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Thursday, August 21, 2008
(CNN) Followup Woman who "forgot" to file police report on "missing" daughter released on bail. Reportedly looking into an urgent lead right by the Mexican border, will let us know what she turns up (9)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Interesting Sexual impedance pill to be tested by women...ingredients include vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime (186)
(Daily Record (UK)) Asinine Bad: Getting a DWI before even pull out of your driveway. Worse: Getting a second DWI two hours later. Fark: You're even drunker than the first time (87)
(Some Guy) Interesting Porn shop beats off County Government for 11 years. Strangely, County Government not happy about it (76)
(tmj4) Fail A lovely family outing complete with guns, armed robbery and Batman comic books brought to you by the City of Milwaukee. Happy Birthday Mom (88)
(Some Guy) Interesting New book asks: "what if Jesus ran for president?" "Whosoever voteth for me shall have eternal life .... oh and I just changed Lake Erie into Pinot Noir LOL" (135)
(CNN) Amusing CNN holds a four person roundtable discussion on Amanda Beard "dissing" Michael Phelps. It's not news, it's CNN. Bonus not gay columnist commentary (191)
(Fox News) Obvious Senator tied to sex ring allowed to use campaign money for legal fees (113)
(CNN) Followup The whale that tried to breast feed off of a yacht, well, they were going to euthanize it and he disappeared. Johnny the hungry shark unavailable for comment (89)
(BBC) Sappy Message-in-a-bottle sender tracked down after 23 years, fined for littering (94)
(Some Guy) Amusing How many goats are you worth, you infidel? (139)
(WWNY-7) Dumbass Knocked-up welfare ho threatens to blow up Department of Social Services... Why, because you can't use food stamps to buy Mad Dog? (591)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Elephants can do math. EVERYBODY PANIC (97)
(The Onion) Satire Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World (159)
(Vail Daily) Sappy Woman gives birth in McDonald's after she realizes extreme pain she was feeling wasn't from the food (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting Obama says McCain tried to Jack Abrahm off (133)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Think being punished by deep south state troopers is bad? That'll be nothing in comparison to what Uncle Sam does to the 12 Air Force men and women arrested after they were clocked at 143 mph on their way to a charity event (185)
(KARE11) Asinine Prostitution as a summer job is yet another sign teachers aren't paid what they are worth (w/pic) (347)
(BBC) Followup Despite protests from the headline act, the last stop on the Gary Glitter 2008 World Paedophile Tour will now be London, where his entrance will receive the greeting it deserves (80)
(Breitbart.tv) Unlikely Pottery Gang War results in shots fired into on man's building. Police get involved before somebody gets kilned (63)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious Leader of cowboy-themed Christian sect in Sweden accused of being weird or something (42)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Firefighters responding to a small blaze at a Brooklyn warehouse smoke out .... uh ... a large pot-growing operation .... uh ... dude .... hee hee (40)
(CNN) Followup Here's your update on that kite-surfer dude: Upgraded from critical to serious, able to walk, has broken rib and ankle, spinal fractures and brain swelling, but dumbass is still intact (111)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool Hippest second-grade teacher ever gets his kids hooked on Coltrane, and now they're at work saving Trane's house from the wrecking ball (192)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this apple (86)
(Politico) Obvious If a reporter asks how many houses you own and you say "I'll have my staff get to you".... you might be an elitist (1417)
(The Sun) Amusing Squirrel with a coconut on its head - pic 2. The Sun is there (87)
(CNN) Unlikely What was that sound? Oh, just another deadline for a Russian pull-out soon to be whistling past (121)
(Fox News) Scary Wildlife refuge to local residents. "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your morning. By the way, has anyone noticed an escaped 600-lb tiger in their yard?" (39)
(KnoxNews) NewsFlash Today's school shooting with sparse details brought to you by Knoxville, TN (312)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Sad Love triangle ends with two murders, suicide. Husband's worst sphere came true when obtuse wife started dating acute guy she met online (160)
(Kingston Daily Freeman) Sick Hello muddah, hello faddah / Caught some pervs at / Camp Granada / Something something / 'bout my peener / Also, handing Playboy out's a misdemeanor (102)
(Salon) Interesting Women writers weigh in at length on whether the semicolon is an effeminate punctuation mark, don't spend much time dwelling on the period (123)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Living with humans has taught dogs morals. Your dog wants to have an open and honest conversation about the ethical ramifications of subjugating another living being for one's personal amusement (163)
(Telegraph) Amusing Eh oop, lad; these poncy sahthern names won't doa 'eear i' Yorksha. Nowt wrang wi' Percy Drive or Boltby, choom (139)
(WWL) Interesting Louisiana governor won't renew order barring discrimination based upon race and sexual orientation, because "it could cause problems with faith-based organizations' ability to contract with the state" (306)
(Reuters) Stupid Not news: Fight clubs. News: Where contestants wear gloves and fencing masks. Fark: Run by martial arts dorks who take this fight-club crap seriously (88)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pipe-smoking 50's office drone (56)
(Some Bear) Caption Caption this bear in a chair (88)
(Free Press) Sick Man passes 9-foot tapeworm days after eating uncooked salmon salad. Files $100,000 lawsuit for pain and suffering, new toilet (196)
(Arizona Star) Scary Mary had a little man, whose beard was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the knife wielding, corset wearing maniac was sure to go (39)
(MSNBC) Interesting More people are starting to party like it's 1699 (161)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Sci-fi author John Scalzi delivers black velvet Wesley Crusher painting to Wil Wheaton (235)
(SFGate) Interesting A massive mechanical mole that has spent the last five years burrowing through Southern California resurfaced Wednesday. Eeeew (83)
(Fond du Lac Reporter) Strange Woman accused of assaulting her husband with a knife and a large number of tomatoes (37)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 172: "Silhouettes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (291)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass Is it legal to give a baby wine at a horse show? Police standing nearby: Nay (74)
(Livenews) Fail Not News: Man decides to end it all by shooting himself in the head. News: Five times. Fark: And survives (182)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cop looking at students' MySpace page while giving an Internet safety presentation calls their pictures "slutty" and says he shared them with a sex predator in prison (247)
(Some Furries) Photoshop Photoshop these sheeple (58)
(Breitbart.com) News Rep. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones' condition re-downgraded to dead (193)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida High school principal outs a lesbian student to her parents, suspends students who support her (659)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Five of the greatest hoaxes of all time. Strangely enough, golden plates and magic spectacles are mentioned nowhere (217)
(Some Guy) Sick Teacher at Christian school teaches 14-year old exactly how Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel. "Do not hit" pic included (122)
(Blueweeds) Obvious Not news: Local offical pulled over for speeding. News: Cop offers to let him off because he is driving a hydrogen car. Fark: Official insists on getting a ticket to illustrate the speed of the hydrogen car (96)
(Some Guy) Amusing How to rob a bank with only an 'Out Of Order' sign (80)
(Local6) Florida Residents of Melbourne, Fla. not only dealing with historic flooding from TS Fay, they are now contending with alligators patrolling those flooded streets (112)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Hutchinson, Kansas will hit 92 degrees on Friday, but that won't stop Hobby Lobby from selling Christmas trees in August. there are only 126 days left, people (84)
(Some Angoleiro) Cool Man dance-fights carjacker and wins. No word on whether he was a Shark or a Jet (162)
(AP) Misc French ban TV channels and programming aimed at children under three, claiming it will damage their development. That's absurd, American kids have been watching tv practically since birth, and. . . uh-oh (79)
(USA Today) Sick Old and busted: scrap thieves stealing drain covers and sewer grates. New hotness: scrap thieves stealing cemetery urns and mausoleum gates (41)
(AJC) Strange Atlanta school superintendent faces resignation petitions for suggesting that Idaho does not have black people (134)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Fail City builds new $16 million elementary school. Residents vote against referendum that would have paid to staff and run the school, so it'll sit empty (169)
(AP) Interesting Bush administration set to withdraw all troops from Iraqi cities by June 30th (279)
(Some Suicidal guy) Dumbass Guy who killed 11 people while trying to commit suicide gets 11 life terms. You can't has death penalty (91)
(AFP) Cool Giving blood may soon go the way of winding your watch or changing your record needle, as scientists announce a new technique to create unlimited blood supplies from stem cells (176)
(apartment ratings.com) Strange Spy cameras, bugged phones, fake names, and counter-intelligence... Greatest apartment review ever (147)
(CBS News) Obvious Rudy Giuliani to play prominent role in national disaster occurring in September (123)
(Newsweek) Sad "The management fired all the lifeguards, replacing them with new ones who could swim" (40)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Rebel cows: You can't stop 'em, you can only hope to contain 'em (51)
(Some Fiend) Unlikely This is why it's so difficult to find a nymphomaniac who doesn't make your life hell (222)
(WBBM) Spiffy Please be sure your seats are in the upright and locked position. You are now free to surf the internet for porn (75)
(WNBC) Dumbass Man calls cops after gas station refuses to give him refund for box of condoms. Police say they will probably toss out charge against him this time, won't do hard time (36)
(Some Guy) Amusing Student creates fake restaurant with "bumbling" menu & subpar wine list, submits it to Wine Spectator magazine as part of her research--and wins Award of Excellence. Where is your sommelier now? (118)
(AP) Dumbass If you're going to grow marijuana, at least don't grow it on your driveway in plain view (76)
(Canada.com) Silly Obama / Sutherland '08? McCain / Cyrus for America? Hell, why not at this point (96)
(CBC) Spiffy Montreal voted best city in the world and will occupy Boardwalk, the most expensive square in newest version of Monopoly. The houses will still be made out of plastic though (87)
(AP) Followup NATO general says Pakistan chaos emboldens Taliban. Taliban respond that they'd rather be italicized (30)
(MSNBC) News Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, who was in critical condition, then dead, is now alive (195)
(Herald-Leader) Followup Former Kentucky gubernatorial candidate wasn't attempting to intice young girls into his king sized waterbed, he was merely offering their grandmother "a good fattening hog" (101)
(CBS News) Fail School bus mishap winds up with 6 year old boy wandering alone in Mexico--but on the plus side, the kid won a bundle at the cockfights in TJ (108)
(WTMJ) Cool $20,000 worth of gas missing from gas station, that's like 10 gallons (51)
(BBC) Scary Great tits are packing up and heading for cooler climates in response to global warming. EVERYBODY PANIC (129)
(Free Press) Obvious Michigan: Yup, still fat (175)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these vociferous Vikings (48)
(WESH Orlando) PSA When operating a gasoline engine, it's best not to do so in your living room (33)
(Guardian.com) Interesting One in five women in America are remaining childless throughout their lives, twice the proportion of a generation ago when women wore short, delicate skirts and stockings more often (π)
(Burlington Free Press) Spiffy The Great State of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese (98)
(BBC) Dumbass 1. Steal 1000 hair straighteners from work. 2. List them on eBay using work's computers. 3. Profit (with fark-worthy pic) (119)
(PghLive.com) Strange Man convicted for assault with a deadly gnome (49)
(Dayton Daily News) Florida Minor fender bender turned crack-fueled rampage brought to you by the letters F and L (85)
(CBS Miami) Florida Today's Jesus in a piece of wood comes with a twist. Flip the wood upside down and Jesus turns into the devil (134)
(Network World) Spiffy FTC essentially bans prerecorded telemarketing drivel. It's not the "electrocute the bastards by pressing the pound key" solution we were hoping for, but it's still a good thing (171)
(The Register) Scary Boy discovers the hard way why it's a bad idea to have a fart-lighting competition next to a gasoline can. Bonus police quote, "I think he must have won the competition" (65)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Man attempts the old "I couldn't have flashed that cop because my junk is too small to see" defense, with predictable results (52)
(CNN) Interesting Mark Chapman says he is ashamed that he killed John Lennon. Parole Board gives him squishy hug and lets him out. Nah, just kidding, he's not going anywhere (194)
(ABC News) Obvious Article asks, "If you had $147,000 to spend on scientific research, would you rather try to find a cure for cancer or see whether women get sexually aroused while watching pornography?" (172)
(Aftenposten.no) Scary Russia to cease all military exercises with NATO members, except for invading them (199)
(Some Guy) Strange You probably shouldn't flash a bikini-clad barista who's holding a cup of boiling water. "Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah." (74)
(Washington Post) Strange Job-seeker who changed her gender goes to court. (with "you ain't foolin' anyone" pic) (316)
(CBS Sacramento) Cool Caught on tape: Woman takes on 6'5", 215 pound, shotgun-wielding convenience store robber and wins (93)
(CBS News) Amusing Monkey escapes Dragnet at Tokyo station, promptly falls into pagan clutches (55)
(Sun Sentinel) Sad PETA may buy Seaworld from new owners InBev. So if you were thinking of eating Shamu, you'd better act fast (143)
(Live Science) Followup Bigfoot hoax could cost police officer his job--presumably because anyone that bad at falsifying evidence wouldn't make a good policeman (50)
(Some Guy) Interesting Do corporations really pay no taxes? Or is it just a bunch of overhyped media BS on a slow news day? The real numbers indicate the latter (241)
(Baltimore Sun) Fail Step 1: Steal signs from the roofs of Pizza Hut cars and demand $500 for their return. Step 2: Send a cell phone photo to prove you have them, kindly including your license plate in the pic. Step 3: Earn the tag (119)
(CNN) News Ahora esta llegando en la puerta 9... puerta 10.... puerta 11... puerta 12 (224)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a highly visible TV reporter, maybe you shouldn't be including your photo when soliciting dudes for threesomes on Craigslist (310)
(CNN) Followup Rice signs missile defense agreement with Poland. Missiles that will defend northern threats will be placed upright, missles for the southern defenses will be placed facing downward (113)
(athensonline) Amusing Univ. of Georgia planning to name a building after former governor and US Senator Zell Miller. Students not sure how they will feel about studying in the Farking Nutbag Learning Center (105)
(Reuters) Stupid Most Americans think that the worst of the fuel price spike is over. No, this is not a repeat from 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, or 2007 (194)
(Bloomberg) Obvious U.S comsumers consume less gasoline. Refiners respond by cutting production of gasoline. Wall Street considers it a shortage in supply, and raises crude oil prices (159)
(The Newspaper) Stupid City says its speeding tickets should be upheld because its speed limit signs are only a little bit illegal (155)
(BBC) Obvious World's oldest man loses title (66)
(Baltimore Sun) Sappy Man makes Eagle Scout at age 50. Apparently took forever to get procratination merit badge (144)
(USA Today) Florida Like an unrelenting Haitian on a makeshift boat, tropical storm Fay just keeps hitting the Florida coast (91)
(Metro) Stupid Man photographs police breaking the law, is surprised when they arrest him and charge him with assault, indiscriminate behavior, mopery, high treason, provoking, being a smart guy, listening to classical music and so on (161)
(AP) Fail US healthcare getting much better....this guy was only ignored for 22 hours before he died (325)
(News.com.au) Obvious 100,000 people line up to watch a parade of topless female bikers (118)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If under house arrest, one should refrain from driving naked while speeding, drunk, and high on crack cocaine with a naked prostitute next to you (85)
(MSNBC) Weird As the popularity of cremations rises, an odd trend has also cropped up: More people are abandoning their loved one's ashes at the funeral home (66)
(The Tennessean) Scary Ma'am, I know you're having labor pains, and I'm sorry, but this hospital doesn't deliver babies anymore (75)
(Gainesville) Florida Shoe and bloodied Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt found inside of bear (128)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this misty mountain path (77)
(Canada.com) Sad A Canadian tradition, where people laugh, wield hatchets and bet on where headless chickens will keel over, has been cancelled due to political correctness (136)
(NJ.com) Stupid You'd think a 56-year old police dispatcher would know better than to chat as "Dirty Old Ira" and tell a young girl that "14 is the new 18." But since this is Fark, you know that wasn't really a young girl (87)
(WWL) Obvious Two hooded robbers try to rob the Sopranos meat market, with expected results (59)

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