Cheesus
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March 2008
March 25, 2008
Exorcist the Musical?
Here's an idea...take a famous horror movie about the devil and demon possession and turn it into a musical. It is sure to have some heads spinning.
March 23, 2008
Miracle Manna
Eat your way to prosperity through the spiritual anointing of this heavenly cake?
March 22, 2008
X Rated Site or Church Series?
How controversial are all these Sex Sermons that all these seeker-sensitive churches are doing?
Well that all depends on how you look at it.
Did you know that the churches that are doing these Sex Sermons are also the ones manufacturing the controversy?
It's true. Here is how the chain of events works.
1. Seeker-Sensitive Church decides to use Sex Series to fill empty seats or accelerate growth.
2. Seeker-Sensitive Church picks racy and controversial name for their Sex Series along with racy and controversial sermon titles for each sermon in the series.
3. Seeker-Sensitive Church puts up racy and controversial website for their Sex Series and takes out racy and controversial billboard advertising announcing their racy and controversial Sex Series.
4. Seeker-Sensitive Church simultaneously sends out a press release to the media that talks about 'the controversy' surrounding their racy and controversial Sex Series. (this is controversy that they are creating)
In other words, from beginning to end, Seeker-Sensitive Churches manipulate people and manufacture "controversy" in order to make themselves look brave, bold and counter cultural while making their opponents look prissy and legalistic. All of this is done in order to fill seats.
Here's a great example from Flip Side Church.
Click Here to read the press release that Flipside Church wrote up regarding their Sex sermon series. This story was NOT written by Fox News it was written by Flipside Church. Flipside Church wrote every word of this press release including the headline.
Please note: This press release was purposely written to create controversy. Flipside Church was being provocative and controversial ON PURPOSE so that they could get free media coverage and use the controversy that they generated about their sex series to fill their empty seats.
It's all a big marketing scam.
Taking Christ Out of Christianity - LITERALLY!
This story comes to us today from a news outlet in Canada. It is about a woman pastor who is on a mission to remove Christ from Christianity. Here is how the story begins:
"That triumphal barnburner of an Easter hymn, Jesus Christ Has Risen Today – Hallelujah, this morning will rock the walls of Toronto's West Hill United Church as it will in most Christian churches across the country.
But at West Hill on the faith's holiest day, it will be done with a huge difference. The words “Jesus Christ†will be excised from what the congregation sings and replaced with “Glorious hope.â€
Thus, it will be hope that is declared to be resurrected – an expression of renewal of optimism and the human spirit – but not Jesus, contrary to Christianity's central tenet about the return to life on Easter morning of the crucified divine son of God.
Generally speaking, no divine anybody makes an appearance in West Hill's Sunday service liturgy.
There is no authoritative Big-Godism, as Rev. Gretta Vosper, West Hill's minister for the past 10 years, puts it. No petitionary prayers (“Dear God, step into the world and do good things about global warming and the poorâ€). No miracles-performing magic Jesus given birth by a virgin and coming back to life. No references to salvation, Christianity's teaching of the final victory over death through belief in Jesus's death as an atonement for sin and the omnipotent love of God. For that matter, no omnipotent God, or god.
Ms. Vosper has written a book, published this week – With or Without God: Why the Way We Live is More Important than What We Believe – in which she argues that the Christian church, in the form in which it exists today, has outlived its viability and either it sheds its no-longer credible myths, doctrines and dogmas, or it's toast.
Let Jesus Into Your Wii
Mission Bay Community Church in San Francisco, California (figures) is offering a Jesus Mii to anyone who attends their church and brings their Wii Remote with them.
What can you do with a Jesus Mii on your Nintendo Wii? Well, according to the church's website:
You can box with Jesus, golf with Him, or even bowl with Him! A night bowling with Jesus? What could be better? Especially if you get that turkey and best Him by 100 points! Don't worry;—He'll forgive you.
We've always wanted to golf and bowl with Jesus. Wow! Just think...Jesus can now be your new BFF.
March 21, 2008
Christian Sex Magazine to Hit Newsstands Next Month
Yes, you read that headline correctly. We simply cannot make this stuff up. According to the Religion News Blog:
Demand for an Afrikaans sex magazine that targets married, Christian women and shatters prissy Calvinistic stereotypes has increased so much that an English version will hit the shelves next month.
The launch edition of Intimacy - which features lap-dancing, submission and a tricky question about parental sex on the cover - follows a 300 percent growth in demand for Intiem magazine, which was launched in 2006.
“We strive to empower Christian women not to feel guilty for enjoying this God-given pleasure which is sex, but rather to embrace it,†said managing editor Liezel van der Merwe. Writing on sex from a Christian perspective had been a difficult challenge, with sex and religion both highly sensitive topics and few guidelines in the Bible, said Van der Merwe.
Click Here to Read the Rest (WARNING: Graphic Content)
Relevant Life Issues? What are Those?
What is the purpose of Church? Is church a place where we learn about "Relevant Life Issues"? Or does the Bible instruct Christian pastors to teach something else?
Compare the messages of both of the men featured below. The first is Pastor Ken Squires and the second is the Apostle Paul. Then answer this question: "According to the scriptures, who got it right and who got it wrong?
If you're not sure who got it right, read the verses below.
Acts 2:42   And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.
2Tim. 4:1 Â Â I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, 4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. 5 As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
1Tim. 4:13 devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.
Titus 1:9 He must whold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Further Resources...
1. Christless Christianity & The American Captivity of the Church - Part 1
2. Christless Christianity & The American Captivity of the Church - Part 2
3. Christless Christianity, by Michael Horton
4. Preaching Christ from All the Scriptures, by Dennis Johnson
Release Your Brilliance??
"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money..." - 2Tim. 3:1
"For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, 4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." - 2 Tim 4:3
This book by a "Christian" author is 180 degrees wrong. The emphasis is on the self and is combined with the self-indulgent heresy that teaches that you are 'destined' for greatness and all you have to do to unleash that destiny is apply the steps outlined in this book. Here's what a recent press release about this book said:
"Simon T. Bailey's new book RELEASE YOUR BRILLIANCE: The 4 Steps to Transforming Your Life and Revealing Your Genius to the World is a transformational guide to unlocking your potential. It is centered around the metaphor of a diamond: Each of us is a rough-cut, unpolished diamond, unremarkable to ordinary eyes; yet within lies enormous potential that's been trapped over the course of our lives.
"You are a priceless diamond, and only the most skilled craftsman can reveal the brilliance that lies within you," Simon writes. "Who is this master cutter? God. Certainly, you will do most of the work to discover and release your brilliance, and other people in your life will also help shape and polish you. But God is the master cutter. Only He knows the divine plan--the shape and size of the diamond you will become."
If this is really what the Bible teaches then why would we need to buy this book to teach us this? Wouldn't we discover this by simply reading our Bibles?
Crucifixion Souvenirs
Hey its Good Friday sooooo step right up and get your crucifixion souvenirs here. These items are so authentic and so close to the real thing that they might as well be considered holy relics. In some cases, purchasing these holy souvenirs of the crucifixion can help you shave off thousands of years in purgatory (check with your pastor or priest prior to purchase)
March 20, 2008
Crucifixion? It Wasn't That Bad, Says British Professor
Apparently Jesus got off pretty easy and crucifixion isn't all that bad according to marxist professor Terry Eagleton. The Telegraph reports:
The Crucifixion of Christ "wasn't as bad as it's been painted", an outspoken Marxist academic will claim on the BBC this month.
Terry Eagleton, Professor of Cultural Theory at the University of Manchester, will say on Radio 4's Lent Talks that Jesus "got off pretty lightly" because it only took him three hours to die, The Daily Telegraph has learned.
He adds that Jesus's scourging was a "blessing in disguise" because it hastened his death. He also attacks modern Christianity for siding with the rich and abandoning the poor.
Gnostic Mass?
Christianity's arch enemy and arch heresy, Gnosticism, is making a comeback. A reporter from the Sacramento News & Review recently attended a Gnostic Mass and reported on his experience. Said the reporter:
Anyone familiar with the Catholic Mass will notice similarities. The Gnostic symbolism, however, leans more toward taboo than tradition. A deacon opens the ceremony standing between a small altar of incense and a font, proclaims the Law of Thelema, and recites the Gnostic creed, ending with a resounding om. A guy in the audience beats out a primal rhythm on a hand drum as the Priestess and two acolytes, called “children,†enter from a side room and walk a serpentine pattern of figure eights until stopping before a veiled “tomb†situated in the west.
Click Here for the Rest of the Story. (Warning: this story is a bit graphic)
The Moment of Truth?!
Real Life Fellowship in Corpus Christi, Texas has decided to capitalize on the frenzy surrounding Fox's new shock game show "The Moment of Truth". This is the show where contestants are hooked up to a lie detector and ask the types of questions that can potentially ruin lives, reputations and marriages in exchange for money. Here is a link to a video clip from the show where a woman chooses to destroy her marriage FOR MONEY.
Connecting the Church of Jesus Christ with this show for marketing purposes and filling empty seats is simply indefensible.
Artwork showing Virgin Mary as Stripper Stirs Up Catholic Campus
The Houston Chronicle is reporting that:
Artwork depicting the Virgin Mary as a stripper stirred trouble while on display at a small Catholic university before the piece was apparently stolen.
The print was part of an exhibit last month at the University of Dallas that featured the work of students at Murray State University in Kentucky. Joanna Gianulis, a senior art major at Murray State, said she was trying to raise questions about perceptions of saints and sinners and didn't intend to be sacrilegious.
"How do we know that an exotic dancer is sinful?" she said. "What if she has the best intentions and strives only to help those in need?
"Many single mothers are in this position and that is another reason why I chose to reference the Virgin Mary, because she was another woman who was in a tough position and probably received much criticism because of it."...
Asked for her description of the piece, Gianulis wrote in an e-mail:
"The work is a black and white woodcut relief print depicting a scantily clad stripper wearing a veil and holding a rosary. Other details in the work are scrolls saying 'Sinner or Saint?' in Spanish and referencing the Virgin (of) Guadalupe, and also a snake, some white lilies, a pair of scales, and also a small image of a bar of soap opposite a bottle marked 'xxx.'"
March 19, 2008
Paula White's Outrageous Heresies!
"Pastrix" Paula White is a heretic of the highest magnitude and she is twisting God's word in order to make a buck.
In this video Paula White mangles the Biblical teaching of Christ's Atonment on the cross for our sins and turns it into a teaching about prosperity.
She denies that Jesus is the Only Begotten Son of God
AND tells us NOT to pray to Jesus.
This page contained an embedded video. Click here to view it.
Please compare what you saw and heard on this video to these passages of scripture.
Jesus Christ Is Clearly Called the ONLY BEGOTTEN SON OF GOD.
John 1:14 Â Â And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:18 No man has seen God at any time; the only begotten God, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has explained Him.
John 3:16   “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.
John 3:18 “He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
Prayer to Jesus
John 14:14 [Jesus said] If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
1Cor. 1:2 Â Â To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours:
Acts 8:22 Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you.
2 Cor 12:7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.â€
Acts 7:54   Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. 55 But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.†57 But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. 58 Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul. 59 And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.†60 And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.†And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
Acts 8:24 And Simon answered, “Pray for me to the Lord, that nothing of what you have said may come upon me.â€
Acts 1:24 And they prayed and said, “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all, show which one of these two you have chosen
1 John 5:11 And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. 13 Â Â I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
Heb. 7:25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
Easter Junk
Celebrate Easter with these colorful squishy yo balls.
Try Jesus?
Does Jesus give out free samples of Himself? What if someone tries Jesus and decides not to buy Jesus? Is there a money back guarantee on Jesus or are we still responsible to pay for shipping and handling charges?
March 18, 2008
If Christ Has Not Been Raised...
+++We apologize for the length of this exhibit. But, it deals with the Core of the Christian Faith+++
With the celebration of Jesus' death and resurrection rapidly approaching here is something to consider...Scripture is absolutely clear that if Jesus has not been raised from the dead then Christianity is not true and your faith is in vain. Here is what 1 Corinthians 15:12-19 says:
1Cor. 15:12 Â Â Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. 15 We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. 19 If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
God's Word could not be ANY clearer. Now compare this passage of scripture to what so-called Bible scholar John Dominic Crossan said in the documentary, "The Lost Tomb of Jesus" and ask yourself who are you going to believe? Are you going to believe God's Word as penned through the Apostle Paul, who was an eye-witness to Christ's resurrection or will you believe contemporary "scholar' John Dominic Crossan?
There is a word that describes John Dominic Crossan and that word is Heretic.
On a related note: Brian McLaren of the Emergent Church in his latest book Everything Must Change quotes favorably from Crossan's latest book. McLaren and Crossan reinterpret the message of the gospel in such a way as to practically eliminate the doctrine of Christ's Penal Substitutionary Atonement (This is the Biblical teaching that tells us the Jesus was pierced for our transgressions and died as our substitute on the cross in order to propitiate God's wrath against our sins). Brian McLaren doesn't teach that Jesus died as our substitute. Instead, after quoting Crossan on pages 122 and 123 McLaren redefines Jesus' death on the cross by saying "Jesus will use his cross to expose the cruelty and injustice of those in power and instill hope and confidence in the oppressed."
That is not the Biblical gospel! There isn't a single verse in the scriptures that teaches this!
That is a bunch of Emergent goblidy gook!
But here again the scriptures tell us plainly what the gospel is and so we ask who are you going to believe?
Mark 10:45 [Jesus said] "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
John 10:15 [Jesus said] just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.
Romans 4:22 That is why his [Abraham's] faith was “counted to him as righteousness.†23 But the words “it was counted to him†were not written for his sake alone, 24 but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, 25 who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.
Romans 5:6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Corinthians 15:1   Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, [the gospel] which you received, [the gospel] in which you stand, 2 and [the gospel] by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. 3   For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, 5 and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. 6 Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. 7 Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles. 8 Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me.
Galatians 1:3 Â Â Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, 4 who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, 5 to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.
Gal. 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
1 Timothy 2:3 This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave himself as a ransom for all..
Titus 2:13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
1 Peter 1:17 And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, 18 knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.
Heb. 2:17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people.
1 John 2:2 Jesus is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.
1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Isaiah 53:4 Â Â Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 6 All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
Isaiah 53:7 Â Â He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. 8 By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living, For the transgression of my people to whom the stroke was due? 9 His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth.
Isaiah 53:10 Â Â But the LORD was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good pleasure of the LORD will prosper in His hand. 11 As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities. 12 Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors.
So...are you going to believe the clear Word of God or will you instead believe men like John Dominic Crossan and Brian McLaren?
Stay Cool With God?
We just don't get it. These are hard sugar based candies in a package featuring a penguin in the tropics saying "stay cool with God". What does God have to do with any of this? Were these people doing drugs when they came up with this idea? Or were they having trouble selling these candies and decided to slap God's name on the packaging in order to offload them onto Christians?
March 17, 2008
False Miracles by False Prophets!
For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect. - Matthew 24:24
The so-called ministry Extreme Prophetic is an example of the next generation of false signs and false wonders type "ministries".
The video below clearly shows the absurd and cheap 'magic tricks' these people are engaging in to deceive the gullible and separate them from their money. Patricia King and Joshua Mills are false prophets and we will not retract that statement. It is clear from their teaching and their false signs and false wonders that they are heretics and the spirit by which they operate is NOT the Holy Spirit.
This page contained an embedded video. Click here to view it.
Col. 2:8 Â Â See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.
Col. 2:18 Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions,puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind, 19 and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.
Chocolate Crucifix?
Jesus' crucifixion now available in both dark and white chocolate. The atonement has never been so sinfully delicious.
March 16, 2008
You Call This A Sermon?
Racism is alive and well in the American church. This is the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright, Barak Obama's pastor delivering a racist Christmas sermon.
Christianity Will Give You Wings?
We knew it was just a matter of time before some enterprising Christian decided to make a buck by ripping off the Red Bull advertising campaign.
Holy Water Keychain?
Is this supposed to used for drive-by blessings? The site selling this item claims that it is a "Holy water bottle keychain".
March 15, 2008
America's Next Top Pastor
This satire is so true it hurts.
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Come to Church and Get Gas?
Pleeeeeease come to our church...pretty pleeeeeeease. If you come we'll give you a $10 gas card. That will buy you two and a half gallons of gas. Pleeeeeeeease come to our church.
Seriously, if we were unchurched people living in Owasso we'd hold out until they up'd the ante a bit. Other churches are giving away flat screen T.V.'s and custom built motorcycles. Why should unbelievers "sell out" and "sell themselves short" for a MEASLY gas card? They should "hold out' until this church starts giving away some real merchandise. Unbelievers should write this church and let them know they don't need a gas card they need new cars and better televisions sets. Maybe they need their ride pimped out or need their kitchens remodeled. Come on Owasso First Assembly get serious! If you want to fill seats then you're going to need to cough up the bling. A $10 gas card just ain't relevant enough.
Christoga?
Here's yet another attempt to combine Yoga and Christianity. It's called Christoga (oooh that's original...how long do you think it took to come up with that name). If you'd like to see a video demonstration of this syncretistic exercise form click here.
March 14, 2008
Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori On Homosexuality
Here are some clear passages of scripture regarding homosexuality. Compare these with what Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori said on the matter in her recent interview on PBS.
1Cor. 6:9 Â Â Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
1Tim. 1:8 Â Â Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, 9 understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, 10 the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, 11 in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God
Recycle or Burn in Hell Warns Vatican
Who needs the Biblical 10 Commandments when we have the Catholic church inventing their own sin lists? According to one news source...
Failing to recycle plastic bags could find you spending eternity in Hell, the Vatican said after drawing up a list of seven deadly sins for our times.
The seven, which include polluting the environment, were announced by Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, a close ally of the Pope and the head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, one of the Roman Curia's main court.
The "sins of yesteryear" - sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath and pride - have a "rather individualistic dimension", he told the Osservatore Romano, the official Vatican newspaper.
March 13, 2008
Gospel in a Nutshell
Look its the Gospel in a Nutshell (literally that's John 3:16 on that fortune cookie sized piece of paper). What nut would buy this?
You Are the Bath Salt of the World
We are 100% certain that Jesus wasn't referring to bath salts when he said that we should be the salt of the world.
The site selling this "holy" bath salt claims:
"The Miracle Power of Jesus Bath Salts from the Holy Land These amazing bath salts come direct from the lowest place on earth, the Sea of Salt in the Holy Land Salt Lakes of Jericho . There lies the origin of healing and relaxation."
March 12, 2008
The Bible of Money Love
A Bible on Financial Increase...hmmm we thought the scriptures say...
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." - 1 Timothy 6:10
March 11, 2008
Urinal Evangelism?
Looking for a cutting edge way to market your church? Here's an idea...print your church's name and phone number on urinal screens and then place them in public restrooms around your town. According to the servantevangelism.com this is "pretty close to the first century equivalent of washing feet".
HT: Tony Jones
"Christian" Credit Card
Family Christian Stores are now offering credit cards. This way you can rack up a ton of debt so that you'll need to purchase all of the books they sell on getting out of debt. In other words they're selling both the disease and the cure.
Testamints?
Now you can spread the word and spiritually combat bad breath at the same time.
March 10, 2008
Coach Jesus
Here is Jesus the Gymnastics Coach. We bet He can help these kids take Gold in the Olympics.
March 08, 2008
Jesus Joins the Village People?
This is the creation of Ellsabeth Ohlson Wallin (Warning: Explicit Content at Ellsabeth's site)
Jesus Zippo
The Zippo lighter company, is carving out its own piece of the Jesus Junk market.
March 07, 2008
Ciiiiiiiiiiiiity Church!
This church can hook you up phat.
In all seriousness this is some craziest marketing that we've seen for a church (and we've seen it all).
This is from the same church that brought you the 'Leave Britney Alone' marketing video.
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Jesus The Chair
This is just downright creeeeepy.
March 06, 2008
Exegeting a Nursery Rhyme?
This is soooooooo deep it is unfathomable. Actually it is an absolute pile of poppycock.
Get Self Centered?
Self Centeredness is now a spiritual movement. Too bad the scriptures say that is the root of humanity's problem. The goal of this movement is...
To inspire one million people to get selfcentered by spending time each day connecting to their authentic inner-self… We teach tools to help you go within. Through our wildly entertaining and experiential events, you will learn a number of different techniques that help you step back, get grounded, feel centered, and live authentically…
The selfcentered Tour is led by the next generation for the next generation. Our movement attracts dynamic, conscious, and creative people who are interested in feeling more centered, living with more passion, and being more authentic. But beware, we don’t teach in a traditional fashion.
How many minutes will it be before some enterprising seeker-sensitive type incorporates this into their church in the name of being 'relevant'?
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Excellence "Christian" Church
Excellence "Christian" Church has discovered a way to spiritualize the American Dream. (and we bet the pastor of this church is living it too.)
This is another example of what happens to the 'church' when the center and focus is changed from Christ Crucified for Our Sins to ME and MY Changed Life.
March 05, 2008
Moses was Tripping on Drugs at Mount Sinai?!
The former head of the Hebrew University psychology department is claimimg that Moses didn't really meet with God on Mt. Sinai, but was instead high on psychedelic drugs.
According to Haaretz.com:
"And all the people perceived the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the voice of the horn, and the mountain smoking." Thus the book of Exodus describes the impressive moment of the giving of the Torah on Mount Sinai.
The "perceiving of the voices" has been interpreted endlessly since these words were first written. When Professor Benny Shanon, professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, reads the verse, he recalls a powerful hallucinatory experience he had when he visited the Amazon and drank a potion made from a plant called ayahuasca.
"One of the things that happens when you drink the potion is a visual experience created via sounds," he says.
Nano Imprint Pendant
For only $165 you too can own this 14K gold medallion that depicts Christ's crucifixion and has the entire story of Christ's passion laser inscribed into the jewelry.
Fly With God Nerf Missiles
We're not sure what message these missiles are actually sending.
Dear Lord Baby Jesus T-Shirt
This t-shirt would make Ricky Bobby proud.
March 04, 2008
Mystic Monk's Mouldering Remains to Be Displayed to Misled Masses
When the center of your faith is YOU and YOUR piety and YOUR Changed Life rather than Christ Crucified for Our Sins then ridiculous and absurd things like this are bound to happen.
The body of the mystic monk Padre Pio, one of the Roman Catholic world's most revered saints who died 40 years ago, has been exhumed to be prepared for display to his many devotees.
The body of the Capuchin friar, who was said to have had the stigmata -- the wounds of Christ's crucifixion -- on his hands and feet -- is to be conserved and put in a part-glass coffin for at least several months from April 24....
Among the stories that surround him is one that he wrestled with the devil in his monastery cell.
Padre Pio is also said to have predicted future events, to have been seen in two places at once, and to have been able to tell people their sins before they confessed them to him.
Pope John Paul II made him a saint in 2002 at a ceremony that drew one of the biggest crowds ever to the Vatican after the Church said it had found evidence that the miraculous cure of a sick woman was due to the dead monk's intercession.
Here's how we see it. Padre Pio is dead and has been dead for 40 years. That proves that he was just as much a sinner as me and you. Our focus should be on Jesus Christ who is the author and perfecter of our faith instead of dead stinking corpses.
Sadly too many American Evangelicals and Protestants have become just like the Roman Catholics and have exchanged Christ's perfect righteousness for their own self-righteousness. The goofiness they're engaging in is every bit as crazy as digging up a mouldering carcass and putting it on display.
March 03, 2008
Jesus Saves Air Freshener
Wow this comes in a 3 pack!
Victory in Life?
See if you can spot what is wrong with this church.
To help you understand the deeper problem with this church we'd like you to listen to a lecture given by the Curator on what he calls 3D Theology. Click Here to Listen. You can view the powerpoint slides by clicking here.
March 02, 2008
Bonanza Bible Study?
Now you can discover God's never before revealed purposes in the stories of Ben, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe Cartright.
Basically these are moralizing stories lifted from these old T.V. shows and then baptized with a Bible verse or two.
You Tube Knock Off
The message on this t-shirt is absolutely true. But, stealing and copying another company's logo is tacky and wrong.
March 01, 2008
Prank 3:16
Slap a pseudo Bible verse onto a hidden camera prank show that targets church people and "PRESTO" you have a "Christian" comedy "ministry".
Ironically, we haven't seen material this inappropriate on the secular version of these shows.
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God Love Sex
Why is it that these churches think that when they do a sermon series on sex that they have to take out billboard advertising and announce it to the whole world? Do they really think a sex series is an evangelistic tool? Its as if 'Sex Sermons' have become the post-modern equivalent of an "Evangelism Sunday".
Reading between the lines, what this billboard is really saying is "come to church and 'get some'".
