For a few weeks now at Freedom House, we've been talking about hope... and specifically Proverbs 12 where it says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". I'm much more of a thinker than a feeler. Truth be told... I'm a "suck it up princess" kinda guy. I have little patience for people who don't pull their weight while lost in their emotions. But yesterday, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" hit me like an anvil being dropped on my head.

It was one year ago Halloween that I was driving home from a meeting that I thought would result in a drastic change in how I got to spend my days. It didn't happen, and life today looks pretty much the same as it did a year ago. I'm not complaining here... I have a great life, but I'm just not fully living the life that I pictured when I was commissioned by Torchbearers as a missionary to Canada 8 years ago. And it's not the life I plan on living in 5 years. But it's where I've been divinely led to by God. I know it and so I'm good with it because I DO know it's leading me to where I want to go (in my head that is).

It's why when my logical "take control" side starts hearing the profound words of Trooper:

It's usually countered by the voice of Hal saying:



Yes... my internal dialogue is done in lyrics and script.

That's what USUALLY happens. It's usually a "and that is that" thing that's dropped right there, because I'm a thinker. Not yesterday. Yesterday I felt the "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" anvil. And it sucks. I wouldn't say that it makes me want to be a "feeler".

Thankfully, there is an answer in this super-powerful verse in Zechariah 9


Prisoner of hope. Yep... OK... I can do that.

Ever have a million things you want to be able to,

do
say
write
think
plan...

But you're too busy doing the things you wish you didn't have to,

do
say
write
think
plan?

I do.

When your wife can go to sleep in seconds... and it takes you

much

much

much

longer.

Then again, I nearly fell asleep standing up at about 6:30pm at a t-ball game yesterday. Go figure.