Thanks for this article! Simple message, but a great reminder not to put our worth in what people say, or in what we do.

I think it's really important to learn not to take criticism too personally (whether or not it's intended that way). In terms of giving criticism, I feel we need to look at ourselves first and not be so judgmental :) People will receive constructive criticism far better if overall, they feel loved and accepted by you. In addition to that, some humility would not go astray - we should recognise that our opinion is not always correct.

The other thing to consider, is whether or not criticism at a particular point in time is actually necessary. People don't need to be corrected for every single mistake they make! We need to stop expecting ourselves and others to be perfect.

I can relate to most of the things that you mentioned, espcially Mom coming to visit and cleaning. Like you, I hear that I am not a good housekeeper. Or if I have not gotten something done at work and I discover someone else has done it, I hear that I am not responsible. And the worse is when I'm just sure that I am being talked about. The verse that the Lord gave me recently that has helped me to overcome in this area of my life is John 10:10, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." I realized that it didn't matter if the thoughts, words or actions were real or imagined. Bottom line is that Jesus came to bring life. It is the enemy that steals my confidence, my hope, my securtiy. It isn't really a person at all. So I focus on Jesus' promise of abundant life regardless of my circumstances and He quickly restores my joy.

This message has really lifted me up. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. we are unique in the eyes of God. I quite agree that we should remove our focus from things around us and "LOOK UNTO JESUS "THE AUTHOR AND FINSHER OF OUR FAITH. However critisism should also be taken positively in some cases and used as a stepping stone to greater heights.
But above all we owe ours lifes and everthing to our maker who has the ability to clear all imperfections in our life.

Remain blessed

People can talk way too often before they speak. Where does their authority come from to say the things they do? When the criticism is too frequent and from the same person, I find myself face to the floor praying to God to lead me from utter frustration to dealing with this person in a Godly manner or confronting with love and truth. My sensitivity to others lack thereof can be a detriment in my relationships and I find relying on God's lead has brought more peace than I can ever imagine. Taking offense can often cause us to respond inappropriately. Taking a moment with God can eleviate the stress level and shed His light on the matter.

I know that God wanted me to read this. Just last week while in the choir a girl next to me turned and said "I like you better when you wear your wigs (I have been losing my hair). I decided to take my wig off some months ago and I can't tell you how many comments I get or opinions, that I don't ask for by the way. I was so hurt when she said that. But God got me through the week without totally caving in to it. I agree. Turn to God's word. Only good things can come of that. It also takes my mind off of myself and puts my thoughts on him. Keep being an encourager. God Bless!

Dear Carla,you are a beautiful person,you need to look in the mirror everyday and say to your self I am a beautiful person, god brought me into this world because he loved me and you have to tell your self that every day because you are a beautiful person we all are.and when some one is mean to you .you just need to say to your self that they are unhappy with them selves and in order for them to feel good about them selfs, its easier for then to be mean or cruel to others only because they are unhappy with them selfs,so just remeber take it one day at a time and let go of what they say,because you know in your heart you are doing the best that you can..and always remenber that when your starting to feel the pain, just say to your self god I need you here with me to hold me up and be proud of who I am because I can't do this alone. and he is your best friend the one that you can count on to help you through anything that you go through.he believes in you and you need to remember that...

Thank you for admitting this. While I wish you didn't have to deal with these negative thoughts just like I do, it's nice to know I am not the only one who does this.

I'll never forget the reference to the general feelings of women on being "too much" or "not enough" from Stasi Eldredge in her book, Captivating. Unfortunately, how true this is.

One of the components to my ministry is a live forum where visitors can "relate" with one another. Recently, a very special lady made a comment about "guarding the heart". Since this very (biblical) topic has been on my mind and heart lately, I asked her:

How does one guard the heart?

I was blessed by hear response...a poetic yet real "pledge" of sorts with very specific solutions to this issue we all face as women...Christian or not.

You see, I happen to believe that if you take the most noble characteristics of men and the most noble characteristics of women...we catch a glimpse (only a glimpse) of the characteristics of our Lord. We are made in His likeness. This makes sense to me.

I took the words of this lovely lady and made a beautiful (and printable) page that should be placed on the refrigerator of all women. It's quite lovely...and quite real.

Its very true each and every individual goies through critism be it work or home amongst family , friends, in laws brother and sister or children. We have take it in a positive way or healthy criticism and the rest to be ignored for the best.
In worse to worst situation we should always have God the centre of our life and every thing that happens in our lives is by the wish and will the heavenly father.He has a definite purpose in whatever happens in our life and with Jesus as our companion we have to move ahead by accepting whatever comes in our life. Many a times we feel everything crashing on us. sometime we feel the mother-in law or farther-in law or brother or sister-in law brothers, sisters and evern parent's advice as criticism. Our daily life starts choking and suffocating us by all these small incidents, because we tend to take them in a negative way which clashes with our ego. It hurts in way worst then a deep bleeding wound as if our heart is pierced with a sharp spear.
But let us all leave all these petty thing to God. he has wonderfully created us and brought into this world with some specific purpose.

So keep the word of God in whatever situation you are in and be blessed forever.

I work in the media and unsolicited negative criticism has been ongoing for years. Whereas I used to cry and get down on myself, God has now given me the strength to focus on Him and His Word. The Lord has taught me not to base my worth on what others say but on what HE SAYS. John 10:10 has been my mantra this week. I refuse to let anyone steal that abundant life that Christ has made possible to me. God is helping me to stand strong against criticism -but it is an area where I have to choose to believe what God says versus the self-pity or hurt feelings that try to reign in mind and heart.

We know the Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Many women, myself included, have had to overcome the affects of verbal abuse from a trusted person like a spouse or church leaders. Then it's hard to trust and be open with everyone and we so long to relate! It is wisdom to have godly boundaries with those that have abused us in the past and remember that forgiveness is important for us to walk through, but doesn't mean we let people into the vulnerable areas of our lives if they've proven harsh before. "Christian" doesn't mean someone can do or say whatever they want to you. I thank God for the instruction about relationships in His Word.

Hi!

For all us women out there, we need to remind ourselves that God looks to the inside of us and people look on the outside. It is ok for us to be imperfect beings. Beings who look to the heavens for support. And again, it is ok!!! Also sometimes God tends to shift our services where he needs them. And of course other things must wait. :)

Thanks for this article. My question is why do some people feel they have to have an opinion about everything you do, anyway? God made each of us different, and unique. Before criticizing, people need to look at the plank in their own eye, before trying to remove the speck in mine. I believe I am living according to how God wants, and I ask Him to help me in all the decisions I make each day. Women especially struggle with trying to be perfect and do it all; we shouldn't but we do compare ourselves to our friends, instead of concerning ourselves with what God thinks. I hold to the old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!" Blessings!

Thank you for your sweet openess and honesty. Keep on blogging and rest assured that your simple words help me and other Christian women. I love that there is no pretense in you blog, just refreshing honesty. To God be all glory...

dear carla, thks for yr sharing as god speaking to me throught you.I have been struggling with it as you did and i have encountered a hurtful comment from a close friend who needs to meet oftenly.it has lift my spirit up again.Praise the Lord. and Mary's encouraging words too dated 19oct.May God bless all of you.

I thank God for this awesome message. Have been going through this problem in my home and office, especially my office which my head of department dislikes me. I know I work hard in the office.I cry and get confused and ask God why me cos we about three in the office always it is me. I relize I have a God that never fails but will see me through. I encourage my self by this scripture that they that wait upon the lord he shall renew their strengh. God's blessing to all.

I completely related to what Carla said. But it was also a reminder to me not to GIVE needless criticism, especially with my 20-something daughter. Basically, we all need what Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages calls "words of affirmation." Some of us are really good at that; others (myself included) less so. I'm working at it ...

I understand this feeling all too well. My mother-in-law told me I had ruined my kids, a while back, in a grocery store, even though I knew in the back of my mind she did not intend to hurt me. Well, that was pretty devastating since that was the only thing I wanted to be really good at. I had not gone to college. I worked in day care and at jobs that could be somewhat accomodating to our children's schedules. We took them to church 3 times a week, school every day, Boy Scouts, etc.... and there it was I ruined my kids. That took a lot of scripture reading and reminding myself that Paul said he could not judge himself and was not the job of others to judge him only God. We must work to please God not others. It is hard to remember that sometimes and have confidence in it.

thanks for these comments. it is really helpful to learn how other women are feeling and coping with the challenges of everyday life. i am caring 24/7 for two disabled family members, non Christian, so feel quite cut off from other women´s thoughts and feelings. it´s so helpful for me to read this blog. blessings to you all.

Hi Carla,

Thx for this blog, I am a Pastor's wife and I can tell you that I am constantly confronted with criticism from all areas and sometimes I am the worst critic of myself and at times before anyone has said anything negative I already think of what they might say and from who it will most likely come from and I find myself living daily under a microscope and I at times compare myself alot to others and I take out the measuring stick and for some reason I always fall short of the next person but your blog has really encouraged me, I do find tremendous encouragement through the Word of God but a pastor's world is a lonely one so to be able tobe this brutaly honest without being criticised is awesome. Thx again and God bless.

What a fabulous post! Seems there are a lot of ideas about what the "perfect Christian woman" should look like, act like, and be like. Unfortunately there are those who believe it is their God-given duty to transform women into this image (and that image can vary greatly, often based on personal value judgments).

When will we realize it's God who changes folks? Gals, if you are seriously concerned about the behavior or choices of another Christian woman, first pray about it. If you feel God is leading you to speak with that woman, pray about it again. And again. Then, if you still feel God's leading, pray for good words and use only the words God gives you (which should be truthful, focused on helping the individual, and delivered with love). Afterward, continue to consistently pray for your friend, because it's God's work, not your words, that will bring about change.

God may use us to bring about change in others, but it's so dangerous for us to view ourselves and our efforts as the means to that change. We've gotta give God props--he's the only one that deserves them.

When we criticize, we're causing all woman to shut down and cease talking about the struggles we all have. The best response to seeing or hearing someone's struggle is to immediately say, "I care about you, and God loves you so much. Let me pray for you."

Carla, thanks for your continued transparency, for sharing your life here and discussing this most important topic.

Thank you for this article. I would ask
just How Thick is Thick? I've endured this challenge all my life. I'm better now that I'm in my mid 50's. You do good and it is not good enough, do bad and folks will take it to another level (that is beyond your thinking of how did they come up with that?). I make my decisions now , Pray and seeking for the Lord to order my steps. I've stood alone on certain issues, yet his Grace and Mercy are substaining me.
Favorites words now "YOU DO YOU"

It is good to hear about how so many of you out there are having to cope with criticism. Sometimes it really gets me down whenever my friends think they have a right to impose their opinions on me. Lately I have been meditating more on God's word to remind myself that Jesus loves me. As long as I obey Him, I should not worry about anyone else's opinion of me.

I thought I was the only one dealing with this. It's encouraging to know we are winning the battle against criticism and hurtful words. They will always come our way, but as it has been said, our self worth and affirmation comes from the Almighty God who loves us regardless and who is always willing to give us a second chance. We are people of virtue!

Very nice articles and responces.
Criticism hurts because it is mean, or it feels mean. When I am criticized by my family members it seems it is unfair because it is unloving. That is why it is so hard to take. Because it reveals unacceptance. Unacceptance is non loving, and non caring about someone. And when family members who are not christians or who mock religion criticize me I can remember God almighty has forever invited me in his family, and that I belong.

When I am feeling depressed from criticism, those verses inspire me to remember my worth in God's eyes. He made me in his image as a reflection of him. I don't have to do anything to be valuable. I am already valuable because of God's love for me. I have to let go of criticism, and I have to learn to stop being my own worst critic. That is my biggest hangup, my criticism of myself, and feeling like a failure every time something goes wrong. "All God's works are wonderful, I know that full well." Thanks for the reminder.

Carla, I don't get how you're pulling it off. Your comments are great theories. And I know in my head that they are biblical concepts. I've tried for many (many, many) years to apply them to my life. But I have not been successful.

It's like my head knows what's supposed to be God's truth, but that truth is contradicted by all of the reality that surrounds me. And I don't have what it takes to keep fighting to believe something that's supposed to be true but all evidence says otherwise.

I grateful for this article. This is an issue I struggle with daily. I am a twenty something who works in a male dominated business during the day and serves at a country club at night. It is a daily occurance for someone to criticize me or indirectly tell me I am not adaquate. I took a few minutes at work yesterday to read my bible about these issues. And to open this and find this article was God answering my prayers and questions. I know that I am all things through Him and while others opinions and words can hurt I should not let them make me feel like I am nothing. He is an awesome Father and He knows me truely inside and out! He has made me in His image and He loves me for who I am, imperfections and all!!!! Thanks so much for this article!

Hurting people hurt people. Remember David and Saul. Our purpose is to allow ourselves to be conformed to the image of Christ. As someone has said,
first pray about it... is this true, lovely, of good report.....if it is true, Lord change me AND give me grace to forgive the one who has criticized me and let me "bless those who curse me and pray for those who use me". The buck stops with us.
While we are growing in this area, sometimes we need to back off for awhile from a person who is influencing us negatively more than we are encouraging them positively.
Sometimes our "extreme reaction" to criticism can mean that we are "at the end of our rope" . We have taken it for so long, we can't take it anymore and we just vent. God knows, that's what His grace is about, eh? He was tempted in every way that we are. He wants us to take off our masks and be the one He created us to be.
The more we try to be 'good girls', the more
He has to remind us that only He can change our hearts if we trust Him.
This blog has helped me as I tend to isolate myself when I am hurt, but when you see that you are not alone, the lies of the enemy have to flee. We are all "works in progress"
and that is a good thing.
I always loved that song that went "the One
Who knows you best, loves you most."Pat

Years ago I prayed asking God to help me recieve whatever He was telling me through others and shed what was not, no matter who or how it was said.

I also prayed he would enable me to change what needed to be changed.

The only person I didn't seem receptive to was - you guessed - my mom. 20 years later, I realized what a mistake it had been not to pay more attention to what she was trying to get through.

Thanks so much for writing this. It is a constant struggle for us women.
Blessings!

You voiced my thoughts just about to the tee. What's so funny is that when my mom would come over and start cleaning I would think, "What nerve, you don't even keep you own house clean!" LOL And when it comes down to it I now look back and realize that my mom has a tendency to 'fidget' when somethings on her mind.

Yes, I am one of those that will see an insult or offense when everyone else just looks on. God is helping me to see that He alone should be my VALIDATOR!!! Thank you. I was feeling a little down and stumbled onto this post. I will definately keep reading.

Hi, thank you for this article about self-worth. I think it really encourages me as I am a student who constantly struggles with my own self-worth. indeed, the part that impacted me most was when you wrote that "[Our worth] doesn’t come from achieving a flat stomach (thank goodness!) or having great friends or gaining anyone’s approval. It comes from my Creator." In a culture that constantly sends the message that "my worth comes from what I do, because what I do defines who I am", it's indeed neccessary to have an identity that is firmly established in Jesus. Thank you carla!

I Just wanted to say thank you for writing this particular blog. I have a female friend of mine that is always criticizing my life. She will talk about me behind my back to mutual friends, to trying to give me advice. And for every conversation I try to have with her about how "I don't need friends like that" or about " With friends like you, who needs and enemy." All I get is more negativity from her, or she will change the subject and start talking bad about other people. Or find something new to criticize, if she doesn't end up with the out come she was looking for.

Your blog, has helped me find a few new ways in a Christian way to try and let her know that it is not acceptable for her to act like that toward me or other people.

Thank you once again, Carla.

IT was good reading how strong us women are. I will admitt though it's hard to be strong all the time with how emotional we can be, especially for me. I come from a very disfunctional family that screams, argues, and cuts one another out of their lifes for years on end. I've had my twin and older brother telling me to kill myself already and how nobody cares about me. Then a mother that tells me I should be thankful for adopting me on top of blaming me for her heart surgery. This is just recent critism. My whole life has been this from my family, which makes it hard to find happiness. How does one do that when their family is the worst of the worst?