Hope Deferred

Thursday, September 29, 2005

You never know...

One more NYC experience to share... Sunday morning our team arrived at Baruch College to participate in the Forefront Church service that takes place in a recital hall there. I walked into the lobby area and a young guy about 22 or 23 was standing there manning the small group sign-up table. I introduced myself and shook his hand. He said his name was Tim. Then he told me this...

"I've actually met you before. Two years ago I was at the National Student Conference that the Christian Church Campus Ministries put on and you were there. You gave me some materials about NewThing (the church-planting organization my church started). I looked into it and learned about this Forefront New York City plant so this past July I moved out here to help the church get started. I love it here so I just want to say 'thank you.'"

How cool is that? The staff at Forefront told me Tim has been a work-horse for them helping with tons of behind-the-scenes stuff. Just a reminder today that you never know how God will use something small to make a difference in someone's life. Whatever He has given you to do today, be faithful in it and trust that He will bless it and use it for His purposes and His glory.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Granola Bars, Gum, and Rodents

Just spent 4 wonderful days in NYC. It was the perfect blend of mission trip service and fun sightseeing. Regarding the latter, we spent a couple hours at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on Saturday night and got to see 'Sweet Charity' starring Christina Applegate on Sunday (1/2 price day of show tickets...can't beat that!). It was my first Broadway show in NYC and I loved every minute of it! But on to the point of this post...

The main thing the church asked us to do while we were there was what they called "servant evangelism." Part of our trip money went towards purchasing over 8000 granola bars and packs of gum. We spent most of Saturday standing at key intersections in the neighborhood of the church handing out the small edibles along with a card that read "We hope you enjoy this small act of kindness and receive it as a reminder that God loves you. If we can be of any assistance, please let us know. Forefront Church." On the back were contact and service information. If people asked us why we were doing it we were simply asked to respond, "Because we want to find ways to serve the city." Now even though I admit I'd probably ignore and pass by someone who was trying to hand me something on the street (evidence of my fine people skills), I had a blast being the one to offer the small gift to others. I'd say about two-thirds of the people accepted it...often puzzled over the "no-strings-attached" act of kindness. I loved the look on their faces when I'd simply say, "Have a great day today!"

Most people just accepted the gift and walked on, but several people returned to talk to me. One girl in her 20's asked me all kinds of questions about the church and said she had been searching for a church home and hadn't been able to find one. She asked me for another 1/2 dozen of the cards to give to her friends. A man in his early 40's returned with tears in his eyes. His name was Sam and he asked me to pray for him. He was going in for open heart surgery later that week and admitted he was scared to death. I prayed for him right there on the corner of 14th Street and 1st Avenue. 3 teenage girls asked if they had to "convert" to attend or if they could just come check it out. I don't know if 1 or 100 of the people we touched that day will find their way through the doors of the church, but it was a blast being a catalyst for the potential.

It was easy to stand there and think about how fun it would be to do ministry in that city. So many young, single professionals my age. So many people from diverse backgrounds. But something happened as I was handing a granola bar to a nice African American gentleman that struck me as symbolic. As we were exchanging the Chocolate Chip Quaker Oatmeal bar we both glanced down to notice a rather large rat running between us. He scurried right on by, around me, and down the flight of stairs leading into the subway. The man screamed. I stood there somewhat stunned. Nasty. As I reflected on this experience later, two things struck me.

First, I look at a place like New York City and see excitement and glamour and fun. If you read my last post, you know how the thought of living there gets my blood pumping. It took a rat to remind me that there is another side to doing ministry in the city that is draining and dirty and hard. My friends who are setting out on this church adventure will probably spend more time and energy dodging rats than passing out gum. Not that I would shrink back if God called me to NYC, but I was reminded that every place has its "rats."

Second, I was struck by my reaction to the rodent. After momentarily being stunned, I went right back to enthusiastically handing out my wares. Sure a 6-inch rat almost ran across the top of my tennis shoes, but there were granola bars to hand out and people to smile at. I knew instantly I had a great story to tell at dinner that night. Sometimes it helps to serve in a place out of our element to remember to laugh at the "rats" and get on with what God has called us to do. I have a lot of granola bars and gum to hand out right here at home and I'm sure you do too. Let's just laugh off the rats...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

NYC

I'm heading to NYC this weekend. The church we planted in Manhattan launched this past Sunday. 287 people came for the first weekend. About 40 of them were out-of-towners who came to support the launch, but I'd say 247 native New Yorkers is a great start. I'm excited to be there for week two.

I absolutely love New York City. I'd been in and out of the touristy parts a few times growing up, but over this past year I've had the chance to spend some time in Manhattan's neighborhoods during two brief visits. I can't help but dream of what it would be like to live there as I ride the subways, wander through Central Park, and hit a bagel shop for my morning breakfast. The city is alive and I find myself wanting to be a part of it. Something in me is stirred with every visit.

Last Saturday I was at a wedding and a couple I know from church were asking me about my upcoming trip. When I said, "I would love to live there," the wife asked me, "What's stopping you?" I didn't really know what to say. I love what I'm doing right now here in Chicago. I feel a responsibility to the job I've taken on. I have great friends here. And my boss would kill me if I left (yes, he's the one who has taken me on these trips to NYC but has still threatened my life over the suggestion of moving there). But still that question lingered in my mind.

I don't think I'll be going anywhere right now. I really do think I'm where I'm supposed to be. But there is something nervously exciting knowing the God I serve is always moving, always active. I think we are right to dream crazy dreams and think about wild things. What could be different in our lives?

A wise friend once said to me, "Sometimes different might not be about a where as much as it is about a how." It's got me thinking tonight, I need a little NYC in my life. I don't know that I will ever move there, but I want my heart to be stirred. I want to feel passionate about my neighborhood. I want to live with the sense that important stuff is happening all around me. I want to feel energized by the ordinary things of life. And I want to live with a sense that I'm going to see God do things I wouldn't have expected. Like bring 247 New Yorkers to a new church in Manhattan.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Sleeping

Joseph sleeping with his new Build-a-Bear Dog. :)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Nephews

So good to be home for a couple days. Here are some of my favorite nephew moments...

I arrived late Wednesday night and crawled into my air mattress bed in Joseph's room around midnight. In the morning when he woke up and saw me across the room he asked, "Should I wake up now and give you a hug?" Picking up Andrew at school Thursday afternoon. He confessed, "Aunt Tammy, I had to tell a lie today at school." When I asked him what happened he told me he accidently peed on his pants when he was going to the bathroom. When he went out to the playground several kids asked him why his pants were wet and he said he had spilled a glass of water on them. I think this is a lie we can let go. Late Thursday afternoon I told Joseph that I was going to take him to Build-a-Bear. He started jumping up and down, then stopped and asked if he would get to make a teddy bear. When I said yes, he very solemnly walked across the room, gave me a big hug, and then slowly wandered away. I spent the morning with my mom and dad on Friday. My sister called around noon. She said Joseph had been moping around the house all morning. When she asked him why he was so sad he said, "Because my best friend Aunt Tammy isn't here." Andrew's face when he got home from school on Friday. I decorated the house for his birthday party. He's into The Muppets right now and for some reason his favorite muppet is the Swedish Chef. So among the colored streamers I decorated with chef hats, plastic meat cleavers, and rubber chickens. It was quite the theme. And Andrew was happy. Last night when I was ready to go to bed I tried to open the door to Joseph's room but it wouldn't budge. I was in the middle of asking my brother-in-law why I couldn't get the door open when I heard a slight moan. Somehow Joseph had fallen asleep on the floor right in front of the door. It took some gentle door pushing to get into the room and get him back in bed because he wouldn't wake up.

These boys always find ways to make me smile.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Build-a-Bear

God knows when we need places of refuge. This week He is leading me to one. It's in a shopping mall in Fairlawn, Ohio. I've been to the mall many times before. But I've never been in this particular store. I'm going to Build-a-Bear.

Things have felt so crazy and heavy and tiring lately. I keep leaving conversations feeling drained. I'm a little tired of making decisions and handling details. I want a break from some responsibility. I just want a few moments in a place of refuge.

A few weeks ago I was feeling like it was crazy that I'd planned this 2 1/2 day trip home to Ohio in the middle of this insane time for our church. This coming weekend we are starting 3 new services. In a few weeks we'll be opening up two brand new campuses. But I had to go. My nephew, Andrew, is turning 10 this Saturday and I'd promised him way back in the spring that I would make it home for his birthday party. The boy graciously agreed to have his party on Friday night so that I could fly back on Saturday morning in time to make a wedding and the launch of one of our Saturday night services.

But now that the trip is here I feel God's wisdom in the timing. I'll fly out tomorrow night after a long day at work. I am so looking forward to stepping away for 2 days.

Last week my sister called me and asked if I would babysit the boys for a couple hours Thursday night as her husband will be working and she needs to attend a meeting at church. Of course I immediately agreed but it also sprung my mind into action. I never get Aunt Tammy-Andrew-Joe time alone. It's just me and my nephews. There's no way I'm letting an opportunity like this slip by and miss out on a chance to further solidify my position as the coolest aunt on the planet. No watching a video at home. No playing a board game. I had to dream bigger than that. I thought through a variety of options but none seemed right until it hit me...Build-a-Bear. We are going to go to Build-a-Bear. No holding back. They are going to get whatever animal they want complete with matching accessories. We are going to have a blast making a memory.

So all week I've been looking forward to Build-a-Bear. Strangely I know that an hour in that store is going to do wonders for my soul. I hope that if you are in need of a break that God will lead you to a place of refuge this week...even if it is in a mall in Ohio.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Sad Signs of Age

So yesterday I was invited to a Labor Day party at some friend's house. During the course of the afternoon we decided to play a game of wiffle ball. Now I used to be quite the athlete so I made my way out to the ball field with the smattering of men and boys ranging from 7 to 60's and a few other brave women (one also in her 60's...she's now my hero).

It was fun, but it was also appalling. What happened to my game? What happened to that athlete that played 3 high school sports? What happened to that girl who shot over 100 free throws everyday and whose favorite part of fast pitch softball was digging poor throws out of the dirt at 1st base?

I couldn't orient myself to catch a fly ball (at one point the 7 year old came out and stood next to me to silently take over my place in the outfield).

My consuming thought as I rounded the bases and headed for home was: "I don't want to get hurt."

I got winded going from 2nd to home.

And to top it off, today I'm extremely sore. I am sore from a backyard game of wiffle ball. I bet the 60-year-olds aren't sore.

The verse that begins, "Though outwardly we are wasting away..." is taking on a whole new meaning to me these days.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Children's Ministry

I was supposed to be the Kids' City worship leader at our West Campus this weekend. It was no sweat because it was only two songs that I already know and only a few other lines to memorize. But then 24 hours before the service I find out that the other person scheduled to lead the kids' service with me backed out. This was a problem on several levels. First, his part was two typed pages long. Second, his part was to be a character actor--a secret agent who came to learn his mission. Third, did I mention he dropped out 24 hours before the service?

So which is harder...finding a replacement worship leader who could lead two easy songs or finding a replacement secret agent who could memorize 2 pages of text in less than a day? These are the times I don't like being the "buck stops here" Director of a ministry. So despite the fact that I am not an actor and definitely don't have the secret agent mystique (which is odd since I've seen every episode of Alias except the season 4 premier), I became the woman of mystery.

But that was not the only hurdle this weekend. We couldn't find the replacement worship leader. No one was available. So the brand new Campus Director who had never done it before had to step in (that whole "buck stops here" thing again). Then I get a call right before I'm leaving for the church and am informed that for some reason the powercord to the laptop we use is missing and the computer is dead. Then it took me 15 minutes to hang up one stage prop sign...fish wire is not your friend. Then the scheduled tech person is late (fortunately the Campus Director's husband was there and stepped in to run tech--that whole "the buck stops here by association" thing). Then 10 minutes before the service the preschool leader informs me that she is missing the crown...an essential prop to her Bible story. So as I'm standing greeting families at the Welcome Table (because right now we don't have anyone volunteering to man the welcome table), I am cutting a paper crown out of two pieces of yellow construction paper (btw...that crown was pretty darn impressive).

As an aside...as I'm cutting the yellow crown I overhear a parent say, "Yeah, they asked me to sub in the toddler room tonight so I'll be in there. You know how that goes. They ask you once and then they'll want you to do it all the time." She then proceeded to check her elementary age kid into Kids' City...something she does all the time. I wanted to slap her. But again that being the Director of the ministry thing seemed to get in the way. Later in the service we had a blowout in the toddler room. All I heard was "coming out the top of her diaper." Guess we got our money's worth out of that sub tonight. Was that God's justice? I'm not sure, but thank goodness the buck didn't stop with me there!

So this is Children's Ministry. But it's only one side of it. There's the part where the kids are smiling and dancing around as the new Campus Director leads them in worship. There's the part where the preschool children are completely engrossed in the Bible story (I bet it was that impressive crown). There's the part where a woman tells you that stepping up to serve in Kids' City changed her life. And there's the part where a 3rd grade girl comes up to you after the service and says, "I loved you as the Secret Agent."