Hi all,
Reading Pam's blog about her skipping church, and how widely she opened her heart to everyone, and then reading Steve's comment about it--that got me to thinking.

Once upon a time, long long ago... (okay, it was only about 6 years back) a chatter and I were discussing the pros and cons of revealing too much of our hearts to people. He argued the point that we were not to expose our hearts, because in doing so, would leave us open to attack. He even went further to back his claim with an Old Testament proverb, about guarding our hearts, because from within flows the wellspring of life. I can't quote the verse verbatim, but when I looked it up--I took it as wearing a breastplate, so that the arrows wouldn't pierce the heart, hence killing us. I don't know if that's what it means or not--the physical literal sense. We need our hearts to continue pumping blood throughout out bodies.

The way this whole discussion got started, was the fact that every time I spoke from my heart, he'd mention, "Guard your heart" I never knew what he meant by that. He was a nice enough fella at the time, so whatever it meant, I figured he had good intentions by it, although I had not a clue what he was getting at. I finally broke down one day and just out and out ASKED him. He told me that he saw where I was very open with my thoughts, my fears, my likes dislikes... well, just everything. He was concerned that I might be setting myself up for a great hurt. I suppose he had a point. Just like Pam mentioned her thoughts about church attendance, who KNOWS how anyone will respond? It could be good, bad, sarcastic, whatever. Once we lay our hearts on the line, it's there for anyone to see, and we run the risk of rejection disapproval, etc. Who wants that?

However, I had a different mindset than he had. My thoughts were--if my dependency is on Christ, and what HE thinks of me, won't the rejection of others seem less painful, if my heart is on Christ? Of course, that's a moment by moment thing, and rejection still hurts. However, wouldn't it serve to remind me that maybe my heart isn't as focused on Christ as I thought it was? Like Pam mentioned about former friends being used as tools-of-the-moment, rejection can also be viewed as the same. Up to that time, I had never experienced rejection to the point where it cut me to the core. Mind you, I HAD been rejected before, but it didn't really mean that much, because the person that rejected me didn't mean that much to me. In fact, I had went so far as to use scripture to defend MY outlook on it. The peace of God, that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds through Jesus Christ our Lord. HE will guard our hearts, I don't have to.

That was then, and this is now. Since that conversation, I have had one major rejection that has threatened to do me in. It too, was used as the tool-of-the-moment to show me my weakness, and therefore my need to depend on Christ. I didn't realize how much I had come to depend on this couple, but when they suddenly decided they'd had a belly full of me, they cut ties and sent me on my way. I was devastated. Like Pam mentioned, because we were in Christ, friendship was Christ centered, it'd last forever, right? Wrong! To this day, there has been no reconciliation, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did. I guess as time goes by, God does heal the wounds we receive.

So then, where does that leave the heart baring experience? . If we get hurt, (And boy howdy!) then so be it. I have noticed since that ordeal, that my heart does seem to clam up quickly if I suspect ill intentions of the other party. I don't like that. I don't like hiding. Not to say that we should bare all our dirty laundry for the public eye, but are we being truthful if we hide our real self? Of course we share things with close friends, but even then we run the risk of being hurt. But I have found time and time again, that when I DO bare my heart, others that are in Christ are drawn to me, because I'm being "real". I also admire that trait in others, again, such as Pam did when she revealed something very personal to her. It's nice to know we're not the only ones that feel such and such about different things. It's important to share our inner most worries at times, and LET the other folks see our vulnerabilities--just don't forget that our heart's guard comes from Christ, not ourselves.

...that song still resonates within my soul when I think of I Corinthians 13. We probably all know the famous "Love Chapter". Each day that I come in contact with people, I'm reminded just how deep that chapter gets.

I've just come back from a Bible study with a teacher friend of mine. It was WONDERFUL! She an I are both teachers, so we speak the same language. And, after a couple of meetings, we are both realizing how alike we are--Christ being the unifying denominator. She was raised in brand "X" denomination, and I was brought up in "Y" denomination. Although we had very different backgrounds, our walks and struggles were common, and the more we share, the more we realize that humanity isn't that different from one another. We discussed today at how although we're grateful that we're 'Going" to heaven one day, we had so much to be thankful for 'today'. All of the trials God has brought us through, we look back and often times it boggles our minds. Not that we went through the trials, but the fact that God brought us through them. We couldn't really see Him at the time, but now, looking back, His handprint was all over the place. The longer we live life on this side, the more we've come to realize, that our focus shouldn't be on pearly gates or streets of gold, but rather on the love we have to share with one another. We talked about the joys of the Lord's supper, at how it served as a reminder that the same Christ that I've partaken of, she's partaken in, and every Christian for that matter, has partook of. The same New Covenant that Christ ushered in for me, He's ushered in for you. As he loved us, so should we love others. Of course, outside of Christ, this is impossible, but with Christ in us, this can be done. We are the Body of Christ. It has become my hope that I stop worrying about "Will there be any stars in my crown" or "Must I empty handed go..." but rather, live today. Although I've an eye on the fact that He could return any day, I don't want to neglect my siblings in Christ. It just dawned on me today that if I'm more worried about "my" rewards, "my" crowns "my" works, then that means I'm not focused on loving others as Christ as loved me.

I saw a sign a couple of weeks ago that stated, "Man sees what we do; God sees WHY we do" made good food for thought.

I am so overjoyed, I feel this post may ramble a bit. But the final in-a-nutshell-thought I'd like to leave with you is this: Instead of figuring on rewards and brownie points, leave yourself behind for a while, and look to your neighbor. How can we love them, as Christ loved us?

Love,
Lisa

Have you ever had a memory that really just brought you joy? What about memories that you wish with all your might you could forget? How about the ones we KNOW we should forget, but by holding on to them, we feel we have ‘just cause’ to turn our nose up at someone?

I have those memories. Perhaps most of us do. One of my memories was when God saw fit—even when I didn’t realize I needed it, to send His message to me. I thought I already had the message. After all, wasn’t I a devoted worker in my church? Ahh… I remember back when…..

However, in remembering ‘back when’, it also brings to memory the plight I was in at that time. Nothing earth shattering, nothing monumental, nothing that would have really caught the attention of a passerby. I had been slowly sinking into the depths of the churchianity scene, and didn’t really know what to do about it. Have you ever just become so active in the church scene, that you were embarrassed to admit that on in the inside you were liken unto a withered old prune? That was me. Caught and no way to get out.

FWD to God sending me someone that shared the Gospel with me, and eventually, I found myself at the threshold of Truth. Now, what was I going to do about it? For me to plunge into God’s Truth, was by default, also proclaiming that my Christianity of past years was fake—shallow at best. Pam mentioned in her post that she still had friends who sometimes turned their noses up at other ‘less’ Christians than themselves. Might I confess that once upon a time, I was that sort of Christian? Those are memories I’d just as soon not remember, but they’re just a much part of who I was, as my birth name.

Within that same memory, though… is the memory of how even though I was self-righteous and quite frankly, reeked of arrogance, God still loved me! That’s what really just leaves me speechless every time I think of it. God saw just what it would take to be receptive to His Truth, and waited until just the right time. Has it been that way for you? Do you remember when you first came to Christ for Life? Not merely a fire insurance policy, but for His entire LIFE. To live NOW. In time, He has taught me that there is so much more to being one of His, than merely ‘not going to hell’, although that’s a nice fringe benefit. But to live NOW, and to LOVE now. Not just love folks who are the same as we are, (how easy is that if the Pharisees can even do that?) but to really love. Not necessarily the gushy gushy love, but the real tough love that practices self-restraint for the benefit of others? In fact, Love does EVERYTHING for the benefit of others. As Trent mentioned in one of his posts, nowhere does it say we can do the commandments God gave us (love others as God loves us) but through Christ, Him being in us, thereby our hope of Glory, it CAN be done.

This is a looooonnnnggggg lesson that I am STILL learning to this day, and I imagine will be learning until death do I part. I hate to say it, but I don’t always respond in love. The scripture even tells us in Romans, that if we have faith? Great! Have it to ourselves. In other words, don’t be a stumbling block with our new Freedom in Christ. I might know something is perfectly okay, but if by doing it, it causes my brother/sister to stumble, then I need to not do it—period. Love doesn’t always have to be right, or have it’s own way. Yep—still learning.

The good thing, is that no matter what our background, no matter what works have been attributed to us, God has ALWAYS loved us and always will. We might have a memory of when a friend/loved one wronged us. Bad memory? Yep. Best thing to do with is what Paul suggests in Philippians: but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,--Philippians 3:13 NLT More than likely, these memories won’t ever go away, but through trusting Christ, these memories can be disciplined to not rule my thinking process.

Good memories: Do you remember a time you were going through a trial, and God brought you through it? Why do we suppose He did? If He brought us through our previous trial, doesn’t it stand to reason He’ll bring us through our current trial? Not saying that God will always wave a magic wand and immediately cause our trials to disappear, but as we’re going through them, we can remind ourselves that God isn’t ignoring us. He’s not shut a deaf ear to our cries. The question we can ask ourselves, is that, while we’re going through such and such trial, do we REALLY trust that God’s grace is sufficient for us? Or is it merely lip service?

I have to confess that I ‘claimed’ that verse for myself for years. Unfortunately, it was just lip service. My actions proved such. Christ called all the ones who were weary and heaven burden to come to Him. His yoke was easy and that’s the one He wanted us to carry. (Matthew 11:28) Memory serves me correctly—I had been wearing the wrong yoke. So, yes, believe it or not, although the trial itself may have been painful, it’s a ‘good memory’ to remember the fact that even so, God was faithful. Are we going through trials now? Not to worry, one day, this current trial will become a ‘past’ trial. We can remember (although not now) at how Christ brought us through it, and how it caused us to depend on Him more strongly than before. Why not believe that same thing to our current trial?

Ugly memories: remember the times when you acted like a total blundering idiot? Me too. (A BUNCH of times....) Unfortunately, when I remember those times (mainly it’s Satan reminding me of them) I want to just shrink up and die! Did I REALLY say that hateful thing to someone??? Did I HONESTLY think I was better than so and so??? Oh Lord! Why didn’t You just give me lockjaw for just a few minutes at least!?!? So many hurt feelings would have been spared, and I wouldn’t have been a selfish old biddy to my friends. I wish I could take things back. I wish I had never said them to begin with… I wish… I wish… I wish…

Tough.

What’s done is done, and no amount of wishing in the world can undo it. There are some folks that have chosen to not forgive me, and try as I might, no reconciliation will take place. Here’s where love comes in. Do I love these folks with agape love? Do I avoid them like the plague whenever I see them, because I know they still hate me? This takes a LOT of self-discipline on my part. Part of me wants to lash out at their ‘unforgiving’ attitude (after all, they’re gasp! “Christians!”) and part of me wants to turn my nose up at them (remember the Christians Pam spoke of—that’s me) for being so immature that ‘they’ cannot muster up enough forgiveness for me. And then at other times, I want to avoid them like the plague, for fear they’ll cause a scene and loudly proclaim all the stupid things I’ve done to them. These are definitely ugly memories. Again, like Paul said, we need to forget the things that are past, and press on towards the high calling. I’m learning to not focus so much on the memories, but rather, focus on how He’d have me behave through any situation—good, bad or ugly.

I hope this encourages you with your own memories. Some are worth letting go. Some are gentle reminders of where we’ve been, how God worked in our lives, and how we can grow to trust Him more with each trial we ‘grow’ through.
Blessings,
Lisa