You Googled WHAT and found me?

It's time to take a look back at the month that was. World Leaders were crowned. Fortunes were lost. Crazy humans throughout the Internet universe Googled very strange things... and wound up on my blog.


1. "yuppies hair salon brantford"

Was this like a yuppy wanting to move to town making sure there was a suitable hair salon first? Or maybe someone thinking about converting to "yuppy" and exploring what their hair would have to look like. Or maybe someone from another economic demographic acronym category screaming curses wildly into the midnight sky about that "dang yuppy hair". Either way... good luck with that.

2. I had a TON of "world's fattest" this month thanks to Manuel Uribe. Here are the highlights:

"worlds fattest tom
worlds fattest chicken
worlds fattest mouse
world's fattest poop
world's fattest mom
worlds fattest priest"

World's fattest Tom? Is this a hotly contested "world's fattest" title? Boy the "world's fattest" record archives would have to be enormous to keep track of the world's fattest by name. I wonder if the second fattest Tom has ever tried to knock off the world's fattest Tom. Maybe like a poisoned pork chop? Who would regulate the great Fat Tom war? So many questions have I.

3. "vasectomy failure"

Fffffailure??? What you talkin' bout Willis?

4. "the bailey school kids boogie man doing coach soccer"

Zuh? Who made the what now?

5. "pregnant sea monkeys only"

This has LONG been my blog policy. You ARE a pregnant sea monkey... aren't you? AREN'T YOU??? (shaking fist dramatically in the air)

6. "ross perot hammer pass through lower intestine"

Rose Perot is superhuman in many ways. I would hazard a guess that THIS is not one of those ways.

7. "massey ferguson virtual reality"

This made me laugh out loud. I'm picturing a former worker from "the combine" dreaming about the glory days... pulling an Uncle Rico... "I gotta get back there somehow."

8. "how to spank"

I'm glad you asked me first before launching into this complex operation. Let me walk you through this step by step:

• Pull down pants
• Spank child
  

Please note. It's the child's pants indicated in step one. Not yours.


9. "deaf and dumb prayer and fasting"

Sure. Why not. Go for it.

10. "dance brantford"

If you're referring to Freedom House's New Year's Eve "That 70's Party" all night disco party that you can get your tickets very soon for... then leg 'em down and smack 'em yack 'em my brother.

11. "babies r us brantford"

Actually they used to call me and Krissy that. But I took care of it.
(See #3)

12. "barbie doll fighting a fish"

This Christmas season, get your daughter what she really wants. It's Barbie Doll fighting a fish! That's right, it's all the frills and lace you've come to love from Barbie... but she's fighting a fish! Comes with a real working washing machine a small sample of "Tide for fish guts" to get the crud out of Barbie's evening wear. Comes with a relatively fresh cod, but if you buy today, we'll throw in a mackerel, a carp, and for an especially good fight night... a squid. Look for Barbie Doll fighting a fish this Christmas season at a retailer near you.

You Googled WHAT and found me?

And now it's time to find the funniest things that people Googled this month... and somehow wound up on my blog. Some doozies this month. As always... this is not for the faint of heart... or the easily offended. Just real, raw, googling action by world wide weirdos.


1."spandex public erection"

What is my 6th Grade nightmare Alex

2. "yet sex dominates our thoughts"

That's a great ending to any sentence. Makes you sound smart. Try it

"I wanted to eat some toast this morning... yet sex dominates our thoughts"
"I started doing my math homework... yet sex dominates our thoughts"
"My home just lost half its value and it's Mr Noodle for dinner again... yet sex dominates our thoughts"

Nice work you horny professor you.

3. "theology out of dumbo"

(In my best TD Jakes voice) The ELephant Dumbo... is stoe-ree of ah... EPIC proportions. That ELephant didn't believe he could-AH... rise on the wings of the EEEEEagle! Yet it was a TINY mouse's faith like a mustard seed who beLEEEEved in Dumbo. And Dumbo doth spread his giGANTIC ears and did a MEEEERicle to a thunderous chorus of hallelujahs!!!! Praise the Lord. Please be seated.


4. "stephen dion poop dove"

Did you know that according to the National Science Foundation's "Tree of Life" project... the number of species on earth is estimated to be anywhere from 5 million to 100 million but roughly 2 million have been cataloged?

I think there MUST be room to call one the Stephane Dion Poop Dove. It's stunningly beautiful. A real crowd pleaser.

5. "steven is a silly poo"

He sure is.

6."proverb on nipple care"

Hmm... well there is the Song of Solomon 7:

Your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me.

So if boobs are fruit... maybe the nipple is the stem? And the Bible doesn't speak much about stems. There are roots, vines, trees, branches, fruit, boobs... but no nipples. Sorry. I tried.

7."positive quitting"

I've never quit something positively. I've used the term "pull that pickle out of your butt with a huge set of tongs" when quitting... but I don't recall that ending well.

8."november 29 2008 brantford, ontario thanksgiving"

Sorry. Too late Earl. Turkey's all gone. See ya next season.

9. "i can has sex?"

I doubts it Clem.

10. "funny fasting food"

it's HILARIOUS to fast meat... the way you loose all your energy... hahahaha... and when you fast caffeine and your body shuts down from withdrawal... it's a RIOT!!! LOLlololol... Oh stop me now, I'm rolling on the floor over here.

11. "church communication methods video projector"

It's the desperate Googlings of a 75 year old board member on the "AV committee" after being told that the overheard doesn't work anymore.

12. "Derek webb shit in church"

Did he now?

13. "God creation god creation god creation god creation god creation god creation god creation dot mack and michael jackson the the the the the the the th"

Weirdest... search... ever.

14. "do big ears skip a generation?"

Listen... your kids should be so lucky to have big ears! Friends of our just discovered last week that their boy has one big ear. Their kid looked up at them excitedly and said, "Just like Dave Carrol! I have Dave Carrol ears!" He's 6 years old. And brilliant.

You Googled WHAT and found me?

1. "where can i buy it stays bum glue for gymnastic leotards in Victoria"

You must be asking because "Bill's bum glue" on 41st went out of business. Well, long story short... but Bill's bum glue is now Big Billy's Bum Glue" on 3rd Ave. Go there for all your bum glue needs.

2. "tshirt i'm horney"

You think my wife would let me out of the house with a I'm horny t-shirt? The first week we were dating I came home to find her in my bedroom with my Mom throwing out my old jeans that had holes in them. No dice on the t.

3. "what a horrible night to have a curse"

This sounds like the third sentence of a Steven King novel.

"It was a dark and stormy night. I finished waltz with the possessed toaster and gave it my hungry eyes as we scurried off together to take a bubble bath. What a horrible night to have a curse."

4. "volleyball players on steroids"

Hulk spike ball. Hulk dive for dig. Hulk use bum glue from Big Billy's...

5. "sweet +bulah land concert tickets"

Dude I scored me some sweet tickets to Beulah land... you know brother... like from Isaiah 62 in the KJ???

"Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate; but thou shalt be called Hephzibah and thy land Beulah; for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married."

You know... Beulah land??? sweet seats... Bueller...

6. "storm make tree falls on house"

Testify sister...next

7. "obama eating melons"

Somewhere on ebay, someone's selling the melon rinds from this whole melon eating incident. Lotta nerve... eating melons... reveling in the melon-afterglow... and all the while John McCain is off solving the nation's gigantic financial problems. For shame you melon muncher you...

8. "lost prophets start something"

Hmm... that could be fun. Ezekiel started cooking with cow manure. You could start something like that again? Just a suggestion. Trying to be helpful.

9. "have you ever reflected on a situation and wish if i knew then what i know now"

Heck yes I have... I would have been MUCH more careful with my Alf bouillabaseball cards if I had ANY idea that the show would be gone that quickly. So sad. Fish Baseball? I really thought it would catch on.

10. "finding jesus in the homeless ontario"

Hmm... I've yet to meet Jesus. But I've met a guy who looks A LOT like Gandolf

11. "flinstone olympic flag"

I'll bet that when it's flown... all of Bedrock has a "gay old time". I just like saying that.

12. "fruit genitalia"

Wow porn searching is strange. You're in a deep dark hole there Billy.
XXXChurch.com... PLEASE... before you go to another supermarket!!!! Do it for shoppers and produce hounds everywhere.

13. "dionbook"

And now introducing Dionbook. It's incredibly expensive... too confusing for anyone to understand... written in perfect gibberish... and you'll likely loose your job just by reading it. New from Random House.

14. "do anyone win money at brantford casino"

No Cleatus... nobody do. Do something better with your nickels OK?

15. "dumbo daves ears"

You don't think they were ACTUALLY looking for me do you?

16. "cfl video game"

It could never happen could it? The Rouge is too complex to write into code.

17. "women that have a poo then make sandwiches"

Dude...

...I got nothing.

You Goggled WHAT and found me??

It's the most wonderful time of the month. Time for "You Goggled WHAT and found me?" I got some beauties this month, so let's do the top 20 shall we?

1. "Olympic wedgie"

This was BY FAR the most Googled thing on my blog this month. I believe I received an Olympic wedgie just outside of the tech wing at North Park in week 2 of Grade 9.

I can tell you that I wasn't doing cartwheels after

2. "doug factor"

He was running late that night... but what no one accounted for was the (dun dun dah) doug factor! I have no idea what that means.

3. "an oak tree fell on our house"

We should start a support group. I'll bring the scones.

4. "brantford ont jeepers used"

Is this becoming our "rep"? Yeah in Brantford they all say jeepers. Are we like Shelbyville to your Springfield?

5. "Billy Connolly long nasal hair"

Let's check...


It appears that he does. Next.

6. "carved pumpkin bride groom"

What a glorious ceremony it was as the Great Pumpkin finally married Linus... who was wearing only a blanket.

&. "Dave Carrol gay?"

Shut up Ernie... i told you not to say anything. I was planning on selling my story to Vogue.

8. "do gymnasts ever get photographed nude"

I don't know about gymnasts but there was a couple of people engaged in "acts" without clothes on being photographed on our beach at about 1pm in Punta Cana. Ask my wife about that story. She tells it VERY passionately.

9. "frank caliendo nude"

Yucky. He's not nude in this clip... but anyone who can go on a rant about Kim Jong Il as Charles Barkley is OK in my books



10. "how do you tell a christian missionary you think there lazy bums"

Ummm... I wouldn't tell him that. That's a tough conversation to have. "As if the throng of angry Pygmies resisting conversion aren't enough... my friend thinks I'm lazy. Dang it."

11. "i wanna taste the salt of your skin"

Ernie... I told you NO

12. "melon et érections"

i love the extra touch of class the accent aigue gives on the word erections.

13. "oak trees + john Lennon"

HE didn't make that tree fall on my house did he? DID HE?
LENNONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

14. "play online -download adventure game +talk use find -battle -action -downloads -buy -multiplayer"

I'm not sure we can be friends

15. "pre-victorian spanking"

Things were way different back then. It's where the term, "going medieval on your as* came from. Hard core baby. Show them kiddies.

16. "reason why a person with a big ears will have a long life"

There are so many... but the main one is because they are stunningly handsome. And Charming. And Verile.

17 and 18: In the gibberish category we have "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and "shoooooo bop bop"

Right back at ya folks

19. "starbucks boob"

Did they make some menu additions while I was out of the country? I know they are trying to pep up their brand but wow!

20. "testicle souvenirs"

I don't know where you're traveling too... but I'm not carpooling with you.

It's THAT time of the month...

... where I take a look at the best, wackiest, rudest, oddest... Google searches that found Big Ear!

You thought I was talking about my period didn't you? With the ovaries and the eggs and all? No no friend. I DO NOT have a single fallopian tube in my (as Steve Martin would say) "special purpose". Silly Blog reader.

Quite a collection this month if I do say so myself. Little bit blue this time... but that's how I roll eh.



Oh man oh man oh man... Steve Miller is gonna be PISSED when he sees this. And you know how he can be when his lyrics get botched. I know he loves me... that's why he has to hit.






That will be fun at holidays. At least you'll be able to find common ground with "Pork Disdain"




Not a bad idea. But for no more than 40 days OK? Then go back to porn. Actually... don't go back to porn.




Depends. The Female has a number of fun uses. Both practical and "otherwise". Rrrrow! The Male nipple however is very simple. It sits on my chest and gets covered in hair. Yum.




Thank you Alex... The question is "Who are two people who would have nothing to talk about?".




I don't think I have one of those. I mean these... I mean... the picture, the picture. Wait a second... do YOU have a picture?




Is that like the official term of what the Beverly Hillbillies were?

"A hat. It combines the spirit of old Mexico with a little big city panache. I like to call it the Urban Sombrero."
Elaine Benes

Oh I don't think you meant to search for that. Like... I know he has many gold gloves and all but...




Oh don't you tell me that there was a racist remark on Market Street! I won't hear of such nonsense. In April you say? Rubbish.




I think that was a Wesley wasn't it?




No no silly. Melons ARE Viagra. Remember?




They may be in my bathroom... but they WILL NOT be drinking any Red Red Wine on the new carpet. I don't know what that means.




I don't know about Starbucks... but I always suspected Juan Valdez. Let's start an Internet rumor... OK?




Why?


No really...


Why?

I'm afraid of you sir. Or Mame? (Gagging a bit)





If I was ever going to get an Aislin tattoo... it would be this one. She's my princess eh.

You Googled What and found me?

Thanks to ShinyStat... June's best Google Search that led to Big Ear Creations.

"white underpants"

It's a male myth. They don't exist. Only in the dreams of teenage girls reading Sears catalogs. Teenage girls do that too right?

"Matthew Paul Turner gay"

I chatted with him online and the funny thing is whoever Googled that did NOT find HIS blog... but mine. Although he seemed quite flattered.

"time travel church"

Comic Book guy? Is that you?

"stephane dion, catcher"

I know the Blue Jays are hurting for some new blood and all but...

"style tips big ears"

I wear my ear like I wear my white underpants... low and lazy

"taco smith brantford"

Children far and wide
Gather round and I will tell you the tale of Taco Smith.
No one could stuff a hard shell like Taco Smith.
Burrito?
Pft!
Any idiot can do that... but hard shell?

"people make a living in brantford"

Is this a faith statement? I see a jittery forklift driver with a scotch in his hand and a Taco Smith hard shell in the other at 3pm saying this over and over. "People make a living in Brantford right? They do right? Someone say something!!!!"

"nipple sex"

One of my fav's

"pancake sex"

Even better

"mrs butterworth's boobs"

OK... now we've gotten weird. Although... no. No.

"non religious fasting tips"

Yes... non religious fasting. For all the fun, hallucination and gaiety of fasting and none of the pesky religious side effects!

"obama is my homeboy"

No he's not. I guarantee it.

"laughing light bulb"

Steven King looking for new book ideas... making sure it's not already taken? "Dang... Carrol beat me to the laughing light bulb idea... I guess I'll have to go with the goat from hell."

"light bulb with wings"

Sorry... that one's taken too. Unless you mean chicken wings.

"loop graffiti"

Yes... what a great idea!



That was extremely satisfying

"god offered or mild or painkiller or mixture or wine or myrrh or tasted or drink or finished or nailing"

Zuh?

"dora the explorer vamonos lyrics translation"

It means "Boots has ticks". Don't tell Boots. He doesn't speak Spanish.

"flower power man fashion hippie summer of love"

This sounds like the culmination of a great rant of some kind.

"bum worship"

This search could go one of two ways. I have experience with both kinds. Worshiping either MIGHT be a mistake.

"why?"

Because

Best Shinystats Big Ear Google searches for April

And here we go...



Is she ever! I was over at E2's pad last night and pimped her ride. Then Phillip said something racist to me. Then he shot me. But thankfully, as my homeboy... E2 is now contractually obligated to cap him.

Street rules is street rules.



I'm so happy that Fanta pop has returned. It was all over in Ghana but since being blessed by His Holiness... I'm predicting big things in the St. Mark's Cafeteria.



Two words. Manute Bol.



"Call 1-888-pft. The pft agency. The agency that couldn't care less"




How about this one? That's pretty stupid.
Oh those wacky Chinese. Such cut ups they are.





These are 2 good reminders. Did you hear what Michael Moore said last week?

"My endorsement is more for Obama The Movement than it is for Obama the candidate."

Wee bit full of ourselves these days? Yeah well... HE HAS BIG EARS. HA HA HA HA HA

Come crashing down a few pegs Mr. Movement.

Sigh

I wish I was a movement.



That's EXACTLY the kind of tattoo that I'm allowed to get ironically enough. There's my movement... the "Mythical Tattoo" movement. For those of us who kinda want one but can't pull it off.

Take that Mr Big Barack Ears!











Jesus junk is everywhere these days. How about "disturbingly inappropriate glow in the dark Jesus Light switch"?





Oh please make it stop....





I hope that was the same guy who searched for both of those things. I think that search #2 about #2 would make a really good #1.




Just look for the hot dog bun. That one was easy.



I'm hoping that you are 49 years old. Because then you are this thing:



Otherwise... you're the same age you are in English.
Next...

Personification: "The attribution of a personal nature or character to inanimate objects or abstract notions".

Now... if I did have a gay armpit, I would have to keep it away from the other genetically identical armpit so as to not cause them to stumble. Daytime is easy. It's while I'm sleeping that I'm worried about.



2 ll's in Carrol? Oh you must be looking for him...
















Well thanks for popping by. Hope you found what you're looking for. I'm uncomfortable with this mental image. Moving on.
With the loin cloths and all... moving on moving on...



Well if Brantford is the City of God... then the Chicken City of God must be Duluth. Yep Duluth, "Chicken City of God".



Step #1: Check with Dave before you do anything.
Step #2: Pretend you're Bruce Springsteen
That's all I've got. Thanks for checking with me first before attempting to sing though




FYI... it's called "Christmas in Brantford" and it's the most wonderful day of the year. A day for the giving and receiving of each other's trash. I miss it like I miss Thursday night Seinfeld.

What I really do at work

Me: I didn't have leftovers to bring for lunch so I figured I'd see if you were around

Friend 1: haha... do you usually eat leftovers for lunch?

10:06 AM me: usually

10:07 AM i used to make lunch

but i can't be bothered

Friend 1: haha

me: so it's leftovers ... or Mr noodles... or peanut butter

Friend: nice...those are three very delicious options

10:08 AM me: I'd sooner eat a jar of pickels with a fork over the sink than cook

Then there was...

1:05 PM me: I hear you guys have been discussing eating bugs

1:06 PM Friend: ya, i brought that up a couple weeks ago

its just a cultural taboo

1:07 PM i think years from now we will see lots more North Americans eating them

me:I hear that meal worms taste like hickory sticks

Friend: the thing about eating bugs is that it is environmentally sustainable way for a good source of protein.Something that is really threatening to NA's eating habits is that China is copying it

and if 1billion plus people more start eating like us, then we wont be able to afford meat anymore

1:11 PM and there will be less global food production because it takes a lot to raise livestock or chickens or pigs

me: it's quite true when you put it that way... should the Lord tarry

1:12 PM Friend: so... therefore, Jesus would eat bugs.....

me: haha

Oh yeah and...

3:00 PM me: I once talked with the prophet Ezekiel who apparently lives in Vancouver . His "calling" is to make up mix tapes of himself screaming "Jesus!" over and over and he passes them out in the neighborhood.

effective evangelism

3:01 PM Friend: dude, the Canadian fundies, although small in number, are some of the craziest I've ever met...

me: ha

Friend: One of them called every bookstore in Manitoba to try and get them to boycott mebecause of my sex book...

me: haha

3:02 PM Oh Canada.

OK one more

3:01 PM Friend: there is some girl walking around the library with a naked blow-up man

me: haha

3:02 PM why?

Friend: i have no idea

she was just holding it in her arm, and was looking for someone it looked like

3:03 PM the sad part is, things like that don't surprise me anymore

me: ha

I have nice friends.
Nice... weird... interesting friends.

Again... you searched for what?

ShinyStat shows me all the things people have Googled and found my blog. Honestly... there is some funny stuff in there. Thought I'd share.




Can't say for sure on this one... but I ain't lookin' in Detroit's direction.




There is a difference? Something softer for the sabbath?




Heck yes it is. Just don't worship Vishnu while having intercourse in those gymnastic positions OK?




NO wonder they found me



Oh you were looking for MC Hammer's Blog. It's right here.




Oh I wouldn't recommend that. Might create some sibling issues. OK? Lazy parent. Lazy lazy parent.





Umm.






I wonder if it's the same dude?
"On the next Oprah... his ears... enormous... but wait till you hear the rest of the story"






I don't think EITHER of these thing would work well. Very challenging to market to the lucrative US market. The CFL with all the "rouges" and the chicken underwear with the pecking and the constant pooping and all. No go.





Crazy right wingers.





Yes. I'd long suspected it. But I am incarnational proof of creationism

Jesus Camp chit chat

Had a few GREAT discussions about Jesus Camp since yesterday's post. Here's a few samples:

My friend Lynn gave a great quote from "Blue Like Jazz"

"...to many in the church the word tolerance is profanity, but that is precisely what I wanted. I wanted tolerance. I wanted everybody to leave everybody else alone...I was tired of biblical ethic being used as a tool with which to judge people rather than heal them. I was tired of Christian leaders using biblical principles to protect their power, to draw a line in the sand separating the good army from the bad one. The truth is I had met the enemy in the woods" (he had camped out with 'sinners')"and discovered they were not the enemy. I wondered whether any human being could be an enemy of God."

And yet... in Bible, the people of God had enemies. Enough so that God sent them to slaughter.

I had a great Facebook exchange with a University student (slight edits):

Victoria Bissell at 11:15am Sep 24

I was truly shocked by this movie! It was so scary. Kids will do anything you tell them to and they truly are affected by you. Im not sure how i felt about it too. It was certainly something I will never forget. I think its great that the children are so into their faith but it went way to far. I can't believe this actually happens. If you werent a christian and you were watching this you would definetly get the wrong idea of us. I think you might call the cops cause christians are living next to you or something. I dont know if this is really they type of movie you want to show non-christians. I dont know what to do or say - all I can do is pray and ask God for dierction and to take care of it all.

Dave Carrol at 11:21am Sep 24

You know my thing? Has been since the time i got saved... that if God's real, then live big and full and believe it all...

... so it's a really HARD issue for me. But it's simple things like... pray for George Bush and speak blessing over him... but we should ALSO be praying for "the opposition"... like I've prayed for Stephen Harper (i like him for some of the same reasons that they like Bush in the states)... but I should also be praying for Stephan Dion, and The Bloc.... because God doens't have a political party... he wants to show himself true to everyone... ya know?

It's little stuff like that that makes a BIG difference

Victoria Bissell at 11:34am Sep 24

oh yeah for sure! I agree with the prayer for goverment. God loves everyone equally no matter who they are, or what political party they belong to. I think we should be praying for our society, our goverment, and world for all the leaders, presant and future ones.

Victoria Bissell at 11:34am Sep 24

And I totaly agree with the whole guilt issue. The movie was litered with the guilt they felt about everything they did. I didnt agree with that. Usually you feel countinual guilt if you feel like you havent been fully forgiven. I dont think God wants us to feel guilt. You see when Jesus died on the cross he died for all the sins I have done and will do - and once I ask him for fogiveness he forgives it all! Im not trying to say that we should just sin cause we are covered for them all - I just mean that we shouldn't feel guilty forever because we should be able to say I AM FORGIVEN. I just can't imagine what these children go through daily if their lives are governed by guilt. When God forgives, he forgets!

Dave Carrol at 11:47am Sep 24

Like, there is a difference between conviction for sin and feeling condemned. The number of Christian adults who STILL try to function in freedom while having the "pit of the stomach" feeling of condemnation is disturbing.

And it's not licentiousness either... it's just begin free! Like... I'm very wary of criticizing this movie because I think that much of it, I think is actually great. If I was in the meeting... I'd likely think, "wow that's intense" but I would see it as wrong.

I think it's maybe more the exposition of some of the flawed daily mindsets of Christians and how they can lead into bondage instead of freedom that bothers' me...

Pointing the finger right back at me more than anything... It's actually one of the things that I love about Freedom House (my church)... it's very much focused on getting rid of some of the flaws in religious functioning that lead to ugly places in the deep downs of the soul...

Interesting... Then this morning I had another chat with my buddy Matt on Google talk (edited):

Matt: it's kinda tough though, cause people you AREN'T christians are going to take that documentary for face value, but being a christian, i can see how certain things have been manipulated. For example, when that lady is yelling at them to go to war and to be in the army, people are may think they are being brainwashed to be literally violent for their faith. but i know that's not the war she's talking about

Dave: yeah

Matt: so, i read that book "an irrresistable revolution" a while ago and he wrote about how early church christians were persecuted and martyrs because they wouldn't pledge allegiance to the roman empire, but only to the kingdom of God. i thought that was an interesting point. i have a really hard time caring about politicians beyond seeing them get saved. bush may call himself a christian, but he has gone to war in the name of jesus. that's really icky. i think when jesus says "love your enemies" he means "don't kill people" what do you think?

Dave: I think that even in the Bible, God led Kings into battle and thousands were slaughtered and it's sometimes the responsibility of leaders

and I personally have a horrible time with it... and I'm not yet the leader of a nation

so I shouldn't expect to get it...

so that's why i think it's ridiculously important to pray for them to have wisdom and be really cautious with how much we criticize them

Matt: that's very true used to want to be a politician, but i don't think i could handle it. it's impossible to please everyone

Dave: same with being a Christian leader...like doing prophetic street ministry... is not something that I would think "the world will find great appeal to this if Global News comes and tapes me"

BUT I can't be governed by that either

Matt: true

Dave: ya know?

Matt: exactly ya, i do. but i guess that's when we just have to do what jesus says and not care about anything else. Jesus couldn't even please everyone

Dave: there HAS to be a way to do everything with Love and Graciousness that diffuses the heebee geebees.

Dave: ha

I guess that's the thing... because I think that the Acts church also had such a desirable life that people liked it... AND they preached with power and authority and were full of the holy ghost

Matt: yah

Dave: it's not the hippy world from the emergent church OR the closed off psychotic chaos of the American Evangelical

"normal Christianity"

Matt: man, this is a tough discussion. where do we draw the line without compromising our faith

Dave: I think you don't

I think you hold the full on spiritual realities as the #1 priority that other things filter through... and everything else is fluid

Matt: yah

Dave: but that means... don't assume that republicans are God

that means... sex isn't dirty

like the rest needs to be filtered through the freedom of the spirt of god

i think!

Matt: HA

Dave: that sort of thing like... i think there are issues when you cling to anything that is "world"like being a part of it isn't wrong... but making it holy is stupid

Matt: yah, i know what you mean

Dave: that leads some unbalanced crap and closed off nonsense

You know one thing I HATE

Matt: whats that?

Dave: is the "this thing started going downhill when they took prayer out of schools" argument such CRAP dumb christians

Matt: HAHA, why do ya think that?

Dave: Because the prayer we used to mumble was clearly just vain repetition in the first place prayed by people who couldn't give a crap... and why aren't the parents if they care that much STILL praying effectively for the schools

Dave: I'd be pissed as a native/muslim/hindu that I had to say the lord's prayer too

Matt: i think people like to look for excuses as to why their kids didn't turn out the way they wanted them to.

Dave: people just need to think different

Guess what... this is NOT an easy issue... Hmm... I guess we had all better get over ourselves a bit and get down to a good answer. Because "the church" isn't totally ready just yet.

Google wins again

Today Google has announced that you can do presentations with Goggle docs. I think Goggle and I should snuggle.

Dear Mr. Googleface

Great Googley Moogley... Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE Google.

And since Blogger is Google's, they're likely reading this right now.... so...

Dear Mr. Googleface:

You are a good and pleasant one. I like spending much of my spare time in your billions of resources. You tell me everything about everything. Now you would like me to have a Googlephone for 100$ and free talking over this so-called internet.