While I was gone this weekend, our neighborhood shopping center held a little Halloween trick-or-treat event. They do it every year and it has become our tradition to attend.

And I don't mean to brag...well, actually, yes I do....when I tell y'all that Caroline has won the costume contest two out of three years that we've attended. The year she didn't win was a year they didn't hold a contest, so it was no one's fault other than the people who forgot to arrange a contest.

Because, otherwise, she totally would have won.

I hate to admit this but somewhere along the way I have become the Texas Cheerleading Mom of the Halloween contest.

I'd like to say it's because I want to win the coupons for two free scoops of ice cream and a medium size bag of popcorn, but the truth is, it's about my pride.

So this summer when Caroline told me she wanted to be a pumpkin for Halloween, I immediately began designing the costume in my head. Because I have problems.

And, clearly, not enough to think about.

Then, two weeks after school began, she came home and told me she wanted to be Sleeping Beauty. Whaa? Sleeping Beauty? I silently heaped curses upon the Disney marketing machine that brainwashes little girls into wanting to be narcoleptic princesses and pixies with an attitude problem.

Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let my Halloween ambitions interfere with my daughter's happiness. Although I strongly considered it.

I'd also be lying if I said I didn't occasionally throw this out there, "So, you're sure you don't want to be a pumpkin?" Only to be rejected and informed in a firm tone that she was going to be Sleeping Beauty.

Early in October we headed to The Disney Store to purchase the Sleeping Beauty costume. We got the dress, the light-up shoes, the golden scepter, and the crown.

A little part of my soul died inside.

But at least I felt good knowing that I was helping the Disney empire keep their head above water. I'm sure they're just barely making ends meet, what with that whole Magic Kingdom deal.

We came home and put the costume in the closet so that it wouldn't get trashed before Halloween. Then, this past weekend, I packed it with all of her stuff and dropped her off at Mimi and Bop's house.

I was sad I was going to miss the Halloween carnival, but knowing she was going to be Sleeping Beauty, I felt certain that the Best Costume award was going to go to some other child whose mother has serious issues and too much time on her hands.

Mimi got her up Saturday morning and began dressing her for the carnival. As soon as they got the Sleeping Beauty dress on, it became apparent to Caroline that it was very itchy. She was clawing at the top of it trying to make the itching stop.

The dress needed a quick fix or it wasn't going to get worn at all (and you certainly can't have your two-time costume contest champion showing up in no costume at all) so Mimi taped duct tape, otherwise known as Louisiana chrome, over the itchiest parts of the inside of the dress.

Caroline looked at Mimi and Bops on the way out the door and said, "Oh, I made a mistake. I should have been a pumpkin."

Thank you.

That's all I've been trying to say.

I will use this story over and over again in the future to remind her that her mama ALWAYS knows best. And I feel certain that she will sit at my feet and absorb my motherly wisdom with quiet dignity and respect.

Or she may stomp out of the room while yelling "YOU ARE WEARING ME OUT!"

Not that she's ever done that. It's a hypothetical.

So once I returned from my weekend away, I heard the whole tale of the costume and the itchiness. It was also made clear that she did NOT want to EVER put that dress on her person EVER again.

Thank you Walt Disney. How about spending a little less money on Euro Disney and a little more on finding costume material of a slightly higher quality than recycled cardboard?

I leapt into action and went back to Plan A. The pumpkin costume.

I'd like to say I didn't spend Sunday night plotting how I was going to make a pumpkin costume in just three days, but that wouldn't be true.

Monday morning after I dropped her off at school, I ran to Joann's Crafts and Fabric Store. I started to feel intimidated looking at all the dress patterns and fabrics, but I pressed on.

I bought 8 yards of orange tulle, some green tulle, black felt, and some RIT dye in a shade called Tangerine. Oh, and a handy little invention called Liquid Stitch, which is essentially glue for the sewing impaired.

P came home to find me mixing Tangerine dye in the kitchen sink so that I could dye Caroline's pink leotard and tights from last year. I was wearing rubber gloves and stirring like a mad woman. I think he thinks I need therapy.

He may be right.

I cut more strips of tulle than I ever dreamed possible and tied knot after knot to make an orange tutu. I was like Martha Stewart after 15 shots of espresso.

Finally, it was finished.







It was too late for the costume contest, but not too late for the pure cuteness. And as she said when someone dropped candy in her bucket last night, "I TOTALLY SCORED!"

We had a great Halloween night. We walked up and down our block for some trick-or-treating and then came home to hand out candy to "customers". Everytime a kid walked up Caroline would say, "HERE COMES ANOTHER CUSTOMER!" and she'd grab mounds of candy to pass out, while AJ, Mimi, Bops, P and I all sat on the front porch, ate taco soup, and watched the festivities.



She's already planning her costume for next year. She told me before bed last night that she either wants to be a kitty-cat or some poop.

I'm pretty sure Disney doesn't carry either of those costumes, but don't think I won't buy some brown tulle and make the best of it.

I've gotten a few emails and comments in the last few days from people letting me know they thought I had taken a break from blogging because my feed wasn't showing up in their Bloglines.
If you're having that problem, you might want to check and make sure you've updated the feed to my new url, which is http://bigmama1.com or you can just click on the subscribe button in my sidebar. That way, you won't have to spend countless hours of your day wondering if I have posted anything.
And for those of you who have asked, here is the recipe for Mississippi Sin Dip which, ironically, I got from

1 loaf french bread8 oz. container of french onion dip4 oz. can green chiles, drained1 package of bacon bits2 cups grated cheddar cheese8 oz. package of cream cheese, softened
And yes, all this cheese makes it seem very fattening, but think of all the calcium!
Plus, the bacon bits provide some protein.
Anyway, cut out top of french bread and scoop out insides. Mix all other ingredients together in a large bowl. Put the dip inside the loaf of french bread and put the top of bread back on. Wrap the whole thing in foil and bake 1 hour at 350. I personally love this served with Fritos Scoops, but it would be great with crackers too.
I can guarantee I'll be making this a lot during college football season because watching the Aggies while eating fattening foods is what fall is all about.

Friday morning, P and I went to the doctor so that they could look at his incision and make sure everything was okay. The recovery from this surgery hasn't been nearly as easy as his previous recoveries, so I've been a little concerned.
We met with the nurse and she told us that everything he's experiencing is normal. In fact, she said every day the herniated disc was putting pressure on his nerve equals a week of recovery. So, good news! Recovery should only last about 33 weeks, which is about the same amount of time it takes me to balance our checkbook.
She also read the doctor's report from P's surgery. She said (and I quote) "Patient had a tremendous mass of spinal material removed". I'm no medical expert, but I feel fairly certain that the words TREMENDOUS MASS in reference to any medical condition are just not good. Like P said, "If they removed a tremendous mass, how much do I have left?"
So, after having the fear of God and spinal fusion drilled into us, we left the office and headed home. The good news is I get to keep putting P's socks and shoes on him for at least the next month and, fingers crossed, I may get to cut his toenails.
It's really everything I imagined as I stood at the altar and pledged to be his for all eternity.
As for the rest of the weekend, my friend Jen came in town for a visit. Friday night, all the girls went out for Mexican food and Jen surprised us by bringing a cake to celebrate all the summer birthdays in the group. We ate huge bowls of guacamole, enjoyed a few margaritas, laughed until we cried and then, the band started up.
Nails scraping on a chalkboard are less annoying than this band. And really, I'm using the term "band" lightly. There were maracas, drums and LOUD, LOUD singing. We were literally screaming at each other and couldn't hear a word. The final straw was when they sang a cover of "Smooth" that would have made Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas curl up in the fetal position. Needless to say, we asked for the check and got out before our ears started to bleed.
Saturday night we all went over to Gulley's and ate a spread of food that can only be described as health-free. It was essentially the bizarro equivalent of the Atkins Diet. There wasn't a protein to be found, not even a summer sausage. We had Mississippi Sin Dip, Fritos, cheese and crackers, chips and salsa, and topped it off with this.

In case y'all can't tell, that's a large bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough with four spoons. Otherwise known as magic in a bowl.
I'm not even lying a little when I tell y'all that I finally had to put a piece of gum in my mouth to keep me from eating anymore.
I'm not proud to say that, 5 minutes later, I spit out my gum so that I could have another bite.
And one last note from the weekend. Look who learned to ride her bicycle.

She's getting so big.
I wonder if I can teach her how to cut P's toenails.

Dear Caroline,

In just a few hours, I'll walk into your room with a plate holding a brownie with a candle on it. Daddy and I will sing Happy Birthday and tell you that we're so glad you were born. Later on, we'll have a big party, but this moment is just for the three of us. Daddy and I couldn't have imagined how much you would bless our lives. It's unspeakable joy.

A few days ago, you and I went out to La Cantera (or as I like to call it, The Mecca) to shop for new shoes. We walked through the outside shopping area and finally came to the playscape, which for you is the best part of the mall, although you are learning to appreciate a good shoe department. You ran over and began climbing on the play equipment while I sat on a bench to watch you. All of a sudden it dawned on me that you were the biggest kid on the playground. When did that happen?



In my mind's eye, I still see you as this little toddler with elbows full of dimpled baby fat and chubby little cheeks, but when I looked at you standing on top of the slide, I realized with the perspective of someone seeing something for the first time, that this past year you have shed whatever was left of the baby, and have become a little girl. Long and lean and oh so sassy.



This past year has brought so many changes that I don't even know where to begin, but I will start by telling you that you make me laugh out loud every day. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth and when you begin telling me some long tale, I just hold my breath in anticipation because I don't want to miss a word. You are a character, in the truest sense of the word.



One of your favorite things these days is to tell me a story about when you were a little girl. It always starts with "Mama, when I was a little girl..." and ends with various statements. Yesterday's story was about when you were a little girl and went to Africa and rode a zebra all by yourself. I can't believe I have no recollection of such a momentous trip.

You wake up every morning ready to start the day. "Mama, get up! GET UP! Where are we going today? What are we going to do today? Let's go, Mama! Let's go." And you run in your room to get yourself dressed, which is a whole other issue. I am no longer allowed in the inner sanctum that is your closet. You are very particular about the attire you will wear each day and this is new for me. I spent 3 years and 10 months getting to dress you like I wanted, but a new day has come and you're in search of your fashion identity.

The other day you came out dressed for school in some pink plaid shorts with a long sleeve red shirt and knee high socks with your tap shoes. You looked like a bag lady on her way to perform at a Vaudeville show. I am trying to let you express yourself, but I have my limits. I told you that you couldn't wear that long sleeve shirt to school because it would be way too hot and I pulled out this darling, yellow dress from your closet and said, "How about this?" You looked at me, gave the dress the once over, and said, "No. I'm not wearing that. It's YELLOW and it's BORING." You are many things, but boring will never be one of them.



You are particular about when you want to talk on the phone, but anytime you hear me on the phone with Gulley, you want to talk and I hear shades of myself as you say, "Gulley, what is going on over there this morning? Is Will feeling better? Did he have a fever? Maybe he has the throw ups." It's such an articulate conversation and it tickles me every time.

The other day we were driving to deliver a meal to a friend that just had her second baby. You stated for the 1,000th time that you wanted a baby sister (and you're very specific about wanting a sister, not a brother). You told me that you told Daddy and "he said we'll have to see about that". I explained to you that a baby sister would mean that you'd have to share Mama and that sometimes Mama would have to take care of the new baby instead of being able to be with you. You thought about it for a minute and then said, "That's okay, Mama. I don't need you anymore."

I'm keeping that in mind the next time you want me to come rock you or hold your hand while you walk to the bathroom at 3 a.m.

In many ways, you don't need me as much anymore. It still amazes me that you run in your room and put on your own pajamas every night. It amazes me that you go to the bathroom and request your privacy. It amazes me that if you want a snack, you'll go get it yourself. And often, when I try to step in and do these things for you, you insist that you'll "do it MYSELF". I'm proud of you for that. I'm proud of you for your independence and your security in who you are and what you can do. You have no doubts about your abilities and my prayer is that you never do. You are unstoppable.



But as independent as you are, we still end each day with you snuggling in my lap as I read you stories. Then, we turn out the light, say our prayers and you contort your body until you're in a position where I can rock you for a few minutes. And just like when you were a baby, you bury your head in my chest, I breathe in the sweet smell of your hair, and I cherish this moment when I get a glimpse of the baby you used to be.



I love you more than you know. Happy 4th birthday, my sweet girl.

Love,
Mama

I saw this meme over at It Coulda' Been Worse last week and knew I would do it eventually. I had no idea that eventually would be this soon, but after a completely uneventful week that resorted to me telling a 10 year old shark story, and a stellar lack of creativity, here it is. A little walk down memory lane, back to my days at West Brook High School. Let's hope this time my Liz Claiborne jean jacket doesn't get stolen out of my locker.

I knew getting assigned a locker in J Hall was just bad news.

1. Who was your best friend? Throughout most of high school it was Jodi Brockhouse. We were inseparable, but had a falling out the summer before our senior year. Sad times. So, I had a close group of friends, but not really one best friend.

2. Did you play any sports? I played soccer. And I use the term "played" loosely. If memory serves I played for two reasons, so that I could have another picture in the yearbook and to have something else to put on my college applications.

Notice that neither of those reasons have anything to do with actual athletic ability.

3. What kind of car did you drive? A sweet, sweet black Honda CRX. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Oh yes ma'am. It only sat two people comfortably, but my senior year we decided to see how many people we could cram into it. I believe we reached a number somewhere around 15.

High school kids are smart.

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you? If it was football season then I was at the game performing at halftime with my batons o' fire. I'm totally kidding. I cannot twirl and certainly wouldn't attempt to do so with pyrotechnics. Fire and the amount of Flexnet in my hair would have been a lethal combination. Think Michael Jackson on the set of that Pepsi commercial.

I danced. I was on the dance team. Apparently, they didn't require a lot of rhythm.



And why yes, I did steal Colonel Sander's outfit. I can fry a mean chicken using a secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices.

5. Were you a party animal? I don't know if "animal" is the right word, but I did my fair share of celebrating. Our favorite party spot was at this abandoned warehouse that some guy's daddy owned and, apparently, forgot he had given his son the keys. Thinking back, I'm not sure what was so appealing about standing in a cold warehouse in the freezing cold drinking Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, but 17 year olds aren't really known for their discriminating tastes in social functions.

6. Were you considered a flirt? I feel fairly certain that I probably was, although I tended to get really shy around guys I actually liked for, you know, like more than a friend.

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir? No. My days in band and choir ended in junior high when it became apparent that my mouth was shaped wrong to play the flute and my voice was just plain wrong.

8. Were you a nerd? On the inside. For sure. On the outside, I put on a pretty good show of coolness.

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled? Even all these years later, this makes my face get all hot. I wasn't suspended but I did get detention for saying a bad word in front of the principal. Not on purpose. He overheard me. It was a proud moment made even prouder when I had to tell my mama. I'll never forget that we were in the Burger King drive-thru when I finally worked up my courage. Her response was a loud gasp as she said, "I didn't even know you knew that word!"

Proud. So proud.

10. Can you sing the fight song? Not a chance. Although there was a time that I could have recalled some dance team choreography to it.

11. Who was your favorite teacher? Coach Breithaupt. He was my sophomore English teacher and encouraged my love of writing. He also let me go to the nurse one day after my boyfriend broke up with me and I couldn't hold it together. He had pity on my teen angst.

12. What was your school mascot? The Bruin. It's a bear.

13. Did you go to the Prom? Oh yes. The theme was "One Moment in Time". Thank you, Whitney Houston.

14. If you could go back, would you? Oh no. Whitney knew what she was talking about, it's meant to be just "One Moment in Time". By March of my senior year, I was ready to be done with high school and I've never looked back.

15. What do you remember most about graduation? Sadly, I don't remember much of anything about graduation. I do remember that the school hosted "Project Graduation" to keep us all safe and sober. My friends and I spent the night fake gambling in a fake casino in the school gym and then the minute they let us out at 6 a.m. the next morning, we all drove to the beach.

That was safe.



It's a wonder I got that cap to stay on my head seeing as how it had to compete with the mass of hair.

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day? I skipped school often enough in the spring of my senior year that I didn't really feel the need to take advantage of a senior skip day.

17. Did you have a job your senior year? I can't remember if it was junior year or senior year, but one of those years I worked at Bealls' Department Store in the junior section, which was right across from the lingerie department. I have memories of my fellow workers and me putting large women brassieres on our bottoms and thinking it was hysterical.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch? We had to stay on campus for lunch. I have documented that experience and my love of the a la carte line burritos here.

19. Have you gained weight since then? I don't think I have. It's just that the weight has shifted to other areas.

20. What did you do after graduation? See #15. Oh, and in the fall I went to Texas A&M University, graduated in May '94 and moved to San Antonio. I have worked in financial sales, door sales (not door to door, I actually sold doors), pharmaceutical sales, and most recently, "yes you are having peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch" sales.

21. What year did you graduate? We're so great, we're so fine, we're the class of '89. Sweet mercy, how do I remember that yet can't remember to buy dog food at the grocery store?

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date? The boy I dated throughout my senior year.

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion? I went to my 10 year reunion and unbelievably, my 20 year reunion is right around the corner. We'll see. I don't have a burning desire to go. I wish someone would just send me a book with current photos and biographies. It would be all the fun without all the small talk.

Here's one more picture I found of myself that I can't believe I'm actually putting up. However, I feel that the look of total disdain on my face for everyone in the universe combined with the drum majorette style dress a la Michael Jackson, completely and totally sums up my entire high school experience.



Like, GAH, just take the picture. I need to go dance to some Debbie Gibson.

If y'all want to play along, have fun and let me know.

And don't forget to sign up for prom committee.

Every summer about this time, the Discovery Channel decides it's a good idea to broadcast Shark Week, a series of shows that all focus on the man-eating power of sharks. Most of the shows have titles like "Top Five Eaten Alive", "Deadliest Sharks of the Universe" and "Blood Runs Red in the Ocean". It's lighthearted viewing fun for the whole family right in the middle of the summer season. Apparently, the programming staff at Discovery Channel is bitter, angry and hellbent on ruining any fun you might have been planning to have at the beach this summer.

P and Caroline love Shark Week. They watch all the shark shows and note the differences between a tiger shark versus a lemon shark, while I sit and wonder who these people are and how I ended up living in this house with them. A shark is a shark. They all have sharp teeth and will EAT YOU ALIVE if given the chance. I firmly believe this to be true, even though every year on one of these shows, some Professor of Sharkology will say that most of the time a shark isn't interested in eating you, they're just tasting you. Oh yeah? Tell that to the girl who used to have a left leg.

Something tells me she doesn't find solace in the fact that the shark was just confirming she wasn't a wounded seal.

Last night, Shark Week was on full force at our house and I couldn't help myself, I started watching "Top Five Eaten Alive". It was a harrowing tale of some poor girl swimming off the coast of Easter Island and having her entire leg bitten off. And I was the picture of sympathy as I sat eating my Sour Patch Kids while listening to her tale of life and death struggle. Then, I remembered that P and I have our own story about narrowly surviving (maybe not narrowly surviving, as much as kind of coming close to the possibility) a shark attack and had to share it with y'all.

Thank you Shark Week for providing blog material.

P and I went to a little island in the Bahamas called Exuma for our honeymoon. It's a tiny, tiny little island known for its stellar bonefishing and pretty beaches. The water is as clear as glass and we rented some snorkeling equipment so we could explore all the different coral reefs that were practically right outside our hotel room. The first day we went snorkeling we swam out to where a private plane had wrecked years before and multitudes of rainbow-hued fish had since claimed the wreckage as home. We found huge conch shells, giant starfish and all kinds of incredible things.

It was fun but, every time we got to the edge of the wreckage, we could see where the ocean dropped off and became that deep, dark blue. This was in the days before I had seen "Finding Nemo" 1,842 times and knew what a terrible place the drop off really is, but, even so, I knew it was eerie and just thinking about it right now gives me a shiver up my spine. Eventually, a barracuda made his way to where we were swimming so, because we value our limbs, we decided to call it a day.

The next day, we decided to stick closer to home. There was a big bay area of water that had huge rock formations on either side creating a cove. We'd spent the morning lying in the sun and decided to put on our snorkeling equipment and swim out to a big coral reef we could see out in the distance. We started swimming and it was further than it had originally looked, so we stopped to tread water and discuss whether or not we were going to keep heading out.

About that time, a small boat that appeared out of nowhere pulled up next to us. It was an elderly man and he said, "You kids probably need to head back to the shore. There's a 12 foot hammerhead shark that's been swimming around this cove all morning."

Umm yeah, you know those scenes in cartoons where the characters literally run on top of the water? That's about what we looked like. We turned tail and swam like we have never swam in our lives. And when we finally got to the edge of the water, we collapsed on the beach, panting for air. Then, we looked out to wave our thanks to the man in the boat. But he was gone.

I'm telling you there is no way he could have gotten the boat out of that cove by the time we swam to the shore. And as we strained our eyes to see if we could see him in the distance, all we saw instead was a huge, shadowy figure about 12 feet long swimming right in front of the coral reef we had been heading towards.

I don't know how many other times I have been protected from various dangers by guardian angels, but I have no doubt that on that day in August of '97, P and I were guided by an angel wearing a fishing hat.

I'm just glad he was there to give the warning, even if it means I missed a shot at starring in my own Shark Week story of man versus beast.

Psalm 91: 9-11 "If you make the Most High your dwelling--even the Lord, who is my refuge--then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent."

And the shark.

Earlier today, I had a chance to meet up with Grafted Branch from Restoring the Years. However, seeing as how we have now met in real life, I can call her GB.

We had emailed back and forth over the last few months and knew we lived in the same city. Eventually, we decided each of us was who we claimed to be, and made plans to meet for lunch with our girls. And where else do mamas meet for lunch, but McDonalds? Only the Play Place can afford any real conversational opportunities. Otherwise, it would have just been an opportunity for GB to meet me and listen to me say, "Caroline, quit playing with the sugar packets. Caroline, quit squirting the ketchup on your plate. What? You have to go to the bathroom now? Seriously, now?"

And as much fun as that would have been, McDonalds seemed like the best option. We had so much fun discussing various aspects of blogging and assorted other topics related to life, love, faith, and raising girls. She was witty and just a little sarcastic, which, needless to say, is a quality I like in a person.

I think Caroline summed it up best when we were driving out of the parking lot and exclaimed, "Oh Mama, those girls were SO MUCH FUN!"

She couldn't be more right.