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Whistle While You Wait

Our neighbors have four kids. This would not be remarkable except for the fact that we live in an apartment building, and the largest apartments in the building have two bedrooms. We met them at an open house last fall. The parents graduated from my alma mater back in the 90s, and they intended to work overseas. Their heart was for missions, for serving other people in the name of God. They have not lost that dream, but meanwhile, he works at O’Hare Airport while his wife home-schools the four kids. These neighbors fill me with admiration, respect, and absolute terror. I find waiting very, very hard, especially when it feels like I’m not making any progress toward my goals, and I know I would not handle frustration as quietly as my neighbors. I imagine them practicing their French with flash cards while one of them washes the dishes, and it breaks my heart. At the same time, my pity for them makes me feel privileged, naïve, smug — and a little guilty. What do I know about waiting, after all? And despite the years in a holding pattern, our neighbors seem to have retained their resolve. Even with the four kids and without any money, I have to believe they’ll make it. They have been waiting a long time. Waiting for your dreams grinds the heart like nothing else; you can only hope it grinds the heart into something useful, like olives into oil. There is always the chance that the wait will grind it into bits, into bitterness, into nothing that could be construed as sweet or worthwhile. In the meantime, while working at O’Hare or washing dishes, how do you hold on? How do you respond so that you become useful rather than bitter?By no means do I have this waiting thing down, but I do want to share a few things I’ve tried so that all this waiting doesn’t turn me into an angry, bitter person who is no fun to be around.1) Try being thankful. This is a tough one, but perhaps you can do it if you concentrate on people who have less than you do. While it’s good to acknowledge that bad things are bad, constant negativity will blind you to your strengths if you let it flow unchecked. Give your self-pity some limits. Remember the custodian who works at that job you hate, or the homeless man you pass on the way — remember the friend that died, if that’s the best you can do. If you are reading this blog, you are alive, your lungs breathing, eyes seeing, and brain processing all as they should. You have been educated enough to read, and you have access to technology such that you know blogs exist. Be thankful.While you count your blessings, you may discover that you already have resources to improve your situation. You never know. Sometimes we’re looking down at the floor so much we don’t see the door.2) Try being sad with those who are sad. Of course, we should also learn to be happy for others when good things happen to them. I only phrase the second suggestion this way because I find the sad side of the coin more difficult. If my friend were to lose her amazing job, it would not get me any closer to landing an amazing job of my own, and it would only make her less happy. That much I can understand. So I can be happy for my friend with the amazing job. I am okay at “rejoicing with those who rejoice†— after all, everybody loves a party. It’s the “mourning with those who mourn†half that I fumble.Basically, I can’t stand to listen to other people complain. This is not because I am a positive person. It’s because I don’t think they have anything to complain about (only I do). My self-pity curtails my compassion.For instance, it’s hard for me to listen to people complaining about their jobs, especially people who work at companies who continually reject my applications for employment. For you it might be hard to hear people complain about their spouse, or their kids, or about how impossible it is to find replacement parts for their vintage Jaguar. Maybe the complainer really is ungrateful, but don’t be too quick to judge. If you have a hard time mustering any compassion, check your own heart. Their ungratefulness does not excuse your envy or self-pity or unforgiveness. I speak from experience.Remember, things in life are only hard in relation to everything that has come before it. I find cold showers so insufferable that I’ll drive to a friend’s house to use her shower if my water heater is broken. For my friends in Russia, however, broken water heaters do not qualify as emergencies; to them, cold showers just mean it’s morning. Yet every Christian Russian I have met has been kind and merciful to me, the rich and bloated American. If I can remember the mercy offered me, maybe I can listen to the complaints of those I envy and respond with mercy, too. If you can’t “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn,†at least fake it. Say something kind and generous. You will be a better friend. 3) Try working hard at hope. Maybe you are a naturally hopeful and positive-thinking person. I am not. I have to work at hope. So I argue with myself when I think despairing thoughts, trying to give myself perspective. I read through the Psalms, that I might learn to express anger and impatience and still somehow circle around to expressing praise. On bad days, I listen to a lot of black Gospel music, which preaches perseverance over and over and over, without minimizing any of the obstacles ahead. I cry and yell, and then I start over. I threaten everybody from here to heaven, and then I wait some more. Now I don’t know what gets you through the night. But I encourage you to find it, pursue it, and not let it go. Everybody who ever achieved anything did so because they persisted. Talent is not a magic wand. Education will only take you so far. To finish, you have to persist. You might wait a long time, but none of that time need be wasted.God wastes nothing. The Bible says that we can “rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope†(Romans 5:3-4). I think it’s significant that hope is the last to arrive. First you just keep going. Then you become the kind of person that always keeps going. Then, at last, you have hope. All that time spent suffering or waiting around to be useful, God uses. He uses it to make you hopeful, to make you strong.From the outside, it doesn’t seem like my neighbors are moving toward their goal. But their goal is not just to go to France; their goal is to minister to people in France. The years spent working a dumb job and running after kids may be just the crucible to make them grateful, compassionate, and hopeful people, people who have something real and tested to offer. Like olives crushed into oil, they may become much more useful after being pressed down.If I have to wait, I want to wait like my neighbors.