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Friday, August 22, 2008

State's unemployment rate drops. Is it because A) more people are becoming employed in a steady amount of jobs, B) same amount employed but fewer jobs, C) people are giving up on finding jobs (105)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

(Some Guy) Stupid

PETA wants to buy SeaWorld, release all animals and show virtual ones instead (95)

With fewer drivers on the road to ticket, Chicago police starting program to issue more citations to bicycle riders to increase safety, by which they mean revenue (60)

FDA approves radiation of spinach, warns that if eaten in large quantities, the irradiated spinach may cause blindness in one eye, and huge forearm tumors (42)

Caption this arresting development (107)

(Some Guy) Amusing

Kids found in snow cave, not yeti known how they are doing (78)

Americans: they'll do anything to get hold of Canada's ripe, delicious wheat (144)

British dentists report that they are pulling more teeth than ever from their patients. British Farkers gum their jaws in disgust at the perpetuation of another Fark cliche (49)

Man buys 53rd Cadillac in 53 years. Let's not celebrate OCD and wastefulness, okay? (126)

Female teacher who seduced male 14-year-old student gets 1 1/2 to 3 years in jail for not being hot enough (69)

Study says "gaydar" is real. Fabulous (185)

Bicycles: The tool of terrorists. Smug, stinky terrorists (100)

You get to erase five bands from music history. Who do you choose? (1372)

(Some Guy) Strange

Police claim inmate "committed suicide" with burrito and toothbrush (39)

Bigfoot wankers somehow get back on TV to announce they would have gotten away with if not for those snooping kids (74)

Photoshop Challenge: Create your own Guinness poster. LGT inspiration, examples (58)

(KSAT.com) Dumbass

Stranger walks up to man, says "I have $80K, will give you $10K to donate the rest to charity. But first ... show me some of your own money so I know I can trust you." (103)

(KSL)

Not News: Some moron tried to outrun the law on a motorcycle. News: Chase ended with his motorcycle on fire under an SUV. Fark: Suspect told cops, "it always worked for him in video games" (99)

Prosecutors were so desperate to convict teacher of molesting boys on shoddy evidence, they argued his ownership of 'Star Wars' and 'Harry Potter' constituted 'non-erotic pornography' (147)

Madrid plane crash may have been caused by reverse thrusters turning on during takeoff, but cannot be blamed on the oscillation overthruster (41)

(Some Guy) Asinine

Asshat mayor orders police raid on little girls selling produce from their garden. Residents now safe from fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables (94)

20-year old Wisconsin chick arrested for two overdue library books. With hittable mug shot goodness (156)

McCain's Denver campaign office receives and envelope full of white powder, early reports indicate it's not pancake mix (257)

Lawyer claims owl killed client's wife. DA: O RLY? (33)

(Some Shoreman) Dumbass

On the pervy teacher fantasy-or-predator scale, red hair and leathers equals "would hit" status (113)

61-year-old woman gives birth to own grandchild. Vagina: It's not a time machine (82)

Woman tasers a cheerleading coach because she didn't put her daughter on the varsity squad (70)

Woman who "forgot" to file police report on "missing" daughter released on bail. Reportedly looking into an urgent lead right by the Mexican border, will let us know what she turns up (104)

Sexual impedance pill to be tested by women...ingredients include vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime (260)

Bad: Getting a DWI before even pull out of your driveway. Worse: Getting a second DWI two hours later. Fark: You're even drunker than the first time (112)

(Some Guy) Interesting

Porn shop beats off County Government for 11 years. Strangely, County Government not happy about it (82)

(tmj4)

A lovely family outing complete with guns, armed robbery and Batman comic books brought to you by the City of Milwaukee. Happy Birthday Mom (96)

(Some Guy) Interesting

New book asks: "what if Jesus ran for president?" "Whosoever voteth for me shall have eternal life .... oh and I just changed Lake Erie into Pinot Noir LOL" (163)

CNN holds a four person roundtable discussion on Amanda Beard "dissing" Michael Phelps. It's not news, it's CNN. Bonus not gay columnist commentary (226)

Senator tied to sex ring allowed to use campaign money for legal fees (127)

The whale that tried to breast feed off of a yacht, well, they were going to euthanize it and he disappeared. Johnny the hungry shark unavailable for comment (100)

Message-in-a-bottle sender tracked down after 23 years, fined for littering (97)

(Some Guy) Amusing

How many goats are you worth, you infidel? (153)

(WWNY-7)

Knocked-up welfare ho threatens to blow up Department of Social Services... Why, because you can't use food stamps to buy Mad Dog? (655)

Elephants can do math. EVERYBODY PANIC (101)

Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World (176)

(Vail Daily) Sappy

Woman gives birth in McDonald's after she realizes extreme pain she was feeling wasn't from the food (96)

(Some Guy) Interesting

Obama says McCain tried to Jack Abrahm off (140)

Think being punished by deep south state troopers is bad? That'll be nothing in comparison to what Uncle Sam does to the 12 Air Force men and women arrested after they were clocked at 143 mph on their way to a charity event (200)

(KARE11)

Prostitution as a summer job is yet another sign teachers aren't paid what they are worth (w/pic) (372)

Despite protests from the headline act, the last stop on the Gary Glitter 2008 World Paedophile Tour will now be London, where his entrance will receive the greeting it deserves (82)

Pottery Gang War results in shots fired into on man's building. Police get involved before somebody gets kilned (63)

Leader of cowboy-themed Christian sect in Sweden accused of being weird or something (43)

Firefighters responding to a small blaze at a Brooklyn warehouse smoke out .... uh ... a large pot-growing operation .... uh ... dude .... hee hee (41)

Here's your update on that kite-surfer dude: Upgraded from critical to serious, able to walk, has broken rib and ankle, spinal fractures and brain swelling, but dumbass is still intact (114)

Hippest second-grade teacher ever gets his kids hooked on Coltrane, and now they're at work saving Trane's house from the wrecking ball (214)

(Some Guy) Photoshop

Photoshop this apple (83)

If a reporter asks how many houses you own and you say "I'll have my staff get to you".... you might be an elitist (¾)

Squirrel with a coconut on its head - pic 2. The Sun is there (88)

What was that sound? Oh, just another deadline for a Russian pull-out soon to be whistling past (131)

Wildlife refuge to local residents. "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your morning. By the way, has anyone noticed an escaped 600-lb tiger in their yard?" (39)

Today's school shooting with sparse details brought to you by Knoxville, TN (317)

Love triangle ends with two murders, suicide. Husband's worst sphere came true when obtuse wife started dating acute guy she met online (166)

(Kingston Daily Freeman) Sick

Hello muddah, hello faddah / Caught some pervs at / Camp Granada / Something something / 'bout my peener / Also, handing Playboy out's a misdemeanor (110)

Women writers weigh in at length on whether the semicolon is an effeminate punctuation mark, don't spend much time dwelling on the period (130)

Living with humans has taught dogs morals. Your dog wants to have an open and honest conversation about the ethical ramifications of subjugating another living being for one's personal amusement (167)

Eh oop, lad; these poncy sahthern names won't doa 'eear i' Yorksha. Nowt wrang wi' Percy Drive or Boltby, choom (141)

(WWL)

Louisiana governor won't renew order barring discrimination based upon race and sexual orientation, because "it could cause problems with faith-based organizations' ability to contract with the state" (313)

Not news: Fight clubs. News: Where contestants wear gloves and fencing masks. Fark: Run by martial arts dorks who take this fight-club crap seriously (96)

(Some Guy) Photoshop

Photoshop this pipe-smoking 50's office drone (48)

(Some Bear) Caption

Caption this bear in a chair (88)

Man passes 9-foot tapeworm days after eating uncooked salmon salad. Files $100,000 lawsuit for pain and suffering, new toilet (200)

Mary had a little man, whose beard was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the knife wielding, corset wearing maniac was sure to go (39)

More people are starting to party like it's 1699 (163)

(Some Guy) Wheaton

Sci-fi author John Scalzi delivers black velvet Wesley Crusher painting to Wil Wheaton (242)

A massive mechanical mole that has spent the last five years burrowing through Southern California resurfaced Wednesday. Eeeew (85)

Woman accused of assaulting her husband with a knife and a large number of tomatoes (36)

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 172: "Silhouettes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (292)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

(Some Guy) Dumbass

Is it legal to give a baby wine at a horse show? Police standing nearby: Nay (78)

Not News: Man decides to end it all by shooting himself in the head. News: Five times. Fark: And survives (181)

(Some Guy) Dumbass

Cop looking at students' MySpace page while giving an Internet safety presentation calls their pictures "slutty" and says he shared them with a sex predator in prison (247)

(Some Furries) Photoshop

Photoshop these sheeple (59)

Rep. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones' condition re-downgraded to dead (194)

High school principal outs a lesbian student to her parents, suspends students who support her (lots)

Five of the greatest hoaxes of all time. Strangely enough, golden plates and magic spectacles are mentioned nowhere (222)

(Some Guy) Sick

Teacher at Christian school teaches 14-year old exactly how Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel. "Do not hit" pic included (121)

(Blueweeds) Obvious

Not news: Local offical pulled over for speeding. News: Cop offers to let him off because he is driving a hydrogen car. Fark: Official insists on getting a ticket to illustrate the speed of the hydrogen car (96)

(Some Guy) Amusing

How to rob a bank with only an 'Out Of Order' sign (80)

Residents of Melbourne, Fla. not only dealing with historic flooding from TS Fay, they are now contending with alligators patrolling those flooded streets (111)

Hutchinson, Kansas will hit 92 degrees on Friday, but that won't stop Hobby Lobby from selling Christmas trees in August. there are only 126 days left, people (84)

(Some Angoleiro) Cool

Man dance-fights carjacker and wins. No word on whether he was a Shark or a Jet (164)

French ban TV channels and programming aimed at children under three, claiming it will damage their development. That's absurd, American kids have been watching tv practically since birth, and. . . uh-oh (79)

Old and busted: scrap thieves stealing drain covers and sewer grates. New hotness: scrap thieves stealing cemetery urns and mausoleum gates (41)

Atlanta school superintendent faces resignation petitions for suggesting that Idaho does not have black people (134)

City builds new $16 million elementary school. Residents vote against referendum that would have paid to staff and run the school, so it'll sit empty (169)

Bush administration set to withdraw all troops from Iraqi cities by June 30th (281)

(Some Suicidal guy) Dumbass

Guy who killed 11 people while trying to commit suicide gets 11 life terms. You can't has death penalty (91)

Giving blood may soon go the way of winding your watch or changing your record needle, as scientists announce a new technique to create unlimited blood supplies from stem cells (179)

(apartment ratings.com) Strange

Spy cameras, bugged phones, fake names, and counter-intelligence... Greatest apartment review ever (147)

Rudy Giuliani to play prominent role in national disaster occurring in September (124)

"The management fired all the lifeguards, replacing them with new ones who could swim" (40)

Rebel cows: You can't stop 'em, you can only hope to contain 'em (49)

(Some Fiend) Unlikely

This is why it's so difficult to find a nymphomaniac who doesn't make your life hell (222)

Please be sure your seats are in the upright and locked position. You are now free to surf the internet for porn (75)

Man calls cops after gas station refuses to give him refund for box of condoms. Police say they will probably toss out charge against him this time, won't do hard time (36)

(Some Guy) Amusing

Student creates fake restaurant with "bumbling" menu & subpar wine list, submits it to Wine Spectator magazine as part of her research--and wins Award of Excellence. Where is your sommelier now? (118)

If you're going to grow marijuana, at least don't grow it on your driveway in plain view (77)

Obama / Sutherland '08? McCain / Cyrus for America? Hell, why not at this point (96)

Montreal voted best city in the world and will occupy Boardwalk, the most expensive square in newest version of Monopoly. The houses will still be made out of plastic though (87)

NATO general says Pakistan chaos emboldens Taliban. Taliban respond that they'd rather be italicized (30)

Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, who was in critical condition, then dead, is now alive (195)

Former Kentucky gubernatorial candidate wasn't attempting to intice young girls into his king sized waterbed, he was merely offering their grandmother "a good fattening hog" (102)

School bus mishap winds up with 6 year old boy wandering alone in Mexico--but on the plus side, the kid won a bundle at the cockfights in TJ (108)

$20,000 worth of gas missing from gas station, that's like 10 gallons (51)

Great tits are packing up and heading for cooler climates in response to global warming. EVERYBODY PANIC (129)

Michigan: Yup, still fat (175)

Photoshop these vociferous Vikings (49)

When operating a gasoline engine, it's best not to do so in your living room (33)

One in five women in America are remaining childless throughout their lives, twice the proportion of a generation ago when women wore short, delicate skirts and stockings more often (716)