InnerDorothy

I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'll get to the church, do my usual preparation rituals, and give it up to God.

This day isn't about me.

It's about God. Only God.

I'm just thankful to be a part of it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends.

I woke up this morning around 6:00, and my first thought was "Oh my gosh, it's today!!!" That momentary panic put me into "fight or flight mode" in an instant. A few, ok quite a few, deep breaths later and I felt much better.

"It" of course, isn't today at all. It's tomorrow.

Sermon is done. To paraphrase my dear friend Cheesehead, it's done and it doesn't make me want to jump off a bridge. But it's not that good either. It will have to do. I'm on a gradual return and I'm watching the clock.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Yikes. It's been awhile. I'm at the local Highly Overpriced Coffee Emporium while the van is being repaired (because you knew the van had to go belly up, like, this week, right?) and I'm hoping that my sermon mojo is either here or in the large book store it is attached to.

I may have to go searching the aisles for some sermon mojo. Or it may show up once my grande mocha is finished.

It will come.

A woman just came in wearing bright red flannel pants (pj's?) with large black moose (plural) on them. She seems to have plenty of mojo already. Perhaps she might share.

Yes, I'm procrastinating. The blank page is freaking me out a bit.

The page is blank, but I'm not. I have things to say. This is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, and I have so very much to be thankful for, especially right now. But as welcome as I know I will be this weekend, it's not about me. It's about God. It's always about God.

I'm preaching Deuteronomy 8: 1-11 "For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.

10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you

And, from John 6: 24-35 Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

However, the primary focus will be from the epistle lesson 2 Corinthians 9:6-15

12This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. 13Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. 14And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. 15Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Thanks be indeed.

Now, to turn all of that into something that resembles a sermon....

more animals

Back in December, Pillar and I made a HUGE decision. It was time to move into a condo. No more snow to shovel. No more lawn to tend. No more hedge to trim. But mostly, we needed a more wheelchair-friendly environment for Pillar and I to live in. It was time. It was a big leap of faith to even start the search for a new home, but when we heard about a new building being built in our neighbourhood, it all just felt right. We could design it for maximum independence and freedom of movement for both of us. We could make it truly ours - not another home re-fitted for special needs.

So we made the leap and reserved a condo in this building. The orange tarp on the ground covered the footings and parking level back in December.



And now it looks like this:



God-willing, we will soon be settled in our new home. Top floor, second from this end of the picture. Everything, from the kitchen to the bathrooms to the width of the hallways has been designed for us to live more freely and easily.

We are blessed. We know that and celebrate it. It makes all the moving fuss worth it. Now we just have to convince the cats...

I often remember my dreams. Over the past three years during Headache Hell, I haven't had very many pleasant dreams. I often woke up screaming, which was more than a little disturbing for me, not to mention Pillar and the cats.

I've been sleeping much more soundly lately. No talking in my sleep. No screaming. No thrashing about. It's been wonderful.

Last night I had a great dream. I was walking with Juniper at an outdoor market. We came to a large area of used books and she jumped up and down with excitement (I've actually seen her do this, and the dream was just the same!).

She grabbed my arm and we walked quickly toward a particular table that was covered with books about mystics. Rumi. Teresa of Avila. The whole crew. Juniper could hardly contain herself. The books were inexpensive and plentiful.

She looked at me with a huge smile and said, "Can you believe it? Look at these great books!!!"

I'm not sure what the dream means, but even in my sleep, it was great to see that smile.

In the comments below, Cathy asked for the link to Marble Drop.

Here it is.

I'm still waiting for Gord to forgive me for posting it a few years ago. *Sorry Gord! Really!*

Marble drop is highly addictive. No question.

The morning went really well. Here it is in point form:

* wedding couple now as free of pre-wedding chaos and angst as is humanly possible.

* office has been painted. The colour is "hazelnut cream" and it is beautiful! Just perfect. I'm so blessed to have good church folks around me who are patient enough with my multiple neuroses to pick up a paint brush when my wall colours give me a major freak out.

* there's a new copy machine in the office. I'm afraid of it. Of course I am.

* it was SO delightful to see our office admin again!

* some good friends stopped by to welcome me back. thanks.

* I've discovered a new phobia - head pain. Any kind of head pain. One twinge and I have this momentary panic that IT is back. But it's not. Not even today. I need to breathe through it and remember that I have options now. Options that work. Thanks be.

* is it okay if I play marble drop for the rest of the day? I'm kind of done in on the energy front.

On the wall outside of my Structural Integrationist's office is a lovely framed version of the Prayer of St. Francis. I sometimes have to wait a few minutes for my sessions of physical torture and spiritual enlightenment, and to center myself, I read the Prayer.

Today I need it. Today I need to believe that at least on some level, I can live it.

Today I'm not sure that I ever have despite my best efforts.

A week from today I will step up to a pulpit in a place I've seen only twice in six months. Deep down I know that it is where I belong. But I'm anxious. I feel weak. Apparently, the apostle Paul sees that weakness as a sign of spiritual strength.

All I can do is hope that my RevGal friends are right when they say that the Holy Spirit has my back. All I can do is hope that Julian of Norwich was right when she said, "All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."

All I can do is my best. It's all I've got.