Disney: Believe it!

Our vacation has come to an abrupt, explosive, thunderous, victorious end, like the Death Star blowing up into tiny bits across the galaxy. We apologize that we were unable to provide constant updates on our trip. It was simply infeasible with the internet situation at our hotel...which, by-the-by, turned out to be the slimiest poop-smear of a hotel in the history of vacations. Also, our sincerest thanks go out to all of you for your amazing support...which especially includes those who so generously donated to our cause. I assure you that your prizes will soon be in the mail...as soon as Dave and I can get together to assemble them. There are so many great things to say, and stories to tell, about our trip, though I want to wait till Dave and I are again together to arrange our thoughts and write about them on our blog...for the time being just enjoy these fantastic photos, as I know you will!

...Chris Gould, with:

These are some seriously incredible human beings; but please, don’t take our word for it. Read the bios below and discover for yourself. You’ll see that there are millions of reasons these guys deserve another great Disney trip.


Who is Dave Mills?
Dave is just like you, only with less money. He has a huge heart and is extremely kind to all creatures big and small. All his life, he has taken jobs he believes in, rather than jobs that will make him more money. Dave never regrets these decisions, until it’s time to plan a vacation. By the way, Dave hasn’t been on a vacation since the last time he went to Disneyworld, which was oh…5 years ago. He really needs a break. Dave loves golf, the beach, ice cream, politics, and Disneyworld. He is a good friend. He likes dogs more than cats. He’s an above-average dancer. He’s charming and funny. He’s a gentleman. He prefers rum. Dave likes pretty much every movie he has ever seen. He’s low maintenance unless he’s hungry.

If Dave sounds anything like you, then you owe it to yourself to help him make it to Disney.

Relationship to Disneyworld
Dave was born in Orlando to wise and loving parents, and was exposed to the magic of Disneyworld from the moment he drew breath on this earth. He has set foot in a Disney park over 60 times in his 26 years of life. His life experience, coupled with his natural gifts for creative strategic planning, make him an asset to any vacation.

Disney Weakness: The Food
Dave has an impossibly fast metabolism, especially when he’s having fun. There isn’t a food cart vendor or themed-restaurant waiter who doesn’t know him by name and reputation. He once ate 8 pounds of crab legs in one sitting, and complained when he had to leave. At his birthday dinner at King Stephan’s Banquet Hall in Cinderella’s Castle in 1998, he ate a full meal and 4 different desserts. Then he made out with Cinderella. He’s a veritable eating machine. This is significant because eating costs money. Visit our Contribute to Our Dream section to learn how you can keep Dave fed without having him end up in the poor house.


Who is Zach Pusch?
Zach Pusch is a man. A round, Jewish man. Many words have been used to describe Zach Pusch; flexy, macho, crafty, sparkly, Zach, nice, fast, sexy, vintage, stocky, tuned in, locked and loaded, devastating, hairy. He prefers the first Godfather, the first Star Wars and the first Rocky. Simple pleasures make him smile; a good movie quote, a baseball game, pad thai, gold, the Hartford Whalers, speaking Nepali, a healthy debate, karaoke, a week in Disney World. He loves his friends and would do anything for them. He supports the underdog, excluding the Yankees. He hates George Bush and everything he stands for. He loves his girlfriend, Beth, in spite of her indifference to Disney World. Zach Pusch loves living abroad. He was a Peace Corps Volunteer and dedicated over 3 years of his life to seeing the world and trying to lend a helping hand. But he never forgot the happiness of a trip to Disney, nor did he ever, even for a fleeting second, forget his best friend Dave, and the sheer enjoyment he gets from milking every ounce of fun out of each second they spend together. Zach Pusch wants you to know just how important celebrating his reunion with Dave at Disney is for him. He spent years living outside the States, all the while dreaming of the day that this trip would happen…and now it is happening. Live the dream with him…

Relationship to Disney World
Disney is in Zach’s blood. It’s in his soul. It haunts his dreams. It’s one of the last true nostalgic links he has to his childhood…like baseball for Ray Kinsella in “Field of Dreams.†Zach grew up going nearly every summer with his grandparents to Disney World. It reminds him of everything good and pure and simple about his youth. Though his total-visits are far lower than world record holder Dave, his unmitigated passion for the Disney trip gives him a distinct understanding for the meaning and history of each ride and a scientific, zen-like insight into the mechanics that comprise the “perfect vacation.â€

Disney Weakness: Buying crap he doesn’t need
Zach approaches each Disney vacation with the same handicap…mainly the fact that he has never earned what can be considered a respectable income. His goal in planning these trips is always the same; make it cheaper than the last. And he pulls it off. Miraculously he has secured the most inexpensive peak-season hotel in the entire Lake Buena Vista region for this trip. Never mind that he and his friend will be sleeping in a bed of garbage and puke-soaked rags. It’s all a sacrifice he will make to help bring this vacation to fruition. However, once in Disney World, Zach is powerless to the many shops of junk and plastic he wanted so much to resist. He once bought a 30 dollar coconut. He promises to never do this again.

This is the most important thing you can do as a human being. We just made plans to go to Disneyworld on August 5th, 2006. The planets are aligning for the most incredible vacation in recorded history; but we need your help.

Despite all of our good looks and unending well of charisma, we are broke. destitute. financially impotent. in between fortunes right now. All we're asking from those that visit this site, is for a little help...with a tiny contribution not only can you help our vision become reality, but you can also live the magic.

Your contribution makes you part of an elite club. Depending on the size of your donation, you will be rewarded handsomely with a unique gift from our personal stockpile of disney artifacts. Take out your check book and review our contribution levels below...and as you do, remember this worthiest cause, we think.

The Pluto Sponsorship Level ($5.00): With this contribution you will receive a signed photograph depicting one of the most electric and exciting moments from Zach and Dave's vacation. But that's not all...you'll also get Zach and Dave's personal "How to have the Greatest Vacation of your lives" Tips.

The Goofy Sponsorship Level ($10.00): The Goofy Level Sponsor gets everything a Pluto Level sponsor gets and additionally, will receive an actual piece of the Magic Kingdom, brought specially to you from Zach and Dave's wonderous vacation. Ms. Mary Jenkins from Little River, IA received a square inch chunk of Cinderella's Castle last time this excellent gift was offered.

The Donald Duck Sponsorship Level ($25.00): The Donald Duck Sponsor will receive everything the Goofy Level Sponsor receives...but...and this is truly magical...are you ready. The Donald Duck Level Sponsor will also receive a one-of-kind t-shirt, inspired by the vacation, and hand-crafted by Dave and Zach themselves. This gift certainly gives weight to the phrase "Believe It."

The Minnie Mouse Sponsorship Level ($50.00): The fantastic person generous enough to make themselves a Minnie Mouse Level Sponsor, will get their very own set of Mickey Mouse Ears, bought for them on Main Street USA. In addition they will receive our personal tips from the park and autographed photo. This lucky sponsor will also receive a personal, live phone call -- from the park, with Zach, Dave and a Disney Character -- so that they too may share in the dream!

The Mickey Mouse Sponsorship Level ($100.00): The Mickey Mouse Level Sponsor will feel like the star of the show, just like Mickey himself. Like the Minnie Sponsor, they will receive a set of their very own peronalized Mickey Mouse Ears...hand-sewn by the artisans on Main Street USA...emblazoned on the back with their name. They will also receive the tips from the park, the live phone call...and a limited edition 8 x 10 autographed photo, perfect for the mantle.


Your help is crucial for this trip to be as successful as it deserves. We appreciate all of your support. Please send cash or checks to one of our Disney World Vacation Contribution Processing Centers:

yes, walt disney world
i say yes to your splendor
yes, my love is true

i flex in disney world
i smile beneath your castle
and know why i paid

splash mountain, you rock,
and excite me with your thrills,
though you smell like crotch

big thunder mountain
rumbles into the station
i feel my nuts drop

if a grown man can,
walk, with pride, along side mick,
then he is a man

darling it's for real
this funky disney magic
we should get busy

tiki, drunk pirates,
haunted mansion, jungle ride,
jealous, are many

we get phone numbers,
everywhere we walk, they flock
to share the magic

disney on the cheap,
holding minnie's hand at dawn,
mickey is a punk

sweat rolls down my crack
in the damned Orlando heat
chip just pissed me off

got the disney sweats,
my dreams, the monorail haunts,
it's devastating

the hole, dark abyss,
bugs crawl on my mickey ears,
cringe, and wait till dawn

douched with sweaty, sweat
i wait on line, 2 hours
behind a fat child

ride the monorail
eat often the lemon ice
such photos we take

*dedicated to Tonia "Le Sportif" Lovejoy, the weary traveller

If an ordinary picture says a thousand words, then the pictures you're about to see are worth 8 Cadillacs, a Mickey Mantle rookie card, 9 Ferrari's filled with Champagne and Hookers, Abraham Lincoln's shoes, a signed Picasso, and an evening with Marilyn Monroe. Scroll down and get ready to be changed for the better. But beware, the greatness of these photos might just urge you to up your contribution level. Enjoy!!

And now...if you're ready...scroll down to the best vacation photo of all time!! Go on, you deserve it.

Unscramble these words which best describe our last two trips to disney world...

This ages-old question has baffled vacationers for generations. Being the best Disney travelers ever, we think we've finally made a breakthrough. Using our patented mathematical equation known as "The Pucker Theorem" our supercomputer generated this top ten list. Agree with us? You probably should. Disagree? Be prepared to back your opinions up with facts in the comments section.

TOP TEN DISNEY RIDES

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: No self-respecting Disney-goer can deny that this ride is a steaming hot injection of thinly-veiled criminal eroticism. With hardcore boozing pirates and busty whores at every turn, this rum-filled-romp through burning city streets is as close as you will ever get to riding shotgun at Andrew Jackson's Inaugural Celebration. This is the only ride that truly does justice to the pirate way of life; and therefore tops our list.

2. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad: Mining is extremely dangerous, but this is your best opportunity to reinact your fantasies from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. At the end of the ride, you can take part in an ancient Thugee ritual known as "waiting in another 2-hour long line." Though I highly doubt that, at any point, you'll fly off the track and go airborne for thirty yards - and miraculously land on the opposite track safely. Spielberg must have been taking some seriously sweet acid if he thought we would be able to suspend disbelief enough to buy that monkey juice.

3. Haunted Mansion: There is no way that anyone will be able to convince us that this ride is even remotely frightening. However, it's campier than a John Waters film. The people who work this ride treat you like crap, and once I hit one of them in the mouth, which is enough to make any ride worthwhile.

4. Twilight Zone Tower of Terror: Welcome to astronaut training. This organ-jostling drop from some creepy old abandoned hotel is the closest Zach ever came to tasting his own nuts as they shot up his esophagus. This ride parts people from their sanity, and then they get back in line.

5. Monorail: Por favor mantengan se alejara de las puertas. The ride that taught us Spanish gets the five spot, if only for the incredible views and the vital role it plays in delivering us to the doorstep of our destiny.

6. Incredible Hulk: Though not a Disney ride, it really should be. This ride teaches you the true meaning of friendship and wind burn. For being the greatest hardcore rollercoaster on the planet, this becomes the first Universal Studios ride to crack the top ten...but don't worry - the good people at Universal have done their best to field a host of equally crappy rides to balance it out. (i.e. the Mounty log flume ride and the Sinbad Stunt Spectacular Cluster F#!*)

7. Hall of Presidents: Abe Lincoln goes to the theater and doesn't get shot in this highly educational (read: propaganda) audio-animatronic ode to our nations greatest leaders. Warren G. Harding finally apologizes for himself, but Millard Filmore doesn't buy it and sucker punches him in the jimmy.

8. Jungle Cruise: No other ride at Disney relies so heavily on the comedic talent of their 19-year old minimum wage employees. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always hilarious, this ride shows its age of 45 years. The mechanical hippo just doesn't freak me out like it did when I was 6, maybe because it looks like a football wrapped in tin foil.

9. Country Bears: If you like bears, you'll love this show.

10. World Showcase: Look, this is your only chance to get drunk and flirt with girls from other countries without having to pay for a passport. There's also an incredible amount of delicious food, though I would stay away from the caramel apples as they are made out of baby heads (a rare Polynesian delicacy). Though not technically a ride, if you know a few good french pick-up lines someone may ride you.