It's THAT time of the month...

... where I take a look at the best, wackiest, rudest, oddest... Google searches that found Big Ear!

You thought I was talking about my period didn't you? With the ovaries and the eggs and all? No no friend. I DO NOT have a single fallopian tube in my (as Steve Martin would say) "special purpose". Silly Blog reader.

Quite a collection this month if I do say so myself. Little bit blue this time... but that's how I roll eh.



Oh man oh man oh man... Steve Miller is gonna be PISSED when he sees this. And you know how he can be when his lyrics get botched. I know he loves me... that's why he has to hit.






That will be fun at holidays. At least you'll be able to find common ground with "Pork Disdain"




Not a bad idea. But for no more than 40 days OK? Then go back to porn. Actually... don't go back to porn.




Depends. The Female has a number of fun uses. Both practical and "otherwise". Rrrrow! The Male nipple however is very simple. It sits on my chest and gets covered in hair. Yum.




Thank you Alex... The question is "Who are two people who would have nothing to talk about?".




I don't think I have one of those. I mean these... I mean... the picture, the picture. Wait a second... do YOU have a picture?




Is that like the official term of what the Beverly Hillbillies were?

"A hat. It combines the spirit of old Mexico with a little big city panache. I like to call it the Urban Sombrero."
Elaine Benes

Oh I don't think you meant to search for that. Like... I know he has many gold gloves and all but...




Oh don't you tell me that there was a racist remark on Market Street! I won't hear of such nonsense. In April you say? Rubbish.




I think that was a Wesley wasn't it?




No no silly. Melons ARE Viagra. Remember?




They may be in my bathroom... but they WILL NOT be drinking any Red Red Wine on the new carpet. I don't know what that means.




I don't know about Starbucks... but I always suspected Juan Valdez. Let's start an Internet rumor... OK?




Why?


No really...


Why?

I'm afraid of you sir. Or Mame? (Gagging a bit)





If I was ever going to get an Aislin tattoo... it would be this one. She's my princess eh.

I'm such a nipple

So what? It's a nipple. A little round circular protuberance. What's the big deal? See everybody's got them. See I got them.
Jerry Seinfeld

This weekend... my amazing wife finished a 21 day fast. Fasting used to be one of "those" mountains for her and now... 21 days. Amazing.

My wife is a strong, accomplished woman who's relationship with God challenges me.

I was a nipple to her this weekend. Nothing crazy bad... just "nippular"

"Nippular"Definition:
Being kind of a dink
(Ironic isn't it how the dink and the nipple work together in such symmetry?)

In fact... I was even nippular to my kids. Hard to image that 3 kids under 6 could cause one to loose their cool isn't it?

Yet my wife does it. Everyday. She does it with beauty and grace too. I sometimes can't make it through the length of her shower (her one escape!) Ha. Awesome.

Throughout our marriage, Sunday mornings have been our worst few hours of the week. Both pre and post kids. We have more fights... more arguments... more "nippular" moments on Sunday morning before church than any other time of the week.

I'm not a big "blame it on the devil" kinda guy, but if I'm not right with my wife... I'm not right with my God. And frankly, the devil knows that he's not going to shake me down in church anymore. He can't use crappy worship and religious gobbledygook to jade me about "the house". God's there... I worship... period. But it's a whole lot easier to con me into loosing my temper at toothpaste, flip flops, and breakfast cereal. I'm just that gullible. And selfish. And egotistical. And arrogant.

Pete Wilson from Cross Point Church in Nashville posted a very cool quote on his blog from CS Lewis this morning...

Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
CS Lewis

I did not bare myself deliberately, but I tell you, I wish now that I had! Because it is not me that has been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!
Elaine Benes.

It's hard to discover what nipples we all are. Especially when you consider how our selfishness plays out to those around us. The people we love the most. But that's us. We're nipples working out our nippular nature with others.

I can't tell you what a spaz I'd be without my wife's forgiveness and encouragement to move forward.

I like her lots.

She is a friend of Dave.

Life is like a mop

I miss Michael Richards. He STEALS this episode...



This was such a... um... disaster.



And yeah... now I remember why this



just doesn't help me laugh at this...



Life truly is like a mop