my life would also suck less without kelly clarkson
Jul 7th, 2009 by lissa
Seriously, you guys. That “My Life Would Suck Without You” song is awfully catchy, but once I properly listened to the lyrics, I was horrified I had spent 99 cents of my hard earned money on the damn single.
I mean. Come on. I spent three years of my life doing exactly that – getting treated like shit, forgiving and taking The Sociopath back, then he’d do that treating me like shit thing again, etc etc ad fucking please pass the Pepto nauseum.
It nearly killed me. Literally.
And yet here’s Miss Kelly Clarkson singing her little heart out about how she is nothing without that asswipe she calls a boyfriend. The message being, you might be a massive tower of fetid, festering shit, but you know what? I am even less than that. ELECTRONIC DRUM KIT BREAK!
It is a sad day when a chick believes she is lower than a pile of stinking poop.
If I could find a way to demand my money back, I would. As it is, what I could do was go buy some Amanda Fucking Palmer singles to wash the bad taste out of my mouth. Then I came back and lampooned the fuck out of the Kelly Clarkson song…
…or did I? As far as I am concerned, the way I wrote it is the way it should have been fucking written in the first place – as a defiant anthem for women who learn from their mistakes, rather than a catchy pop single about some idiot weakling twit who just…can’t…live! Without her very own shitweaseling emotionally abusive pile of crap!
(and perhaps I’d have written it with less commercial pop saccharine, that shit’ll give you cancer, you know)
Good Christ almighty! It’s enough to make me track Kelly Clarkson down and slap her upside the head with copies of “The Feminine Mystique” and “Fear of Flying.” At the very least I feel like I should sign her ass up for a subscription to Bust Magazine.
While Amanda Palmer (I’m developing a new appreciation for her work, see) is auctioning off mementos to pay rent and fighting to get dropped from her unappreciative twat of a record label, people – including, shamefully enough, ME – are buying Kelly Clarkson in droves. It’s no excuse that I originally bought the damn single because I thought it would be fun to hoopdance to. I should have really read the lyrics beforehand.
‘Course, if I had done that, I wouldn’t have bought it, and since a cursory Google search reveals that no one else seems to be offended by this song…had I not bought it, there wouldn’t be one lonely squeaky voice out there protesting the horrific useless-female message of “My Life Would Suck Without You.”
News flash, girls: if a guy says or demonstrates he’d rather be with anyone else but you? Walk the hell away. He doesn’t appreciate you and isn’t worth the time you spend pining.
If he’s pretty messed up? You can’t fix him, and you shouldn’t spend your precious moments, hours, days, weeks, trying to do so.
If being with him is so dysfunctional – okay. The saying about putting the fun in dysfunctional? Guess what? It is a load of hooey! Full of shit! An extraordinarily wretched cliche’! GET OUT. GET OUT. GET THE MOTHERFUCK OUT.
And if he shows up at your door all weepy and sorry and begging you to take him back? Shut the door in his face, turn up the TV, and let him go his sorry way. I recommend buying the Torchwood or Doctor Who DVDs. No one’s life ever sucked without those, but they sure as hell do not suck WITH them. Also: eye candy.
I might be alone in this. I hope I am not. I hope someone else, anyone else, realizes that their life may suck without their rotting douchebag of a boyfriend – but it really does suck a hell of a lot more when they’re around leeching off of your positive energy and using you.
In short – Dear Kelly Clarkson: shut it, airhead.
Ahhh I love the smell of feminism in the morning.
Amanda Palmer has one more thing that Kelly doesn’t. Neil Gaiman. mmmm.
So, you think she should have done a song about how she’s ditched the guy who treated her bad and is better off without him….like every freaking other song Kelly Clarkson has ever recorded?
Give the girl a break. She’s entitled to mix it up a little now and then.
1. I can’t believe we’re even discussing kelly fuckin’ clarkson. Can’t we just let her fade into obscurity?
2. If you are listening, or god forbid, BUYING a kelly fuckin’ clarkson song, how can you be surprised when her shitty, pop, drawn-from-the-same-well-as-every-OTHER-girl-pop star music concerns unbelievable amounts of bullshit?
3. I suggest Poe, St. Vincent, or Dolores O’Riordan. Basically people who don’t suck both as singers and human beings.
4. In short: if you’re going to listen to pop, please don’t complain when it sounds like pop.
That’s record labels for you, they went with the melody, and knew it would be a damn catchy song, which it is, but, the lyrics are so not Kelly Clarkson. All her songs are about ditching the jerk that screwed her over, but after her last cd didn’t sell well, the label demanded she sings their songs they knew would be popular. Honestly, check out her other stuff on youtube. Almost every one of them is girl power anthems. total oposite of this.
I just wrote this huge feminist ranting bullshit about this..but it all boils down to.
Regardless of style or past songs, encouraging shit like this is never good. It’s not ‘mixing it up’ it’s peddling dysfunction and misery and is bad.
Poe is good though.