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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
(Telegraph) Spiffy Ticket to British FA Cup Final worth $6,000. Fark: the game was played 113 years ago (17)
(Stars and Stripes) Obvious U.S. military personnel returning from Europe often confused by American culture, like driving on right side, dry counties (42)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida College student getting death threats for smuggling "Body of Christ" from church. Wasn't Jesus a pacifist? (285)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Hero LSD Fairy delivers special cookies to 12 Texas police stations. Timothy Leary and Hunter S Thompson approve (187)
(WOAI) Interesting Old and busted: Stealing copper for quick cash. New hotness: Stealing catalytic converters off parked cars for quick cash (43)

Tuesday, July 08, 2008
(STLToday) Obvious If you stashed $55,000 in cash behind a toilet paper dispenser at the St Louis County jail, the police pretty much dare you to come collect it (29)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Houston man gets 35 years after stabbing roommate over foot odor, soon to be gellin' like a felon (66)
(Independent) Obvious World's smallest state becomes non-smoking just to prove that tiny countries can stamp on individual rights and freedoms as effectively as large ones (219)
(Leader Newspapers.net) PSA New Jersey would like to formally request that residents stop dying -- the cemeteries are full (81)
(Daily Express) Stupid Judges ordered not to jail burglars because being in prison 'sucks' and ruins all their fun (40)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Man walks into police station to confess to two killings told by police to get in line while they deal with real crimes. ''I've just murdered two people, I've got third degree f***ing burns and they are not doing anything" (59)
(CNN) Unlikely Crude oil prices drop $9/barrel in two days, so the price at the pump should start dropping any day now. Right? (181)
(Local6) Followup FAA now asking for suggestions on what could have caused a giant dent on the nose of a Northwest Airlines plane at 18,000 feet (with pic goodness) VE (182)
(MSNBC) Cool Global warming deniers rejoice, here's a glacier that's actually getting bigger. Recycled Southpark jokes at 11 (241)
(Metro) Obvious Woman with no criminal record told she is a violent junkie by Nanny State and must have her fingerprints cleared by every police force in the country before she's allowed to volunteer at her kids' school. Keep them coming, Britain (92)
(Telegraph) Interesting Wealthy white landowner in Africa accused of fatally shooting a poacher who was trespassing on his property. The Aristocrat (88)
(Staten Island Advance) Asinine Assistant Manager of Walgreens notified of fire code violations. And by ''notified", we mean dragged out of store in handcuffs, and tossed into the one of six NYPD squad cars (67)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lady and her fish (56)
(MSNBC) Strange Old and busted: Foot in a shoe washing up on a beach in Canada. New hotness: Foot in a shoe washing up on a beach in Sweden (48)
(The Tennessean) Strange Tracy City, TN without cell phone service for at least two weeks after the city's only cell phone tower is (78)
(TBO) Florida Drunk guy calls 911 to report he has lost money at strip club. Police determine he's just drunk. So guy calls 911 again asking for new officers (w/ mugshot) (74)
(NBC San Diego) Interesting Turnaround time on karma definitively established to be five days (77)
(Local6) Florida Local officials are shocked, SHOCKED that more live munitions were found at school built on site of former bombing and gunnery range (27)
(CBC) Dumbass Restaurant apologizes to family for kicking out their autistic daughter. In other news, if you refuse to pay your bill at a restaurant, they will kick out random other people until you do (477)
(Reuters) Followup Wax Hitler to return to museum after head repairs. You know who else returned... oh wait, he didn't. Awkward (59)
(Some Guy) Video Robble-Robble: The top-10 Unhappy meals of all-time (115)
(LAist) Followup Doctor who purposely slammed his brakes on and hit 2 bicyclists has been arrested, soon to learn a whole new meaning of the phrase "slammed from behind" (too many)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man arrested for running into burning home to save his computer. Must have been some porn stash (103)
(Press TV) Interesting US Navy moves aircraft carrier into the Persian Gulf after Iran rattles its scimitar about invasion. In response, Tehran deploys its crack 101st Cigarette Boat Harassment Squadron (373)
(CNN) Amusing Exports to Iran such as bras, bull semen, and weapons increase tenfold during Bush's years in office (80)
(Telegraph) Ironic Hello, my fellow world leaders and welcome to the G8 summit on the global food crisis. Before we begin, OM NOM NOM NOM (128)
(Wired) Stupid Researchers create website that uses Google news and Google maps to unwittingly track media panic outbreaks (40)
(What A Twist) Asinine Pennsylvania Farkers; you guys underwrote 25 percent of "The Happening" (206)
(Washington Post) Interesting Washington Nationals baseball team drawing paltry 9,000 per game. On television (127)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Stupid Of untold millions of college students, 157 drank themselves to death between 1999 and 2005. So, obviously, we have to ban all drinking games (162)
(NYPost) Interesting Larry King gets an L.A. intersection named after him. It's at the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Oops I Crapped My Pants Avenue (35)
(Sports by Brooks) Asinine McDonald's sells out America to sell a few more Big Macs in Beijing with new Olympic ad slogan: "I'm lovin' it when China wins" (151)
(Baltimore Sun) Weird The next "First Pet" of the White House may be a ferret (178)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not necessarily news: Woman accidently shoots self in the knee and injures friend in groin. News: While trying to kill mice. Fark: In her trailer. Ultra Fark: With a .44 Magnum (157)
(Some Guy) Florida Police detain a man parked with a stack of women's sonograms, a blond wig, rope, binoculars, an 18-inch machete, knives, gloves, two spent 9-mm shell casing and 18 human teeth inside a film canister (137)
(Daedalus) Cool Have an hour to kill? Start up this maze at level 9. Fun? Try level "F." Submitter doubts it stands for "finite" (165)
(WKYC) Scary ♪ Pin-thing in you membrane, pin-thing in your brain ♪ (with X-ray pic and explanatory vid) (53)
(AP) Amusing Makin fun of Oniontown. That's a stoning. Police: "Anybody that doesn't belong there, anybody that's not a resident, just stay out of Oniontown" (186)
(Denver Post) Interesting Health officials in Colorado blame a country music festival for a spike in pregnancies (88)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Whatcha up to, Norm?" "Running for the County Board, Sammy." Wait... what? (93)
(ABC News) Unlikely If you're a 53-year-old frail homeless woman living in a shelter in New York City, the government would like to lock you away for 15 years because you are obviously a terrorist leader (95)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida If a teacher shows you her three tattoos, it prolly means you're getting an A (156)
(CBS Miami) Florida Robert the Haunted Doll to leave Key West for first time on over 100 years to visit conference in Clearwater. Great-grandnephew Chucky books condo for reunion (69)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Stupid Rich people talk about having to reduce spending during these difficult economic times (340)
(WAAY TV) Obvious Homemade chicken-fighting arena comes fully equipped with sex and drugs (57)
(CBS Boston) Photoshop Photoshop Big Papi as a Big Baby (20)
(Telegraph) Obvious The Indoor Tanning Association commission study: Indoor tanning "good for you" (82)
(Some Road Tripping TFer) Photoshop Photoshop this "Artifact" (46)
(Reuters) Interesting "I wish I could do one thing that would help me lose weight, then I'd slim down." Turns out people can, but researchers doubt they will (379)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Play for Yankees: $250 million. Have hot wife: $100 million. Fool around with Madonna: $25 million. Have your hot wife blow $100 grand just for spite? Priceless (204)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Disgraced TV news reporter Amy Jacobson sues over video showing her in bikini at suspect's house, alleging damaged reputation. Which prompts stills from video to be published yet again. (Pic was posted on website main page) (105)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida mom chucks newborn baby into the trash, denies giving birth despite having a crying trash bag in her hand (301)
(Tampa Fark Party) Florida Last chance to make plans for the Tampa Fark Party. Saturday July 12th. DIT (51)
(Starpulse) Amusing Sacha Baron Cohen's reign of terror continues: "Crowds in Arkansas came for the lure of cage fighting and $1 beer, but police say what they got instead was men ripping each others' clothes off and kissing" (338)
(Canada.com) Interesting Thirteen-year-old kid developing car alarm that alerts owners when conditions are bad for pets in the car. It's called the Summer-Detector (94)
(nbc10) Dumbass Property owner retaliates against zoning by painting the house purple and pink. Dumbass tag not for the paint, but for not getting zoning approval before purchasing the property (83)
(The Newspaper) Followup Virginia has promised 80 more years of traffic jams on the Capital Beltway, and may have to ban carpooling in order to keep that promise (190)
(BBC) Obvious African leaders tell G8 nations no to sanctions on Zimbabwe, yes to giving them lots of money, no strings attached (94)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing It's a sure sign you've overstayed your welcome when your hosts call the police to haul your chatty ass away. (Link has unrelated picture of man-ass which might be NSFW) (57)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Kid who kept threatening to burn down his grandmother's home finally makes a check his ass can cash (150)
(My Fox NY) Asinine American Airlines passengers headed to New York give "Bronx cheer" to late flight crew when they finally arrive. Crew responds by refusing to fly (315)
(KNXV) Interesting Mother shocked after Southwest kicks family off of flight, because she failed to control her unruly brats (too many)
(Telegraph) Interesting Police spend 25 years filling in forms. Expect a knock on your parents' door related to that "Seven and the Ragged Tiger" LP they lifted from Woolworth's soon (54)
(Boston Globe) Amusing The lawyer's lawsuit was quite long / 400+ pages? That's wrong / The judge's poem said, / "You're farked in the head / Rewrite this and put down the bong" (85)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida Woman calls in a domestic disturbance, fails to tell police she'll be impersonating a speed bump when they get there (56)
(BBC) Spiffy Not news: Self-confessed "rubbish" golfer averages seven shots per hole, loses 23 balls during round. News: Hits hole-in-one during same round, wins new VW Golf. Fark: His wife's having the car (66)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Man who bragged on social networking website that he had been a member of the SAS and killed more than 100 people was in fact, erm, in the Army Catering Corps (227)
(AP) Sad Police investigating dolphin death at the Mirage in Vegas. That must have been one wild weekend (57)
(NBC10) Stupid Small towns in America are finally realizing that the Fourth Amendment is gone, start grabbing anything that's not nailed down (205)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Wanted man evades the police, climbs out a third-floor window, runs along rooftops, falls to the street, fights with cops, gets pepper-sprayed, ends up in jail. The days are just PACKED (15)
(London Times) Interesting How Osama bin Laden killed trainspotting (98)
(CBS Sacramento) Unlikely Man finds Virgin of Guadalupe on rock. "The minute he found the rock, he immediately quit drinking and smoking." Drew last seen hiding from rocks (40)
(The Sun) Obvious Lindsay Lohan tearfully admits to being governor of New Jersey (248)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman washes car... in neighbor's pool. With massive FAIL pics (115)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sheriff's cruiser hits cow while responding to a complaint of... cows on the road (27)
(WZVN) Florida Today's Darwin Award goes to man baiting sheriff deputies to come swimming with him, at night, in a swamp (30)
(Some Guy) Weird Drunk woman tries to become "Ultimate Fighting" champ at party. Then things get weird (69)
(NWI Times) Dumbass Not news: Man takes two tries to be successful at armed robbery. Fark: Weapon of choice was a cheese grater (24)
(AP) Strange If you are missing a Mercedes-loving goat and/or a goat-and-police-car-loving dog, the Limestone County Sheriff's Department would like a word with you (9)
(Some Grunt) Photoshop Photoshop this ear inspection, soldier (60)
(Guardian.com) Obvious As many as 50 percent of students. Can't speak in sentences. Get a brain. Morans (91)
(MSN) Obvious How to raise a child instead of a snowflake (161)
(Telegraph) Unlikely See the grin on the face of the happy bat who managed to go unnoticed in a 19-year-old's bra for five hours (124)
(News.com.au) Stupid Not news: Two cars in minor accident on highway. Fark: Rubbernecking drivers create 10-car pileup, including one car on its roof, trapping the driver for 15 minutes (21)
(AP) Followup "I guess, practically, sex offenders who are homeless should find places that are near sheriff's offices" (97)
(Guardian.com) Obvious "Everything is done at top speed. We need to slow down before we have a global nervous breakdown" (60)
(Free Press) Dumbass Wanted for domestic violence and assault, man gives cops a fake name, attempts to bribe them with sunglasses, jumps out of the back of the police car, steals it, crashes it, flees on foot, breaks into a home and begs for help. TA DA (34)

Monday, July 07, 2008
(Komo) Dumbass That 11-year-old kid who received attention for talking his way onto flights? Yeah he's burglarizing houses now (125)
(Orlando Sentinel) Interesting Some are questioning why a "Beer Pong" video game was rated suitable for children as young as 13 (83)
(News.com.au) Strange Your doctor might be a quack if he says he can cure your pancreatic cancer through "ozone treatment" that involves "vaginal blowing" while moving up and down on your bed saying "Oh, Boy" (78)
(Some Guy) Obvious Wisconsin's economy might collapse and the fabric of society ripped apart if alcohol was ever made illegal there (137)
(Some Guy) Obvious Supermarkets urged to end "buy one, get one free" promotions over fears they encourage people to throw stuff in garbage. Strangely, liquor stores don't have this problem, or sadly, this promotion (106)
(Firehouse.com) Ironic Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Whoosh (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fiery woman (38)
(NewsOK) Weird Coming up on the 10 o'clock news, one of our weekend news anchors gets drunk and goes driving through yards (59)
(Some Texan) Asinine Megachurch pastor wants to erect crosses near major highways to mark Houston as a "city for God." Fark: The crosses are so tall they need FAA approval (521)
(Galesburg.com) Scary Man in wheelchair saved from certain death after he becomes stuck on train tracks. Twice. In the same day (62)
(Local6) Strange Mystery woman found unable to talk -- police ask for help from U.S. to identify her (with pic) (186)
(CNN) Obvious Supplies intended for Katrina victims instead went to the Mississippi Department of Wildlife, Fisheries and Parks. We're from the government and we're here to help (101)
(Stuff) Unlikely Smoking ban saves 75,000 Kiwis (131)
(CNN) Amusing CNN: People who buy lottery tickets are even dumber than previously thought (221)
(Independent) Amusing Saracen armored personnel carriers still rumble through the streets of Belfast. Instead of armed British troops, they now carry drunk women on "girls' night out." Never surrender (51)
(The Consumerist) Asinine The Department of Homeland Security wants airlines to be able to remotely taser you (152)
(Telegraph) Sad British weather forecasters predict that the country may have seen the last of any lengthy periods of sunshine for the rest of this summer. Happy Christmas everyone (64)
(Some Paranoid Swimmer) Unlikely Old and busted fearmongering: Drowning if you go swimming within 30 minutes after eating. The new hotness: "Dry drowning" in your sleep after swimming that day (98)
(AccessAtlanta) Interesting Atlanta "art" exhibit will force visitors to "get caught in the middle of a busy street scene with nothing more than a guide and a cane," or at least that's what they tell you (54)
(Google) Sad Bomb attack in Abkhazia, Dumbledore urges calm (50)
(CBS Baltimore) Amusing If you took a 500-gallon tank of diesel fuel from a construction site over the weekend... nicely done (90)
(MSNBC) Obvious Parents of twins more prone to mental issues. Twice as prone, one would think (92)
(Jalopnik) Cool Tour of new DeLorean HQ causes intense need to exclaim "Great Scot" (134)
(Washington Post) Followup That recent Pew survey where 21 percent of atheists said that they believe in God? Yeah, not so much (564)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Architects rank top 10 best-designed American cities, with particular emphasis on green-ness. Los Angeles beats out San Fran, and Chicago tops NYC (227)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these ladies with this modern kitchen marvel (58)
(Daily Mail) Strange Researchers provide Rubik's Cubes to octopuses, attempt to prove... something (95)

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