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Friday, October 10, 2008
Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega convinced that "God (is) punishing the United States with the financial crisis for trying to impose its economic principles on poor countries." Bet that makes his taco pop (49)(Some Guy) 
With Massachusetts having solved all of its other problems... income tax, deteriorating roads, schools with no accreditation... they have decided to argue over what the state book should be (47)
With Massachusetts having solved all of its other problems... income tax, deteriorating roads, schools with no accreditation... they have decided to argue over what the state book should be (47)
We don't need to tell you that the next president of the United States is going to have a lot to do. He has to fix the economy, the environment, and Wall Street as well as reveal the truth about UFOs. Wait, what? (125)
Family shares home with pet donkey, figuring why not have another lazy ass around the place? (pic) (16)(Westword) The best beers in the US are brewed in Colorado, California, Alaska, Oregon and rest of the West (215)
The best beers in the US are brewed in Colorado, California, Alaska, Oregon and rest of the West (215)
Cast of "Family Guy" to present two nights of songs and masturbation jokes at Carnegie Hall next month (50)
Mother-of-the-year candidate buys her 13-year-old daughter and her two friends a bottle of vodak, three bottles of wine, and two alcopops before charity walk, because walking is hard when you're sober. w/OMG MY EYES pic (130)
Forbes recalculates list of wealthiest Americans in wake of financial crisis and stock market collapse, reveals that Buffett has overtaken Gates as USA's richest man, breaking 15-year deathgrip (67) 
Gas prices in Britain are now so high that terrorists have taken to escaping after planting their bombs by rickshaw (28)
Report: Jose Canseco detained at Mexican border for possession of steroid that "maintains and restores testicular size" (52)(Some Crazy Guy) 
Live in Key West and have a check from Mexico you need cashed? Do you c) Walk to Chicago with three bike trains full of crap (81)
Live in Key West and have a check from Mexico you need cashed? Do you c) Walk to Chicago with three bike trains full of crap (81)
The numbers are in from Oktoberfest - Only 6.6 million liters of beer and 104 oxen, however condom sales are bursting at 1.5 million (42)
McCain's tracking numbers against the S&P 500 over the past two weeks. It's the economy, stupid (222)
Stress from difficult economic times does not cause more suicides. Actually, it causes people to eat like Michael Moore at a free Vegas buffet (38)
Canada has universal healthcare, a budget surplus, no war, and financially sound banks, not to mention Canadian Bacon. Who's the moron now, America, eh? (323)(The Register Citizen) Student brings fake gun to school during visit by presidential candidate Ralph Nader. In other news, Nader qualifies for Secret Service protection? (54)
Student brings fake gun to school during visit by presidential candidate Ralph Nader. In other news, Nader qualifies for Secret Service protection? (54)
Vladimir Putin gets rare tiger cub for his birthday. PETA upset because he HUNTS tigers with his JUDO (81) BBC radio presenters suspended after referring to the disabled as "window-lickers", now wish they hadn't gone full retard (63)
(The Moscow Times) 
Russia's parliamentarians are off their meds, but still have access to a liquor store at work (14)
Russia's parliamentarians are off their meds, but still have access to a liquor store at work (14) 
France pulls tainted Chinese food. And by tainted, they mean not soaked in butter or containing snails (55)
Following Massachusetts' lead, Connecticut goes for the reacharound of justice. Bunch of Nutmeggers (588) This just in: Venezuela shuts down all McDonald's restaurants for 48 hours. When asked for comment Hugo Chavez said, "Robble robble." (113)
Topless model Jodie Marsh follows in Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama's footsteps, on the debating platform at the Oxford Union (97)(Some Guy) AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder (99)
AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder (99)
Not news: Boy gets Mohawk haircut to support team. News: School suspends boy. Fark: Boy sidesteps suspension by changing to Mohawk-friendly school. Daniel Day-Lewis approves (59)
Making math "uncool" is hurting American competitiveness researchers say. Unlike before, when being able to quote binomial theorems from memory was guaranteed to get you laid (267)(Some Guy) Coolest collection of high speed photographs you will see until the next time someone posts a cool collection of high speed photographs (51)
Coolest collection of high speed photographs you will see until the next time someone posts a cool collection of high speed photographs (51)(Albany Times Union) Obama called Osama on absentee ballots. Bonus: "So far three people have called to point it out" (292)
Obama called Osama on absentee ballots. Bonus: "So far three people have called to point it out" (292)
So, can we hit 6,000 today? It's the official "AHHHH OH GOD MY RETIREMENT" stock market thread. EVERYBODY PANIC (lots)
Why is the city of Chicago backing off its law against using cell phones while driving? If you said, "Because an alderman was caught doing it," you win the prize (49)
Man barricaded in his home is brought into custody when Atlanta police try an experimental new tactic: Waiting for him to fall asleep (27)
Martti Ahtisaari has won the Nobel Peace prize. The committee said his work was the bomb, even though it's still not Finnished (23)
Walgreen drugstores forced to pull Talking Obama, McCain and Clinton dolls off shelves after receiving a couple of complaints from ass-wookies with no sense of humor (120)
Ryanair "defends right of Swedish women to take their clothes off," earning nomination for title of World's Favourite Airline (85)
Federal employee in charge of ordering office supplies still thinks the stripper was really interested in him, not his government-issued credit card they used to process $280,000 in phony charges (29)
Obama to hold four rallies in Philly tomorrow. Secret Service detail on heightened alert for suspicious individuals bitterly clinging to guns, religion (396)
You're through to Islamic chat: Dial 1 for a fatwa... Dial 2 for 40 virgins... Dial 3 if you require a stoning... (40) Parking attendant slaps ticket on police car -- while the police are busy responding to an armed robbery (26) Academic finds evidence that Bach's wife wrote some of his music. Mostly the pieces that seem to go on and on forever without ever really getting to the point (108)
Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Have a few beers and good cry? B) Seek out some revenge sex? Or C) Burn down her grandparents' house? (64) UK treasury officials flying to Iceland to get back the money their citizens had in Icelandic banks, will take Bjork hostage if they have to (103)
Boat slip: €585 per year. Luxury yacht: €19,500. Selling your yacht for €22.50 on eBay because you neglected to set a minimum bid: Priceless (100)(fmr shac 1st lt) "911, what is your emergency?" "Man, we really need a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, like, immediately" (24)
"911, what is your emergency?" "Man, we really need a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, like, immediately" (24)
President Bush to announce martial law at 10:25 a.m. Just kidding, it's a public statement to calm the nation, followed by panicked selling at 10:30 and THEN martial law at 10:45 (lots) 
Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10 (133) Nanny State bans Marmite from school, and not just because it tastes like ass. Bonus: Even British papers have started using 'Nanny State' in headlines, just like us (198)
New website offers guide to canine medical conditions. Now you can annoy your vet with asinine Internet self diagnoses, just like you do your own doctor (83)(Mr. and Mrs. Kramer) You think your divorce was messy? At least you didn't have to saw your house in half (61)
You think your divorce was messy? At least you didn't have to saw your house in half (61)
Brazil discovers massive oil reserves deep under the ocean. Will tap reserves by coating ocean floor with wax, then ripping oil out of the earth's crust (88) 
Star Trek movie writers say we have to bring more Star Wars into Star Trek. Fark photoshoppers on the case (117)
The art of pulling a successful sicky lies in not claiming to be so ill that your boss decides to try and visit you in hospital (41)(Lincoln Journal Star) Woman finds a homeless man sleeping on her porch and wakes him up by kicking his shoe. Since this is Fark, you can probably guess what happened next (171)
Woman finds a homeless man sleeping on her porch and wakes him up by kicking his shoe. Since this is Fark, you can probably guess what happened next (171)
Homeless man steals cement truck, gets involved in high speed chase, police say they have concrete evidence (57)Thursday, October 09, 2008
Instead of getting a cool, "Silence Of The Lambs"-type mask, inmate who spit on a deputy forced to wear a black and white paper mask while in court (93)
42-year-old school resource officer and sheriff's deputy fired after pulling 13-year-old girl out of class to confess his love for her (171)
Cops lock down two schools and arrest an innocent man all because a woman took her four-year-old granddaughter into a bar (82)
(Some Guy) 
Caption this Presidential candidate playing "airplane" with his supporters (voting enabled) (153)
Caption this Presidential candidate playing "airplane" with his supporters (voting enabled) (153)
HOA demands that a man landscape his yard, even though he's in Kuwait and his wife is pregnant. "I really don't give a [expletive] where he is or what his problem is." (363)
(Some Guy) Busted for child porn after taking computer in for repairs will get you an ass whipping in jail. W/pic that will haunt you soul (284)
Busted for child porn after taking computer in for repairs will get you an ass whipping in jail. W/pic that will haunt you soul (284)
Land of the free? Parking lot owner bans Obama supporters. UT-Austin bans two students from registering for classes because they put an Obama sign in their dorm window (119) Sarah Palin accused of not buckling her son Trig in his car seat before driving. That's retarded (324)
In an effort to boost tourism Japanese hotels don't want foreigners as guests. You're doing it wrong (63)
Truck unleashes 40,000 pounds of glue on State Highway 39, cleanup crews adhere to hazardous material response guide (36)(WWL) Man spots the shooter who gunned down his brother, runs him over. Police say, "no problem here." (84)
Man spots the shooter who gunned down his brother, runs him over. Police say, "no problem here." (84)
Fourteen heathens pay the price, for riding a bus through Amish paradise. Their bus rolled over once or twice, driving in an Amish paradise (53)
(Some Guy) With nothing more exciting to report on, Illinois media gushes over plants that make industrial sand: "think it's amazing what they can do with sand." There's a reason normal people prefer to fly over your state, bumpkins (75)
With nothing more exciting to report on, Illinois media gushes over plants that make industrial sand: "think it's amazing what they can do with sand." There's a reason normal people prefer to fly over your state, bumpkins (75)
Parents already trampling themselves to get their hands on Bakugan, the game that is this year's industry-hyped must-have Christmas gift (pic) (141)(The Inquirer and Mirror) There once was a man from Nantucket/Who went to Thailand on a junket/He made porno with children/Got thrown into prison/Two months later he died of "heart disease" (80)
There once was a man from Nantucket/Who went to Thailand on a junket/He made porno with children/Got thrown into prison/Two months later he died of "heart disease" (80)(The Sheboygan Press) Guy gives cops fake name to get out of ticket. Brilliant. No wait, the other thing (48)
Guy gives cops fake name to get out of ticket. Brilliant. No wait, the other thing (48)
So how did Newsweek get Sarah Palin to pose with a rifle on its cover? Long story short, it didn't (358)
North Korea kicks out UN nuclear inspectors in anticipation of Obama personally helping North Korea build the "big one' (94)(Some Guy) The last time oil was $87 a barrel, gas was $2.77 a gallon. Right now, gas is $3.40 a gallon. More evidence of a free market at work (290)
The last time oil was $87 a barrel, gas was $2.77 a gallon. Right now, gas is $3.40 a gallon. More evidence of a free market at work (290)
Dolphin leaps out of water, knocks elderly woman unconcious. San Diego Chargers and New England Patriots send a gift basket for moral support (59)(Florida Today) UF warns of increase of roaches on campus. Students seen looking on ground for those funny looking cigarettes (56)
UF warns of increase of roaches on campus. Students seen looking on ground for those funny looking cigarettes (56) English Holiday Inn issues all guests a guidebook to help them comprehend the baffling local dialect, including translations of "dernt nerr" and "summatup?" (75)(Some Guy) Reason #139 to avoid sending your kids to public schools in 2008. Five teens "sexually harassed" lone female student by forcing her to the ground and shoving their exposed genitals in her face. Boys will be boys (174)
Reason #139 to avoid sending your kids to public schools in 2008. Five teens "sexually harassed" lone female student by forcing her to the ground and shoving their exposed genitals in her face. Boys will be boys (174) Gardener ordered to take down barbed wire fence so thieves won't get hurt climbing over it. If you can name in which country this occurred, you win a free order of fish and chips (104) Man accused in car salesman's death claims he is the "anti-Christ" and the salesman jumped out of the moving truck because he did not want "to repent to save his soul." (37)
Elderly woman complains after UFO crashes through her roof and hit her in the forehead. "She says the ice has a slightly fishy smell and looks like quartz" (43)(Some Guy) Study shows that religion can be depressing. Catholics seen nodding in agreement before kneeling, standing, kneeling and looking at a dead guy on a cross -- the biggest thing in the room (152)
Study shows that religion can be depressing. Catholics seen nodding in agreement before kneeling, standing, kneeling and looking at a dead guy on a cross -- the biggest thing in the room (152)
We've secretly switched this woman's birth control pills with fertility drugs. Let's see if anyone notices (157)(Some Guy) Hot chick survives being pinned in her car for two days after rolling down steep embankment. Police have ruled the crash an "accident" despite the fact she was returning home from a Ravens game (63)
Hot chick survives being pinned in her car for two days after rolling down steep embankment. Police have ruled the crash an "accident" despite the fact she was returning home from a Ravens game (63)
The four secrets of amazing sex. Well, there are five: the first unstated assumption is one has a partner (211) Remember that Christmas light display made famous by Fark and eventually picked up for a Miller Lite commercial? It's not happening this year, unless someone wants to pay for it (53)
OPEC to hold extraordinary meeting next month. Seminars to include; Fish in a barrel - Really as Easy as it Looks?, The Dangers of Money - Learn to Stack it Safely, Hand Strength in Relation to Testicular Pressure. OW MY (43)
Poll finds that Canadian voters think economy first, hockey second. Beer and back bacon tied for third (94)
Why the sad face? A photo gallery of the best of the sad-faced stock traders. Voting enabled in case you have captions (195)
Dispatcher: "What's your emergency?" Caller: "There's someone farking in the parking lot." Dispatcher: "I'll notify the police." Caller: "Uh hang on, I'm getting a call from 911." (111)
The bailout isn't working because it has "encouraged lenders to hold off dealing with their bad debt in hopes of getting a better deal from the Treasury." Suck it, non-libertarians (166)(NBC) Remember that douchebag who caught those final baseballs at Shea and Yankee Stadium? Here he is on Jay Leno (interview starts at 31.25) (38)
Remember that douchebag who caught those final baseballs at Shea and Yankee Stadium? Here he is on Jay Leno (interview starts at 31.25) (38) I see your AIG party at the Ritz Carlton and raise you a Barclays shindig at Italy's Villa D'Este hotel costing *touch pinky to cheek* one MILLION dollars (116)
North Korea reportedly working on an advanced Taepodong, which is longer, straighter, and more powerful than any Taepodong we've seen before (44)(KXLY) Overachieving squirrel leaves trail of destruction in its wake, managing to cause a power line collapse, car fire, natural gas fire and a power outage in the span of about thirty seconds (70)
Overachieving squirrel leaves trail of destruction in its wake, managing to cause a power line collapse, car fire, natural gas fire and a power outage in the span of about thirty seconds (70)(VegasCabbie) 
Things that suck about being a cab driver: 1) low pay, 2) boredom and long hours, 3) your co-workers punching you in the face (34)
Things that suck about being a cab driver: 1) low pay, 2) boredom and long hours, 3) your co-workers punching you in the face (34)
Having 360 bags of compost delivered to a residential home might tip off the police to your massive pot farm (36)(610 WTVN) Judge offers loud rap music listening basketball player a break on fine if he listens to classical music for 20 hours. Could only take Mozart for 15 minutes, yo (123)
Judge offers loud rap music listening basketball player a break on fine if he listens to classical music for 20 hours. Could only take Mozart for 15 minutes, yo (123) Inmates at Welsh prison win luxury bathroom shopping spree in recognition of their prize-winning gardens (19)
"As tempers flared, one man grabbed a hammer, the other a letter opener." Two men enter, one man leaves (25)
(Some facetimer) It's good to have a life outside of work, but Nevada governor Jim Gibbons has been in his office 12 days over the past 9 weeks (68)
It's good to have a life outside of work, but Nevada governor Jim Gibbons has been in his office 12 days over the past 9 weeks (68)