Finding Peace
September 17, 2008 by aimeecartierI was a complete mess. I had just found out that my ex was seeing someone else– and he was still living with me. I wanted to stab him through the heart in the same way that I felt slain. I wanted him to hurt in the same way that his oblivious actions had caused me to hurt. I wanted him to pay AND I wanted him out of my house, NOW!
But there was a bigger part of me that just wanted peace. Truth be told he was a friend of mine. And even if his slow pace of leaving had caused me pain, it was only inevitable pain. It had forced me into what I had now actually been looking forward to for a couple of months, the final processing of our relationship.
Because the truth was that no matter how well we got along, and how long it had been that we hadn’t been sleeping together, I couldn’t really do the final grieving that not having him around would entail, until he actually left. The fact that he hadn’t left yet was I suppose just as much my fault as his. I hadn’t actually kicked him out. I had wanted to continue the spirit of generosity that had characterized our relationship– only now it had gone too far. I needed space. I needed to move on. Â
I spent a whole sleepless night imagining him writhing in the pain that I now felt. I spent the whole next day raw and frazzled. The funny thing was, that despite my heartache, during the waking hours, the thought that gave me the most peace was, forgiveness.
Just the word “forgive” filled me with a delicious sensation of ease that my frazzled nerves could not concoct on their own. In fact during that excrutiating 48 hour period of his revelation and then departure, the idea of forgiveness was the only thought that brought me any peace.Â
“I forgive Derek,” I said to myself. The sensation of just saying the words was such a relief I felt I wanted to forgive everybody. In my head I began running through the names of people who had hurt me in the past.  And I ran with it, “I forgive Lily.” “I forgive John.” On and on I went, repeating the names of my own personal offenders– desperate to revert to the clarity and peace I had felt just 48 hours before.Â
 And you know what it worked.
During that exquisitely painful 48 hours before my ex finally moved out, the idea and internal pronounciation of forgiveness was truly the only thing that gave me peace.Â
I forgive. I forgive. I forgive, is sometimes the only remedy for pain.
Aimée is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company dedicated to providing tools for inspired living.  To activate your own healing today and sign-up for her FALL Telecourse From Heartbreak to Wholeness visit http://www.spreadingblessings.com/CLASSES_PACKAGES.html
Early to bed
September 15, 2008 by aimeecartierWhen you are going through a break-up, you need even more extra special loving care from the universe. Honestly, one of the best ways that I know to get myself that love and support is a good night’s sleep. Going to bed early is an amazingly replenishing activity.
It sounds simplistic but it’s true. According to Aureuvedic Medicine, an hour of sleep before midnight is worth two after midnight. When I am feeling stressed and low, one of the first things I do is go to bed early. It’s free. It’s easy. And it feels oh, so good.
It’s astounding what just a few nights of bed before 10 (preferably by 9pm) does for me. By the third day I feel like a completely refreshed person. It’s a fantastic way to “take” love and support from the universe. Try it yourself and see!
Aimée is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company which provides tools for inspired living.  If you would like to receive a free copy of her From Heartbreak to Wholeness ebook, or schedule an intuitive reading today- see www.spreadingblessings.com
Bike it out!
September 13, 2008 by aimeecartierI was totally obsessing about an old boyfriend. He haunts me actually from time to time. And since we first got together on Halloween all of those years ago, haunt seems a perfectly appropriate word.
Of course this has nothing to do with him. He’s honestly not even in the picture. But I was in the raw stage of break-up where the flood gates of emotion had been opened. I was processing the ending of another relationship with a veritable fountain of emotions running through my body.Â
And there he was again appearing in my mind. I rationalized it was because I’ve never loved another (to date) with the depth that I felt for him. I considered calling him, wrote poetry with emotion, and I fantasized about his soothing arms around me. Â
Then, I got on my bike.
I was tired of spinning in circles. I’d been through this process before. My only certainty was that I was not thinking clearly. Anywhere outside of my delicious fantasies I knew that even connecting with him would not turn out like that beautiful idea in my mind. Â
Five minutes into the ride, I offered the idea up to Spirit. “Listen,” I said to my guides, “you know what’s going on in my mind. And you know what is truly beneficial for both of us. I trust that if it is in the highest good that he and I recconnect, you will find a way to make it happen.”
Then I let it go. Twenty minutes and a whole lot of sweat later, I was feeling totally free. My head clear, my body singing, I remembered what I tell my clients, “Identify what he symbolizes to you, that, not a relationship with him specifically, is what your spirit is calling you to cultivate.”Â
Okay. That I could understand. I was longing for a soulful romance in my life. It was an aspect that had been missing in the last relationship I had, and one that I now felt ready to embody.Â
I remembered that every emotion I had ever had with said haunter was something I felt internally– and something I could certainly experience again with another.  Only this time I was looking for someone who could keep the door of soul open. Not open it and then swing it shut unexpectedly, but someone who, like me, was willing to continually explore and discover this territory again and again, together.
All of this clarity, from a little sweat and movement. And totally free!
Can you really go on?
September 12, 2008 by aimeecartier“Can I actually live without _____?” Â
“Can I really go on?”
“Wait, did I make a mistake?”
These are the kinds of thoughts that go through your head when the end comes. Â Even if you knew it was a good thing– even if you know it is the right thing, when the parting finally takes place, this is what comes up.
Believe me, I know from experience. Â I felt totally raw when Derek and I broke-up. Â I had a flood of emotions running through me. Â One moment I was elated, the next I was devastated. Â What does life without him look like? I thought to myself. Â I’m not even sure anymore what the means. Â
I emailed friends and called up my sisters. Â ”You’re better off without him,” my sister said to me. Â And I knew she was right. Â In fact there was no question in my mind that she was right, we simply weren’t meant to be– but that didn’t stop the floodgate of emotions from needing their say. Â Â
So what did I do? Â I just let them flow. Â I curled up in my bed and bawled my eyes out for the loneliness I felt. Â I imagined my life without him and I let all of the sadness come. Â And the funny thing is, that seriously, I really enjoyed it.
Despite my grief, it felt truly liberating to cry out the life that I would never have with him. Â To be alone in my bedroom and sad. Â The whole process stripped me of my barriers. Â Nestled in the center of my heart I felt as though the only thing that mattered was love. Â Not love, like pining for my love lost, but love in all of the bold and beautiful, complicated and surreal ways it appeared in my life. Â Sitting in the unwalled space of my heart, I wanted to reach out and touch all of those I truly loved in my life. Â I wanted to mend the broken bridges caused by misunderstanding, I wanted to forgive and be forgiven. Â I wanted to live only from love. Â I wanted to be free from the barriers that I held around me, and touched only by the true essence of love. Â Somehow, in that moment it seemed like all there was. Â The rest is just fake, I thought to myself. Â Love is the only truth.
Calling a friend to share my experience, she concluded it best by saying, “Savor the experience, feelings are the joy and the raison d’etre of this human experience.”
Aimee is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company that provides tools for inspired living. From ebooks to articles, intuitive readings to classes, you can find out more atwww.spreadingblessings.com.
Energy in Motion
September 8, 2008 by aimeecartier“I wish I didn’t have to feel this way,” a client said to me. She was talking about her heartbreak. I understood what she meant. It’s hard. It’s sad. And it usually hurts.
Like the death of anything, the end of a relationship requires grief. The world is different now then it was when the two of you were together. Plans have changed, your outlook is different. Expereincing the emotion this causes is an essential step in healing. Â
Have you heard the saying e-motion is energy in motion? If you’re feeling blue this week it may be time to let that energy move.  Throw yourself a pity party! Set a time limit (you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself forever) and then let loose. Give yourself 24-48 hours to feel as sad, unhappy, or angry as you do. Really go for it! Feel each of your emotions with every ounce of your energy– let them move straight on out of your body!
You’ll want to follow this up with some nurturing. So check out the blog entries on that or sign up for my free ebook- From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up at www.spreadingblessings.com.
Aimee is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company that provides tools for inspired living. From ebooks to articles, intuitive readings to classes, you can find out more at www.spreadingblessings.com.
Imagining leads to…
September 2, 2008 by aimeecartierThis week, I came across a quote by author James Ray. He was addressing a common question that he is asked—“How do I find my soul mate?â€
 His answer was simple. “Like attracts like.â€Â
 What he is saying is familiar by now, especially with the recent phenomenon of the book and movie “The Secret.â€Â But I loved how he related it to finding love—and in our case healing heartache.
 The take home message: your last love was a reflection of who you were at the time.Â
 Do you know what this means? You have the power to change what you attract to you in the future.
 What his answer outlined is the basic premise behind the Step 2— “Imagine.â€Â First we imagine where we are going next, then, we work on becoming the qualities that we wish to attract.
 Isn’t this an empowering thought? You don’t have to move mountains to attract a love that is better for you than your last relationship. You don’t have to worry about orchestrating a grandiose plan that will bring the two of you together. You simply identify the qualities that you would like to see in your mate, and then take the steps necessary to become those qualities yourself.Â
Aimée is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company which provides tools for inspired living.  If you would like to receive a free copy of her From Heartbreak to Wholeness ebook, or schedule an intuitive reading today- see www.spreadingblessings.com
Step 12: LOVE
August 20, 2008 by aimeecartierLove, ah love, the glorious end result. Hopefully, by now, all of these activities have been leading you naturally up to this experience. I mean truly, how can you take yourself on dates, nurture yourself, share with your friends, feel good in your body, give yourself time and space to feel and imagine, take wholeness from the universe, and NOT end by loving yourself.Â
 By now, you have discovered that
 “What is not to love about you?†I ask.Â
 “Why am I so loveable?†you might ask. Â
 Truly, I guarantee that if you have practiced all of these steps, you cannot help but end up here. If you are not here yet then don’t worry; you already know exactly what to do.
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 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.
Step 11: DO
August 17, 2008 by aimeecartierBeing in a relationship is often about compromise. You pick out movies that you will both enjoy. Sometimes you go to events solely because it is important to your partner. This is all well and good—but for the first time in a while, you don’t have to consider anyone else. You are free to do whatever it is that you love.
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It’s perfectly acceptable if you put down this book right now and go do something fun. The book will still be here when you get back.Â
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What do you love to do? Walk on the beach? Go to the movies? Make jewelry? Wrestle sharks? I don’t care—whatever it is, your assignment is to do it. Make a list of at least 10 activities that bring you pleasure. Then start checking them off as you diligently accomplish them all. Your list will probably grow as you start allowing yourself all of this time for play.
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This is the perfect moment for you to take that class, go to that concert, learn acrobatics, dance your heart out, go to art shows, make weekend excursions to places you’ve never been. Take yourself out on dates—you can do whatever makes your little heart content.
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Of course (like all the steps in this book), being in a relationship is no reason not to do what you love. But right now you have a special creative license. Acting on your impulses and long lost dreams is a great way to get back into the flow of you. It will dissipate any stuck energy that you feel and lift any depression that may be lingering. Playing heartily is necessary for any spirit, but it is especially essential for you right now.
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 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.
Step 10: Forgiveness
August 16, 2008 by aimeecartierForgiveness is a part of any ending—and it is a necessary step for moving on. It is important to remember that when you harbor ill feelings toward another, you keep them in your own self and your body takes the brunt of this emotion.
Personally, I believe that we are all connected. We are all one. But even if you can’t get into that notion, you can understand on a very basic level that you are polluting yourself with any feelings of resentment or guilt that you hold.
Neither of these experiences is pleasant. They turn your thoughts sour, color your day, and restrict your actions. You are no longer available to give or receive love when your mind is closed by either resentment or guilt.
Notice I keep saying resentment or guilt.  In my experience the two usually go hand in hand. You can’t be mad at Bob for the way he treated you, without also feeling disappointment at yourself for accepting it. Believe me, I know this first hand….
I forgive ÂÂ______, is the best mantra I’ve found for this work. It’s simple, it’s to the point, and you don’t even have to feel it for it to start working.
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 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.
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Step 9: Learn
August 16, 2008 by aimeecartierEven if you believe your relationship was a complete failure, it taught you something. I believe that we often make “mistakes†for a reason. First of all, you were doing the best you knew how to do at the time. Secondly, by making those choices you learned something valuable.Â
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Remember Brett who I mentioned in the first chapter? He was the man who cheated on me. Despite the fact that our partnership was the most traumatic relationship I’ve ever been in, I actually came out the other side of it with a whole host of pivotal lessons. The knowledge that I gathered by going through this experience literally forever shaped my life for the positive. Â
QUESTIONS
Ask yourself the following questions:
  This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.   Stay tuned for more personal stories and techniques to help you learn from your break-up.  You can also visit www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.
