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Thu March 18, 2010

Source Fark Headline Comments

GLOBAL WARMING may cause snow to fall in the Midwest this weekend. Because it never snows after February in the Midwest (press-citizen.com) (44)

(Some Dog)

Cute: Bedbug-detecting dog. Ewwww: Trainer keeps a vial of bedbugs for training purposes and feeds them by letting them bite her hand (king5.com) (25)

(WWL)

The EPA wants to know if long-term fracking using massive hot injections could be harmful to your health (wwl.com) (11)

India - where people drink from the contaminated Ganges river and often bathe in cow urine - is considering banning Lindsay Lohan, because, hey, even they know where to draw the line (telegraph.co.uk) (15)

HA HA, QUAKERTOWN MAN RECEIVES MENTAL EVALUATION AFTER SETTING HIS CAR ON FIRE (mcall.com) (96)

(Style Weekly)

Pesky First Amendment thwarts developer whose name was used for website depicting her as a demon with a "Ghostbusters 2" quote (styleweekly.com) (52)

Shakespeare lost works "no hoax." Oh great, as if we need to spend even more hours trying to find *one* joke in the damn thing and forcing kids to dress up in tights and say "What ho, my lord" (npr.org) (65)

Sad Status Quo: Making your opponent in a bylaw debate sound scary by saying you refuse to be identified, claiming "fear of retaliation". Fark: In a debate about a leash-free park. Your dog: Steak, please (thespec.com) (15)

(Some Nutjob)

Woman sees Jesus in wooden door. Lady, that's knot Jesus. (w/ video) (abclocal.go.com) (57)

(Some Guy)

Divorce proceedings postponed in case of woman who hired hitman. Whew. We really hope this couple can work things out. (With "she's totally worth it" photo of accused woman) (970wfla.com) (82)

(Some College)

Photoshop this stickman student (shorpy.com) (24)

Mother pig nurses her crippled newborn piglet to health. Both will be making a delicious appearance fried and covered in maple syrup on a breakfast plate next year (dailymail.co.uk) (57)

Old and busted: finding an image of Jesus in your toast. The new hotness: finding the skeleton of Natalee Holloway in your vacation photos (blog.al.com) (135)

Woman killed by wolves. Authorities find two random wolves and kill them. "We will be doing tests to make sure they were actually the wolves" (cnn.com) (105)

"Hipster on food stamps" fires back, blames his crappy career and an unjust society that discriminates against creative types like himself (salon.com) (453)

(kmir6)

Suspect arrested in cinema thermometer stabbing, police say well done (kmir6.com) (36)

Kid learns the hard way that if you're old enough to rape an autistic woman on a street corner in broad daylight you're old enough for grown up PMITA prison (toledoblade.com) (267)

"Moms' self esteem hurt by helpful dads" says Institute For Mens' Lazy-Ass Excuses (news.yahoo.com) (198)

Jordan and Chester M. are now friends. • Comment • Like • Pedophile (news.bbc.co.uk) (90)

Working for the government comes with some great perks, like job stability, posh benefits packages, and in many cases, the need to pay taxes (abcnews.go.com) (122)

The Pentagon official who allegedly boasted of running his own private team of "Jason Bournes" is finally speaking out (wired.com) (83)

Not only is driving with early Alzheimer's ill-advised, studies now show it might also be ill-advised as well (news.yahoo.com) (93)

Coffee, tea, or flight attendants in hot pants? (life.com) (255)

(Some Guy)

Smoking hot cougar that had been prowling near high school turns out to be a male. Just like that hooker you picked up the other night (krqe.com) (53)

Five of the 10 plants with the highest amount of mercury emitted are in Texas, which explains a lot (news.yahoo.com) (74)

A boardwalk is a lovely place to have a wedding... provided that the boardwalk can support all of your chunky asses (thesun.co.uk) (41)

Giant hovering pliers attack house in England. I say, shall we all panic? Quite (maps.google.co.uk) (152)

Somali pirates attempt attack on Dutch warship with expected results (aolnews.com) (215)

Photoshop theme: This will not end well (fark.com) (53)

Archbishop of New York calls out NYPD police commissioner, and St. Patrick's Day parade grand marshal, for being late to church. Fortunately the commissioner had a good excuse (nydailynews.com) (108)

Cable glitch replaces children's TV with Playboy channel for the BEST TWO HOURS EVER (smh.com.au) (146)

Larry Flynt to write history of presidents' sex lives. Suggested titles include "From Johnson to Bush" and "There's A Reason They Called Millard 'Fillmore'" (voices.washingtonpost.com) (64)

43-year-old woman arrested for alleged sex act with student (w/ "hell yes" pic) (news10.net) (195)

A possible factor in Type 2 diabetes risk is antici- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (upi.com) (76)

Jon Stewart: "He's just like our last president". Texas school board member: "Somebody needs to stand up to the experts" Jon Stewart: "Wow he really is just like our last president." (thedailyshow.com) (435)

If you beat the murder charges, but you did actually commit the murder, the first thing you do shouldn't be to write a taunting letter to prosecutors detailing the crime. Unless you want that to also be the last thing you do (myfoxdc.com) (126)

Bus driver who won £2.3 million lottery the day after getting a divorce vows to share his jackpot with his ex-wife. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG (thesun.co.uk) (86)

Disgruntled ex-employee of car dealership accused of remotely disabling 100 customer's cars over the internet. In other news, your car dealer can apparently disable your car over the internet (dailyfinance.com) (106)

Behold the horror that is the Steve Jobs cheese head. Good luck trying to get to sleep tonight (gizmodo.com) (91)

Last chance to sign up for 2010 Fark NCAA Tournament Pick'em. Search for Fark, no pword required. Duke sucks (games.espn.go.com) (221)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - pation (upi.com) (94)

Health officials reveal that most brain injuries are the result of falls, accidents, reruns of "Two and a Half Men" (upi.com) (49)

Man ends his electrician career to become a conductor (sfgate.com) (101)

Today's Fark-Ready headline "Sleeping man shocked after cold man jumps into bed" (news.yahoo.com) (44)

Armed robber goes to a grocery store, pulls out a knife, and demands cash. Do the other customers: a.) hold him at gunpoint until the cops arrive, b.) tackle him and take his knife away, or c.) bring him down with a hail of vegetables? (news.com.au) (40)

Cutest pics you'll see today of a Persian cat taking a dip in the family pool (couriermail.com.au) (93)

In case your faith in humanity wasn't shaken enough (villagevoice.com) (73)

(Daily Telegraph)

Gambling GILF grievously gyps guru, galled gaolers grab granny (dailytelegraph.com.au) (70)

Police suspect flees biting dog (news.cincinnati.com) (27)

Officer forced to take evasive action to avoid getting struck by A) gunfire, B) car, or C) penis (news.bbc.co.uk) (44)

(Some Guy)

Add some color to this bleak landscape (shafir.info) (55)

Insurance company does the right thing by helping those most in need. Just kidding, they pick out people in a database who probably have life-threatening illnesses and investigate them for fraud so they can drop their coverage (consumerist.com) (167)

Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and hot lead (myfoxla.com) (25)

Ex-vegan gives talk to vegans. Do they: c) burn her face with capiscum while the audience cheers? (sfgate.com) (307)

(Daily Telegraph)

Living in your car with 23 animals? That's a finin' (dailytelegraph.com.au) (21)

Cracked presents the Cliff's Notes version of Drew's book for free: Six ways the media disguises BS as fact (cracked.com) (45)

Correctional officer at the Cook County Jail was fired for bringing DVD's to work to watch; DVDs of Discovery Channel's "Cook County Jail" series (examiner.com) (31)

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting missile strike against an Al Qaeda leader." "Interrupting missile strike aga-" *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* (foxnews.com) (113)

Proving that some people just can't take a hint, a Nova Scotia woman has been incorrectly declared dead by authorities - for the second time (cbc.ca) (28)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 254: "Farkitecture" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net) (241)

Wed March 17, 2010

What does a one year old Happy Meal look like? (consumerist.com) (203)

Cure for breast cancer found. Still no cure for canc, er... um, Duke sucks? (w/ photo of medically relevant sideboob) (express.co.uk) (154)

(azfamily.com)

Dad leaps from a second story window and shoots his daughter's boyfriend in the groin when he sees him beating her up, guaranteeing whoever dates her in the future will always get her home before curfew (azfamily.com) (307)

"Scarface" is: being captured by the police · 15 minutes ago · Comment · Like (abcnews.go.com) (45)

(Some Guy)

Illinois pub celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a pint-for-a-pint blood drive. Bet you can't drink more than ten (wqad.com) (39)

Having solved all of the other problems in the state, the Tennessee state Senate has passed legislation to allow aquariums in barber shops (google.com) (23)

(KSBY)

March Madness a popular time for vasectomies (ksby.com) (59)

Just in case that whole 2012 thing doesn't work out, Leonardo Davinci apparently thought the world would end in 4006. So, you've got that to look forward to (timesonline.co.uk) (67)

Photoshop this brick balancing (s.wsj.net) (27)

Guy drinks shot of morphine to celebrate his clean drug test, with predictable results (tampabay.com) (109)

State's list of worst-at-math schools is retracted due to -- wait for it -- math error made by state (burlingtonfreepress.com) (29)

(Some Guy)

Man arrested for crossing the street to buy pizza (wptz.com) (99)

(Some Guy)

Spring break: rape, drinking, sun, beach, rape (clickorlando.com) (205)

Sheriff's helicopter launched to help in high-speed scooter pursuit (tcpalm.com) (23)

(Some Booted Brit)

Man kicked off train for writing down the titles of songs and artists, including "The Killers" and "Take Me Out" (nme.com) (59)

($ome Guy)

With $peeding ticket revenue down during the bad economic time$ the $tate i$ con$idering rai$ing $peeding fine$, you know for public $afety (wbir.com) (116)

Spring breaker too drunk to remember if he had been robbed. "I noted (he) had urinated on himself" (nwfdailynews.com) (24)

University of Texas announces that it's instituting the Van Wilder rule (abcnews.go.com) (209)

(Some American)

9/11 Solved. Any questions? (911disclosure.blogspot.com) (589)

Yo, dawg. Life herd you like dogs, dawg, so they put some Irish dogs up for St. Patrick's Day (life.com) (63)

US kids now getting stoned on Spice, apply for summer Guild Navigator jobs (abcnews.go.com) (225)

The cutest monkey snowball fight you'll see all day (dailymail.co.uk) (47)

You should never kick your bus driver in the head. Especially when he's driving down the interstate (sltrib.com) (29)

The United States Army has changed how they train soldiers for the first time in over 30 years. Apparently, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare doesn't prepare you to carry 60 pounds of gear in the desert (aolnews.com) (197)

The most awesome pictures of a Bald Eagle chasing down a European Starling you will see all day (dailymail.co.uk) (167)

Body found in golf course pond may be heir to snack food fortune. Police suspect foul play, two-stroke penalty (abcnews.go.com) (92)

Photoshop these finance fellows (s.wsj.net) (41)

Three students at a D.C. elementary school have been diagnosed with scarlet fever. In other news, we still have scarlet fever (myfoxdc.com) (173)

(Some Greeter)

Wal-Mart: Rolling back civil rights (nbcphiladelphia.com) (485)

(Some Looper)

Small Montana town creates 1,000 Buddhas for the Dalai Lama and he promises to visit. So they got that going for them (missoulian.com) (59)

Woman claims her clown shoes were defective. No word on that pesky seltzer bottle (nypost.com) (44)

Irish Prime Minister meets with O'Bama. Guinness Summit? (abcnews.go.com) (60)

(Some Guy)

"Only in recent years has St. Patrick's Day become the alcohol-infused Celtic festival celebrated around the world with music, parades, leaping leprechauns and public mischief..." (vancouversun.com) (225)

Answering an age old question 'what would the dog do if he CAUGHT the car?', is this story from Chatanooga. BONUS: It was a cop car (accessatlanta.com) (80)

Seems like no one comes to visit anymore? Maybe it's because you're behind on your HOA fees (orlandosentinel.com) (311)

(KFAB)

Showing up for your DUI sentencing with a blood-alcohol level five times the legal limit might not earn you any favors with the judge (kfab.com) (35)

Kim Jong Timely-Joke-About-His-Last-Name (aolnews.com) (110)

Country musician saw that snow a comin', it was rollin' round the bend, Then he drove his car into a drift, spent four days feeling penned (foxnews.com) (30)

Things you can't get arrested for doing with a laser pointer: playing with your cat. Things you can get arrested for doing with your laser pointer: blinding police chopper pilots (myfoxdc.com) (160)

Pilot hits own house with plane. He's gonna be sleeping in the hangar for awhile (cnews.canoe.ca) (40)

From the 'you're doing it wrong' department: Gunman tries to attack Lenin's corpse in Red Square (telegraph.co.uk) (74)

Hello, this is Phil. We found your lost vehicle. You had crashed it in a different place than you thought. But it's still on the Moon (sciencedaily.com) (102)

And now, the most moving story you'll read all day (thesun.co.uk) (46)

(wsbradio.com)

"I know, let's set up our mobile meth lab in the Wal Mart parking lot. Nobody will see anything" (wsbradio.com) (53)

Tapping the maple trees in a cemetery is just wrong. And sticky (bostonherald.com) (63)

Father of the year candidate gets so drunk and stoned that he leaves his baby in the oven overnight. Authorities report that the child is safe, moist, and tender (cnn.com) (148)

(NineMSN)

Pictured on the cover of a large Swiss daily while naked on a ledge outside a burning transsexual brothel is definitely not where you want to end up, son (news.ninemsn.com.au) (45)

Photoshop Theme: Sequels to movies that quite frankly shouldn't have been made in the first place (en.wikipedia.org) (36)

(Reader's Digest)

From the rolling green hills of Tennese, to the rocky beaches of Masachusets, Reader's Digest ranks states' road netwurks (rd.com) (89)

Man buys scissors from 7-11 so accomplice can hold-up another 7-11 250m away while first man waits in taxi driven by vigilante. And then it gets weird (couriermail.com.au) (26)

(Some Guy)

If you abandoned 15 pounds of cocaine at a Cincinnati airport bathroom, some very nice men in suits would like to talk with you (wlwt.com) (54)

$75 million in pharmaceuticals stolen from Eli Lilly & Co warehouse; thieves said to be happy, erect, steady-legged, may be unable to sleep, pee, breathe, eat, should contact a doctor if symptoms last more than four hours (online.wsj.com) (58)

Dentist is accused of using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts inside the teeth of root canal patients. He's expected to be charged with wire fraud (hosted.ap.org) (71)