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Saturday, October 11, 2008

(VillageSoup.com) Cool

I'll see your rare blue lobster and raise you one day-glo orange lobster. W/ hittable pic (14)

Weedpunk literary genre? First cyberpunk, steampunk... now weedpunk? (17)

(TheMaineEdge.com) Spiffy

"The show includes a cast of 77, including 32 Rockettes. They travel with two camels, a donkey and four sheep" (16)

(Some Guy) Photoshop

Photoshop these lil skeeters-to-be (13)

Cars lined up 30 deep as two stations battle it out in gas war holding at $1.85 per gallon by Friday night (106)

It's your weekly roundup of supermarket recalls: dried radishes, milk drinks, cookies. In other news, people actually eat dried radishes? (21)

If you ever wanted to have a motorcycle shaped like a leaping jaguar, today's your lucky day (66)

A year later, Creation Museum still drawing big crowds. It's almost as if there was some intelligent design behind the whole project (212)

Hurricane Norbert strengthens to category 3 storm. Should hit New Mexico by Sunday. Huh? (43)

Hundreds flock to Cape Cod harbor to see the huge manatee. Oh (53)

All talented cats must get ready for the upcoming Cat Agility Championships in NYC. Caturday might be a good day to start (315)

(Some Guy) Ironic

Joerg Haider, head of Austrian far-right political party, dies in car crash after trying to pass someone on the right (170)

What is Henry Paulson whispering to Ben Bernanke? (voting enabled) (137)

(SLO Tribune) Florida

A traveling zoo is all fun and games until an allergic hotel maid meets lemur poop and spider monkey dander (bonus: plaintiff claims kidnappers took her to a cemetary so she'd drop case) (26)

Cop injured after being cold-cocked by a sex toy (50)

Parents, when you feel like spanking your child, why not tickle them instead? (92)

Thinking of ending it all with a dive from the Golden Gate bridge? Well, now there's a catch (115)

(Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa!) Photoshop

Photoshop this proud paternal presentation (26)

Photoshop this modular model (21)

Austin cop forgot gun in courthouse bathroom. TX state judge suggests reasonable step of banning all cops from having guns in courthhouses (37)

Elderly man jailed because he can't afford to sod his lawn according to homeowners association decree (173)

Insane man kills his mom claiming he was acting on CIA orders to kill this woman who he believed was draining so much money from banks that it would cause worldwide famine (67)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Latest counterinsurgency in Iraq is led by roaches who hitchhiked in with American troops. At least the roaches can win something there (61)

Now's the time to invest in mackerel (70)

79-year-old big dummy arrested for blocking sidewalk with multi-ton garbage mountain (pic) (42)

Dog dies saving owner from burning house (170)

(Some Guy) Photoshop

Photoshop this lakeside real estate (38)

Chimp Anjana becomes surrogate mother to adorable white tiger cub twins (44)

(The Courier-Journal) Dumbass

How many times have you heard this one and yet it still makes you just shake your head: Two arrested in robbery after stopping to ask cops for directions (21)

Toss another Marklar on the Marklar (75)

Japanese nuclear complex starts smoking, officials say there's nothing to fear (64)

Mark Wahlberg not a fan of "Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals" (78)

(Some Guy) NewsFlash

Troopergate findings: Palin abused her power. Turns out she really does have executive experience (lots)

How do real female fans support their Tampa Bay Devil Rays? By getting Rayhawk bikini waxes (82)

Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega convinced that "God (is) punishing the United States with the financial crisis for trying to impose its economic principles on poor countries." Bet that makes his taco pop (118)

(Some Guy) Asinine

With Massachusetts having solved all of its other problems... income tax, deteriorating roads, schools with no accreditation... they have decided to argue over what the state book should be (69)

We don't need to tell you that the next president of the United States is going to have a lot to do. He has to fix the economy, the environment, and Wall Street as well as reveal the truth about UFOs. Wait, what? (170)

Family shares home with pet donkey, figuring why not have another lazy ass around the place? (pic) (18)

(Westword) Obvious

The best beers in the US are brewed in Colorado, California, Alaska, Oregon and rest of the West (276)

Cast of "Family Guy" to present two nights of songs and masturbation jokes at Carnegie Hall next month (68)

Actual headline: "Talkin' Bout My Boring Generation." Welcome to old farthood, Baby Boomers (73)

(Some Guy) Spiffy

Man builds a life-sized replica of Fred Flintstone's car for his yard (49)

It's League Championship Week over at The Smoking Gun mugshot roundup (197)

Mother-of-the-year candidate buys her 13-year-old daughter and her two friends a bottle of vodak, three bottles of wine, and two alcopops before charity walk, because walking is hard when you're sober. w/OMG MY EYES pic (148)

(Some Guy) Stupid

Comcast gives ultimate in crappy service to homeowner (103)

Forbes recalculates list of wealthiest Americans in wake of financial crisis and stock market collapse, reveals that Buffett has overtaken Gates as USA's richest man, breaking 15-year deathgrip (77)

Gas prices in Britain are now so high that terrorists have taken to escaping after planting their bombs by rickshaw (29)

Report: Jose Canseco detained at Mexican border for possession of steroid that "maintains and restores testicular size" (57)

(Some Crazy Guy) Florida

Live in Key West and have a check from Mexico you need cashed? Do you c) Walk to Chicago with three bike trains full of crap (83)

The numbers are in from Oktoberfest - Only 6.6 million liters of beer and 104 oxen, however condom sales are bursting at 1.5 million (44)

McCain's tracking numbers against the S&P 500 over the past two weeks. It's the economy, stupid (232)

Stress from difficult economic times does not cause more suicides. Actually, it causes people to eat like Michael Moore at a free Vegas buffet (40)

Canada has universal healthcare, a budget surplus, no war, and financially sound banks, not to mention Canadian Bacon. Who's the moron now, America, eh? (355)

(The Register Citizen) Dumbass

Student brings fake gun to school during visit by presidential candidate Ralph Nader. In other news, Nader qualifies for Secret Service protection? (59)

6 horrible lessons Hollywood loves to teach kids (112)

Another thing your $700 billion bailout package is buying for Wall Street: $1000 lap dances (122)

Vladimir Putin gets rare tiger cub for his birthday. PETA upset because he HUNTS tigers with his JUDO (84)

BBC radio presenters suspended after referring to the disabled as "window-lickers", now wish they hadn't gone full retard (66)

Georgia requests complete Russian pullout, Russia claims it feels too good to stop (27)

(The Moscow Times) Amusing

Russia's parliamentarians are off their meds, but still have access to a liquor store at work (14)

(Political Wire) Cool

Sarah Palin confirmed to appear on Saturday Night Live on October 25th (376)

France pulls tainted Chinese food. And by tainted, they mean not soaked in butter or containing snails (58)

REMINDER - Fark Party tonight in Petaluma. 8pm at Dempsyes. DIT, LGTprevious thread (42)

Following Massachusetts' lead, Connecticut goes for the reacharound of justice. Bunch of Nutmeggers (633)

This just in: Venezuela shuts down all McDonald's restaurants for 48 hours. When asked for comment Hugo Chavez said, "Robble robble." (118)

Topless model Jodie Marsh follows in Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama's footsteps, on the debating platform at the Oxford Union (95)

"Stupid": It's not just a Fark tag, it's a sentencing option (40)

(Some Guy) Obvious

AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder (100)

Palin on the way to New Hampshire, probably dispatched to deal with Ford-humping moose (85)

Not news: Boy gets Mohawk haircut to support team. News: School suspends boy. Fark: Boy sidesteps suspension by changing to Mohawk-friendly school. Daniel Day-Lewis approves (63)

Photoshop this hungry hungry hippo (39)

Making math "uncool" is hurting American competitiveness researchers say. Unlike before, when being able to quote binomial theorems from memory was guaranteed to get you laid (274)

(Peter Pumpkinhead) Dumbass

Man attacks Pumpkin People, presumably trying to squash them (19)

Wild boar vs. hunters ends 1-1 after overtime (53)

(Some Guy) Cool

Coolest collection of high speed photographs you will see until the next time someone posts a cool collection of high speed photographs (53)

(webn)

List of things you shouldn't bring to the airport: Gun, nail clippers, human skull (29)

(Albany Times Union) Scary

Obama called Osama on absentee ballots. Bonus: "So far three people have called to point it out" (297)

So, can we hit 6,000 today? It's the official "AHHHH OH GOD MY RETIREMENT" stock market thread. EVERYBODY PANIC (lots)

"Transvestite Rambo arsonist sent to jail." So few words, so much hilarity (pic) (51)

Why is the city of Chicago backing off its law against using cell phones while driving? If you said, "Because an alderman was caught doing it," you win the prize (51)

Your girl refuses to give you oral sex, that's a shooting... in the crotch (141)

Man barricaded in his home is brought into custody when Atlanta police try an experimental new tactic: Waiting for him to fall asleep (28)

Dalai Lama's gall stone successfully removed. Stone will now ascend to its higher purpose (50)

Martti Ahtisaari has won the Nobel Peace prize. The committee said his work was the bomb, even though it's still not Finnished (23)

Walgreen drugstores forced to pull Talking Obama, McCain and Clinton dolls off shelves after receiving a couple of complaints from ass-wookies with no sense of humor (122)

Ryanair "defends right of Swedish women to take their clothes off," earning nomination for title of World's Favourite Airline (84)

Federal employee in charge of ordering office supplies still thinks the stripper was really interested in him, not his government-issued credit card they used to process $280,000 in phony charges (30)

Obama to hold four rallies in Philly tomorrow. Secret Service detail on heightened alert for suspicious individuals bitterly clinging to guns, religion (396)

X + y = infinity. Former head of MIT Math department, and author of seminal algebra text dies (48)

You're through to Islamic chat: Dial 1 for a fatwa... Dial 2 for 40 virgins... Dial 3 if you require a stoning... (42)

Parking attendant slaps ticket on police car -- while the police are busy responding to an armed robbery (28)

Academic finds evidence that Bach's wife wrote some of his music. Mostly the pieces that seem to go on and on forever without ever really getting to the point (110)

Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Have a few beers and good cry? B) Seek out some revenge sex? Or C) Burn down her grandparents' house? (64)

Ford-humping moose is back and horny as ever (63)

UK treasury officials flying to Iceland to get back the money their citizens had in Icelandic banks, will take Bjork hostage if they have to (104)

Somali pirates release Filipino seamen. Oh, so they were THAT kind of pirate (42)

Dumbass special: British government loses personal details... of the entire British Army (36)

(Star-News) Stupid

Need for soda causes pilot to crash shrimp boat into pier (52)

Boat slip: €585 per year. Luxury yacht: €19,500. Selling your yacht for €22.50 on eBay because you neglected to set a minimum bid: Priceless (102)

Are you a slubberdegullion, a termagent or a frippet? We already know you're a scrimshanker (62)

(Some Guy) Florida

Old bingo hall introduces "strip poker" to list of legal gaming (with pic) (15)

(fmr shac 1st lt) Interesting

"911, what is your emergency?" "Man, we really need a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, like, immediately" (25)

President Bush to announce martial law at 10:25 a.m. Just kidding, it's a public statement to calm the nation, followed by panicked selling at 10:30 and THEN martial law at 10:45 (578)

Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10 (135)

Nanny State bans Marmite from school, and not just because it tastes like ass. Bonus: Even British papers have started using 'Nanny State' in headlines, just like us (201)

New website offers guide to canine medical conditions. Now you can annoy your vet with asinine Internet self diagnoses, just like you do your own doctor (83)

(Mr. and Mrs. Kramer) Strange

You think your divorce was messy? At least you didn't have to saw your house in half (61)

NSA supports our troops, by monitoring their phone calls for quality assurance (172)

Brazil discovers massive oil reserves deep under the ocean. Will tap reserves by coating ocean floor with wax, then ripping oil out of the earth's crust (89)

Star Trek movie writers say we have to bring more Star Wars into Star Trek. Fark photoshoppers on the case (118)

Oil approaches $80 on news that you need gas to drive to the unemployment office (143)