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Saturday, July 19, 2008
(Some Guy) Interesting In Mississippi, they don't flog the Bishop; they execute him (48)
(NYPost) Obvious Some are disappointed after cops bust a strip clup that let you have sex with porn stars, offered cocaine, and a provided a free cold-cuts buffet. "It was f- - -ing awesome" (110)
(CBS Sacramento) Sappy Firefighter rescues crispy 6-month-old black bear cub from California wildfire. (story w/ slideshow) (56)
(Washington Post) Asinine US Air Force installing Weighted Companion Cubes on aircraft shuttling top military leaders, despite Congress telling them not to -- twice (154)
(SFGate) Asinine As much as 75 percent of San Francisco's "homeless" street panhandlers have a home--in taxpayer-funded housing. What a great way to spend $186 million a year (265)
(Flickr) Photoshop Vegas now has eBay slot machines. Photoshop what a Fark slot machine would look like (27)
(Sign On San Diego) Obvious Researchers at Institute for the Painfully Obvious discover that you can conserve water by cleaning your driveway with a broom instead of a hose. Surprisingly elusive broom trifecta complete (46)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Man earns PhD from Cambridge at age 91, tells all the other whippersnappers to get off his lawn. Bonus: His PhD is in trainspotting (49)
(AJC) Unlikely Most baggage thefts are committed by "homeless people who lurk in the baggage claim area." Of course, the TSA would never EVER steal stuff and aren't even worth mentioning in the article (183)
(CSMonitor) Unlikely Be green by keeping your nostrils clean: Maybe upscale American cocaine users would quit if they knew what growing coca leaves does to the environment (127)
(Some Guy) Cool Elevator to space could be ready in 25 years, begging the question: What would you do if you could go? (334)
(CNN) Obvious Tropical depression strengthens near the Carolinas. EVERYBODY, SURF'S UP (69)
(USA Today) Interesting Would you STAND on a cross-country flight, just to save 50% on the ticket price? A surprising number of people say yes. And you thought flying sucks NOW (138)
(The Manila Times) Silly The UN, with nothing better to do, sends a strongly worded letter telling people to drive safely (22)
(Some Clown) Asinine "Disturbed", "Decried", "Out of control" in news article describing a) local crime, b) local property taxes, c) candy thrown from local parade? Won't someone think of the children? Oh. Wait (53)
(National Post) Strange Which Jim Carrey movie inspired a new mental illness? The answer may surprise you (178)
(Some Guy) Spiffy How to make a chocolate cake in five minutes (125)
(Some Guy) Scary Sometimes there are sacrifices to be made for your art. Like, having to amputate your big toe to take the regionals in the US Air Guitar Championship (48)
(AP) Scary "Ladies and gentlemen, O'Hare airport welcomes Mexicana Airlines 802, now arriving at gate 11 . . . 12 . . . 13 . . . 14 . . . 15 . . ." (109)
(STLToday) Sad Sory rode a skateboard, like a kid out in the rain. Then he lost his life in O'Fallon, he was dancing with a train (117)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Needle exchange worker injected with some Texas justice, charged with possession of drug paraphernalia by legal sticklers at the San Antonio DA's office. Pricks (64)
(Some Guy) Cool Raw video of today's Riverview Square building implosion, including super slo-mo ending (61)
(Some Pennsyltuckian) Stupid News: Murder for hire plot busted. Fark: NASCAR memorabilia used as payment (21)
(Washington Post) Silly Hula hoops make a comeback. You know, for flakes (45)
(London Times) Stupid Nanny State wants to shrink your drinks. Dinks (73)
(WHP) Obvious Man interrupted from beating up two women: "Just shoot me! Go ahead, I dare you! Shoot me!" Passerby with concealed .45: "BANG" (470)
(Walkscore website) PSA LA, Chicago, are surprisingly walkable cities. Who knew? (87)
(Telegram) PSA Hot teacher on student action will soon be punished by a mandatory minimum ten year prison sentence in Massachusetts (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these pollen grains without sneezing (39)
(UPI) Stupid New York City, frustrated at the lack of progress on the 9/11 memorial, hopes to really get things straightened out by ... appointing comedian Billy Crystal to the memorial's board of directors (69)
(FARK) Cool FINAL REMINDER: NYC Fark Party, tonight at 4, Bohemian Hall, Astoria. Grab your favorite Bohemian and come drinnk beer with us (121)
(AFP) Amusing Somehow you just know that Stewie Griffin was involved in the planning and execution of this smuggling plot (22)
(Some xkcd Guy) Cool Running for office. xkcd style (200)
(AP) Interesting Oil prices tumble in biggest weekly drop ever. Gas prices to drop at pumps in 3... 2... oh, who are we kidding (144)
(National Post) Asinine Shopkeepers forbidden to use brooms on Montreal sidewalks because that's a union job. Ridiculous broom regulation trifecta in play (71)
(Philly) Sappy That traffic jam yesterday morning in Philly where police closed down several downtown streets? It was caused by a runaway puppy (w/cute pics) (27)
(WTOV 9 Stubenville) Dumbass So he huffed, and he puffed, and proved he's a Fark cliché (184)
(SLTrib) Asinine Man sues storeowner under Americans with Disabilities Act for refusing to let him wear his inline skates in the store (52)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Not News: Van driver stops to ask for directions. News: Handcuffed, shackled prisoner steals prison transport van. Fark: Dude, she's 13 (26)
(AFP) Stupid We've secretly replaced over 100 kilos of cocaine in the police evidence locker with fine talcum powder. Let's see if anyone notices the difference (34)
(Houston Chronicle) Cool So you never thought you'd get a chance to travel in space (42)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Cat curfew cancelled. Felines free to frolic. Happy Caturday (455)
(Bangor Daily News) Hero The big one that didn't get away: Fisherman hooks a drowning man and reels him to shore (24)
(News.com.au) Weird "Octopus sex man" avoids jail because he has low self-esteem and the judge noted that he was self-concious about his teeth (60)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Ice cream man busted for smoking pot in his truck. Police found him with slurred speech, dilated pupils, and chocolate syrup all over his face (46)
(Globe and Mail) Amusing Canada debates whether it is better to back in or back oot. Er, out (87)
(London Times) Interesting Scientists say the louder the music the faster you drink. I'd have a funnier headline, but ish too hard to hear in here. "Here here." Dash funny. Y'know what yer prooblem is? I'll tell yer what yer prolbem ish, pal (37)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this subterranean beachcomber (34)
(Oregon Live) Obvious "Chunky" woman robs Portland-area tanning salon. She's still at large (34)
(Stuff) Sick British man arrested for having sex with sheep, will be charged with bestiality in London and copyright infringement in Scotland (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious Real estate agent wins five-figure award after complaining that her boss ordered her to get smaller boobs. Submitter is now certain this world has gone insane (pic) (101)
(Hartford Courant) Weird Batman is this guy's hero. In a really sad, pathetic and creepy way (81)
(MSNBC) Followup Magnitude 6.6 quake hits east coast of Japan. No, this isn't a repeat (45)
(SeattlePI) Ironic Columnist writes about how Americans don't know what irony is, manages to define irony incorrectly. Fark Irony Police, time to do your thing (223)
(Some Guy) Interesting 78% of workers in the US feel burned out. The rest must be drinking and reading Fark (120)

Friday, July 18, 2008
(ABC News) Unlikely Reporter suspects McDonald's customers may be shocked by 1,130 calories for Big Mac, medium fries, and medium soda. Unlikely tag busy supersizing order (252)
(Miami Herald) Scary New hotness: Spontaneously combusting flowerpots (52)
(Some Guy) Interesting Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 1 in 220. We're looking at you Drew (86)
(Canoe) Asinine Neighbor sees elaborate pirate ship-shaped tree house from his window and complains to city hall. Judge rules city bylaws violation, sinks down ship. Ninjas unavailable for comment (71)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: Lesser-known Knights of the Round Table (74)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSG's weekly mugshot roundup: The eyes have it (173)
(Miami Herald) Cool The Jim Smith Society Fun Fest starts today. Last year's winner of the golf tournament, Jim Smith, will be returning to defend his title against Jim Smith. If you'd rather go to the museum, please contact Jim Smith (35)
(Sun Sentinel) Asinine The new Chevy Avalanche gets 12 mpg in the city, costs $130 to fill up the tank, and it still has a long list of morons who want to buy one (298)
(AP) Scary 1991: Crazy woman stabs other pregnant woman to try to steal her baby. 2008: Same crazy woman shows up at hospital with baby she claims she purchased (61)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Parents are encouraged to add more leafy greens into their kids' lunches, but not this way (33)
(Fox News) Dumbass Woman crashes into eye doctor's office. Customers report to that the license plate read E, FP, TOZ, LPED and then was too small to read (32)
(Fox News) Amusing Transcendent sex: better than an ordinary orgasm, it is said to involve a Divine Force. OH GOD OH GOD OH GODDDDDD (129)
(WESH Orlando) Followup Mom who punished her daughter with carwash sprayer to stand trial. The kid's wax coat will just have to wait (55)
(Some Guy) Strange Couple with no friends invites everyone to their wedding reception by taking out an ad in the local newspaper (67)
(WWL) Misc One cop suspended for road rage and waving a gun around at a day care, another for trying to run over a fellow officer. Tough week at the New Orleans Police Department (28)
(Reuters) Dumbass McCain announces Obama will visit Iraq this weekend as part of congressional delegation visit, normally unannounced for security reasons (225)
(Loveland) Spiffy Kids trade their '07 Bic for a '98 Mazda. Flammability index remains the same (30)
(London Times) Scary Meet the woman responsible for making Crocs shoes uglier than they were already. Turns out that was possible (119)
(CNN) Stupid Math Wars: The Parent Rebellion (250)
(Local6) Unlikely Man solicits help finding his prosthetic leg. Last seen: about 3,000 ft. in the air (19)
(Fox News) Scary For dead and six injured in yet another crane collapse in Houston (108)
(700 WLW) Amusing Wife won't give you a divorce? Take a fake wife with you to court and get the divorce granted immediately (37)
(News.com.au) Interesting Barbie now has to look upon "Bratz" dolls as a her unwanted, mentally-challenged, annoyingly-sassy, slutty little sister in a unanimous court decision (100)
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady)) Strange Getting blasted in the face with pepper spray has never felt so good (30)
(Sign On San Diego) Amusing Overachieving driver in SUV crashes into a house, jumps over a car in the driveway of a second house, hits the second car, drives thorugh the garage of the second house and slams into a car at a third home. Alcohol may have been a factor (48)
(wisn.com) Asinine What do you do when your cop buddy wants to kill himself? c.) Shoot him in the leg, of course (52)
(Telegraph) Asinine Carpenters forbidden to use brooms on job sites because they're too dangerous. "I know health and safety is important but I believe in the future you won't be able to sneeze without filling in a form" (52)
(NPR) Unlikely NPR reports that people in Ohio are are having a hard time finding food to eat - well, except the two ladies they show as examples (219)
(SFGate) Asinine Psychological evaluations cannot be used as a surgical tool to cut out employees from a 30-year career. Hear that Postal Workers? (35)
(ABC News) Scary "I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' neighbors who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch." (51)
(Toronto Star) Asinine Bike store owner finds novel way to get cheap inventory - steal bikes from across the street (72)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Top 10 TV scientists. Does not include the professor from "Gilligan's Island," who should get a frickin' Nobel Prize for his work with shells, palm fronds and idiotic lab assistants (148)
(Starpulse) Sad Step 1: Report (fake) fire in Maggie Gyllenhaal's apartment complex. Step 2: Take pictures when she runs out with her baby. Step 3: Profit (264)
(AP) Obvious Pope urges all faiths to unite against violence, apparently not realizing that they are the main cause of the problem in the first place (lots)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his flowers (50)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup Fark's favorite Girl Scout cookie money thief is out of juvie and back home, hopes to steal some Salvation Army donation buckets next (109)
(News 14 Carolina) Dumbass Reasons to make firecrackers at home - let me count the ways. Oops, I can only get up to seven now (89)
(Reuters) Dumbass In exchange for $100,000, parents of the year offer to name their new baby son after radio hosts. Just kidding, they did it for a $100 gas card (73)
(Reuters) Weird Construction resumes on North Korea's "Hotel of Doom"; however, critics say it's not nearly as good as the one with the cup or the one that melts your face. Doomy pic included (128)
(FARK) Followup One-Week Notice: NJ Fark Party July 26th in Morristown. DIT (66)
(Canada.com) Interesting Canadian Supreme Court rules that people become defective at age 65 (106)
(Yahoo) Obvious It was inevitable: it is now cheaper and more efficient to ship your luggage instead if taking it with you on your airline flight. Bonus: it's trackable and gets lost a lot less often (112)
(Independent Mail) Dumbass Man uses Louisville Slugger in hopes of casting the demon of homosexuality out of his son by hitting him with it (391)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man runs up $44,000 bill on stolen gas card by buying premium for just about everyone he meets. "He just went crazy" (32)
(AP) Stupid Police use undercover agents to successfully infiltrate and spy on domestic networks. Of anti-death penalty protestors (135)
(AP) Obvious You know your company is in serious trouble when a $2.5 billion loss and the laying off of 6,000 employees is above expectations (38)
(CNN) Obvious CNN, owned by Time Warner, publishes second straight top headline about "The Dark Knight", a film made by Warner Brothers, owned by Time Warner, and based on Batman, published by DC Comics, also owned by Time Warner (150)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Even after fourteen months of primaries and early campaigning, nearly half of all independent voters still can't decide between Changey McChange and Jowly McGrump (122)
(CNN) Interesting Iran sees 'positive' nuclear talks with U.S.; U.S. sees positive nuclear 'talks' with Iran (59)
(Some Guy) Ironic Newspaper doesn't want anyone to forget Canadian "Vietnam vets" who "helped push North Korean invaders from South Korea in the 1950's" (61)
(Rolling Stone) Amusing Billy Joel says goodbye to Cuban guerilla leader Shea Stadium. On the way out he helps start the demolition with his volvo (106)
(Seattle Times) Stupid The Military has spent $16 million of anti-terror funds designing Comfort Capsules, areas on planes with leather seats for Generals. After Congress told them twice they will never be allowed to actually put them in any planes (130)

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