The White House in December refused to accept the Environmental Protection Agency’s conclusion that greenhouse gases are pollutants that must be controlled, telling agency officials that an e-mail message containing the document would not be opened, senior E.P.A. officials said last week.

So you might be sort of astounded by how fucking insane a strategy that is, but wait! there’s more!

This week, more than six months later, the E.P.A. is set to respond to that order by releasing a watered-down version of the original proposal that offers no conclusion. Instead, the document reviews the legal and economic issues presented by declaring greenhouse gases a pollutant.

It worked! Can you fucking believe it? But remember, Impeachment is off the table as unilaterally decided by Nancy Pelosi. Even Mecha-Abe Lincoln is surprised:

This entire article is full of keepers, check it out
:::: White House via NYTimes ::::

Dear Yohizzy
MuffPEC (the cartel of muffin producing countries) has used their power and influence to drive up the cost of muffins on the freemarket. They claim that speculator activity will drive the price of muffins to 150 dollars a barrel. Although prices may stabilize as new baking technologies come online and the gumdrop kingdom subdues rebel groups that bombed major chocolate chip pipelines.
Best,
Emo Abe Lincoln

Dear Abraham Lincoln: What’s up with the 150 Billion dollar stimulus package?

Abraham Lincoln:

Well, first off this is a pretty blatant fucking sham. Since the checks won’t be sent out until JUNE(!!!!) this will have *no immediate* effect on the economy, hence making it an idiotic idea that panders to the childish notion that the government giving us money is always a good idea, no matter what. As a former president, I’m continually baffled by house democrats willingness to lick George W Bush’s taint. What’s more the Congressional Budge Office found that the most effective and fastest acting boost to the economy would be an increase in unemployment benefits and food stamp provisions. Those of course were cut out in an inanely hyped bit of “bipartisanship.”

Did Abe mention that business tax cuts also would cause states to lose at least $4 fucking billion in state revenue? The package contains no fiscal relief for states, not even to offset this loss. As a result, many states will have to enact deeper and more painful budget cuts, likely hitting areas from health care and education to aid to local governments. This will actually act as a drag on the economy.

And really, really, lets be honest. This is just a present for China. China will loan us the 150 billion and we’ll use it to buy crap that’s primarily produced in China. I like to close this with a quote from a blowhard someone actually elected.

The stimulus package is *proof* that the government is broken and legislators can only agree on things that are stupid wastes of time. That’s what abe lincoln thinks!

A reader writes:
Dear Abram Lincoln,

There has been much hoo-ha in the media about an impending financial disaster, is it all hype?

Dear Reader,

shit bitches, liquidity is fuuuucked. Alan Wrinklespan be clownin on Eddie Gramliche’s subprime mortgage advice. C.D.O.’s and S.I.V.’s, R.M.B.S. and A.B.C.P. the weakest asset backed securities out there! Ben Bernanke a baby gangsta who gotsta get help from the big boys at the hedge.

Stay up,
‘Bramy5