing there are things I need and want to do, but being absolutely too undisciplined to make myself.

I hope this is a phase.

Currently: planning

I’m actually looking forward to them. I can’t really put my finger on why, especially since one of my favorite parts of the holidays, baking, will be nigh to impossible this year. The bottom element on my ancient stove quit sometime earlier this year, and I have no clue when I will be able to replace it. I do what I can in my microwave, which also browns stuff. And I can still use my stovetop. I have actually managed quite well without my full-size stove! And my electric bill loves me for that. However, there is no substitute for baking. Anything baked in the microwave usually turns out a bit rubbery, no matter how careful I am. I am trying to figure out a way to microwave most stuff, then brown it for the last few minutes, and see if that helps.

Anyway…I am looking forward to the holidays…really looking forward to them…for the first time in quite a few years. I will have to try my best to be very good with my food consumption, or I’ll end up having to buy a treadmill and hit it HARD during the remaining winter months in order to get rid of all the holiday treats & goodies. Oh, who am I kidding? I seriously need to be doing that NOW! But I can’t wait to actually get started.

This year I actually have a new 6 ft. tree and tons of beautiful, glass ornaments to add to the homemade stuff the boys have made for me over the years. Gotta love Target and their aggressive markdowns after the holidays! I have holiday themed decor. The weekend after Thanksgiving, we are going to set up our tree and decorate the house. We’re going to get started addressing holiday cards and wrapping gifts. We’re going to drink eggnog (spiked for me, yum!) and hot cocoa (again, spiked for me, yum!), eat leftover Thanksgiving appetizers, and stay up all night watching movies. It’ll be laid-back, but so perfect for us.

What about you? Are you looking forward to the holidays this year? When will you start your holiday decorating? Would you like a holiday card from me? You do not have to send me one in order to get one from me. I love sending them out; I just sometimes cut it a bit close, time-wise, as far as getting them mailed out. If you want to be added to my holiday list, just send me your snail mail address. My email is listed under the “contact” tab at the top of my page.

Currently: cold

Where I just spent the weekend visiting my mom. It was a good visit: the ride over was relaxing; I got to meet her new dogs; and of course, got to visit (some of) my family! The only really bad part was my breathing was even worse than usual, and she is really on me to get my asthma in check.

I really wish that I could! I’d love to be able to breathe like a normal person, and I know I could push myself harder during workouts, and hopefully get more fit and lose a bit of weight, and that would also help my breathing. I’m just not sure I can afford the $30 copay for the doctor monthly, AND whatever medication will run me. Insurance does pay 80%, but the last time I went to the doctor, a rescue inhaler and two types of antibiotics ran me over $45, and I couldn’t even get the third, least important medication I was supposed to get. It’s frustrating. But I have to do it somehow, because the otc inhaler just doesn’t cut it all the time anymore. Besides, it’s not treating the asthma, it’s just treating a symptom, when it does work.

I also got to go shopping, which is always a humbling and irritating experience. I thought I was going to cry in one store, but the next one over proved a bit more successful. However, I opted to go to Cato, where I was able to find the same types of jeans, but more comfy and cheaper. I ended up walking away with three. These denim trousers:

(minus the ugly yellow sweater), which I just LOVE, and two other pairs of just darker denim bootcut ones. My winter wardrobe is just about complete. You already know about my falling in love with, and recent purchase of the awesome bag, so all I have left that I really want to purchase is a pair of these:

…but I am waiting till Target clearances them out, because I rarely ever wear heels and am not going to buy them unless they go really, really cheap. Though I hate continually talking myself out of a great looking pair of wingtip pumps!

I am definitely getting a new wallet, though. I really want one of the thin, cigarette case-inspired ones. I thought about just getting an antique cigarette case, but am not sure I can figure out a way to properly organize things in it.

Is anyone doing NaBloPoMo this year? I am not. I’d like to, but November is just too busy for me to commit to that amount of blogging. I finally realize that, after all these years! How about NaNoWriMo? I am not participating in that, either, but in the spirit of NaNo, I *AM* trying to write at least some of my own novel every day. I am trying to get further with my own writing, and to get into the habit of adding to my story as habitually as I do my blog. I aspire to write something EVERY day. If I write complete shit one day, because I added to it just for the sake of completing my goal, I can always go back and re-work or delete it. I mainly want to simply get myself back into the habit of writing daily. Colder weather is perfect for this, as we don’t have as many extracurricular activities, and spend less time outdoors.

And while I’m on the subject of reading and writing….are any of you using/planning to use the Kindle or another electronic reader? I swore I never would, but after cramming my book into my bag along with all my other weekend necessities, it was pretty tight in there. And I thought maybe a small, electronic reader wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

Currently: waking up

Today my oldest, Danny, turns 16. SIXTEEN, can you believe it? I don’t know where all that time went, either. Here pretty soon he’ll be getting his driver’s license, and his dad has already given him a car that he can possibly bring over here at the first of the year. My gift to him pales in comparison, I’m sure, but I think it’s absolutely so cool!

I am replacing the phone I washed with this one:

It’s the Virgin Mobile Shuttle. I can’t wait to get it for him! It seems basically like the Verizon Wireless Chocolate that I have (the older model slider phone), only much cooler looking. It’s also a camera and mp3 player.

I must say that I *LOVE* Virgin Mobile, and don’t mind giving them a bit of free advertising. If I ever find myself unable to continue using Verizon’s service, I will definitely go back to Virgin Mobile prepaid. Their plans now are even better than when I was with them before. Danny doesn’t talk on the phone very much, but for $10 a month, he can have unlimited texting added to any plan he chooses. I think the $24.99/mo. plan would be perfect for as much as he has to call me to come get him from practice and such, since they don’t get out at a regular time every day like they are supposed to.

I have read in several different forums about teens going over their minutes and running their parents’ cell phone bills up, and have to wonder why the parents don’t just give them prepaids?

::shrugs::

So I am so excited to have a birthday in the house again! We are going to my mom’s this weekend. I can’t wait to pack up my work tote with stuff:

It’ll hold my smaller purse, a change or two of clothes, my makeup bag, book, laptop, and a little bit more. I won’t be taking my laptop, of course, since this is only a weekend visit and my mom has a computer. So this time, it’ll just be a piece of overnight luggage. I am so excited to be using it!

And on that note, I am off to take care of the many things which must be done in preparation for this trip.

Happy Birthday, Danny - my oldest. Having you in my life has been one of the most wonderful experiences I’ve ever had, and I love and admire and am so proud of the young man you’ve become!

Currently: cold

Is everyone still on an emotional high from last night? I know I am. This is truly just so surreal, and I honestly never thought I’d live to see a day like this in my lifetime. I sure don’t think my Mom or my eighty-something Obama-supporting grandmother did, either. Throughout the whole campaigning process, I kind of waffled back and forth. But I ultimately felt McCain, whom I had a LOT of respect for as a former military man and one hell of a classy guy, just could not in any way relate to me OR the average American. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things I dislike about Obama as well, but I do think he will try to do more for this country’s poor and middle class. Okay. Enough of that. No need to comment and tell me how wrong I am. This ‘change’ Obama speaks of isn’t going to happen overnight, or probably even soon. It’s going to take a while to fix this fuckery that the current administration left behind. I hope everyone realizes that, before nay-sayers start complaining about nothing being done or nothing being different this time around.

Oh, yeah…I do have some good news of my own: as soon as I drop the kids off, I am going to Target to get that bag I so covet. Yay!

Currently: icky

I am feeling sick as all hell this morning. Not outright sick, just snotty, stomach-icky, tired, and weak. I think the stomach part is from supper last night. I made some beef & bean dip to be eaten with Mission Tortilla strips. Corn & tortilla chips don’t like me anymore, so that never ends good. Still, I never learn my lesson. I also think my home is slowly killing me, but that is another rant for another time.

Today is SO not the day to be feeling sickly. But at least I don’t have to go into work. I just got through driving through three of the four school zones I normally have to get through, plus the voting site, AND while the sanitation department was out doing trash collection. It’s not mayhem just yet, but very crowded.

This is such an important day, and I am more than a little bit frightened. The country is so screwed now that no matter who gets elected, it is going to take a long, long time to get unscrewed. If it can be done at all. And this is probably about as political as I will ever get on this blog. Get out there and vote!

Currently: needing to sleep

Now that the weekend is over, I have no more kids’ sports till February. And that is only signup for baseball; the season itself probably won’t start until June. That’s a mighty long time for someone who has had at least one child involved in at least one sport at any given time during the year. Whatever shall I do with myself?

Now that Halloween is over, I’ve uploaded and installed the new theme I’ve been working on. I love it so much! It’s the Amazing Grace theme, by Vladimir Prelovac. I love it for so many reasons. It’s a clean, easy-to-read and navigate theme that can easily be customized with just basic knowledge of html and css. But I was mainly wanting something slightly different in setup, and I’ve been wanting to try rotating header images for a while now. To see what I took it from, you can click on the link to the theme above, or click on the screencap below:

The screenshot is the set of colors that came with the download, but if you click on the link you’ll see how the theme creator has customized it on his site. Both are beautiful, and the photos he chose are amazing! I would definitely recommend this theme for someone wanting something catchy and unique, but not over the top. As for me, I had to take my graphics in the direction of the theme of this site, of course. For those who are reading in feed readers who don’t want to click over and check it out here is a screencap to my customization:

Again, I just love it! I’ve added some stuff to it from my last theme, obviously. BUT (isn’t there always a catch?)….I’m only about 98% finished. I’ve had to disable my Easy Gravatars plugin because there was about a 4px border around the gravatars that I could not get rid of. And even now, there is that same border around my CommentLuv graphic. It just about makes me ill that I can’t figure out what it is to correct it. And I’d also like to figure out a way to link to the comment form from directly underneath the entry on the single page, but that’s not a huge deal.

Yay! I love new designs!

Currently: happy

I got most of my nagging issues taken care of, thank goodness. Now I can sleep again at night, and not worry till my stomach aches during the day. This is very good!

I do need to have my medical issues seen to once again, though. I’m out of shape and practice is hard anyway, but it’s about ten tiimes moreso when I have such chest congestion. I mean, the congestion isn’t BAD, but it’s very noticeable when I start pushing myself physically. No fun. Even so, I stayed just a short while after practice tonight to try and just roll around & build my endurance back up. I missed practice both nights last week due to a wide assortment of different maladies, none huge in and of themselves, but combined were enough to make me tired, miserable, and useless. And being gone those two nights really did a number on me. But…I am back in the swing of things and ready to push and learn and improve. At least until my lungs give out. It’s a shame they don’t make spring plungers for human bodies to help keep us in prime physical shape, but I guess that’s what exercise is for. I’ve also slacked terribly on that at home, but now that I only have one or two ills instead of four or five, perhaps I can get back in the swing of that again as well.

I am SO looking forward to the rest of the week! And I bet I’ll sleep GOOD tonight! I can’t wait to read more in Dragonfly in Amber! I’ve been on it for months now, reading other books as well, and it was slow to get into. But now? I love it! Can’t wait to finish it!

And…I don’t do book reviews or anything, but the two I recently finished were Joe Hill’s Heart Shaped Box and The Rogue Hunter by Lynsay Sands. Both were incredible, and I’d recommend them both if you’re looking for something new and interesting to read. Both are paranormal; one is a ghost story, and the other is a romance.

Currently: freezing

For some reason, I have always liked Hilary Duff. Not really her music; I haven’t actually heard much of that. But I’ve always thought she was adorable in her movies, and thought she behaved so maturely and with class through the whole Joel/Nicole thing. Now she’s gone off and done this. I agree 100% with what the blog author said, even though it made me laugh just a little bit. But I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that Hilary Duff’s voice and lyrics now play over Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus (seriously, I don’t even think it’s sampled, I think she just used the music of the entire song), or the fact that - try not to kill me - I sort of like it. It’s really growing on me. I’m sure that’s only because of the DM music, though. C’mon, it’s catchy!

I am finally at the very last (I hope!) tweaking stages of the new design. I keep thinking it really should not take me this long to just take someone else’s design and tweak it, but it does. It takes me longer to do that than it ever did to completely write my own blogger code. Anyway…I hope to have it ready the day after Halloween! I love Halloween, but I am sick of my Halloween layout.

Oh yeah…this morning, when I had to walk out in the cold and make sure the trash collectors picked up my trash, they asked about the trash bin. I told them I had called the sanitation department several times, but that they hadn’t brought one out. About three hours later, I got a brand, spankin’-new trash bin. Yay! Maybe shivering and looking pathetic has its advantages.

I have lots to do this week. I hope I can pick up some extra work hours, too, but…we’ll see. I do hope that if you’re in the Huntsville area, you will come by Saturday night and watch the Dixie Derby Girls take on both Central Arkansas AND Hard Knox. This is HUGE for us, because we’re at the Von Braun Center (where you can buy beer! something we can’t sell at the skating rink, obviously); and we have a local radio personality hosting for us. You can meet the derby girls after the bout, and come party later at the afterparty! Visit Dixie Derby Girls for details.