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Sunday, July 20, 2008
(AP) News Dolly motorboating in the Carribean. Expected to hit several islands in the stream (34)
(AFP) Stupid Remember folks, when you ban knives, only chefs... er, criminals will have knives. And Boy Scouts. Never forget those sneaky Boy Scouts (42)
(Daily Herald) Obvious What is a casino to do as they struggle to maintain their high cash flow in a strapped economy? If they are like Illinois, they make the odds favor them even more (33)
(WSB-TV) Dumbass Rapper Lil Scrappy stabbed and arrested in Atlanta. Police continue looking for van with an idiot, a know-it-all, a bimbo, a stoner, and a large talking dog (50)
(The Chattanoogan) Amusing "Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to go ahead and put my boat in the water if the local church group doing a baptism at the end of the boat ramp is taking too damn long?" (187)
(ABC News) Followup Tropical Storm Cristobal continues to strengthen off North Carolina coast. Okay EVERYBODY, you know the PANIC routine by now (33)
(Some Smooth Guy) Photoshop Photoshop one laid-back soul brother (44)
(Guardian.com) Scary Hi-tech distractions cause chronic time-wast - hang on, lemme go check my email, texts, Flickr, Facebook, Myspace and RSS feeds before submitting this headline (40)
(UPI) Interesting Sorry hippies... scientists have discovered that people who eat a lot of soy have more memory loss. Or that might be from weed. One of those two. Anyway dude, you're boned (69)
(AP) Followup The David Copperfield of aviation is back in the news with the same result (21)
(USA Today) Interesting College-bound vets complain that colleges are unreceptive to their requests to have sorority women bathed and brought to them (144)
(Boston Globe) Obvious The Amber Alert system is more effective as theater than as a way to protect children (40)
(CBS Minneapolis) Asinine "911." "My house is on fire! Please send the fire department!" "Will that be cash or charge?" (75)
(BBC) Interesting General David Petraeus says Al-Queda may already be following Obama's plan of shifting resources from Iraq to Afghanistan (35)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Never mind your 9-11 post traumatic stress problems. This guy was so freaked out by the 7-7 London bombings he changed sex (35)
(CBC) Silly Pope warns crowd that spiritual emptiness often accompanies material wealth. He then adjusted his silk robes, waved his golden sceptre and was driven off to his private Lear (104)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Caption Caption what Obama is saying to the troops (212)
(Telegraph) Cool Coolest pics you'll see today of a hungry leopard and fearsome crocodile. "It just doesn't make sense. The meat you get out of a crocodile is just not worth the risk." (warning: pics of lep-on-croc violence) (101)
(Bangor Daily News) Scary That lobster you eat today could make you sick tomalley (69)
(Reuters) Obvious Nice try, Obamaniacs, but Iraq's leader doesn't actually support withdrawal (397)
(Washington Post) Asinine Virgina residents get all sandy about duck hunters, say gunshots wake them up, stress them out, scare their children, make their dogs snicker uncontrollably (70)
(Japan Times) Interesting Well-heeled squeal but feel Japanese eel is worth more greenmeal, shun Chinese eel deals with real zeal. Still yields more appeal as a meal than seal or veal, study reveals (25)
(Buffalo News) Strange Man pulled over for a minor traffic violation jumps out of his car, strips naked, and runs off on foot (31)
(MSNBC) Obvious Congress answers to high gas prices... a ten-cent gas tax increase (259)
(CBS Baltimore) Interesting Electrical utility worker digs hole and is SHOCKED... that's it. No cliche here (26)
(AP) Interesting How to escape from jail: Step 1: lose weight (28)
(CTV) Scary ♪ When the Moon hits the ground, with a big booming sound, that's amore ♫ (37)
(Big Takeover) Photoshop Photoshop Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh taking aim (31)
(CNN) Interesting After a lot of legwork, and a kick in the pants, Vancouver Police get a toehold in mystery feet investigation. Still, it's a ticklish matter and the truth may stink (24)
(Daily Mail) Obvious European Union bans Peking Duck. Dicks (108)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Hero dog saves elderly woman from attack by rogue kangaroo. Cat still petrified at thought of biggest mouse he ever saw (41)

Saturday, July 19, 2008
(Some Guy) Interesting In Mississippi, they don't flog the Bishop; they execute him (90)
(NYPost) Obvious Some are disappointed after cops bust a strip clup that let you have sex with porn stars, offered cocaine, and a provided a free cold-cuts buffet. "It was f- - -ing awesome" (178)
(CBS Sacramento) Sappy Firefighter rescues crispy 6-month-old black bear cub from California wildfire. (story w/ slideshow) (59)
(Washington Post) Asinine US Air Force installing Weighted Companion Cubes on aircraft shuttling top military leaders, despite Congress telling them not to -- twice (204)
(SFGate) Asinine As much as 75 percent of San Francisco's "homeless" street panhandlers have a home--in taxpayer-funded housing. What a great way to spend $186 million a year (318)
(Flickr) Photoshop Vegas now has eBay slot machines. Photoshop what a Fark slot machine would look like (33)
(Sign On San Diego) Obvious Researchers at Institute for the Painfully Obvious discover that you can conserve water by cleaning your driveway with a broom instead of a hose. Surprisingly elusive broom trifecta complete (48)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Man earns PhD from Cambridge at age 91, tells all the other whippersnappers to get off his lawn. Bonus: His PhD is in trainspotting (53)
(AJC) Unlikely Most baggage thefts are committed by "homeless people who lurk in the baggage claim area." Of course, the TSA would never EVER steal stuff and aren't even worth mentioning in the article (202)
(CSMonitor) Unlikely Be green by keeping your nostrils clean: Maybe upscale American cocaine users would quit if they knew what growing coca leaves does to the environment (136)
(Some Guy) Cool Elevator to space could be ready in 25 years, begging the question: What would you do if you could go? (362)
(CNN) Obvious Tropical depression strengthens near the Carolinas. EVERYBODY, SURF'S UP (71)
(USA Today) Interesting Would you STAND on a cross-country flight, just to save 50% on the ticket price? A surprising number of people say yes. And you thought flying sucks NOW (150)
(The Manila Times) Silly The UN, with nothing better to do, sends a strongly worded letter telling people to drive safely (25)
(Some Clown) Asinine "Disturbed", "Decried", "Out of control" in news article describing a) local crime, b) local property taxes, c) candy thrown from local parade? Won't someone think of the children? Oh. Wait (55)
(National Post) Strange Which Jim Carrey movie inspired a new mental illness? The answer may surprise you (202)
(Some Guy) Spiffy How to make a chocolate cake in five minutes (141)
(Some Guy) Scary Sometimes there are sacrifices to be made for your art. Like, having to amputate your big toe to take the regionals in the US Air Guitar Championship (50)
(AP) Scary "Ladies and gentlemen, O'Hare airport welcomes Mexicana Airlines 802, now arriving at gate 11 . . . 12 . . . 13 . . . 14 . . . 15 . . ." (116)
(STLToday) Sad Sory rode a skateboard, like a kid out in the rain. Then he lost his life in O'Fallon, he was dancing with a train (120)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Needle exchange worker injected with some Texas justice, charged with possession of drug paraphernalia by legal sticklers at the San Antonio DA's office. Pricks (71)
(Some Guy) Cool Raw video of today's Riverview Square building implosion, including super slo-mo ending (60)
(Some Pennsyltuckian) Stupid News: Murder for hire plot busted. Fark: NASCAR memorabilia used as payment (22)
(Washington Post) Silly Hula hoops make a comeback. You know, for flakes (49)
(London Times) Stupid Nanny State wants to shrink your drinks. Dinks (74)
(WHP) Obvious Man interrupted from beating up two women: "Just shoot me! Go ahead, I dare you! Shoot me!" Passerby with concealed .45: "BANG" (492)
(Walkscore website) PSA LA, Chicago, are surprisingly walkable cities. Who knew? (91)
(Telegram) PSA Hot teacher on student action will soon be punished by a mandatory minimum ten year prison sentence in Massachusetts (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these pollen grains without sneezing (39)
(UPI) Stupid New York City, frustrated at the lack of progress on the 9/11 memorial, hopes to really get things straightened out by ... appointing comedian Billy Crystal to the memorial's board of directors (72)
(FARK) Cool FINAL REMINDER: NYC Fark Party, tonight at 4, Bohemian Hall, Astoria. Grab your favorite Bohemian and come drinnk beer with us (127)
(AFP) Amusing Somehow you just know that Stewie Griffin was involved in the planning and execution of this smuggling plot (22)
(Some xkcd Guy) Cool Running for office. xkcd style (207)
(AP) Interesting Oil prices tumble in biggest weekly drop ever. Gas prices to drop at pumps in 3... 2... oh, who are we kidding (144)
(National Post) Asinine Shopkeepers forbidden to use brooms on Montreal sidewalks because that's a union job. Ridiculous broom regulation trifecta in play (72)
(Philly) Sappy That traffic jam yesterday morning in Philly where police closed down several downtown streets? It was caused by a runaway puppy (w/cute pics) (27)
(WTOV 9 Stubenville) Dumbass So he huffed, and he puffed, and proved he's a Fark cliché (185)
(SLTrib) Asinine Man sues storeowner under Americans with Disabilities Act for refusing to let him wear his inline skates in the store (55)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Not News: Van driver stops to ask for directions. News: Handcuffed, shackled prisoner steals prison transport van. Fark: Dude, she's 13 (29)
(AFP) Stupid We've secretly replaced over 100 kilos of cocaine in the police evidence locker with fine talcum powder. Let's see if anyone notices the difference (34)
(Houston Chronicle) Cool So you never thought you'd get a chance to travel in space (42)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Cat curfew cancelled. Felines free to frolic. Happy Caturday (463)
(Bangor Daily News) Hero The big one that didn't get away: Fisherman hooks a drowning man and reels him to shore (24)
(News.com.au) Weird "Octopus sex man" avoids jail because he has low self-esteem and the judge noted that he was self-concious about his teeth (59)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Ice cream man busted for smoking pot in his truck. Police found him with slurred speech, dilated pupils, and chocolate syrup all over his face (46)
(Globe and Mail) Amusing Canada debates whether it is better to back in or back oot. Er, out (90)
(London Times) Interesting Scientists say the louder the music the faster you drink. I'd have a funnier headline, but ish too hard to hear in here. "Here here." Dash funny. Y'know what yer prooblem is? I'll tell yer what yer prolbem ish, pal (38)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this subterranean beachcomber (37)
(Oregon Live) Obvious "Chunky" woman robs Portland-area tanning salon. She's still at large (35)
(Stuff) Sick British man arrested for having sex with sheep, will be charged with bestiality in London and copyright infringement in Scotland (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious Real estate agent wins five-figure award after complaining that her boss ordered her to get smaller boobs. Submitter is now certain this world has gone insane (pic) (100)

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