Shawn’s Blog

Many of you may not know that over the last several years I have struggled with a disease that I don’t talk much about.  As a matter of fact many of you will be shocked to even hear that I am struggling with this disease since I tend to cover the symptoms.  It’s not something I like to talk about to much because I am not to sure there is a cure…..at least I have yet to really find one that works.  Though I have heard that there is one soon to be released.  Anyway, I think it is about time that I just fess up to all those you read my blogs.  Let me just say I am not looking for sympathy, what I am really looking for in this confession is that more people with this disease will be free to talk about it.

What is it?  Burnout!!  Total 100% burnout……nothing more, nothing less.  Of course I go through seasons but mostly for the last 6 years or so I have been totally burned out on Christianity.  Don’t get me wrong I really love Jesus, I love to read and learn more about my faith, I love studying the Bible and Biblical history.  I am just burned out on the whole church thing.  Yet, again let me state that I go to one of the coolest and best churches in America, Healing Place Church.  I am just trying to get over burnout.

I actually began to see the effects about a year after high school but didn’t realize what I was seeing.  Even during bible college I saw the beginnings of burnout but still didn’t even realize that I was heading down that path.  Now sometimes I wonder if I have lost my faith.  Sometimes I wonder if I am a shell of a former self.  I pursued ministry until it became almost an obsession, little did I realize that after spending most of my life believing I was supposed to go down one path, I would end up down a totally different one.

Of course maybe I was never really supposed to go down the paths I went down.  Maybe I was destined to struggle in life with where I fit in.  Is there a place here for me?  I am enjoying my studies in the realm of politics.  As a matter of fact I am loving reading about the lives of those that Founded this country.  These were men and women who believe in God, and that God would use them where ever they were in life.  I believe that also but I am trying to get that old fundamentalist way of seeing the world out of me.  I think that God can use me anywhere.  However, there is that old AOG (Assembly of God)and SBC (Southern Baptist Convention)  teaching in me that I grew up with.  For now I wrestle with myself.  Trying to be a follower of one I have never seen.  Trying to please one I have never heard from in an audible way.  Trying to love one that seems to hide Himself from me.  I guess for now I will continue on this journey of getting to know my Creator, because for some reason I think He likes me and wants to know me back.  Until next time.

Much love,

Shawn