Wow,

That is an excellent way of looking at it and definantly made me look at my marriage with sobar judgement. As Christians we really have fallen short of God's design for us.
Thank you for that thought provoking glimps into what's going on around us.

A message from the Holy Spirit, YOU are right, it starts in our homes, and to be example and a LIGHT in ths WORLD..We are the Salt of this world, and we as GOD children-should be reflecting our father..with love, agapy love, faithfulness, and loyality, and BELIEVE..Perserver...A Covenant...between a Man and a Women....Where did that go in our CHRIST WALK..We all should have a KINGDOM Mentality, and not be of this world...I too have been wanting a divorce..because of the infidelity! However, God spoke, "do you trust me" is my word true to you" do you Believe" he is a God of restoration..and anything worth having, takes work...I just said this is to much work, however Im sure the CROSS wasnt easy....

That was a very interesting and thought-provoking column. I agree that we as Christians should be doing a better job at making marriage a stronger institution than it currently is.

While I appreciate your comments, I question your point about what is going on in Canada. I am Canadian and this is the first time I or my husband have heard that we are talking about recognizing polygamous unions. I am curious to know the source for that information. I can't believe that the debate would be going on without a huge outcry in the media.

Thanks Holly!

You've got some great points and I do wonder at our country and where it is headed...

The great sufferers in all of this is our children...unstable, insecure kids grow up to be unstable, insecure adults, which ushers in an unstable, fear driven country... God have mercy!

Wow, this really made me think beyond just the moral issues of gay marriage. Why fight so hard for marriage when it isn't so great for heterosexual couples? Perhaps all the gay community has gained by this is the added power to hurt each other with the pain of divorce. My parents got divorced when I was a teen, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone--gay or straight.

I appreciated your entire essay, and the last paragraph is especially true!

It saddens me that gay marriage at this time is legal where I live. However, I do agree with the article as far as saying that we as Christians have failed to provide examples in our marriages to the rest of the world. I hope that articles like this will wake us up as followers of Christ and help us to make the commitment to allow God to work on us and our marriages.

Holly says: Cindy, I first heard about the polygamy debate in Canada in 2006, when some law professors from Queen's University suggested that the Criminal Code ban on polygamy should be lifted because it was rarely prosecuted anyway. Here's one story from 2006: "Canada should legalize polygamy: study".

You can find more stories by searching for the terms "Canada polygamy" on Google News.

The debate on polygamy in Canada centers around Bountiful, a polygamous community in Creston B.C. Bountiful is connected to the FLDS (Fundamentalist Mormons).

See: http://www.religionnewsblog.com/13240/Study-says-Canada-should-legalize-polygamy

and

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/bustupinbountiful/studies.html

There is definite concern regarding the connection between the legalization of same-sex marriage and the decriminalization of polygamy.

I also suggest reading Chuck Colson's commentary from July 1, 2008:
http://www.breakpoint.org/listingarticle.asp?ID=8089

Just like strait people, there are fat unattractive gays who are depressed because they can't find a partner. There are many who just live together and go to church anyway...because celibacy causes b-b-brain damage!

thank you for your thought provoking article Holly!

i particularly appreciated the last paragraph where you reminded us to not throw stones at others, but to turn our critical judgmental pointed fingers back around so that htey are facing us.. ahh soo freshing :)

sometimes i think christians feel a burden to be perfect in others eyes and i htink that this can be unhealthy.. alternatively, in my mind, focusing on our own relationship, and focusing on getting that right, whilst being real with others about our marriage trials and triumphs can be very powerful (mind you i also believe its important to primarily protect the marriage during difficult times, by being discerning about who we should be open with and how much we should disclose).

i am currently going thru my own relationship trial with my husband and am constantly amazed how god uses our periodical marriage conflicts to do a work in us as individuals, and to also bring us closer together as a couple..

but there is no denying the fact that there are times when it feels too hard to keep working on my marriage.. whilst society has trends in play (i.e. divorce), each indivuidal has a choice to make.. personally, i desire to make wise chioces.. becuase i know that they lead to abundant life and that is what i want...

in closing, god promised me that 'he will never leave me nor foresake me".. he told me that "he (jesus) came that we (thats you and me people) may have life, and have it more abundantly" and he told me that "i can do all things thru christ who strengthens me".

what a wonderful god we are in relationship with,.. he frees us to have amazing lives, and uses this as a testament to his greatness.. or at least thats what he means to me...

thank you all for your encouraging words..

Thank you so much for this wonderful article.

No matter what is happening around us, there is hope for our generation and it begins with us 'christain'. Lets keep praying. Remember wot God told Ezekiel 'Can this bone rise again'

Gos is able, More than able to accomplish wot concerns us today. We are the light of the world. We can make our marriages work, raise godly seed for this generation thru christ that strenthens us. With God all things are possible. We are the hope for this generation. God is with us. He lives in us. He will never leave nor forake us.

By doing so we can then draw souls to christ.

This is avery inspiring one. I appreciate this passage a lot and would recommend to all readers to spread the gospel. Real marriage has now become a thing of the past and most of the youth like me are getiing scared of what the future generation might bring. But I still trust God for the provisions he has made in our lives.

This gay rights thing is rediculous but you are right, marriage is more then just love. It is a promise to God. You have commited yourself to each other infront of God for better or for worse. Now even if it was in a court house it is a marriage even to God and it demands respect.

The Bible even says that a man that marries a divorced women is causing her to commit adoltry. Please correct me if I am wrong I don't have the scripture infront of me and do not wish to quote something incorrectly. But if that is what it was saying then the women is still tied to the man even after a divorce. Even so are we if we get divorced. We would still be married spiritually through kids etc. Just because you do not share a legal bind and the same bank account does not mean youare completely seperated. So with this in mind it is very important to try as hard as you can no matter what.

I have made a choice that a divorce would not be on my head it would have to be my husbands choice. The Bible talks about a man divorcing his wife but I do not recall it saying anything about a woman divorcing the husband. I do believe that if abuse is the problem God forgive me but I would not stay. But simply changing your mind is out of the question. The bed was made... lay in it. Make a choice and stick to it.

Don't blame the husband work on yourself becuase God will be judging YOU alone for how you reacted. Do you react in the Christian way? Did YOU submit? Did YOU watch after the children and the house? Does your families physical and spiritual health come before anything else? Now the questions would differ for a man but this is what we must ask ourselves. We are not of this world and therefore answer to a higher athority. We must not forget that. And we must also pray for Christian marriages in particular. Because God will judge the homo-sexual individuals alone and the Christian individuals alone...and God help me if there is an "and/or" between those.

Your sister in Christ.

Wow, I was enlightened by this article. My neighbor's son is gay and has had a partner for over 20 years and it is the first time I've had the opportunity to hear about what it is like. He said he knew he wasn't interested in girls at a young age and felt very badly about it. So, I have to wonder if it isn't something genetic that really can't be changed and so we have to realize he was also created in the womb. He is probably one of the nicest men I know who cares for his elderly parents in their 90's so lovingly. My marriage ended after 22 years of physical abuse. I took my vows seriously and hung in there, even learned Tae Quan Do to stop the abuse. It still hurts to read about divorce in the bible and sometimes I wish I had stayed but I felt my life was in danger by the time I filed. Not easy to do. Marriage is so wonderful when done right and such hell when not. Thanks for the excellent, thought-provoking article.

Holly says: Barbara, thank you for sharing your personal story. It brings up a very important point: God doesn't expect us to stay in physically abusive relationships. While there are passages that instruct Christians to "turn the other cheek," this is about insult, not injury. There's nothing in the Bible that indicates God expects a spouse to continue to be injured.

Instead, the Bible instructs that men should love their wives as Christ loves the church. The passage in Ephesians 5 is often read starting at verse 22, which states that wives should submit to their husbands. But we should also consider verse 21, which says all believers--women and men alike-- should "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (emphasis mine).

Further, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love isn't: It's not self-seeking or easily angered, and it doesn't delight in evil.

Love is kind. It always protects.

The Law in the Old Testament instructed the Jewish people to treat each other well. For example, the Law provides very specific instruction on how slaves were to be treated fairly and with kindness. If a man married his slave, he was obligated to always provide her with food, clothing, and sexual relations. If he denied her these things, she was legally able to leave him as a free woman--an example of a woman being free to divorce.

Another example of divorce is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15: If an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, "let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances." In this passage, the apostle Paul instructs the believer to stay in the marriage unless their unbelieving spouse wants to call it quits. I think it's important for us to recognize we can't expect unbelievers to follow the same moral standards that are set for Christians in the Bible; unbelievers haven't made a commitment to obey God.

In marriage, we publicly make vows to each other before God. Couples make a covenant with each other and with God. If a partner becomes abusive, they've broken the covenant with both their spouse and with God. And if the abusive partner is unwilling to change their behavior, I believe God recognizes the marriage covenant as broken--the abused person is released from their obligation.

Barbara, I hope you will find continued peace and healing.

I have been married for 14 years. I married my husband so he could stay in the USA. He has cheated the entire marriage and is still cheating ! He was a christian when I married him, I met him in church. I have lost alot of my faith. Do you know how you loose your self-esteem when your man cheats on you...? I have no self esteem left. He has done horrible things to me! Is he cheating because we didnt have a marriage to begin with..? God has certainly given me the strength to endure my situation.. I will be writing a book someday about my relationship. Sometimes it seems like it is a love-hate relationship.

thank you, guy