From Here to There

Dear Mom,

Today, I tried to think about all the things I could offer you, to try to help you worry less and enjoy more.  It doesn’t do you any good and it certainly doesn’t do me any good having you worry or sick or any combination of the two.

I keep thinking that, sooner or later, you’re just going to discover this confidence within yourself - about me and my ability to live and live well.  With all the things you could spend your time worrying about - I am surprised that an educated woman like yourself worries about whether or not I have sheets for my bed or whether or not the people I work for have my contact information.  Do you doubt your child rearing abilities that much?

Perhaps there are greater or smaller things that elude the both of us - but my list is as follows. Please take it to heart - as it comes only from mine…

Things To Really Worry About:
-the small child who wondered from car to car asking for spare change.
-the middle aged son who wrestled the liquor from his elderly father’s back pocket, for just a swig, and then put it back.
-the old woman who hunches over at the waist from such gnarled and twisted bones and spine; who sits in the train station everyday along side her life’s possessions in a shop & save bag. Whether I see her at 9am or 9pm - she is there, alone.
-the girl, barely older than me if at all, who cried silently in the corner of the train the whole way home. i ached with hope that she had someone to go home to.
-your sons and whether or not they are acting the way brothers should act
-your daughters in law and if you’re doing all you can to melt their lives, families into your own - the way your mother did.
-your eldest daughter and if she’s found her happiness
-your youngest daughter - but please - worry only that’s she’s happy and alive. The rest will take care of itself.
-your husband and how you interact with him these days, these years
-yourself - who you may have been years ago, who you may be tomorrow and the gift of knowing what you can change and what you cannot.

You’ve both armed me well for whatever it is you’re fearful these streets may throw my way.  I’m not so naive to think all my days here will be adventurous and shiny - I’m just fool-hearted enough to hope for more of those days than the other kind. And I’m experienced enough to know my worst day is probably far better than I’ll ever realize. My happiness comes when I do realize such a blessing and recognize it before it’s too late.

I’d rather you ‘waste’ your time sourcing your happiness, than anticipating my troubles.

I love you mother. Father, too. Share these words.

Love from here to there…