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Sun March 21, 2010

Source Fark Headline Comments

EPA may order Florida to cut speed limit to 55 to reduce ozone, upsetting retirees who don't want to drive that fast (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (11)

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Very slow and giggling fish (seacoastonline.com) (4)

Socialist California nearly killed Steve Jobs because he had to wait on the organ transplant list with everyone else, even though he was the sickest and richest (businessinsider.com) (65)

Rollerblading in Baghdad, marching between the tanks to film Arafat, joking about the time she was shot in the face by a sniper, or piloting a houseboat up the Mississippi with beer and Cuban cigars; Margaret Moth lived life to the fullest (edition.cnn.com) (31)

Parents in "bicycle-friendly" town won't let children ride to school because they don't trust parents who drive their kids to school (boston.com) (89)

The next time you start complaining about how bad your job stinks, compare it to this guy (boston.com) (31)

(Some Guy)

A speed "trap" is not "entrapment" (redding.com) (174)

While(C.diff++) { printf("Everybody panic. And no .atm()");} (azcentral.com) (87)

The $575 million settlement over cleanup of Ground Zero? Can't have it. Not yours (upi.com) (75)

Wall Street bankers protest the oppression of their people. From the inside of their offices, because it was cold outside. And no, this is not from Onion (nytimes.com) (64)

(Some Guy)

The history of the audio cassette tape. Get your pencils ready (murketing.com) (80)

Sea lion netted in Sea Lion Caves. Sea lion lyin', sees no sea, so sea lion caves to Beavers (oregonlive.com) (18)

Between the ages of 13 and 24 and taking the bus in the UK? Enjoy your drug test and full body scan, suspect (news.bbc.co.uk) (94)

Analysts believe gas prices won't bend you over like in the Summer of 2008, but expect to be felt up like the town pump wearing a tube top before an Independence Day picnic (chron.com) (78)

Houston area church prefers its "stations of the cross" themed art show entries to depict that part of the Passion where Christ was given Starbucks, and a foot massage (chron.com) (49)

(Alertnet.org)

Earthquakes in places that start with GUA trifecta now in play, as Guatemala gets hit with a 5.3 magnitude temblor. Residents of Guam look around nervously (alertnet.org) (30)

(Some Guy)

President Obama settles up Canadian beer bet with case of Yuengling. Furious Sam Adams storms off to join Boston Tea Party (nbcphiladelphia.com) (128)

New York City is a sparkling-clean citadel of peace and good cheer - and so, citizen, city goverment is well within its rights to ticket you for putting your feet up in an empty subway car (nytimes.com) (67)

Radiation from space may be the reason everyone's Toyotas are accelerating (io9.com) (53)

You know it's going to be a bad year if it's only March and you've already been shot in the head twice (buffalonews.com) (25)

Spotlights used by the Border Patrol are hindering an observatory in Southern Arizona from finding any aliens (azcentral.com) (34)

(Grapevine)

Southern Iceland evacuated following eruption of random ASCII characters at Eyjafjallajökull (grapevine.is) (62)

(St Louis Globe Democrat)

When texting your friend to come over and check out some drugs you just scored, be sure not to inadvertently send the message to a drug task force agent (globe-democrat.com) (29)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop these Antarctic arches (bigpicture.ru) (20)

(pbpulse.com)

-eating champ wins corned beef eating competition (pbpulse.com) (28)

School janitor arrested for trying to poison pupils' soup, which if it was anything like the swill they served us in school, would have been a big improvement (news.yahoo.com) (22)

Actual headline--'Butt in mulch starts a fire at BIA hotel'. Apparently one should keep one's ass out of a compost pile? (bangordailynews.com) (23)

Restaurant closes after serving your mom (cnews.canoe.ca) (60)

If you're going to do a carjacking, try not to pick the vehicle with the pit bull just resuced from a dogfighting ring (komonews.com) (86)

(Times Herald)

Watts arrested for resistance (thetimesherald.com) (96)

Sat March 20, 2010

Photoshop this odd A-frame (inapcache.boston.com) (40)

You know how the ancient Romans accidentally poisoned themselves by lining their plumbing with lead? Good thing we're not that stupid (sciencedaily.com) (93)

If you're sick today it's probably because you had cancer in a past life says psychologist who claims she was once a high priestess and leader of a mystic school in Egypt during the time of the pyramids (nwfdailynews.com) (116)

Person shot while attending a Colorado gun show. If only there had been some way for them to protect themselves (denverpost.com) (315)

No one's ever shot a film plants can watch. Until now. Wait, what? (news.com.au) (41)

Finally, Canadians will be able to enjoy Mountain Dew the way God intended it: Loaded with cafeine (cnews.canoe.ca) (99)

Most awesome tattoo you'll see today (boingboing.net) (188)

Mother Nature spins the earthquake wheel, and it comes up....wait for it....Guantanamo, Cuba. Congratulations Cuba, have fun with that 5.6 magnitude shaker (news.yahoo.com) (58)

River of poop streamed from Denver International Airport, according to Tom Butts, County Health Director (denverpost.com) (55)

(Some Guy)

Wondering if you'll survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse? Here's a handy-dandy flowchart for you to determine the strengths and weaknesses of your survival plan. You do have a survival plan? Oh God, please tell me you have a plan? (gameinformer.com) (199)

16 year old non-employee arrested for making that "all blacks, leave the store now" Wal-Mart announcement. Bonus: police used postings on Facebook to get evidence (nytimes.com) (355)

Officials change their mind, the Stripper Mobile - aka Skank Tank - is back on the streets after bannination. Tampa now officially dirtier than Vegas (wtsp.com) (79)

Just one more reason why subby prefers to stay on the couch (abcnews.go.com) (41)

What a bird's eye view of Google Street Map might look like (with pic) (thesun.co.uk) (60)

"Bees bees bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!" (latimes.com) (116)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop this low-tech TV (bigpicture.ru) (34)

A short but handy guide to the historic pubs of the UK (orilliapacket.com) (37)

26 percent of the people in this country still have something called a "life" (news.yahoo.com) (66)

(Some Guy)

Steal a beer, go to prison for 5 years. Sounds about right (postbulletin.com) (48)

Court says grandmother can be jailed up to six months for "stunt driving" after she went too fast passing a big truck (thestar.com) (96)

Great news. Popular snack bar is renovated and reopened for business after being destroyed......1,921 years ago (dailymail.co.uk) (107)

Paramedic gives a lift to five drunken teenage girls. For some reason his superiors have a problem with this (mirror.co.uk) (53)

(Brantford Expositor)

When in Yellowstone Park you are most likely to be injured by (a) bear, (b) deer, (c) squirrels (brantfordexpositor.ca) (47)

U.S. Navy hospital ship Comfort returns to Baltimore after two months in Haiti. Obviously, all problems are solved there now, and we can stop sending money, right? (upi.com) (82)

Catcalling women turns them against all men. Even the white knights (news.yahoo.com) (374)

Where do God-fearing Real Americans most like to live? They would be in Mississippi, which leads the nation in religious belief. Where are the godless heathens hiding from the Lord? Head on up New Hampshire and Vermont (damn hippie commies) (news.yahoo.com) (182)

(The Pulse)

The tale of the life and times of a noble chicken. It's not news, it's... really not news (chattanoogapulse.com) (25)

Minnesota DOT and bridge inspector agree to settlement, avoiding lawsuit over I-35W bridge collapse that would have made both look like incompetent morons (startribune.com) (30)

(Some Guy)

"Several passersby called Boulder police Wednesday afternoon when Catharine Pierce, 52, tended to her front yard wearing only a yellow thong and pink gloves." With pic of strategically and wisely placed duct tape (dailycamera.com) (117)

It's like snoooooooooooooow on the first day of spring (qctimes.com) (96)

Six women hoping to be crowned Miss Scotland. Proving that they are not all fried mars bar eating ginger slappers. With pics (thescottishsun.co.uk) (95)

Not news: A car priced at $76,500. News: It's a 1970 Nissan. FARK: A 7.4 oz. platinum toy Nissan car (jalopnik.com) (41)

Man puts on a suit, takes a taxi to an office, and goes completely unnoticed while spending the next 18 hours looting the office entirely of computers (wtsp.com) (88)

Christ returns to Earth, is immediately tasered by city police (startribune.com) (55)

Ric Romero with this breaking news: Organic label misused on some foods (boston.com) (94)

(Some Chicken Named Junior)

Photoshop this prized poultry (bigpicture.ru) (27)

Dumb: Forgetting to clear your browser cache. Dumber: Calling in IT guy to upgrade your computer. Fark: IT guy's mom gets you arrested on child porn rap. Happy ending: Supreme Court tells cops to suck it (torontosun.com) (179)

Necessity is truly the mother of invention. Especially if you're a trainer at SeaWorld and your job is to brush the teeth of a whale who just ate a trainer (wtsp.com) (41)

A Siamese cat named Amanda nurses her two newborn kittens and an orphaned litter of puppies, highlighting that all are welcome to enjoy Caturday (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (572)

Hundreds of people lined up before a giant toilet prop to bring awareness to World Water Day. Participants were asked to mind their pees in queue