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Thursday, July 24, 2008
(Time) Misc Barry Bonds turns 44* today. LGT "My, how he's grown" slide show (1)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida See the complete list of everyone injured at Disney's Magic Kingdom (10)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Who is the biggest asshat? The couple with the Calvin peeing on Obama sticker on their truck or the woman who goes bezerk and call them racists? (33)
(Buffalo News) Followup Stretch of road to be named after Tim Russert; to curve to the left slightly before ending rather abruptly (27)
(Dallas News) Stupid 'Twat swap' details unveiled, owner compares club to church barbecue (14)
(AP) Sad Man uses an AK-47 to clear a traffic jam, a father, and two kids. Was an illegal immigrant protected by San Francisco's sanctuary laws. This did not and will continue to not end well (111)
(CNN) Asinine Is marriage just for white people? In related news, is CNN just for retarded people? (95)
(Metro) Spiffy Researchers in the field of drunkology hope to redesign streets to make them more drunk-friendly. In other news, people research drunkology. Professionally (22)
(Some Art) Photoshop Photoshop this beeswax cylinder (25)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting More than one million New Yorkers struggle to speak English. Which begs the question: only one million? (62)
(MSNBC) Interesting Gun rights activists say that everyone ought to be able to carry a gun in a national park, presumably to prevent the scourge of pick-a-nic basket-jacking (69)
(BBC) Cool Stay in a beach resort in the UK for just £10 a night. The catch -- no toilets. The other catch -- the hotel is made out of sand (17)
(Media Matters) Followup Savage Weiner blames others now that he's on the hotseat for his remarks about autism (122)
(UPI) Stupid In a flash of brilliance, police think "hey what if we post the weird 911 calls we get on to YouTube, because that will discourage people from making weird 911 calls" Yeah (26)
(LA Times) Obvious As the media moves to correct itself for glowing coverage of Obama, it's entering a period of shallow analysis (111)
(Kotaku) Sad Grinch.....er......Nintendo president says he can't guarantee there will be enough Wii's available in the U.S. this Christmas. Then he jumped from a diving board into a warehouse full of money (123)
(Slate) Unlikely Yet, if the press craves consistency, it owes its readers some sort of assessment of Edwards (46)
(Daily Mail) Followup To the surprise of absolutely no one, the guy who sold his life on eBay will have to take it back because none of the top bidders can complete the deal. And he can't even leave negative feedback. Bummer (16)
(SFGate) Stupid Federal appeals court upholds rights of police officers to beat your ass for a bag of fajitas (40)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's prostitute round-up brought to you by Clearwater (55)
(Bloomberg) Interesting The arctic could hold 90 billion barrels of oil. And, conveniently, will soon melt so that it will be easier to extract the oil (62)
(Now Magazine) Dumbass "X-Files" star David Duchovny claims to have seen a UFO. But he was "having a hard time then, you know, life" so he could just have easily been drunk (30)
(Stuff) Amusing New Zealand university offers $5,000 reward to anyone managing to arrest Condoleeza Rice in her upcoming visit to the country. What could possibly go wrong? (89)
(Daily Mail) Silly The government is urging parents to use steamy TV soap scenes to talk to their children about sex (17)
(NJ.com) Scary Assailant sought in gas station shooting. No word on whether the gunman appeared to hate cans (25)
(Daily Mail) Followup The Christian Bale "assault" on his mom and sister? He just yelled at them after his sister asked him for $200 grand to "help raise her children" and he turned her down. The heartless bastard (164)
(News.com.au) Hero Naaaaaahhh, what's up, Doc- HOLY FARKING SHIAT GET OUTTA THE HOUSE (64)
(Telegraph) Hero 78-year old woman has her purse snatched, outruns 20-year old crook, gives her a damn good shaking. Fark: her grandson is an Olympic sprinter. With "angry fist of Gran" photo (37)
(Cracked) Amusing If your last girlfriend had an IMDB page (46)
(BBC) Asinine News: To protect children from paedophiles, council stops elderly women photographing paddling pool. Fark: The pool was empty (62)
(Guardian.com) Followup Max Mosley wins his privacy case against the "News of the World". The paper is fined £60,000 and is to be spanked for being a very naughty tabloid (41)
(News.com.au) Amusing "It's one thing to cover your body with the flag, but quite another thing to be naked and using it as a horse's saddle" (31)
(Some Guy) Amusing Major search-and-rescue operation called off when the victims turned out to be two large inflatable penguins (14)
(9 News) Strange Man trapped under asphalt roller... Otto unavailable for comment (24)
(Telegraph) Amusing Newspaper misspells its own name on front page. It's not news, it's Furk (55)
(Daily Mail) Misc Sophisticated "Gastrosexuals" use food to woo women. Your girl wants steak (prepared with a crust of peppercorns and hazelnuts and garnished with frisee) (183)
(News4Jax) Florida Not news: Man steals 3 buses. Fark: He followed the routes and made all the stops (63)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this road block (73)
(Stars and Stripes) Interesting Congress opens hearings over military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Opponents and supporters of the policy vow to wrestle in oil while dressed in loincloths (133)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 168: "Farktography Classic: Blue II". Difficulty: No sky. Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (296)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008
(CBS Sacramento) Asinine Cops: Auto theft? Check. Robberies? Check. Gangs? Um, that'll cost you extra (39)
(Some Jedi) Cool Remember the steampunk Star Wars figures? Here is the Empire Strikes Back edition. Cool tag beats Followup tag with a Force choke (139)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Obvious Drama teacher takes classroom role playing to a whole new level (153)
(Telegram) Weird Prison inmate introduces himself as Jesus Christ to see whether he can get along with cellmate. One ruptured spleen later, it appears doubtful (30)
(CNN) Obvious When homeowners lose their homes in forclosure, we laugh at them and call them stupid. When banks make high-risk investments on subprime debtors and lose, we issue $300,000,000,000 to bail them out (225)
(CNN) Followup Hurricane Dolly downgraded to "Led Zeppelin I" as levees hold (49)
(Yahoo) Amusing Cook County (IL) Commissioner Mike Quigley drafts resolution noting the 2009 Winter Classic between the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings. As for what the 10 letters that end the last 10 lines of the document spell, that was coincidence (77)
(Boston Globe) Followup Goodness Gracious (110)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Due to the fact that it is in such high demand, The New York Times has raised its newsstand price to $1.50 (146)
(Some Guy) Strange At least four people in West Virginia have been hospitalized this summer for drinking tiki torch fuel. And last year more than 190 residents got sick drinking the liquids inside glow lights (97)
(CBC) Silly News: Woman sues after service animal banned from city buses. Fark: It's a ferret (122)
(CNN) Dumbass House approves the taxpayer-funded Personal Responsibility Mortgage Bailout Bill of 2008 (469)
(Stuff) Hero Judge puts nine-year-old named "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" under court guardianship until a real name is chosen for her. Bonus childrens' names in article: Keenan Got Lucky, Cinderella Beauty Blossom, Sex Fruit (256)
(KABC-7) Sick Nine-year-old gets "Star Wars" ruined for him forever (381)
(Reason Magazine) Sad America's dumbest generation? (334)
(CBS Chicago) Spiffy Pennsylvanian with no arms and no legs finishes 275th of 308 in swimming portion of Pittsburgh triathlon. No, his name isn't Bob or Duncan, but he is a buoy (87)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this doorway (56)
(Jalopnik) Amusing The 10 ugliest new cars in America (283)
(BBC) Amusing Chimp escapes zoo enclosure to get to the roof where it manages to disarm one worker before taking two tranquilizer darts and a banana (with great video) (35)
(USA Today) Asinine Ugly brat sues teacher over insulting remarks (104)
(Kansas City) Scary Old and busted: Drive-by shooting. New hotness: Drive-by grenading (40)
(I-Mockery) Cool I-Mockery travels to the top of Big Bear Mountain and discovers a genuine classic arcade that has stood the test of time since 1959 (60)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing You know it's hot in Houston when inmates escape just to go swimming (26)
(SeattlePI) Interesting The #1 bear threat to America: Snuggle (86)
(AP) Silly "Spastic balls lure adults to Old School P.E. classes" (36)
(Kansas.com) Dumbass Sometimes you should just cut your losses instead of calling police -- for instance, if you get robbed trying to buy pot (47)
(LA Times) Obvious China sets up designated tank practice areas for the Olympics (90)
(Spike) Amusing The top 7 misguided rap attempts. The horror (289)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy At long last: XM - Sirius merger approved (277)
(Google) News Hurricane Dolly makes landfall as a category 2 storm. Pray for Omarion (112)
(AFP) Amusing French couple displays amazing lack of historical awareness, makes porn video at World War I memorial (74)
(NBC5i) Scary Accelerated tanning = accelerated death. Really really accelerated (110)
(Breitbart.com) Stupid New York state worker earning $100K lived in company paint shed, report says (63)
(Bloomberg) Strange Crazed German man drives a car though the gate at the site of Obama's speech Thursday, circles the complex repeatedly and spills red paint out of his car. France surrenders (90)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet nor dark of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds, even if they deliver mail to the wrong address for 19 years (43)
(Palm Beach Post) Ironic Palm City man's stolen credit card used to buy program to prevent identity theft (43)
(Politico) News Robert Novak rams a pedestrian and speeds away. Yes, submitter is well aware this is Not Braking news (247)
(Canoe) Amusing Homeowner jumps burgler, binds him with duct tape and hands him over to police "gift wrapped" (61)
(Canada.com) Dumbass "Sorry about the Molotov cocktails. Our bad." Awkward (84)
(Washington Post) Obvious You're the largest cable company in the United States. Do you: C) Spend almost a month trying to figure out why a customer isn't getting his cable... only to find out that you haven't hooked it up to his house? (159)
(BBC) Dumbass British woman sues after "water detox diet" leaves her brain damaged and on medication. Dietician counters that thinking a water detox diet would work meant the woman was probably brain damaged already (95)
(Gawker) Amusing Vanity Fair does the thinkable to The New Yorker (132)
(NewsChannel9) Obvious Missing? ☑ Female? ☑ Caucasian? ☑ Attractive? ☑ Young? ☐ Nevermind, go back to your normal routine, nothing to see here (434)
(ABC News) Interesting U.S. appeals court overturns Internet Child Protection Act. Why won't they think of the children? (251)
(CBS New York) Dumbass NTSA = x + z(2), where x represents a 25-year-old math teacher and z represents her 16-year-old student (130)
(Google) Spiffy The baby born of the second Immaculate Conception turns 30 today (164)
(Rian.Ru) Interesting Hugo Chavez to purchase $5 billion worth in Russian weapons for Venezuela in order to protect the country when the U.S. invades or the monkeys in the rain forest get organized and attack, whichever comes first (500)
(A&E TV) Strange Because Criss Angel is called Mindfreak, are people who follow him called "freaks"? (Sponsored link) (165)
(WTMJ) Spiffy Harley-Davidson unveils a tricycle-style roadster. Next, Bob the Builder and Barney the Dinosaur co-star in "Easy Rider" remake with Raffi covering "Born To Be Wild" (218)
(Network World) Scary Bank websites using swiss cheese for security, university researchers find (59)
(CNN) Spiffy Minimum wage to jump by $0.70 which works out to about 145 cases of Natural Light or 18 grams of meth per year based on 40-hour work week (485)
(Comedy.com) Hero A salute to the man trying to bring the Kicked in the Nuts record back to the USA (54)
(Sky.com) Followup Although the press informed everybody else, they forgot to tell Patrick Swayze he had only weeks to live (137)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly The score at the end of the Møøse vs. Sister match is Møøse 1, Sister 1 in sudden-death overtime (74)
(CNN) Followup Radovan Karadzic to defend himself in war crimes court. Because it worked so well for the last guy (79)
(SFGate) Followup Rogue programmer who hijacked San Francisco's network surrenders passwords to mayor, says he was just protecting the city's code. He's also been described as "a bit maniacal." Gee, ya think? (173)
(thisisplymouth) Dumbass Man who once threw owl from moving car to evade police pursuit now jailed for armed burglary at wrong house (46)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Drinking Wite-Out does not erase alcohol from your blood. You will still be charged with drunk driving (97)
(AP) Dumbass One in, one out. The "Spam King" is AWOL from federal prison. Wait, two "Spam Kings"? Spam King trifecta in play? (90)
(Canada.com) Cool If you've ever wanted to swim with sea lions in a mall, now is your chance. Yeah, us neither (90)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this underwater cameramajigger (58)
(News.com.au) Stupid Having solved all other problems, Australian politician wants fast-food chain to stop offering Batman toys with children's meals (92)
(Yahoo) Interesting "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male (189)
(SFGate) Sad Jenny Craig just shed over 160 pounds in a single day (86)
(Telegraph) Hero Marine commando jumps on grenade to save comrades. Survives blast, refuses to to be medevaced -- then shoots an insurgent. Queen says, "By George, you have balls of steel" (409)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Strange Woman accused of trying to cram a peanut in the mouth of her allergic neighbor. Nutjob should pecan somebody her own size (66)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Woman performs Wiccan ceremony in cemetery after a run of good luck, inadvertently stabs herself in the foot with the ceremonial sword (190)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When in the cockpit of an airliner, don't push the button marked "takeoff power" while still in the hangar (83)
(Stuff) Amusing Vermin-clearing incident gone awry leads to shrapnel in the buttocks. Forrest Gump unavailable for comment (24)
(Fox News) Strange "You can't bust me, if you don't know what you found..." (98)
(BBC) Unlikely Tired of Jesus hogging all the publicity by appearing on food products, Allah decides to make an appearance on meat (109)
(The Moscow Times) Scary Hungry Russian bears trap geologists at remote survey site, demand ransom of one million pic-a-nic baskets (53)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing There are times you should just turn off your cellphone, like when you're in a stolen vehicle being chased by cops (18)
(College Humor) Video Pencil, telephone, hourglass, diamonds, candle, candle, flag! Mouse, scissors, ball, mailbox, mailbox, mailbox! (93)
(Guardian.com) Strange The world's top flatulist prepares to unleash himself on Edinburgh (50)
(azfamily.com) Scary Golfer struck by lightning. Last words were, "Rat farts" (86)
(News.com.au) Asinine Catching a taxi to town to do the shopping: $50. Faking a heart attack and calling an ambulance, then miraculously recovering when you arrive at the hospital, 150 meters from the shops: FREE (57)
(Some Guy) Stupid Tesco's cock up nearly breaks up relationship when condoms are added to man's order by mistake. Penis (92)
(LA Times) Weird South Los Angeles considers a ban on all new fast-food restaurants for one year. Capitalism, blubber surrender (60)
(Some Guy) Florida Sign of the times: Man arrested for stealing $0.42 from a mall fountain (55)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Mustard Man arrested for aggravated assault (not before delivering awesome response) (170)
(Gizmodo) Photoshop Gizmodo's running a "Truth in Advertising" Photoshop contest. Bring the FARK (69)

Tuesday, July 22, 2008
(News.com.au) Dumbass Eighteen-year-old Melbourne boy reinforces need for a "Darwin" tag by stripping to his underwear and losing a game of chicken with cars on the highway. Fark bonus: He's from South Morang (81)
(PoJo) Weird Vinegar Festival takes place in LaGrange, NY. A lot of douchebags were there (57)

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