I once preached on divorce from Mark 10: "What God has joined together, let man not separate … Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her."

"Our first reaction to Jesus' words," I said, "is to look for loopholes, to bargain, to soften the blow of his words. That's why we don't hear him speak and race to confess our failure and restore to honor God's will ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

Ministers frequently find themselves lacking either the time or the qualifications for a given situation. We need to make a referral, but most of us have never been trained in making referrals. Having served both as a pastor and as a full-time counselor, I've seen the matter from both sides. Here are some insights into the three questions pastors usually ask.

Should I refer?

In deciding whether to refer ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

Every marriage is built in hope. People marry because they hope that life together will be more effective, satisfying, and purposeful than life alone. Nevertheless, nearly every marriage goes through a period of disillusionment when the couple realizes that what they had hoped would happen is not going to happen. Sadness, hurt, and anger replace hope.

Pastors and counselors ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

Once a counselor has a basic understanding of the marital situation, he or she can work to accomplish some basic objectives. Ed Smelser lists five objectives that provide a marriage counseling routine in outline.

After gathering data in a safe setting, Smelser lets couples get things off their chests, excluding verbal abuse and hateful statements. A couple has built pressure ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

I have spent many hours with couples and individuals who come for counseling because they say they want to save or improve their marriage only to find that what they really wanted was some justification to get out of the marriage. I must admit, I have encountered some seriously damaged marriages. But I have not found one beyond repair, if both people are willing to try to make the marriage work.

You ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

It can be difficult for a minister to gauge the health of every marriage in his or her church at all times. The intimate interaction small group leaders have with just a few couples, on the other hand, enables them to detect dangerous changes in couple's behavior. Their intimacy with couples may also make them an effective resource person during the restoration period.

A small group leader ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

It's remarkably easy to get caught up in someone's marriage crisis. What's not easy is maintaining that delicate balance between professional distance and pastoral warmth. Here are a few common hazards you should be aware of before you enter a counseling relationship with a couple in crisis.

Many pastors say the most volatile counseling situation involves a male pastor and a woman ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

Divorce doesn't just happen all at once. It's a process—usually a very long one. Studies suggest that over 50 percent of divorced persons had seriously considered divorce for one to three years prior to granting the decree. Richard Hunt presents six stages of divorce and the crises that accompany them.

Occasionally a minister may be called on for help, or take the initiative to move into conversation ...

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008

Urgent care situations often require an immediate response from church leaders. This overview outlines major steps you should take in addressing marriages that are in crisis or facing divorce. These action steps are explored in greater depth and detail in the remainder of this packet.

Topics: Conflict, Counseling, Crisis, Marriage, Pastoral care, Reconciliation

Filters: Counseling, Family ministry, Pastor, Pastoral care, Spiritual director

Purpose: Ministry

References:

Proverbs 14:10

,

Ecclesiastes 4:12

,

Galatians 6:2

Date Added: July 22, 2008