AntoineRJWright.com

This is the last poem for the compliation A New Beginning; its quite fitting for it to end on this note.

A future awaits when care and manipulation are no longer thrown
A future awaits them whose hearts have found a true home
Them whose breaks are caught by acknowledging the missing 't'
Them whose mistakes are now erased in heart, and yet for eternity
Now erased are the marks that left one or a many scorned
Now erased to produce a new picture of life born because of pruning
A new picture of death that meant two more would have life
A new picture where the present pushes resurrection instead of crucifixion.

No more crying
No more makeup over tears
No more being followed by well wishers
But really people-pleasing peers
No more instant responses
No more deleted remarks
No more overpowering dreams
Just realized words manifested of a new relationship at the seams
No more uttering
Just plain speech
No more undercutting
Just giving everyone their words for a living peach
No more falling away
Just leadership in distinction
A picture of amazing grace realized
With no more plotting of deception
Keeping it in memory that the past was tense
But when the present pushed
It was an altar that was built next
To leave a legacy of those that would follow here
Trusting in God for a future awaiting
To walk off the pages as Jesus did.

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This lies beneath the when and the where
Where I last stared at my own cooked cat in the mirror
Mirroring the actions of whom I thought did right
Right alongside every fancy that took flight
Flight delays never meant much till they stayed
Stayed home because there was no less guilt to play
Play with my own because there was no love left to display
Display the past tense hoping it would go away.

Far be it from me to see all that is
Far be the coin that drops for yet another remake
Be that as it may its got a scratch
Be that tone played in a melancholy melody
That was the sound of the past going, going, gone
That was a pound, drowned hearts from the weight
Was the statement that in the end heaven would not forsake
Was the statement made clear faster when the present got pushy in its wake
The statement is what it is no when, where or why
The statement stands for what it does, a future awaits.

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Those lips I dare not arouse
Those eyes I dare not espouse
Taste not
Touch not
Only remind myself that there is something over there worth more
Tear myself from the page just for a second longer
Before my longings for bits and bytes turn surreal
And then I inspire another moment
To steal away on my knees
Reminded of the better passion
Those lips that did respond
Those eyes that did not stare
Touched me even though I was not there
I tasted every word as my own
For me
He took all that to inspire me

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Find me a polar opposite
Where the ends meet in chewed leaves and strength
Near the place where the sun meets my toes
And we dance in the east, far from history's guess
Find me hugging a panda
Where the nights and days are long and hugged
Near the place where hairy meets smiles
And we dance in the forest, where electronic bits plant our music.

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Suffering from another storm of melancholy melodies
I stared long enough into the wind to see a promise
The songstress’ heart towards happier times has me questioning trust
And dare as it may the sun makes its play
Only to reassure me that I need better beats and rhythm
The musings of this humming bird found me as I lay
Darkened overtones being replaced by salsa
Yet the promise of a dance partner seems to me overwhelming as I watch the finished storms of others
Apparently this is my take for the breeze
To be content in a melody such as this
To stare into the eyes of an impending summer
To no longer have to apologize for feeling like this

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Such is this truth of a man that walks behind you
The aspects of your heart that you display are so You
So true that I can do nothing apart from You
So then what was that thing of me trying to shine through
I was clear and present and forward and through
And yet the thing was not me but they wanted You
Even the pastorate came though so clear with words to
Display that there is only favor when God shines through.

How then is it that I can profess your name
They aren’t ready for the failing of the Internet shame
The engagement name
The hearts toyed with bereft of your fame
I am not strong enough to hold up your name
You name, your claim that I am designed to maintain
That it will always be you and not me displayed in pain.

They never even saw the eraser take place
The marks, the blemishes you continue to displace
You have made sure to misplace any memory of my bad takes
So that a Savior so sweet would be my life’s embrace
And yet still, I fall, less than filled in leaving this place
Because in spite of your goodness I’ve left this race
An older face that should be better hewn
Or a musical place that I should resume
I am yet over the moon wanting to reflect thine face
But stand here as just a living scratchpad with your blood drawing in my place.

Originally written 4/4/08

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Went to sleep the other night
Thought I saw you right next to me
Swore up and down that you were right there
With your head on my shoulder
Lying with me awaiting the sunlight.

Turned my head to take in the sight
Knew at that second it was something that couldn’t be
Swore up and down that I felt you near
Felling your heartbeat in step with my own
Breathing deeply to engage the night.

Passing by another dream held tight
Figured that if I wrote this before you came you’d believe me
Swore up and down that I knew your name
Holding your hand in spite of feeling nothing
Waiting to see the faith of your birth come to light.

Originally created as a guest post for Space and Time

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Trying to get past the point where I wallow in my sorrow
Happens to be that same point where I notice I am hollow
Seeking some measure of peace while watching the things others follow
It seems that my shame is only dismissed in a forgotten tomorrow
Therefore I burrow into the depths of my strain
Making sure to note every semblance of pain
Stumbling into speed bumps of pain
Until I find my life measured in His death's gain
I strain to understand the arrows that impede
The reasons I am rebuffed it seems from happiness indeed
The problems that mount seem insurmountable to heed
And yet I stand watching until my life blooms its leaves.

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Ask not the night where I come to write by your light
I only wish to take flight in the comfort of your arms tight
And move slowly into the place where dreams embrace
And taste each moment that a memory's face could only chase
Until our hands meet in a never night by the hands' bright.

~ originally posted at Brighthand

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Poured myself into another rainy day
Didn't do enough though to stay the flood
Tempered no wind, ruffled so many feathers
The only features of this life is a man unfinished.

Bowing my head into the ashes
Becoming one with the palms I so adored
Never once heeding the warning of thunder
My underbelly has been so trampled upon
Agaffe I am at the present state
Roots well planted, topsoil well trampled.

Only so much a man can take on his own
A man cannot break his heart on his own
Till his heart is wrapped in melodies of southern tones
And sweet fried rice, how great it is
To taste the pleasures of a life deeply roasted with honey
Honestly no man could ever say he didn't have a moment like this properly
Yet on stage I find freedom in that agape
Till the ink breathes its last in a theocracy.

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Turning the corner there a head peeks
A smile ensues and the chase begins again
Our hearts beating with wonderment
A joy that just running in a house can bring
A tasteful tiredness spans my brow
For the chase never ending nor the smiles

What was once awake with tears
Finds a place of peace heightened
Comfort and consoling
Softly speaking yet smiling
We were built to engage this moment together
A tasteful rest overtakes us both
For the chance to stop and release
Eyes meet and my smile ensues

Running gladly to the knee
Pulling arms to meet your view
Exposing the imagination we all once knew
Taking in every word and movement photographically
Even still life doesn't contain such depth
Smiles proudly showing what only youth truly sees
A tasteful place aside other memories
The tedious days worth it for this moment
Where smiles meet never ending eyes
And children yet born adorn my dreams

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I've straddled this opinion many times in my sleep
Why when those whose company I'd rather keep
Pretend that they don't deserve a peep
Its not like all I'd want to do is sleep
But it would great to take a lifetime into the deep
And at the end of things say that it wasn't cheap
But alas my choices will never be meet
Because when I choose the reply is felt from their heat
That they are not good enough to seek
A life together with the neat
Wishing for an exchange of the personalities feast
And to enjoy the company of one who'd be
Content with the fact that they were chosen to meet
A life in Christ that doesn't end when we sleep.

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Is it right that every decsion made in this promised land has input from you
That every mention of having to press on speaks truth
And where was I really searching
If in this time of renewed struggle against character purging
That I'd find you with the same heart wondering

And then you turn towards me and speak some heartly
That you want to devote some time to drink possibly
So thirsty for more than what this world has shown
You know God has hewn you grown in tone
There I'd find your heart at its worship home

You see, I seek a partner for my trip
Then you show up again and again with input from the hip
It makes me wonder when my heart needs to be aligned
That upon the promises upon which were signed
You'd mention that for this cause God assigned
Just a special moment, nor a special time
That true hearts would stop wondering if its sublime
And start leaving the fears of wonder at the throne worshipfully.

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Between where you are and will be
There is this brief moment
Where you can either be set for good
Or damn yourself to defeat
This brief moment is never unfamiliar
Except for its timing and place
And when it comes along
It must be cared for with utmost grace
Between this moment and the next like it
You will go up then down
Changed forever into something inevitble or deniable
But believed all the same
This moment only comes when you least expect it
Yet its warnings are very clear
And then it passes
As if it were only a memory
Unless you've chosen for it to be more.

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It was that time again
To present before the new ruler their wares
One by one each accounted for their abilities
Some staying the same year after year
Others finding what was inside that needed to come out
The rooster
The rabbit
A snake
A pig
Then a sheep aimlessly wandered near
In front of all it had been pushed to be seen
The ruler had declared this was a new beginning
And all those who presented started from this moment
The sheep raised his head
Looked left then right
Moved into this new place to account for itself
This year I will release a dragon
I will be sure like the earth
I will mold like fire
In three spins of my wool will beauty bbe seen
Until this moment is done
They all looked at him
Aware of such fire
But even the sheep could see no dragon under the wool
Yet before he left the presence of the king
In that time again
The leader of the year would declare a new beginning
To all whom would embrace it.

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Eyes, closed
Day, bright
Standing, waiting, walking towards
Hand, held
Vows, made
Turning, hoping, living right

Eyes, teared
Loud, sounds
Sorrow, mourning, loving no more
Hands, loosed
Happiness, left
Eyes opening, two dreams over.

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Finding that there is no more recourse
I am not in that place that I used to be
I've walked past all that was them
And I have assumed the identity that I so wanted
Where I feel at last like I am in that place
My hands drop down for some water to finally feel refreshed
And I find that the water drops on me instead
Where I once could drink so easily
Now I cannot swim

In my hands is the facility to do more
To be more
Such was the old bucket that I was used to
The water over my ears is a faint reminder of this I used to dream
And now I am here
Being drawn out more and more
Being called out no more as I am here
And yet I am in over my head
Content to just stay in the bed and wait out my rest
The rules of the well are that you have to continue rolling with the water
Where I once could swim so freely
Now I cannot eat anymore
I need some help

This is the place where they say I've needed to be
That place where they say you find out whom you are
But I
Need
I
Am
Over the edge of the well
Being drawn out more than I can bear on my own.

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Never was one to share too much glee
No, that was not the mainly way that would appear to me
Never was one to take much more than a singular care
Not to worry, multi-tasking was not at all my favorite fare
Yet when life turned up the heat
And the kettle filled with everything from foreign teas to broken feet made more than a peep
The emotion remained the same
Never saw him send any blame
Always took the road less traveled until pressure would maintain too much
And then speedily he would reach the arch
No longer filled with tar from the trip it was now two rubbers on the stove
And the faster he went he could not escape the inevitable chase
That life would eventually catch up with that bottle of passion
Never more than a smile gleamed could one understand the pain
It was buried deep such that he would never be the same
And when the actions flustered him to no end
The man would clean every nook, corner, cranny, and then
Move towards working more
More towards providing more
Until at the end of the days sore
A cookie and a choice movie would be the only chore
This is the kettle that I remembered
Never saw the stove in the same way when it was removed
Just a mite teapot short, stout
A handle big enough to be carried by travels never seen
A spout wide enough to feed even the hungriest of teens
This is what I remember as the years go by
And I become molded into a teapot His own
That for every action that I bottle up
I must release the passion overflowing
Else all that I would leave is charred remains
Of a teapot closed up
Like his father’s remains.

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It looks like the pen scribbling to no margins, no page breaks, no broken points
It looks like the dots crossed, the letters tossed, no line breaks, a continuous river
It looks like a rested pillow, a warm blanket, dreams pleasant, no broken alarms
It looks like the hands covered, the fingers raised, the voices praise, no longer lives in wonder
To me freedom looks like those things wished for and faith only has received
Those things where dreams travel to be refreshed, and such becomes its own streams
It looks like friends near, friends close, friends far, miles are not a problem
Until that time when dreams are realized it looks like the pen scribbling
No chains, no sorrows, no pains, only happiness on one of those tomorrows.

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Last gifts on first days are always the most important
Each way that the first days appear are gifts to me this day
I find and fly high amongst my dreams on this day
And yet when the ribbon is pulled I refuse to give myself away
Touch not and taste not I dare not let them impose
Each moment each tiddle and yet people most I am loved
One way that I say that I remain in this mind
Is that when my friends I left them to proceed towards this life
Then the calls, oh the calls, the holidays keep this in play
When the most that I really miss are those that helped me on the way
But even now when I am down because I frown on such dismay
That I'd hope that by this moment that I'd be more than just a day
My gift therefore remains bound to the box and to the tree
Hoping for the right moment when I can be free
To be me
To be free
To share honestly all the time
With the people who truly matter
And who will not steal His mind
Unveil me, please share me with those that I'd love
Just please don't take advantage of the fact that I'm loved
I just love being a gift and a servant in play
But when is it really appropriate that I'd be unveiled for an only?

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Everytime that I walk in this garden
There is this flower that shows a different petal
Some times it sits in meditation
Other times it is the best of what's romantic
There are times that it sits just still and hopeful
And another moment when it was raining that I caught it pure

Everytime that I get close though
I don't make that mistake of staring too long
For all that I really needed in that walk thru the garden
Was to know what mood that flower would display
If if the next time a mood would invite me to sit and watch it grow.

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Each time a petal fell
We thought He didn't care
We thought we were dying

Each time with wind blew harder
We thought He would let go
We never could see just how well He rooted us

Each time we cried dew drops
For failing Him on yet another morning
We thought He'd leave us
That He'd dry the ground for good

Then He clipped
Then He snipped
Then He dug
Then He replanted

No longer were the petals falling
No longer were the winds prevailing
No longer were our leaves dry

The only thing remaining was He and us
Each time we thought otherwise
He proved that He loves us

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If I had the word to heal your pain
I'd speak it in one thousand tongues
If I had a magic bean that would grow
And lead you to your own golden goose
I'd fill the prescription and plant it right here
If I had the muscles to life that heavy heart
I'd use whatever strength I had left to secure it
And draft the best blanket ever made
But if I had all of that
And never offered you my very truth
Would you receive this love that moves days
Or would you continue to believe God never cared
If I could speak in one thousand tongues
I'd plan my words with letters of His Name
I'd take my arms tired from the game
And give them to you
Apologies for their profane fame but we are tired
For all of the planting that led to this night
Convinced me of just this
If I had the word to heal your pain
I'd give you that pill
So that Him you'd gain

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Trying to stay focused on the task at hand
Giving my all to make sure that I understand
It's not all about me

Trying to keep my head straight towards His plans
Don't wanna drive into the gate again and again
Gotta make decsions clear

I feel so unfocused
I cannot concentrate on what I should desire
I feel so untold of
His focus and and intent

Let your unfailing love
Focus me
Clear up all my shaking
As I stand in you
Let your unfailing love
Focus me
I've got to maintain my eyes on straight
To your desire

Trying to control this life in sway
Giving my all to to this just only to say
What you would say

Trying to keep my mind one thing
Don't wanna step on your singing, bringing
Gotta make my words clear
Before I would persue

I feel so unfocused
I can't concentrate
I feel so untold of
As you patiently wait

Let your unfailing love
Focus me
Clear up all my shaking
As I stand in you
Let your unfailing love
Focus me
I've got to maintain my eyes on straight
To your desire

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One part of me wants to throw your silence back at you
Ask you how it feels to have your life rent and in chains
The pain of my own existence repeated in tweens and frames
How would you really like to write about that

One part of me wants to know what is your appreciation
Or does this border on some kind of insane fascination
The things I do not so easily to hide you perceive and are true
Would that contain any adjectives for your story of me

Or how about that part that wants to know your slant
The slant that served me an orange
The slant that wouldn't take it back
The slant that withholds its own
And by its very silence causes me to bleed more of my own
Would that part make an entry way
Or a better conclusion

One part of me wants to apologize for never hurting you
For always hurting you
You see enough pain in me to never want to be held
And enough love to never want to be without
Would that too enter your story
Would that be just a footnote or subheading
In that story that you and I are placed at meeting
Is this that one part where I stop dropping ink
So that I could finally learn to appreciate the ink of another

Orignally wrote this 10/28/07

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He'll temper every tear with a whisper
And make every effort to let you know He's there
Engage Him again
He'll take every whimper that has its fear
And make every tissue soften its hands upon you
Engage Him again
He'll take every mention of this life's wanderings
And hold you by the hand
He's made the greatest attempt to call you to Him
Yet don't let the pangs of this life draw you away
Engage Him again
And let His peace and love consume you.

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Lord teach me to love you
Beyond the closeness of your petals
Or even if you are as distant as a dancing memory
Teach me to love your smile
How to guard everything that is precious to you
How to listen
How to forgive
Let the tears no longer claim saddness
Teach me to find joy in them
Its amazing how much you loved me
And yet I am learning only now its intensity

Lord teach me how to love you
Beyond the grace of your dress
Protect my heart while I learn those things
Forge me in your manners of care
Strengthen me to walk through the cold, hard ground
When my hands grow weary at holding you
Lord teach me your strength
Make desiring you plain to me
And speak nothing more than the truth
Let your holiness be no more left aside
And my worship no more seperated from it therein
Let thine Holy Spirit guide my voice
And teach me each step to take into your embrace.

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The last days of his life
The papers very much detailed
Asked in plain veil
What is it that you wish them to see you to be
Are you the baby who escaped death
Now called a man by miracles
Are you boy in a wig
Ideniity wrapped in the relationship with just a mother
Challenged by the heart of a father scorned
Are you a kid who sleeps
Known only to resist the message of faith
Only to repeat the visions of such men not seen since old

Are you the hand that pens motionless machines
And revives the specifications of function
Or the hand the creates angel's wings from the waterside
While asking for deliverance from his own hands
Are you the hand that travels into the black void
Devoid of anything more than fists and mind
Or are you the hand that follows yet another pen
Which made your mouth more powerful than the force of lessons
Are you the teen marred by death
Or the one strengthened by it
The one blacked out by anger's injuries
Or pushed ahead by a late disease you've overcome

Would you rather to be known as an athlete
Or the arthritic poet
Would you be known by your failures in rhetoric
Or your successes in tech
Could we describe the man driven by sleep
And the man dreams you've had when awaken
Tell me sir, do we address you as such
Or by a term more befitting a leader of your once slept faith

Do we address you by your once greatest regret
Or by your twice greatest success
Do we call you by your failed faith
Or by your missed promises
They speak in whispers about what he could be
So maybe we'd use that
Would his passions really define him as such
Or his hand in the clutch
Would he really be marred by those grave hurts
Or would he be defined by the spark those would burst

The man that arose from the bed
That recalled his death so many times over
Put out his hand
And took the pen
Put onto the paper
Then laid again

On the paper
Plan and simple
Not like anything of skin tones or lack of dimples
Not anything of back bones
Not anything of symbols
Not anything of crutches
Not anything of pain
He denied all of their assumptions
And affirmed them all the same

Here lies a man
Who's life was not left aside
Left only with those words
Your typecasts are denied.

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Does your silence speak of peace
Or the matters of your own heart
Am I just too into myself and what I want
Or is what I see actually a piece of art
Being drawn by subtle pencils and tones

Does your silence speak of fruit
Or the passing of grace while giving
Am I just too selfish with my own plate
Or is what I want actually a hand in His forgiving
That nature that makes unique ones attractive to the spirit

Does your silence speak at all
Or are the voices in my own head a dead man's murmur
Am I just wandering alone with this unsavory text
Waiting for your voice to be my seasoned tremor
That awakes my ears to what I've been wanting to hear.

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A moment's glance shows the ice melting
A piece of conversation straddles on springtime though winter still stands
Does she even know that she will bloom beyond her current design
Maybe
In a moment of peace I was given just a shade more
A shard of a petal yet not the complete picture
I'm stuck on that image
Awaiting its full bloom
It has a rhythm all its own
And yet so familiar
When will she know that she is more
At that moment what I see will be no more
And the princess will truly find the winter meant nothing to the mojo of her blooming

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Each second longer that I stare at memory
I seem to want to know more how it stands free
What made others once desire thee
And pickle themselves in a jar composed of wonder
When I sit amongst myself
And consider for a bit this craziness of this moment
I am bereft of fear
Deposed of shame
Its true no matter what view I come across
That fruit you offered was more than my eyes could take
I was from that moment intrigued at the possibilities
I was amazed at the impossibilities
And stumbling in my own thoughts for another night more
Hearing the stubbed toes of desire agreed to
I became that guy entrapped in his own infatuation
That second longer than the memory would last
What stands free stands opposite anything I've care to think on
Why after a thoughtless night I am full of intrigue
When all that stands
Is the simple fruit of this man's dream.

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The sounds against the canvas are well known
Each stroke the audience feels themselves think
Shrink under the powder of hue and tone
The brushstroke always seen
Yet its care never recognized
Only its stroke appreciated
Counting each bristle to ensure the right color
The handmaiden begins the canvas anew
The one framed in disaster and decay
And yet the audience admires the hue still
No one even recognizes the hand at work
Only the output of crafted grace
The handmaiden turning aside to the light
Only now can the true work be seen
Passersby only see one side
For on the handmaiden's brow are colors unmixed
The sounds resume a familiar melody
Grafting tones of life and death to an endless canvas
The handmaiden at work describing Him
As she is only known as an artist of God

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God wants from me
A very possible thing
To stop struggling
Stop striving

God wants from me
A very possible thing
To stop struggling
Stop striving
Just fall beneath His plans

Let the peace that passes
All understanding
Rest on you
Flow all over you

Let the peace that passes
All understanding
Rest on you
Flourish through you

There is much He wants to show you
And even more you want to enjoy
His hands have held you to this point
His plan is to give you His joy
In all

God wants from me
A very possible thing
To stop struggling
Stop striving

God wants from me
A very possible thing
To stop struggling
Stop striving
Just fall beneath His plans

God wants from me
A very possible thing
I believe
I believe

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IF you were up
Would you be reading this now
Responding to this how
What reason would you have for such actions

If you were up
Would you be continuing to pray
Continuing to listen for that important word-play
Responding to this heart-set
Preparing for His entrance
What would you be waiting for

If you were up
Would you be writing back
Closing the door on impossibilities
Taking a chance on a little known fact
Putting yourself in front of desire
Being run over by the rising sunlight
Read or not for something completely different
If you were up right now.

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I've felt these words inside for sometime
And yet it took a moment of desire to bring them out
Felt that if I would let them go any longer
That I would be released of the peace that I so tightly hang onto
Why does my memory leave me so barren
And when will a warming wind melt my lonliness
Maybe before the night's memory is done
And the pause of the past that has again caught up will be ensured
More maybe I will understand at the end of nevermore
When at that moment my memories will no longer wax lean
But in true peace be hewn.

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He sees this as clear as all others
And takes no chances but to quickly see
Moments prayed and passed about forever
And yet in it his hands are empty
Past the time when children should play
This is now where the aged ones stand
Moving towards an apparent destiny
Called no more good, but just a man
He looks again at the reflection
Remembering each choice when these words were intended before
But alas the words drop just as much as his hope and faith
For the words he's intended mean nothing in silence spoken more.

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She appears as I meet my resting place
Softly entering my mind
Never the face do I remember
But peaceable all the time
I feel I’m vexed by a familiar spirit
The loneliness has dragged on for way too long
And this dream is just affirming my all
But then I close my eyes
And it is like she is here
Our bodies meet only to rest
My eyes succumb to the needed comfort
I awake to find no one is there
And yet the impression on my rest is felt
The hair, that touch
That unidentifiable body
Has again appeared to give companionship to my rest.

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When I flip the pages I am reminded again
Of how the love that I showed towards a friend and Him conflicted again
And yet for all the pain I am in
I knew before then.
I packed my bags and left the strain
Left the stress and the constant nagging to gain
Left the memories of misplaced emotions trying to strain
And yet for all the pain I am in
I still have to choose where I lay my head
I never extended my neck to hear another’s works
And yet the style of your love has its own perks
And yet the buttons of your mettle has its own shirts
And yet for all the pain I am in
I still am clothed in between love and love
Wishing that Love would give all leeway.

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There are not too many of these
The sun and moon which are not mine to enjoy
I get by when I release time
Letting days be their own wonder and present
Appeased by nothing but a void
I hope for these phases to come and go quicly
And yet even this year I am set saddened anew
Not ever a snowballs' smile could measure cooler feelings
This day I remember twice what happened once
Twice more shall I meet this day
Before the sun and moon are renewed once more
For some each we look towards
For me its a reminder of the day that will never return.

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Today is that day
The day where my pen and pencil matter no more
That day where I scale those steps wanting for approval
For sure standing
For stature of peacable laughs
Degrees and comfort for just a bit more

Opened no doors
I ran right in
Sat on no seats
But the faith was just as sure
Appeased the professor one week and two
But on the third one my ability to answer was delayed
I wished for me to be better
But here it is

Take a breath
It's only a test
You can chase this one just fine

Question one
Will you trust God
Question two
Will you will you work as hard as you can
Explain

Dang, I had an answer
But my cheat sheet was taken before I started

Pen again
Paper here
Take a breath

Question three
Will you love your family
Will you love your friends
Do you still love "her"
Will she come back again

It kept going on and on
The questions one after the other
20 or more
Some from me and some not
And as I drove on and on it was ok
I'll make it through this one
No matter the grade
I did my best
I did the time
Even took an extra two months for lifetime savings time

Husband of one wife
Not given to wine
Not a striker
Just and sure
He will perfect that too
Yes
I am qualified to do take this test

I sat down no pen
Yet I relenquished my need to write the story
I drew no water
Yet allowed this moment to saturate me
In the flow
I find that I am qualified no matter the result

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Softly stepping quickly watching
My God my God his eyes are watching
Keep my mind in constant watching
My God my God closed doors are watching

Entering into his holy place seeking
My God my God a just heart your seeking
In step with praise and worship seeking
My God my God your glory I’m seeking

Wanting to be absolved to hoping
My God my God for justice you're hoping
My daily offering of sin past I’m hoping
My God my God your mercy I’m hoping

Waking towards reaching morning rising
My God my God your glory rising
With each new step I’m thankfully rising
My God my God with each praise rising

Ending this as much as it toils me
My God my God you are wanting me holy
Grace will follow if your words I’ll obey
My God my God this prayer to you only.

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Found something behind me the other day
At least I felt it back there
Heard it back there
Smelled it back there
And even the leaves were in a different place back there
Something was back there
Tailing me

At first I was a lot disturbed
Because of what was back there
I know that it was something that I knew there
Something that I had studied there
And even made some promises towards there
Something was back there
Tailing me

I arrived into different places
And people started speaking quietly
Some people started moving slyly
Where there was active energy and emotions spryly
There was something dangling not at all shyly
And even my oldest compatriots remarked highly
Something was back there
Tailing me

I turned to see what that behind me was
I looked to address and even to shrug
And dismiss the danging participle of something I passed because
It was not safe to be trailing this mug
Especially when privacy was bugged
My friends even were tailed and being asked abuzzed
About that thing trailing my life which was
But is no longer
I've removed myself yet its there, for love?
Interesting yet my hands have tugged
Enough at this matter and hopeful rug
What ever it is has to stop and trust
Nevermind this trail
And stop trailing this hug

Found something behind me the other day
At least I thought I felt it back there
Heard it back there
Smelled it back there
Yet when I looked the leaves were in the same place back there
Nothing was back there
Whatever it was stopped tailing me.

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Other than the content
Content with a mention
Men just hint upon
Upside-down thoughts of coulda, shoulda, woulda,
Wood that is long and strong enough to stand
Standards that are remade and resemble
Remember moments broken and boiling
Boyish affections are no longer afflictions
After the token has dropped
Dribbled into the next of what ever is good
God lies in the mist of all
Omni to be sure that the heat doesn't take over
Overtly speaking, saying, tweaking
Twittering none is the land
Languished no more in a state of discontent
This comment content with it's very mission
Missed no more of constant meanderings
Meant to cross a path of staggered happenings
Haggard words strewn together from shallow and deep
Depreciated no more as this life has come to heart's temple
Tepid now in it's tepee of peace
Pieces of a life being smoked still

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Left foot
Right foot
Left foot
Right
It's been way too long since I scaled these steps
The door even creaks the same
As it shuts I hear nothing but my own beating breath
Am I ready for what comes next?

I close my eyes
I remember clearly
Each step taken to get this far
Lots of missteps
Lots of misunderstood hearings
My eyelids like a curtain close
My heart silences itself
My fingers quake
The bell tolls one last time

"Father forgive me
I've sinned again
I've run up and down
To and fro
Left foot over right
Mistaken bright lights for your goals
I've been..."

The curtains no longer able to hold back
Needing more than Bounty or Brawny
In need of mercy
My words have failed me yet again
I wept
No man's hand to touch my shoulder
Peace for a moment
In need of grace
There was only one direction given

Turned around

Left foot
Right foot
Left foot
Right
It's been way too long since I descended these steps
The sunlight where it wasn't when I went in
No clouds to hinder it's light
Am I ready for what comes next?

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This will be the last poem that I will write for the compilation Vineland (this was the first one if you are wondering). For the most part, this has been a year where I have felt a lot like there is a good bit of growth and pruning that has happened. Nevertheless, this year is ending in such a watershed moment, to speak on things from that perspective/vision/moment just seems right.

Share with me the steps taken
The moments where faith led me
The moments here I was shaken
I've traveled alongside this stream for some time
And instead of feeling like it was all for naught
I felt like it was setting me towards this rhyme

Each step taken and stone tossed
Towards me I've felt the pain of sin
The marks on my heart from the skill of being lost
I share with everyone the moments that have made me weep
My memories that have kept me
The dreams that have kept me from sleep
Now nearing the end of yet another stage
Towards the edge I do walk with hands raised
Henceforth I look towards the heavens to turn the page

Lord, what would you have me to do?
I've been the product of your hands
And yet each step here has been one part incense and another part poo
I've broken hearts and tugs
Souls have been saved and encouraged
Promises have been left and loved
At the year's edge I stand with my hands emptied
No where to go but forward
The only taste in my mouth is of old tea
Yet you have bought me this far
I've taken my leave of so many places
You've given me much to travel in that car
And everywhere I've tread
Whether good or bad you've let your water fall
And I've been regarded by some as part of your stead
How I wish to stand with you surrounding me once again

Here I am Lord at the year's edge
Shower me in such a way I don't return to that sly grin
I'd want to be remembered as one of your kin
Like the kids I've played with so much
Let me run after you like them
And fall water over water upon all you are
Rain within and on me
Let now your water fall on me in this new place You are.

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It all started with a mention of such a season real
Innocent and contending by faith's appeal
I spoke to a room hope and joy filled
Remembering that this season was more than just what would be revealed

The day was filled with the Son
Sunlight fallen on me reminded me of allergies
But the lack of the Son's light made the interior a cold place
Weeping and gnashing to get outside
I finally made it and found that peace I needed
The warmth fell subtly against my skin

Appearing back at the ink, faith works in overdrive
Deriving silliness and seeing points in posts
Words unspoken and spoken speak clear in this
Shoved open and opened until the veil is completely lifted
Faith asks me to let in a little more sun
And as I do my fears are heated, and dreams challenged to stand solid

That cold and dark place I mine for hours
Travel long and sometimes wheels get dour
It's impressed on me tonite that I should abide in His power
And I do hear
But occasionally for the lack of Son I do cower
It's been a long while here
And no, happiness has not been the order
Sometimes though I feel it's been winter
And I had been planted before-times in the harvest mentioned
This is the place where I've grown thus far
Yet I know the time to break forth is upon me
Why is it so hard for me to shake my faithlessness in the warmth I have

He shivers at the thought that another dream was deferred
That another year has gone by with no wife
No kids
Not even a successful purr
He marvels at the light displayed both in words and deeds of others
And slowly time ticks for him the same
When the hours read 0:00 and the end of the dash is met
He no longer hopes that he had been famous
Only that somehow in a deferred dream that the Son was met

And then faith speaks as only she can
Proven time and time again to be the arrows to temper this man
Many have tried to do the same
And yet important leaves realize that he's finally been tempered
The rain of faith brings joy and hope
Promise to go up again
And bring word of a blessing good
The substance that makes up this son
Was enough for the Son to start a neighborhood

Despite the moments of shade
He is dressed in warmth still

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Where I am from you can tell the seasons change
Because of the change of clothes first
Where once there were woolens and boots
Sun dresses and Polo shirts now run the landscape
No birds are chirping
But the sound of music is nonetheless heard
Not too much in the way of new leaves
But the shade returns with the longer days

Where I am from you can tell the seasons change
By the tone in people’s voices
The insistence on the days being shorter
So that the sunlight can be more enjoyed
Rains are plenty
Yet hold a dry note in this pace
And what is left of birds wings
Becomes successes for another class of teens
No birds are chirping
But the sound of music is nonetheless heard
Sneezing replaces shivering
And plans begin for the season’s warmth to come

Where I am from
You can tell the change of season
For in my metropolitan spring
The urban jungle gives way for life to bloom

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I'm not alone
God has given to me peace of His alone
I am not in a place of want
In Him I have everything.

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Broken letters script their own endings
Howbeit masters pen such fine phrases
Token cares give way to foolish desires
Made simply the product of wrongful desire
Letters they say to bring quickly
And yet to decipher them belongs to no one
Many men have lost a heart for these letters
And fine phrases have jailed plenty more
So why the pursuit of such strokes
When the counting is not yet finished
For its between each line does man find his play
And for each letter penned does he perform.

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I do find, in the mist of peace
That your voice, rings a melody
That speaks of, rhythmic hands and feet
People rolling in joy and happiness

I do sing, of a time in dreams
I do hope, for a life that beams
Further than, reality could see
People rolling in joy and happiness

Fast for, forward to my life
The one I see, beyond my eye
Walking towards, moments I hope pure
Keeping my mind and heart upwards

Keeping my mind and heart upwards

This is my song
This is my prayer
Hoping life is made just fair
Keeping with
Each step of grace
Want no more to feel misplaced

This my song
This is my prayer
Hoping life, is more than a care
Keeping with
Each step of grace
Wanting my God hand and revealed face
posted via Mo:Blog

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Ever read words on a page
And see a voice instead
Ever catch hold of a dot or a cross
And be attached to the same exclamation
Ever find yourself line by line
Swaying another's tongue and lips to a story of moment's past
And then end that brief trip with a smile
If so then you know how I feel

Ever read words on a page
And hear letters instead
Ever loop and kern constant consonants
And be attracted to the spacing involved
Finding yourself line by line
Loving the display of vocabulary's harmony
Until the bottom of the page comes
And the song ends
The applause in your eyes of another great performance
Eyes towards the rafters
Encore
The words on the page ready to play again
Yet the next verse will be different
The words written share of heart's pain and delight

Ever feel the words on a page
And write
Praying that the curtain call never comes
I feel like I do
And you read these words
I hope the overture rings familiar
And yet is something you've never heard before
My joys
My pains
My dreams
My gains
My moment in yours
Our place in His story
Ever read the words on a page
And see a voice instead
Catch hold of His peace
And be led.

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This was a poem done by B. Morr from HCR. Check out his site to give him thanks directly.

It's a new millennium / it's a new day / a new age
Computers used in running this spiritual crusade

My mainframe? / I must tame the flesh / My drives feel the stress
Instant messaging a message from the Text and yes

God needs to override your hard drive
He sees hidden ghost files that shouldn't be floating in your profile

Satan's steadily hacking the system / lacking the vision
That he was never meant to have omniscience and infinite wisdom

Still he does his best work / through file corruption of your network
And if you're ignorant to this then you can get hurt

However / to get saved God’s gotta hit control "S"
And then His spirit defrags your soul, yes

It's not you but He who'll freely choose
To open your heart and download Himself on your CPU

Fear God but no man / search engine His whole plan
And your faith will debug your whole enitre program

But you got that junk on your screen get it off there
You'll mess around and lose your software cause of lost prayer

See anyone not living in Christ is lost
You gotta stay in the Word like Microsoft

God's Word is the format that it is better to get
Your files can get corrupted tryna edit the text

And watch your casual / file sharing habits, too
Cause two devices cannot co-op unless they be compatible

Got my eyes on the high calling through the rough stage
But with God as the OS there’s no need for upgrade

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No, I am not taking anything back.
Just being honest.
Wanting my eyes to match my heart for a moment
And let for a finger create a comment
I wish that you were closer
And maybe then I wouldn't dream so much
But when I see those photos
I cannot help but want that time back again
To say what I didn't
Because it was too far
To ask what I didn't
Even though I am sure yes would have come
I would have done more given that time back
And yet
What I have been given is a request for one thing only
You see my heart
And now how patience is so hard for me
I do hope that you understand
Patience is something so hard to display
So hard to be
I struggle with it a lot
And how not to grab at the something easy
Because if it were up to me
This would be easy
Honest
My eyes would match the moments in my heart
And you would see me clearly
Maybe you wouldn't reconsider
But you would realize
That in the one picture taken
Me waving that smile around
It's just me.

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Unwitting
Nerving
Now wavering
But shaken
Stirred in mind
Heart still abating the tides of doubt
For the truth has come out
You have not yet what you need

I grind and mince
Hours traveled for pence
Before and since
But never forsaken
I find the reason to press on a challenge
For the truth in my pursuits to be
I must behold what is next to get there

Unwilling to give up
The signs are sure rough
Nevertheless still tough
I rant and gruff
Tis possible I have had enough
But until I meet that dedicated dream
God be my beam
Light the ways apparent and seems
And if it be that I would team
Let the once stirred be shaken nevermore but clean

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I waned this night from sleep to dreaming
Wishing so much that my rest would stay a peaceful conclusion
And yet those memories I have held back have infected me
They have made me to be sick like a flu that reoccurs each night
This time they win and my body is at its mercy
Each voice heard as plainly as I was there
Each tearing of pride and trust
Removing the veil I am very much exhausted
I need a rest from this strain
And yet it keeps coming
My mind sore as my throat
Each one gasping for air and swallowing tears
I wish that my heart wouldn't faint like this
Rather that I would meet wellness sooner rather than later
My heart has a scab that itches much
I wish to scratch and yet that would ensure more pain
That would ensure that the memories would linger
How I wish that my rest and waking would be healed
From these memories of good and bad that plague me.

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Time and season
Gripes of mine
I speak into the air and yet it does not speak back
I hear words
From people
Asking me to smile and tell them what is going on
No one seems to understand
Their ears and hearts don’t itch like mine
I am again in a lonely place
Far be it from me to further complain
This is my caste
This time
This season
I speak into the air and receive no Water.

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This one I will speak out loud
Basically because it merits a scholar or two
Broken by job this month plus more
Broken in relationship makes this number two
Broken in car means I will need a fix soon
Else what I feel is just foot gitters
This truth bugs me all the more
This is for my development in Him to be pure.

This one I will speak out loud
Make nary a mention of any claim to fame
I shall speak when spoken about worship or the King
But never more than just a vision Isaiah would bring
I would sing even to be a fan
The greatest hour of my life is yet to come
But if the words of a friend are very true
The Lord needs this time from me to with Him be one.

My minutes fifteen are just about over
I will just make a pleasant plea in the next few breaks
Mind my speech
It's mines to have
Venus no longer rises
There is no Princess Peach
I stand amongst something next
Something soon or something later
I don't know now or later
I do know I am not directed by anything but His Spirit
And from that I seek only His shelter.

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A moment more Lord
Give me one more please
A moment more to get this right
I need a chance to stand in place
A chance to stand in peace
Help Lord I cannot feel my legs
My head has bumps where life usually flows
You I need
Because I cannot stay here
I need a moment less here
And many more with you
Give please
Heal please
Peace please
I know I need what only you have
You can heal what hurts I am
I...
I...
I give in
Be it done to me according to your Word.

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When I sit and listen
My hands do this motion to match
The music and all it does
Starts to flow through my hands
It works its way into notes in my knees
And love I do it feels
Never thinking of the real
Only the air and table are my instruments
And yet with the change in tone
I am given nothing but feelings of home
Its amazing that it would roam
And make feelings excited and tickles of bone
It speaks its own tone
And reaches into the depths of my home
That home inside to which I roam
This I never bemoan
This tickles of my hand's bone
Oh when I sit and listen
My hands do this motion to match
The melody heard only to me
This song all my own.

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Each note played has its own tone and emotion
Each light its own flame and taste
My words resemble the notes and flame
Should each be taken as the whole
Or each letter and line by its own sight
If I were a translator
Finding these buried in the mist of a once great place
I'd take each as a part
Then hope to understand the whole
However I realize this cannot be done
And the whole is taken at a time
Each line being blurred until the music is inflamed.

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No reason to really sit upon this much longer
I have to discern nothing more than my heart's words
Now memories left taken or thrown
It's on point now that I stand clear
I have stated my case
I have made my unctions clear
Maybe too much so
Maybe too much detail is too much to bear
And yet tis the lines drawn of my heart
So for joy
For fear
For anger strawed deep
For happiness strawed shallow
I speak on this no more
Leaving at the door that which I said
Admiting that my words expressed me only
Admiting my anger at a God near yet far
Nothing more said to me upon my night thoughts
And taken lightly no more
This rock now smoother than before
Waiting to be skipped across the sea once again
Not purposed to sit on another's shoreline
But thrown into a deep to be a part of a larger floor

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Would you dare to run a naked verse
Spend a few lines of prose immersed
Give a second to a heart's bruised purse
Count it lottery driven
This lot was your's but you've given it up
I find that even while this verse has run deep
My hands cannot keep up
They refuse to compete
My heart is heavy from night's talk and speak
I wish that for a change that I would meet
But the truth is told in fear and love
Why would thou be merry
When thy heart's a glove
They spirit incensed at the night's declaration
And yet the last few night's a different dedication
I wish that I may
I wish that I might
Yet in this life wishes only pass as prayers deep into the night
For this night I pray no decision be made
Let my heart prove my faith
Let not the words be dismayed
But I cannot say the scenes my heart would play
Even before written verse it played out this way
My hearts and diamonds were clubbed to pieces
A joker stole a spade and draped my hands in feces
I then awoke to a dream stranger than the life left
Three by one and yet identity was by theft
No where in that story have you played a major part
Except the antagonist prodding deeper and deeper into the shallow part
Henceforth this night I am left to question this life away
Should I run more towards this naked verse
Or by faith should I stay?

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