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Dear God,

I am in a relationship that balances itself out - sure she’s with me, and yes we’ve had several years together, and yes we have a 3-year-old son. Yet, I cannot help but think that she does not truly want me in her life, or is at least hesitant to commit, regardless of what she says.

For one, she cheated on me early on with her ex-boyfriend. For a second reason, she refused to marry me after I proposed to her. And thirdly, I have not been comfortable inviting my parents - my only true “blood” family - to visit. It’s painful to think that I am just a convenience for her life. I often fall into thoughts of leaving, or at least being with my “second choice/last crush.” But those are quickly dashed because, as it often becomes the reality - life is more of a blessing than a curse. My relationship may be tainted, but it is not lost.

I find myself being more grateful, yet still need that connection with my parents that she so often gets with them living with us (and now, next to us). I just want a strong, united family for my son and me, and without her support and ability to overcome her obvious low self esteem, I cannot do anything and await your miracle to save this family. Thank you for listening.

Chris, CA/USA
maze1.jpgDear God,

I’m in the middle of a mental struggle. I want to find myself, what I am and what I wanna do with my life. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, my own personality. I was in college but I dropped out because I felt inert, studying for a degree not to pursue something in my life but just to fill social expectations. My emotional being is waiting to be released, I want to be unleashed!

I want to find comfort, to fulfill my dreams, to fulfill my being. I want to help people, but I feel I can’t because I’m not completely in tune with me. I depend too much of what people think of me and I’m in a stage of my life where I feel I’m cleaning that part. But am I really doing it? God, I beg you to help me, I know I’ve disrespected you before and I will again, so I’m truly sorry. I’m being honest because I don’t have any other place to go and like a big liar and hypocrite, I come to you when all the doors are closing. Thank you for your love, I promise I’ll be loving as much as I can. Jaime, California/USA
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Dear God,

I have been trying to figure out if you are really there or not for twenty one years. I am a man of science and a man of logic and you simply just don’t make sense. I yearn to be saved for selfish reasons only and if I can’t overcome that mentality how can I ever be saved? I think you have proven to me in the past that you exist but I still don’t believe it. I still rationalize that my life is so terrible for a reason and that it all must be for something but that directly contradicts my real beliefs. I’m lost.

Jason, Florida

Show Yourself

November 7th, 2008
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Dear God,

I pray that You show yourself to all of these people that are hungry for commitment but are tired of religion. Help us all.

Adilson - Portugal
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Dear God,

I have a twin brother.

Two weeks after I left for college you tried to take him from me. You let his car spin out on the high way, right into a tractor trailer. You let him stay there, trapped in a car crumpled like paper beneath a semi’s underbelly, for an hour. You let my parents wonder if they still had two children. You let me regret going out of state for school, for leaving my family. You let him go through surgery, casts, pins, tests, scans, probes, pills and hospitals. You let us all wonder if my brother’s dreams of college would come true, never mind if he would ever reach the skies in the Air Force. And that God, did not satisfy your demented agenda.

You let us think everything would be alright. You let us know the bones could heal, the schooling could happen, and the dreams could still fly. Then you let the bump grow. Right then, in the midst of cleaning up the wreckage of our four lives – especially my brother’s, my only brother’s, my better half, my best friend, my soul mate – you let the tumor you’d been hiding for years as well . The tumor is on the left side of his brain. It has to come out. Soon, God, you will let him go to the hospital again, to be sliced open again, to have metal replace bone again. God you had your chance already and didn’t take my twin brother away, you cannot change your mind now.  A - Ohio/USA
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Dear God,

My 2 year old died in April of 2007. I have had 2 miscarriages after that. I am now 8 weeks pregnant and have been complications. Please don’t take this child from me. I have been praying since I found out I was pregnant. Please help me!

Cynthia S - USA
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Frustration…..Anger…..

Exhaustion…. I never thought I would be the type of person to regret my life. Yet, here I am with an alcoholic and drug addicted husband and I hate it. It is 11 pm, he left hours ago with our only car …will he be back before morning? If not, will he be sober? Why do I have to go through this again….why does our son? I often wonder if he has burnt out his brain with these drugs. Does he realize that we could lose everything if he gets caught using drugs at work?

Then I wonder if you even care…..my life is not hard. I know that I have it good but is it wrong to want honesty, respect and love?. Or is money and posessions all that matters?

I know you love me and watch out for me…would you also watch out for him? He needs something drastic to happen in order for this chaos to stop. Help him…I know that with your help Tob & I will be fine. 

Anne, Illinois/USA

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Dear God,

I wanna die today.

Anonymous, Philippines
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Dear God,

Reading the messages from all these people puts life in such a widespread perspective. I can’t say I really know why I am writing this, to be honest I don’t have any sort of firm belief in a God but I am assured that there’s something greater than life unknown to us out there.

I have recently been feeling very emotional and spaced by life but in no way on the same scale as some of the people writing to you here. Today I have remembered my brother who passed away in 1999 more than I have in a long time in that I looked further into the rare syndrome he had (Crouzon’s syndrome) as at the time I was too young to understand. Remembering what my parents and he had gone through all over again was strange and made me cry for him. I still find it difficult to talk about even to my parents although I have reached acceptance of his passing. I often pray to him and believe that he is still with me and my family in spirit in someway. He is my guardian angel and I will always love him and miss him deeply. I thought to myself today about what my life might be like if I had him around and I realised how hard it is now to imagine him existing in my life as it is now since moving and my parents divorcing. In retrospect I appreciate that his early departure was probably for the best so he didn’t have to suffer so much but i miss him so much. Life is so strange and indescribable really, the things that happen to people, the different pathways, the way that the consequences of such small decisions can change so much. And how there are so so many different people’s lives and stories out there all completely different. Thank you for bringing me a good life. I won’t say that it’s perfect and right now I’m finding it tough but I like to think that there’s such a thing as fate and that we’re all here and everything happens for a reason. I know that things will improve and all you can do is look ahead. I think if anything I’m writing this just to clear my head and say thank you rather than to ask anything of you. If there is anything to ask it would be to bring happiness to my boyfriend. I don’t know what it is exactly that he’s going through right now but please help me to have patience with him and to understand. Keep him safe and bring him back to me when I next see him. He’s not been himself lately since we’ve been living further apart and I love him so much. I just want the old him back. I’d also like to just mention how inspirational this site is and how moving it is to read everyone’s prayers. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s. thank you for music. Moved, UK

candle.jpgDear God, I would ask your help in finding some peace and easing of the sadness I feel. In the last year, I have lost my mother, my husband and my mother-in-law — all very big people in my life. I feel so alone and miss them so. I am sad they suffered so - especially my husband and I hope that he and my mom and mother in law are with you and no longer suffering. Please also, help all who are hurting, help our world find peaceful ways to live together and help the leaders of all nations learn to talk and find positive ways to co-exist. Thank you for listening to me. Emily, California/USA
milatary.jpgDear God, Where to begin… I go to a military boarding school and am struggling with the idea that I might be gay. I’ve lived my entire life around the idea that girls are who I should be with, but I can’t explain my attraction to guys. It’s weird, and I’ve never been with a man to any extent, but I feel like I should. Every time I kiss my girlfriend, I feel like a liar.

Is there something wrong with me? Did you make me this way or am I just a freak?

Scared - USA [image]
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Dear God,

Reading this page has made me realize just how lucky I am. So many people just want to be happy and safe, for the moment, I am both.

I am thankful for my life, my career which I adore, my students who trust and look up to me, my friends who love me, my family who love and care for me, my wonderful home, my brain and my intelligence. Thank you that the sun comes up in the morning, and goes down in the evening.

Please give all the people who need it strength, be with them and hold their hands though the tough times. I believe, without a doubt that you have a plan for me, please help me to fulfill it to the best of my ability, there is a reason everything happens, help me not to get side tracked with my own agenda.

When it is my time to go, and I hope it’s no time soon, I hope that I will have made a difference. xxx

Blessed - South Africa
701628_43484_6af13595b4_p.jpgDear God, I used to think, IF YOU WERE REAL WHY WOULD U SCREW UP MINE AND MY FRIENDS LIVES, but I’m now over that, I’m up to the stage that your either there or your not. I was raped by my brother for 5 years, but of course you already knew that, and I know why u did that (if u were real), seriously I don’t know what to think, like there is so many things proving against you, and everyone calls your son Jesus which means they don’t like you. Why cant u just show yourself to me, and prove to me that your there ??? I keep asking but i see nothing, as the saying matthew 7:7-8 says ask and you will receive, I haven’t recieved anything after many times of asking, please just help me god, show me your there, Thanks xxx Cruisez - AkA Sezza, Melbourne/Australia
765336_140855_ff38767675_p.jpgDear God,

I really need you to hear my prayers. I feel like it’s bouncing off the roof. My mother needs help. She is very sad and wants to die. If you could send her happiness. I would appreciate it. Please help her find a job. Please help her not to feel bad about my brother dying. Please send us money to pay for food. I’m thankful I live in America. But i feel like I have no power to change the way my life is. I want to be happy, but it is difficult when my mom is so sad. She wishes to leave this earth. Perhaps it would be best if you did take her. That way she wouldn’t suffer anymore. I would miss her. But I hope you hear my prayer and send her a job so she can earn money. She isn’t very good at anything and is not healthy. So it needs to be an easy job. I don’t know if you hear me or not.. I don’t know if you care or not. But i believe that you are there and perhaps you will read my e-mail if you won’t listen to my prayers. Send her money and opportunity. I live in the United States and it’s in a war. Please end the war and let peace come again. I don’t want everyone to get hurt. People cry from the lost love ones. They cry in pain. I hear it and i would change it if i could. Please end the war. Please help those who suffer to find peace. Give me strength to help those in need, like my mom. But most of all bring us a world of peace. With bread to eat and games to play.

Jewels - USA
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 Dear God,

Firstly, thank you so much for the life that you have given me. it has been a long rough road for a fifteen year old, but I am finally seeing greener pastures.

i must say, my early life was not the best. I was born into a poor family, my mother was pressured to marry my father who abused her. Still to this day, I avoid making contact with him as i know that he doesnt love me. I lived in poverty conditions and I could remember that my mum worked two jobs just to send me to school. She even risked it and insisted that i go to a private school so I may receive a better education. To this day I remember the house that we lived in, it wasnt even ours, it only happened by chance when the people that we were living with had their house reposessed and as i stood there, watching the men take away all the belongings, most, if not all not mine at all. Then you came and sent what I call an angel who gave us a roof over our heads. I now see what all the hardship I endured was for. It is for the life that i have now. i have a wonderful stepfather, who is the best dad in the world! i live in Australia, where there are wide open spaces where I can just breathe in and smell the fresh air. I have two wonderful half-brothers, although it doesnt seem to be as I treat them no less and I go to a wonderful school with great facilities and I have the best friends in the world! 

Micah, Qld, Australia

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I wonder…If i were to open up, would you have replied me as below:

Hey you..

You should get your act together! There are others who are in worst situation than you. You’re not as weak as you think you are, it’s normal to feel down, or under the weather once in a while…but to succumb to depression, well that’s just rubbish. That’s just an easy way out of not wanting to face the world. By the way, i havent been mean to you, i just havent replied to any of your prayers because you havent made any.

Come on now…think hard, think of all the good things and the good people around you, count your blessings. You have achieved quite something in these past months. Emotionally, you’ve surpassed what others expect of you. You’ve learn to forgive, you’ve learn to let go. You’re at peace.

You should know by now what triggers your emotional down turn. stop walking down memory lane, stop snooping into the lives of those who has touched your heart, stop with the ‘what if’. they’re happy, and i know you’re happy for them. please learn to make yourself happy, let others be happy for you. dont be selfish, let them feel how you feel - the blissful feeling of pure happiness of knowing others are happy…

Your self pity and being in the melancholic mode is not gonna get you anywhere. Yes, misery loves company, but it only works if you actually have the ‘company’ to torture. so, for your sake and for everyone else’s, be the person that you wanna be with.

As for your job, as tiring as it is, just dont give up. you’ve been thru worst. I know that you’re frustrated with the workload. just enjoy it as it’s all you have to blame at the moment. but once they take it away from you, you know you have nothing left to bitch about. why dont you just show them what they see in you that you were just to lazy to live up to.

Now, as much as you hate to admit, i know how you’re so into the ‘distraction’. she’s no longer a distraction, sadly she’s your addiction. you’re not even the real you at the moment. spare her the misery and the boredom of knowing the you that you dont even like. you cant even hold a decent conversation. Bet you’re ashamed for always having a ‘no substance communication’. I know this is gonna hurt, but you ARE getting kinda lame, and you you know why - you’ve been shutting yourself out from the world. You dont even know what’s going on in the world, you have gain no new knowledge to share or talk about. I hardly hear your favorite line “do you know that…”

Anonymous - UK

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Dear God,

As I read the posts of other people on Dear-God, I am struck by the simplicity of my emotions and wants. There are so many complex people and hurt people in this world that my problems are meaningless. After all, I live in a well-off family, go to a good school and have a few good friends. But I can’t appreciate my well-off family, I can’t like my school and I can’t bring myself to get any closer to my friends beyond the superficial. It’s like the old saying; you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Some days I think I’m fine. Am I? Help me to know if I am. Help my mother to feel better than she does. It kills me to see her like she is, and somehow it’s worse to know just what disease she has. Blessed ignorance, that’s what I wish for. Help me as well. I didn’t ask for this disease, either. What did I do? Have I done something that needs to be punsihed? I didn’t know I was that bad. I feel like a hypocrite; I’ve never had any real faith. Maybe that’s my logical side coming through. But I want to believe-I want to believe so badly. Forgive me for bieng attracted to my best friend-she doesn’t know and she probably never will. But I really don’t know what to do. I’m fake, I lie and I lie to myself. I hurt myself, I hate myself and I punish myself for mere memories that I recall at odd times of the day. Please, just tell me that when I die, either on my own terms, by some accident, or by mere old age, that I won’t go to hell.

Please tell me that there isn’t one.

Danielle - New Zealand
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Dear God,

I don’t know where to start. I feel so lost, destroyed and hopeless. After 18 years, my husband left me and my two children. I give you thanks because at least he tries to be in their lives as much as possible. But, dear Lord, I’m hurting so badly. I miss my husband …his friendship, his companionship, his sense of humor and his love for family. I know I really messed up my marriage with my attitude, anger, jealousy and my depression; but dear Lord, I’m sorry…I am truly sorry. Please touch my husband’s heart and soul that he come back home to his family and me. I’ve asked for his forgiveness and asked him to come back. He can’t seem to forgive me and I don’t blame him. I’m sorry dear Lord…I’m sorry.

Irene Sanchez, Riverside, CA USA
700428_98766_dabdef1443_p.jpgDear God,

I have so many dark secrets that I am too ashamed/scared to confess. But, I know that if I don’t get them out, they will eat me from the inside out. I have been living a lie for the past 14 years. To the world, I am this straight-as-an-arrow, put together woman with the perfect suburban life, the perfect marriage, the perfect parent. Not the case…not the case at all.

The first time I had sex, at the age of 14, was supposed to be with my boyfriend…only my boyfriend. Minutes after he took my virginity, he had his cousin come into the room and have sex with me as well. He had about 6 guys in the house waiting in line to have sex with me. I ran away after the third guy walked in the room. How could I be so stupid? I became spiteful towards men. I felt that they all just wanted to get in my pants. So, I decided to be just like them. I used men for sex. Some actually wanted a relationship with me, but I would tell them that the relationship was purely sexual…nothing serious. I estimate that the number of men I’ve slept with is probably around 35-40. I got lucky by not catching any serious STDs. I had one regretful abortion. I still think about him.

I married my husband 7 years ago. I told him I was a virgin. He still thinks that he is my “one and onlyâ€. I remained faithful to him until I caught him masturbating to porn. In my heart, he became just like all of the other men. Then, he started neglecting me to be with his friends…to go drinking with his buddies 3-4 times a week. I’ve cheated on my husband with four different men and one woman. Recently, I’ve been corresponding with a past fling. He claims that he loves me. They all say that. I don’t believe them. I’m not sure if I believe in love at all. I’ve contemplated leaving my husband for this man. Not because I love him, but because he’s a rich doctor. I know it’s not right. It’s selfish. I tell myself that I can learn to love him. But, can I?

The worst part is that I don’t really feel bad for any of this. I know that I should feel more guilt and shame. I do feel something, but not enough to make me stop. Lord, I need the strength to be a better person…to be a better wife and mother. I’m so weak minded and weak hearted. I know the devil is in me, but I can’t seem to do your will..

Not Worthy - Japan
480724895_451830ea26_o.jpgIn the event of my death I hope that I loved you, the way that you needed me to. I hope that I listened, when you needed me there. I hope that I knew you the way that you wanted me to. I hope to this day you knew that I cared. Lil - London